The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

Another one here who thinks you shouldn’t say thank you!!!!

Apologises for earlier, I’m awful if I haven’t had my coffee. But, hopeless, the thanks should come from him, you just say:’ you welcome’😊. Thank you so much for the Action for happiness tip, I bought it too. I’m determined to do the course when it next starts.

Glad the leavers’ assembly went well. I’m one of those embarassing mums that always cries in assemblies. Add to that the children singing and I’m really off!!!! I’m not really earth mum material, not cooey/gooey AT ALL, but children singing absolutely gets to me.

We arrived back late-ish last night. It was so good to be back home. I forgot how white everything is in my house. Everything is white apart from the paintings and the plants. It’s got a fresh and calming effect.

I’m already covered in cat hair. The grumpy sod was quite happy to see me, we even had a cuddle (unheard of, he really despises me).

The plan today is to clean the house, stock the fridge up, do the washing and then chill. I’d like to soak up in a bath, it’s been a very long journey yesterday.

I’ be back and pester you with my nonsense troughout the day :)

Hi, I've been following the thread since the beginning and thought I'd come on and say hi . I've been struggling with loneliness weekday evenings - I have DD, but still feel lonely and guilty for feeling lonely when I have DD. Was in a LDR and we saw each other every weekend, but now that has ended and will have the weekend loneliness also - tried to come up with some ideas of things to do so I don't just wallow in my misery all weekend, but so far not made it out of bed as I didn't sleep very well - so not the best start!!!

Hi all can I join!!

Newly single after relocating down in London, friends spread across the country. Been a bit of a hermit and miss people greatly so forcing myself to go out for the day and wander and check out a few things! Charged both phones up to the max so I can have headphones- any tips or recommendations for fun things to do alone greatly appreciated :)

You all seem to be getting your shit together so much, this is a great thread x

Haha thanks 8 and Folk, that was exactly what I needed I will not say thank you!

Welcome NewMe and Tilly I’m also still in bed and intend to stay here for a bit longer.

Tilly when I first moved to London I behaved like a tourist and went to lots of the well known sights. Then, gradually got to know my own area and then others.
What sort of things are you interested in? If you like walking there are lots of interesting walks to go on. I can also recommend a few good bus routes

I’m also a crier when children are singing. I had to miss my grandson’s end of term concert this week for work reasons but I’m sure I would have been in tears!

8 you asked about my book group further up. It’s been going for years (more than10) and we are people who used to work together mostly. The membership has hardly changed over the years. We meet about every 6 weeks. To be honest the book is not the most important factor! It’s a good opportunity to meet up and chat (and eat and drink!).
I had a long break from it but was welcomed back with open arms which is lovely.

Morning all. Another sunny day. Kids are going to their dads today. So I'm off to the allotment for few hours and need to sort kids rooms before the holidays kick in and I get no house work done.
Hope everyone had a good day.

Just spent the last hour or so reading this thread, it's full of lovely people! I recognise a few 'names' from the frugal thread waves

I've been single pretty much forever, had two brief relationships which I ended as I began to feel suffocated. I have a 12 yo dd who has no contact with her dad.

I don't know why I struggle with relationships so much, I like my own company but miss having someone to chat to and having someone to take care of me for a change! I'm a nurse so between work and looking after dd I do my fair share of caring for other people, would be nice to have someone to look after me from time to time.

I'm used to doing things on my own but yy to feeling it acutely at the wends and anything school related.

I bought my own house a couple of years ago ( well shared ownership ) and have found gardening to be good therapy!!

8 you're camping stories have made me smile, we went camping last year and it rained solidly for 48 hours 😮

girlie!!!!!!!! How are you?!! So good to see you here! It’s been a while! Welcome!

new, welcome! Enjoy the bed, you don’t HAVE to get up. Hope you brought your coffee in bed, you can get up when you want, just enjoy it!

tilly, welcome! Why don’t you go see the summer exhibition at the RA?You’ll leave feling uplifted :)

hopeless, your book group sounds exactly what I’m looking for! I’ll report back when I have my first meetup :)

eve, I want a friend with an allotment, for the excess produce 😂. I love fresh veg:) I could come and help (make a nuisance of myself) 😂 I can imagine it’s very therapeutic.

