The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

Hi all waves to everyone

Just a very brief update as neither much signal nor battery: I’m having the most fantastic time, am doing loads of water sports, the food is amazing and so are the drinks The group is really nice, very diverse but everyone chats and I don’t feel awkward at all. I’m so happy that I pushed myself to do that.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

Hi Folk that’s brilliant news. So glad you’re having such a good time.

@FolkGirlAtHeart glad you are having a good time.

Sun is shining. I have few days with my youngest now until my eldest comes back from scout camp on Saturday. Evening are very odd once she is in bed. But getting few early nights. I'm always tired these days. But guess that is to be expected. It comes hand in hand with feeling down.

Hi there - longtime lurker with a name change. I’m so desperately lonely. DH started a new job after being unemployed for ages (too identifying to go into reasons why, but let’s say his actions contributed to many of my friends dropping me like a hot brick - not that I was to blame for any of it, but I guess I was in the too hard basket). Anyway, we have a gorgeous child, it feels like on paper, we are taking tentative steps to normality. The fact he works random shifts doesn’t help my ability to plan. I’m home with our child during the summer hols as I can’t get a job (because of his random hours and in no small part due to my mental health crashing and burning earlier in the year).

However, in my quiet moments I’ve realised - I have no friends. My DH doesn’t seem to realise that occasionally doing things with other mums with our kids is not the same. I don’t have friends, I have ‘fellow mums’. Sure, I get along with them etc., but I can’t remember the last time I went out for a coffee with someone adult without kids. No-one invites me for a cuppa, or to drinks, or a walk, or anything. I admit to liking my own company (classic introvert) and it’s difficult to be vulnerable and totally open - probably because the last time I did that, those people I trusted with my internal and intimate thoughts kicked me to the kerb. That hurt me so much.

I don’t feel that anyone gets me. I feel so odd and isolated and unlike others, and I just WISH I had people around me who got my nerdy, quirky, arty ways (and who wasn’t under the age of 10!). I’m ashamed to admit that I wish I had friends who would make me things/send me notes/show me they like me because they have thought about who I am and what I like to do something that shows they know me. And now I feel about 12 years old saying that, but I hope someone gets what I mean. It’s the need to be seen, understood and loved for it.

I hate this. I have lots to offer, I’m creative and crafty, I’m signing up to do courses for myself, so I am being somewhat proactive. I just wish I had friends who wanted to be with me for me. I feel like this is a major “feel sorry for me” post, and I don’t want that at all. But if I don’t get it out, I may explode.

Thanks for listening.

@Questioneverything101 sorry to hear you feel lonely.

I always said I didn't have friends. Just people I know. But when ex left me and my life went to pieces I went and knocked on their door. And they were there for me.

Not that I wish such a life changing event on you. But maybe invite them over. Ask them for coffee. They are probably wanting friends just like you.

That’s the thing, eve34 I do. However there’s always the contingency that it’s a play date for the kids, or if it’s after kid’s bedtime, there’s no one to do child care, or people have other things on, so it just never materialises. I also live quite rurally so it’s a big deal to get people to come out to the sticks, sadly!

Hi everyone, hello Question

Although everyone has different circumstances our feelings of loneliness, isolation, abandonment (?) do all seem to be similar.
Being in a relationship or not does not seem to be a factor.

Question I know it sounds a bit of a cliche but you might find you meet some likeminded people at the classes you’ve signed up for....

I’m back from my mini-holiday with DGS. I really enjoyed it, exhausting but fun. Back to work tomorrow, dreading it.
I didn’t even get an interview for the job I applied for a week or so back. But fed up about that.

I hope everyone else is well and quiet because you’re so busy with enjoyable things.

@HopelessWithNumbers Sorry you didn't get to interview stage. I know you put a lot of work into the application. Hope tomorrow goes smoothly.
Glad you enjoyed your few days away.

Thanks eve I’m awake a bit earlier than I intended! (Woke up at 5 )

It means I can get in to work early though and tackle the email mountain.

Hello all.

Well I'm back from my hols with my DC. Had an amazing time and feeling a little sad to be back, but that's to be expected.

We have however been just the 3 of us for 10 days and I can count the adult conversations I've had on one hand, so I'm not totally gutted they are going to their DFs for a week.

I will need to plan some stuff to do though as the house will be quiet in the evenings.

The summer hols are strange as everyone seems busy and I sometimes feel like I'm imposing if I ask if friends want to meet up etc. Will login to Meet Up in a bit and see if there's anything I fancy doing.

What are you all up to?

Hi haven’t been posting here for a while but I do lurk!

My ‘kids’ are adults now (DS 20 at home) DD living with BF. Have been a single parent for 12 years but had a couple of relationships since then (not lived with either) my current ‘relationship’ is on the rocks, incompatible and constant bickering, I’m far too old for that.

I have friends, and even though I can tell them anything, I don’t feel ‘loved’ as it were. I feel I’m just ‘there’ and nobody really seeks out my company. I can do alone, I enjoy my own company, but it’s so nice to have an option isn’t it?

I don’t feel I have a purpose, I’m only needed when there’s nothing or no one else (that’s how I feel) so I embrace that and feel like I’m totally worthless.

Tonight I have felt very lonely, unwanted and unloved, I’m having a real wallow, so forgive me, but I do know that I’m lonely, very lonely.

Reading some of the stories on here makes me sad, I want to give you all a big hug and tell you you are, we are all worthy

Hello 1401.

Sorry to hear you're feeling lonely and sad. Glad you found this thread. It's a good place to share your feelings and get it out.

It's hard as I think we all feel like we don't want to bother people. And then we paint on our brave faces and no one knows. I do know how you feel.

