The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

Breakfast was lovely and shopping was reasonably successful. I think was a little too late for holiday clothes shopping; most shops looked rather bare. Wrt to eating alone, yes Emma definitely more what’s going on in my head. I don’t think anyone else noticed. I actually quite enjoyed it .

@GavinsStacey Just seen you might be near me.

@Emma765

Not far from Chester / Liverpool

eve: gavins, anotherfail and me are going on a trip to Hamble in a couple of weekends or so (anotherfail is going away for a bit, so we’re all going afterwards. Want to join us?

It’s been a good day. Busy. But it’s been ok.

@8FencingWire I'm in. I was tentatively going to suggest a meet up. Although I don't have a good track record for these things. No one ever shows up when I try to organise anything.

Hamble is good for me. Not far. I can bring courgettes. 😀

For ‘happiness’ fans...I’ve booked a ticket.

www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-future-of-happiness-with-richard-layard-tickets-48055309725?aff=ebdssbdestsearch

Hello all.

I think I may be the luckiest person on this thread. I have actually met Eve and 8Fencing in actual real life 😊
Both were lovely and I feel very glad to have met them through MN. And we still have Hamble to look forward too!

I think we've all identified with the loneliness and isolation and to chat with others who feel similarly has been so helpful.

But even if we're geographically distant, I think knowing others care and want to hear from you is a great thing.

I've just finished packing up for hols with my kids. I'm excited and nervous but will be checking in.

Love this thread. X

Ooh! A RL meet up! That's fab. glad you could do that, I'm smiling at the happy vibe of your post another great start to your hols. Keep us posted!

That event looks really interesting Hope, will look forward to hearing about it. Doing the 8 week course has been the most connective thing I've done in a long time. There are plans for future meet ups with the group too. I'm pleased with myself for doing that.

My day's been ok today, not a bad day and work and went to see my DM after having not gone yesterday. Good as I was feeling bad about that.

Thanks for the reminder about ppi eve I must get that done myself. Also wondering if I can get it done for my DM, I have financial POA so I should be able to do it on her behalf..

Glad the breakfast was good FolkGirl, hope you've managed to get enough clothes sorted for going away

Pleased to hear it's been a good day 8 long may it continue!

Are you still in France eight? How's it going?

eve, I’ll thank you for the courgettes :) I’ve already dug a recipe for them. And I’m looking forward to meeting you. We’ve got a friend in common I see 🤗. another is lovely, isn’t she (pssst, don’t tell her).

hopeless, I’m yet to watch the link you posted upthread, have you seen it yet? Great news about the course, hope you’ll enjoy it!

folk, I always buy clothes on holiday. It’s always fun. So perhaps it’s good you didn’t find anything now. Please remind me where and when are you going?

It’s lovely so many of us gathered here, I must apologise if I don’t converse with everybody, it’s not that I’m ignoring you or I’m not wondering how you are getting on.

I had an idea. I love walking. I saw a book with 50 walks around whatever, nowhere near me, but then it occured to me to do 42 walks in 52 weeks. As a challenge. I’m at the planning stage. Some of them I might actually run. But it would get me out of the house. Or it might just be too ambitious and I’m serting myself to fail. I don’t know, I’m brewing over this one :)

Good night everyone :)

Good morning, everyone. Yay to people meeting up - have fun!

8Fencing I’m leaving at the end of this week. It’s a multi activity thing in Greece - beach resort based and you can do lots of activities, as well as wine tasting/cooking classes. Fist time I’m holidaying alone so am apprehensive but I do look forward to it.

eight are you back from your holiday?

A friend has recommended ‘the urban monk’ to me - has anybody read it? Thinking of taking it on holiday.

Hi me again - it’s just occurred to me completely out of nowhere that it would have been my wedding anniversary on Friday. It’s not the first one without ex but I suddenly feel really wobbly and emotional.

If someone is around, could I please have s kick in the backside to stop being silly? Thank you.

I'm a bit late to this thread but can i join please?
I'm hugely lonely and can have days where I don't see another adult, sometimes anyone at all. Thanks

Hi Notabee and welcome. It's never too late!