I’ll go have a shower, it’s sunny here :)

Hello NewMe Tilly and girlie 👋 It's good to have you join us

Hope well done not saying thank you and for rationalising the HoI stuff. I think it's really important for us not to shrink back again if we do put ourselves out there and it doesn't work.

Action for Happiness says resilience is important for happiness, I agree. I think I've become a bit fragile in my isolation!
Glad others are enjoying the AfH book. Did I say I've been doing the course? Really interesting and some like minded people there. It's my first 'doing something different' for a long time and it's gone well Look forward to hearing how others get on with it.

I'm going to get on with some jobs before the misery sets in!

Emma no I didn’t know you were doing the course. I’d quite like to give it a go.

Resilience is something that comes and goes with me I think.
I am always tired and I think that is partly the continuous ‘putting on a happy (or at least alright) face’ which I do at work nearly all the time.
I think that uses up a lot of energy.

I agree, 'putting on a happy face' is wearing. There's got to be a balance we can find between being authentic and not feeling like a miserable sod... 🤔

Sorry I've been quiet for the past week, I have been incredibly busy but have been wanting to pop back in and chat to you all. How are you all doing?

I had a really nice weekend away with friends, it was a funny situation as I know I was a pity invite, everyone else was invited months ago (it was a camping weekend) and I just happened to have messaged the person whose 'do' it was to say hello, missed you at this year, hope you're good and looking forward to seeing you later this summer at . She replied happily and invited me to this weekend with about 3 or 4 weeks notice. Honestly no-one is really at fault here, we haven't been in touch for a year and a half, she's more a friend of a friend. So I wouldn't have expected her to invite me back in the winter when they were planning this. but it felt a bit strange initially knowing I was the tacked on invited person.

Anyway, loads of her supposed good friends hadn't bothered to turn up and she was really hurt, it was a smaller group than expected. It made me think about the fact that everyone experiences feelings of rejection, lonliness and not being included or wanted, in every situation. The weekend ended up being AMAZING and I had a fab time, we all did.

It's put me off going back to my meetup group though as I realised how uncomfortale I feel around the meetup lot and that I haven't clicked with anyone there at all, apart from two people who are both leaving the UK in two months, one will not return.
So - a great weekend but no further in meeting lovely local people, had to travel a bit to the weekend so they are all in the next county to me and beyond. I'm a bit stumped as to how to meet people like them, but closer to home.

Hi Rhubarb It sounds like you had a really good time. I know what you mean about local things / people. It's probably a case of keep trying different things I suppose. It's hard to keep putting yourself 'out there'.

There's an article about loneliness in the Guardian today. I haven't read it yet...…
www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jul/21/propping-up-bar-working-samaritans-learned-to-listen

Hope everyone is surviving the weekend. I fell off the thread after a rough week so will go back and attempt to catch up. I have a weekend alone as ds is away but, to be fair, after a difficult few days with him I’m not too sad about having a little bit of peace

Sorry to hear you’ve had a rough week Wolf I hope you can take the opportunity to enjoy a bit of time to yourself. Sounds like you could do with it.

I’m trying to do a bloody job application. Why didn’t I do this earlier! The deadline is Monday and it’s taking me ages to do the personal statement part. There are 32 essential criteria!! And I have to demonstrate all of them.
If I can do that they should just give me the bloody job

8fencing. I'm in Hampshire if you want cucumbers or courgettes. I'm part of a community allotment. So you can do as little or as much as you want.

Wolf hope next week is a better week for you

Job applications suck. but at least you have all weekend to complete it. Fingers crossed it is worth all your hard work

I have spent the afternoon giving kids room a good sort. So got that done and out of the way.