I get the feeling that whilst you're clearly very capable and have raised your children alone for 12 years, that you'd just like a break and for someone to look after you. It's totally understandable and I know how you feel.

You are loved and you are worthy. You've raised 2 young people who are out there, being independent and making their way. Be proud of that, as I am sure they are proud of you.

another thank you for your kind comments.

I wonder what is the point of it all, when you have nobody close. My mum passed away, my sister too, and they were my friends as well as family, I doubt I’ll ever have that closeness with anyone again.

Morning all. I haven’t posted for a bit and have lost track of the thread as I was on holiday with ds. Will attempt to catch up/get the general gist of what’s been going on later. Back to work Monday and then the tedious grind starts again but ds has no evening activities over the summer which means no space to do the jobs/just breathe when he is out for an hour or two

1404

I'm sorry to hear you have lost both your DM and DS. That must have been very hard for you. Was that recent? If you have no one close to talk about their loss, grief counselling might be helpful.

I'm guessing by your DC ages that they are busy and doing their own thing. Might be time to push yourself to get out and try and meet some new people. Do you have any interests or hobbies that could be done as part of a group? I know that all sounds a bit cliched and awkward but it's better than sitting at home all weekend.

Evening all. Sweltering.....

another I'm glad you enjoyed your holiday. Did you find anything on Meet Up? I've joined a few groups and am going to something in a couple of weeks.

Sorry to hear about your bereavements 1404 That's a lot to deal with. You mentioned not having a purpose and I think that's so important and I struggle with it. I really want to organise some voluntary work to see if that helps at all.

What are people's plans over the weekend? I'm meeting up with a friend tomorrow. I don't really want to do it because she is hard work but we are going somewhere I haven't been before and I don't want to sit on my own all day so will force myself to go.
Then my Mum is coming which, unfortunately is not a good thing, and likely to lead to quite a lot of stress. She will insist on talking to me (or try to) about my latest relationship break up, which will make me sad and anxious and then I will snap at her. She tends not to take no for an answer though.

Is the Hamble meet up happening? If anyone is London based and wants to meet up I'd be glad to organise something. I think a few of us are going to the Happiness event at Conway Hall in September but that's quite a long way off.

Good evening everyone! I've just stumbled upon this thread so am a bit late to the party! I'm 33 with a lovely DH, and 3 DC (15,12 and 2) DH works full time and DS(12) has Downs Syndrome and Autism, so the holidays are incredibly lonely as DS doesn't cope well in social situations so we are mostly cooped up at home. I have friends, but we move in very different circles and meeting up with them is difficult as it means asking our PA to have DS, and we only have 4 hours a week respite. My DM passed away suddenly in March and the family are all gathering here for what would've been her birthday on Tuesday, and I'm even having to send DS to his PA for that as he wouldn't cope! I spend my time feeling like there's nobody who really understands our family dynamic, and any friendships we have slowly fizzle out because we can't make arrangements as easily as them! I spend most of my days lurking on here just to feel less alone!

another yes I’m finding it all very hard, I’ve had some counselling and it helped. I doubt I’ll ever really get over it, but I manage.

I have joined some groups etc, and make the most of opportunities. Its nice and cosy here though, as you all sound very understanding, kindred spirits

hopeless I’m also trying some voluntary work, being useful gives me purpose..

colly so sorry to hear of your very recent loss, it’s very very hard, I hope you’re managing. You really do have your hands full, must be very stressful.

Hello 👋

Hope everyone is having a great weekend

Hello 👋 yearof
How is your weekend?
Mine is ok so far. Day out with friend + England won the cricket.

My day was ok until I took DS to try out some rides at our local fayre . There were only about three rides DS was keen on and two of them he couldn't go on because he needed an adult with him but I couldn't physically go on them because of my disability and it made me a little upset as he was really disappointed 😔. Thank goodness he quickly got over it as he understands to some extent that there are certain things I can't do especially if it's physically.

I hope you had a lovely time @HopelessWithNumbers

Thanks yearof

I hope you and your DS enjoyed most of your day, despite the disappointment.

I’ve got my mum coming tomorrow for several days which is causing me quite a lot of anxiety. Hoping it won’t be as bad as I fear.

Morning all.

@HopelessWithNumbers Hope your day out today goes well and you enjoy your day. And Hope your mums visit goes smoothly. I always like the idea of visitors but then stress at them actually being here. My dad is much the same. Tries to help by unpicking my life.

@yearofreckoning Sounds like you have a wonderfully understanding and kind son. And I'm sure you enjoyed his day out.
@Collywobbles1984 I laugh as I say this but is there any chance you could get more respite. Are there play schemes your son would go to. I know everything has been cut to the bone. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job.
@Namechanger1404 It sounds like you have been through a very difficult time. Be kind to yourself. Grief can take a long time to come to terms with. And will always be part of you. But becomes bearable.
@anotherfail hope the week without dc goes quickly for you. It is strange to be without the children. I'm fortunate so far ex has only managed eow. Although he has bank holiday weekend so going to be gracious and see if he wants the three nights. I will of spent ten days away with them. So only seems fair.

Not sure what to do today. Thought ds would sleep the day away after a week at camp. Both up bright and early. So maybe get out for a bit today. Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine.

Morning all!
If I’m really good at something is to run muself rugged, I’ve had an absolutely mental week.
But I’ve taken myself swimming in the sea at sunset, it’s fantastic!
The Hamble meeting is happening today, so if any of you are around and at a loose end, do join in!

Hi 8Fencing Swimming in the sea at sunset sounds gorgeous. I hope it has helped to restore you!

Have a great time in Hamble. I wish I could join you.