The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

Ah sorry to hear that Emma (it's definitely allowed to be all about you!).

What reason did you give to DN? I think Stockholm Syndrome with the loneliness in an amazing description.

Does part of you think you made the right decision? Or are you completely regretting it? (and is it too late to change your mind back?!)

It’s just difficult finding ‘your crowd’, isn’t it Rhubarb? I feel I don’t really fit anywhere (neither children nor partner, 36, and don’t want to do the clubbing thing anymore) and feel pretty stuck.

I am having a ‘pottering around’ day, doing laundry from my trip. I’ve just spent the morning in the garden, had a chat with neighbour and picked some beans. It feels surprisingly alright to be alone today.

I’ll drive to the shop in a minute to buy food. I’m going to try proper meal planning with a cooked evening meal so see whether it helps with the mindless/emotional eating. I’ll get some becks blue or similar non alcoholic beer too as it’s quite nice cold and with a slice of lime in the evening.

Don’t beat yourself up, Emma, lots of us, including me, have done it. Maybe it’s what you need right now? Or, if you regret it, could you still go?

Hope thank you.
I said I was unwell
I feel relief at having cancelled but that disturbs me. I couldn't persuade myself to go out now and by saying I was unwell I'd out myself as a liar too.
I think this is a pattern I need to get to the bottom of so I'll try and muster up some self compassion (not feeling it yet at all!) and have a talk with myself- find out what's at the bottom of it. I don't get many invites so I need to stop sabotaging!
I'll try and get myself moving in a bit, take a leaf out of FolkGirl's book and get to the shop for some decent food (I'm totally with you all on the emotional eating bit), do some bits around the house.
Speaking of the eating thing, I read Fat is a Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach many years ago, from what I can remember it makes a lot of sense of emotional eating. Maybe it's time to revisit it!

Thank you FolkGirl

Hi all! Haven’t been on for a while as I was on holiday (still am) and I kind of lost the thread a bit!
Just catching up now.
I basically forced myself on a friend of my mums who owns a flat in France and is always inviting me, and I just said fuck it! Can I come. It’s been nice, but quite tough. Someone said about meeting your tribe, I can easily get on with lots of people, but I rarely feel connected to anyone and that’s probably a reason I struggle with loneliness.

I really don’t like superficial chit chat, I can do it, but I find it hard. And I’ve been doing a lot of that this week.

But at least I can say I went on holiday. Last year I sat on my own at home mainly drinking (it’s a theme) and feeling sorry for myself.

Hopeless - I’ve been to Waterstones late and to book things. I feel so fucking awkward on my own, like everyone is staring at me- look at the fat girl with no friends who’s on her own.

I know that’s not true. But it often feels like that, then I get very paranoid and want to get out ASAP.

Emma and folkgirl. I’m with you on the emotional eating and self sabotage. I find it so hard to stop doing both.

I mostly just feel a bit lost, as if I don’t really fit into anywhere or anything.
to everyone

FolkGirl I'm 35 and I know what you mean about being in between other types of groups or people. I'm glad you've enjoyed having some aloneness today, I do have days like that too, and it's lovely. usually when I am peopled-out and feel entitled to a bit of pottering because I have done a lot.

Emma don't beat yourself up, maybe you just didn't fancy it? I think it's possible to be lonely and yet not in the mood to socialise on a particular day.

I would like to join. Have a partner at the moment but not I think for much longer as he has done something awful. was popular i think and outgoing but 3 close family deaths put paid to that. Natural death - fine . probably mans slaughter but can never be proved as the accused killed himself. mum then breakdown and other close family completely absent . Partner cant cope. no shit sherlock neither can i.

Wrongwayup your post is a little jumbled but it sounds horrendous. Look after yourself.

Hi Wrongway I'm sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment. I hope we can at least provide some company for you.

eightfaces that's great that you went on holiday! I hope overall you feel like you've enjoyed it. Is it boiling hot?!
I struggle with feeling connections to people too. On the other hand I get 'over connected'.....with men.

I've been perusing the Meet Up site just now. I've joined a group that I belonged to years ago. They do cultural trips & it's got 1000s of members so you probably never see the same people twice. A lot of the people I remember from before were people who had relocated to the UK. Great way of talking to people and going to events and attractions if you know absolutely no one and don't know your way around very well.
Anyway I've signed up to an event in the middle of August.

By the way, I'm very envious of you people who are near the beach. I would really love to live closer to the sea, but would also struggle to leave London.

Sorry am quite jumbled. Parent died of natural causes. Just before sibling died probably at hands of partner. Partner arrested but then committed suicide my Partner reconnected with ex. Gutless to tell me. Hope makes more sense. Not that any of it makes sense to me

eight That's brilliant you went to France! I hope you think it was a good thing overall, and yes, I think it's good to be able to say you've been away.

I'm totally with you and Hope with the connection thing, also the superficial chat being something I can do but exhausting!
I don't want to be presumptuous but I think quite a few of us here are introverts. It makes sense of the above. We need connection but superficial just won't do!