Hi Folk Oh that's difficult, nothing silly about feeling wobbly. That gut wrenching realisation is horrible. Will you be on holiday by Friday?

Thank you @hopelesswithnumbers.
I know I need to go and get a life but it's just not that simple.

Hiya, can I join in?
I'm completely lonely, not just at weekends. I have no family - parents deceased, NC with sibling, no kids and got divorced from my cheating ex last year. Sometimes I can come home from work on a Friday and not speak to anyone until I go back in on Monday. And even that's going to change soon as I've been told I am being moved to an office on my own. I do lots of stuff on my own and am trying to forge friendships but it's hard work. To talk to people you need to have things to talk about!

Hi Tired Welcome to the thread. Do you have any choice about moving offices?

Notabee it's definitely not so simple as getting a life, otherwise we'd all be doing it As Tired said, it's hard work.

What do you enjoy doing? Is it easy for you to get out and about?

I’m still on holiday with all the people speaking French! I don’t understand a word. But it’s better than being alone.
At least being an outsider here is normal, they probably all think I have tonnes going on at home, so I can pretend!

I’m glad some of you got to meet up in RL! That’s amazing

I’m back next week, I have wobbles, but it’s ok.
I was thinking about the tribe thing, I would love one. I see people in pubs on a Sunday with friends and kids and everyone just being communal and I find it very hard I don’t have a group.

@TiredPony
I think we have all experienced that, it’s soul destroying when your only conversation is with the woman in Sainsbury’s. You feel like you’re going a bit mad.

@FolkGirlAtHeart
You don’t need a kick! It’s normal to feel like you are.
Sometimes I think I should have just stayed in an unhappy relationship then at least I wouldn’t be lonely, but then I know I would, it would just be a different kind of lonely

Hello Notabee - welcome to the thread

Oh Folk , no one is going to give you a kick up the backside, feeling wobbly is so normal and perfectly fine. Big hugs to you.

Hope everyone is having a good start to the week. I've been stressing about money lately, but have spent the morming doing admin and although it hasn't made me richer, I feel calmer and a bit clearer about how things are.

Last night I skyped with a very dear friend, she was visiting a mutual friend so we all chatted for about half an hour, it was nice although made me wistful and wish we all lived closer to each other. This morning I've floated the idea of flying up there in the winter to see close friend and she was excited and seemed keen, so that is nice. Didn't go to my pub meetup yesterday, instead I had a nice rural walk by myself and that felt more honest than hanging with people where there is no connection on either side. I also messaged a mum about a playdate for DS although she hasn't replied. At least I've put it out there!

TiredPony, hello and welcome. I know exactly what you mean about needing to have stuff to talk about to chat to people, it is really hard and sometimes feels like trying to get going from a standing start. I feel for you.

Thank you for the hellos.
I've just been to see my new office, there will be one other person but they've not been appointed yet. So as of next week I'll be on my own. I honestly could cry right now.

it’s soul destroying when your only conversation is with the woman in Sainsbury’s. You feel like you’re going a bit mad.
It's so true. I used to work in a supermarket and used to love chatting to the oldies, you knew you were probably the only person they would speak to all day. And here I am.

Afternoon all. Hectic day workwise. Seems everything has gone to pot. But keeps me busy.
@folk you don't need a kick in the pants. Your allowed to feel upset by these things.

Tomorrow is a year when ex first walked out. He messed me about and finally left 1st jan. I bet the date has no significance to him. And why should it.
At least another day in the right direction.

Evening everyone.

I've just found this (I couldn't make the PDF work but you can read it online) www.lifesquared.org.uk/how-be-alone-not-lonely

I'm really struggling this evening, battling with myself not to contact my ex.
I think I've got passed it but have had a big cry. I had to keep telling myself that he doesn't want to be in touch with me so why waste my time. And I'd either end up feeling sad from speaking to him or sad and angry because he wouldn't respond.
I don't know why I'm feeling so bad.

I hope everyone else is feeling ok.

thank you for the kind messages - all a bit shit really. think I was also pre menstral which didn't help. have decided I need to look after myself a lot better - big birthday in a couple of weeks so after that am going to give myself a month off wine. Also upping the exercise etc