Kids were dropped back early. Lucky I was actually in as not sure what they would do as he just drops and drives off. They have been to the pub for lunch and McDonald's for tea. And watched three films. They seem happy enough so that's the important thing. Hopefully a sunny day tomorrow as we are out with friends then bbq. I have not been very successful with the bbq thing. think I need to let the coals get hotter before I start.

Hope everyone has something nice to look forward too
I was reading a post and the lady said she was over eating. Drinking etc. Someone said don't let him do that to you. It struck a cord. I have been eating rubbish the last few months. So made real effort to eat three meals today and drink more water. We go on holiday in three weeks so I am going to try and eat better for those weeks. Watch this space. What I eat always reflects my mood. So can change very quickly.

Hi I'm new and I have really bad weekends, since my husband left. My DS spends most weekends with his dad and it's just me and the dog. I'm lucky some weekends if I even speak to another human.

Please can I join. I'm 45 single mum and lonely. Divorced a few years ago, Came out of a relationship last year, recently found out about more lies in that relationship.
Have had a few flings over time but nothing major apart from the recent one.
I have no single mum friends in same position as me. All my friends are either coupled up or their kids are much older.
I have no family support just shared care with exh so can't always get out when I want.
I started a long distance thing with a lovely guy but ultimately it made me more lonely.
Had a few dates lined up on date sites but bailed on all of them as feel too vulnerable at the moment. Don't think jumping into a new relationship is what I need right now though I really want a decent relationship.
Anyway, hello!

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and see how people were doing? This is the worst time for me, I can drive myself to distraction during the day but evenings are the worst. I've had my nephew all day but he's in bed now and that's when I start to feel bad.

What does everyone else get up to at night's and things?

Hi Horses until and Lokimon

Welcome to new people. I hope we can find some positive things to say to you!

Horses I know exactly what you mean about evenings. I've found today a bit difficult - intrusive thoughts about my ex which I find difficult to banish - but I have coped.
My flatmate went out this morning before I got up so apart from the woman in the bank and the supermarket I haven't spoken to anyone.
I exchanged a couple of texts with my daughter but apart from people on here that's the sum total of my human interaction today!

I've been doing this bloody application form and am too tired to finish it off now. So....I will probably watch some rubbish on the laptop in bed and then go to sleep quite early. Unfortunately I've got a similar day lined up tomorrow.

Positive things for me are that I have refrained from contacting my ex. It's one day at a time but I'm hanging in there.

I have nearly done the application form and it might (and it's a big might) lead to a new job with some more money.

Thank you, yes that sounds slightly similar to me, I try and go to sleep early... it's like i live for work now a days just so there's other people around. I wouldn't mind but "alone" time never ever used to bother me, I was really quite ok.

I also think my phone plays such a negative impact on my thoughts aswell, I was also ghosted by my last person I was dating and I'm thinking it's all had a knock on effect really.

Glad there's this board to post on though,it really helps and thankyou for replying xx

Yes my relationship with work has changed dramatically recently. I tend to stay late, whereas before I couldn’t wait to get away.

I’m listening to the radio at the moment but hoping I can fall asleep fairly quickly. The more tired I get the more fragile I feel.

Hopeless I know what you mean. When I’m tired and run down my resilience is absolute zero and the tiniest thing can set me off. I’ve also started slipping back into my old workaholic ways which I thought I’d kicked myself out of over the past year

Can I join too please?

Can totally identify the the shame of loneliness, and the sadness at hearing neighbours' parties during recent World Cup, while sat inside alone silently watching tv.

Also can identify with the feeling life is happening without me. Particularly when the weather is nice. Going outdoors makes me sad as you see families & groups having fun together.

I end up staying inside and then feeling regret at 'wasting' the day.

Great idea for a thread. I’m so lonely in the evenings and on the night my children stay with their dad. I spend my nights messaging ‘potential irons’ from POF but really I know it won’t go anywhere then I get annoyed at myself for wasting my time on them.

Makes me so sad that I have no real female friends and can go weeks or months without hearing from anyone outside of work xx