This is quite interesting if you're into understanding personality type/ haven't seen it already. I'm an INFP

www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Rhubarb Thank you
Good point, yes maybe it's just wasn't the right thing for me today.

Wrongwayup Welcome. What's going on for you sounds absolutely awful and tremendously stressful. Please take care of yourself as much as you're able to.

Hope well done getting that job application done, here's hoping it's the start of a new chapter for you...

I would love to join please if I'm not too late? I literally could've written one of the posts near the beginning of this thread about imposing on people's lives etc. I'm mid 20's young DS and exh. It's sad but a little comforting to know that you're not the only one with these feelings!

Overall it has been good! I am near the sea. I am with other French people and don’t speak a word! They are making an effort but I feel a bit of a spare part, but that’s probably just me feeling sorry for myself!

Wrongwayup- sorry that sounds horrific. Hopefully taking can help.
X

Morning!

I was seriously tired yesterday, went to bed and slept soundly for 7 hours. It’s been a while since I slept through like that.

I booked 4 extra shifts, and I will book more, working keeps me focused and in money. But also a reunion with old Uni friends, cinema and theatre trips and time to sort out the house. I love redecorating, I find it therapeutic.

I’m fully expecting a wobble in the next few weeks, DD will be with her dad for 2 weeks and exBF is long overdue to pick the rest of his stuff up. I hope it stays sunny :)
I’ll keep coming back here to keep myself in check :)
Have a good day everyone.

Morning all
Hope. Fingers crossed the application goes well.
Wrongwsyup. So sorry are going through such a difficult time. I hope you have some rl people around you.
Another Monday rolls round. And back to work. Good to have the routine. I had planned to have this summer off as unpaid leave before eldest went to secondary school. That plan changed when ex left. Mustn't grumble I'm working about 10 days over the six weeks.

Hope everyone has a fabulous Monday.

Morning all. Phew, it's a scorcher (again!).

Yes, work therefore routine & social interaction. I'm feeling very anxious and down in the dumps today, but realised that my period is due so that could be the reason (or part of it).

I'm worrying about money too. I always am, but worrying more today. I've got an expensive month coming up as I'm doing quite a lot with my Grandson. I resisted buying a coffee on the way in to work. Go me!

How is everyone else's Monday shaping up?

8Fencing sounds like you've got a busy but fun time coming up. Don't forget about us

Morning all,

Quite enjoyed my self imposed alone day in the end yesterday, got some jobs done, pottered around. Funny it feels better when I've chosen it!

Anyway, off to work, another week...

cooookies hello! Good to have you join us

8 you must have needed that sleep! Sounds like some good stuff to look forward to. Also think it's good to pre-empt the wobble in a way. Better to be aware than have it hit you out of nowhere. I hope it's smoother than you expect.

eve I hope the outing with the kids went well yesterday. Agreed, it's good to have the routine. Maybe your change of plan will be a positive in that way?

Hope sorry to hear it's one of those mornings. I'm awful with PMT! And somehow it takes me be surprise a lot! Hope it lifts a bit as the day goes on. Oh, and well done on your thrifty ways! When I worry about money I end up spending more!

Have a good day all

Hi All, I treated myseld to a lovely breakfast at a posh farm shop near where I live and will do a title shopping now for my upcoming holiday. Feel a little self-conscious as I am the only one in the cafe on my own but got my phone and the papers so that’s fine.

Hope everyone’s Monday is going well.

That's lovely FolkGirl posh breakfast sounds fab!
Yes, you're definitely all good with papers and phone. I stayed in a hotel alone last year when I went to visit family. Felt a bit self conscious at breakfast but it was ok actually, no one blinked an eye. I think it's more about how we feel.
Hope the shopping trip is a success

@Missillusioned @Dancer12345 @Turnedovernewleaf I'm in north west too, where abouts are you? X

Folkgirl. Hope you enjoyed your breakfast. Sounds lovely.

Emma. Yes I'm hoping as I'm working and kids go to their dads eow. I will make the most of the time we do have.

I have had some good news. I got some ppi back. I went into it half heartedly. Thinking I would get nothing but have surprising amount. So will stash it away and put it towards paying ex off. Had little cry over him today. I don't know why I get so upset. He treated me like crap for years. Anyway it is lovely and sunny out here so just stopping for lunch.

@Emma765 Chester

@eve34 I'm in southern Hampshire! 🖐How did you do your PPI thing? I need to sort mine out

@GavinsStacey I went through a company called credit hero's. They just needed my name and any addresses you have had over past 20 years or so. That was from a loan back in 1998. I didn't even know I took a loan out back then. But I really didn't think u had any ppi to claim so was a pleasant surprise. Although the company took 25%. But as I said it was money I wasn't expecting.

My work day is nearly done. Then swimming lessons. I dread to think how much I have spent in swimming lessons over the years. But it makes the evening go quickly.