The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

Oh no eve , is there a particular reason for it? Or just because???
It's tough when it's like that. I find it hard to keep my cool to be honest.

eve, I have been known to remove the door for slamming!😂
What’s up with him, is he hot?

FwB, you say? Are you sure?😀

News from the camp: two of the houses behind me have been occupied by a large group of adults with learning difficulties. They’ve got a few dogs with them, one’s called Candy. They seem to like her best 😀. It’s amazing to see how cooperative they all are, given they’re in a new environment, I think having the dogs helps. That’s really hartening to see.

It’s been 30 degrees today. We decided to skip the sea, we had lots of dips in the pool though. I’m reading Circe by M Miller, I love her writing! I did a Lidl and made myself the most amazing salad. My DD looked at me whilst I was eating in complete disbelief: how can you eat THAT with so much gusto?!!!

I felt lonely today, can’t quite focus. It must be the heath and the fact that there’s so much napping one can do in a day. The novelty of doing bugger all is wearing off 🤣.
But it’s all good :)

8fencing. Your holiday sounds lovely and a wonderful opportunity to spend time with your dd. She won't want to hang out with you soon. Although it must be hard on your own. You are doing amazing.

We are staying with family. When we go away. So I've got company and a washing machine.

My dd is just hard work. Always has been. Bed times are always a challenge. Just got to roll with it. Doesn't help her dad lets her fall asleep watching films. Something we have never done. But up to him what he does when he has the kids. Also have to bear in mind he cancelled his last eow. And cut short the previous one. So maybe she is missing her dad. So hard for her as not able to understand how she feels etc. Anyway. Another day in the fun factory here.

OMG, I just went for a run! Good god, I nearly died. I feel like I’ve taken GTN, my head is exploding and I can hear my arteries in my head, all 4 of them. Geeez, I’m seriously unfit! The plan was to run every day, been here 3 and a bit days and it’s only today i got my act together. It’s meant to be 21 degrees. That it ain’t, I can tell you that, it’s boiling already. The pool isn’t open till 9, I could really do with a swim!

eve unfortunately I know exactly what you are talking about. Electronica gets taken off DD at 9.30, 10.30 on holidays. At Daddy’s she has no curfew, apparently it’s the only reason she goes. So I’m controlling and petty and I don’t get the youth of today.
It’s lazy parenting from their part, and it affects the children, but who cares, cause they’re the dads, they won’t get told what to do. That and that whole shite with Disney Dad: you want this? Of course, daddy is nice, not like mummy, daddy’ll get it for you. I am so not fighting this, whatever, dude, buy her affection, she’ll grow up and see what you’re doing for herself. ‘Perhaps I should have listened to you and not let daddy dye my hair’ is a one way of realisong I don’t totally suck at parenting on my own ( I said no, daddy said yes) 😂

Morning all. Well done on the running 8Fencing Did you feel good afterwards?

I remember that lovely feeling of realising my daughter was someone I wanted to spend time with because I enjoyed her company. The teen years were a mixture of that and screaming rows!
I’ve got a day off work today so going to visit her which I am looking forward to. She has grown up to be a lovely person

I’m feeling down in the dumps at the moment.
Something Shots said about final nails in the coffin resonated with me after my talk with the ex at the weekend.

I’m also worrying about time on my own that I’ve got coming up. The only way I can manage it is to plan within an inch of my life! Even if I don’t stick to it (like last weekend) I find it reassuring to have the plan.

I was thinking about a day trip to the coast on Saturday but worried that that will really emphasise my loneliness.

There’s a radio programme about happiness. I’m going to listen. If it’s any good I’ll post a link here.

Anyone else absolutely dreading the summer holidays (if they haven’t already started where you are)?

I’m feeling really down today, my dd’s Both have autism and the holidays are such hard work, although it keeps me busy it also makes me feel really down, I get no me time, I don’t have time to meet up with friends or go on dates, 6 weeks of cleaning up after them, stopping meltdowns, planning day trips, spending a fortune on food and saying ‘you can’t be hungry again?’, lack of routine, lack of money and lack of a social life. 6 weeks can feel like a life time The thought of it fills me with dread. Being a single parent to sn kids can be extra lonely during the holidays.

But on the plus side (have to try and find one). Last weekend I went to a festival alone and met up with some random people I had met on a Fb group, it took a lot of courage but I’m so glad I di it. Made new friends and planned another meet up.

8FENCINGWIRE. I am loving your holiday. Take care of those arteries though. Going to need them.

numbers, I felt I was dying, not sure about ‘good’ 😂. That’s so lovely you get on with your DD! Saturday is meant to be cloudy but warm on the south east coast, what’s the closest to you?
Please link on the happiness programme, if you can.

How old are your DDs ‘lovemusic*? What’s their favourite past time?

I went for my swim, felt good :)
Next to me 2 camp entertainers are doing yoga with 6 little girls, 3-5 years old, they put the mats in a flower shape and spent most of the time tumbling or with their little bottoms in the air wobbling all over the place, but enjoing it tremendously! It’s so sweet, they just finished and they’re saying thank you to each other, all smiles and ponytails. They’re so cute!!!!

Talking of cute, I’ll go throw my own DD in the pool, she’s under the duvet with the curtains closed, on the internet!!!

I love the sound of that yoga class!

The nearest coast to me is Essex or Kent somewhere. I don’t drive so would have to go on the train. It would be nice to go somewhere where I could have a swim in the sea.

This is the programme

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0b9wbf2

Tak8 g both dd (25 and 11) and my My mum to Tenerife next week. Here's hoping we all get along famously. I think I might try to find a local yoga class and get some time out along the way.

Afternoon all

8fencing. Yes funny how they all turn into disneydads. I saw through my own dad as I got into the teen years. Sure our children will too

Summer holidays are just around the corner. And I'm not very organised. Just be glad to not have the school run and homework. But it can seem never ending.
I have always had the children around me so I am still adjusting to them not being with me all the time. I plan my free time like a military operation. I'm hoping I will get more use to being on my own as time goes on. I'm not looking forward to when the children are independent. But I guess that means we have done a good job. Few more years yet.

Realising today that I have isolated myself because of pain. My back has been throbbing badly for the last few days and i am supposed to be going somewhere tomorrow with someone and can;t bloody face it.
Its too hard to put on the brave face.
The pain gets me down, limits me and never seems to really let up.
I do my physio.
I try to move and walk and etc. Going the bit extra and right now, I don't see the fucking point.
The mental energy necessary to stay focused on being well and strong is just beyond me at the moment. It all feels so uphill
and I am dreading the holiday because I will feel like a fucking dead weight

I get this completely.

I separated from my husband 6 years ago. Since then, I've had a few short term things but nothing serious. I've been single, apart from a short fling, for 3 years.

I'm not really fussed about having a relationship a lot of the time. If I met someone 'perfect' for me, I'd give it a go but, on the whole, I'm content.

I am struggling with lonliness though and a bit of a 'fear of missing out', which is odd because I've never had that before.

It was ok until a couple of years ago because most of my friends (men and women) were single too but as many of them have partnered up, gained grandchildren and retired early, I find I see them less and less. It's always great when we see each other but it might only happen once every 6 weeks or so and we have little to no contact in the meantime.

I really like live music and real ale so I found myself a small live music pub. I started going on my own. I've met men and women I can talk to when I go out, I've become friendly with a few people - meeting up on a Wednesday rather than come round to my house friendly and it's fine.

I have also learnt that here are a few people (men) who are somewhat disapproving of me, as a single woman, going out alone, becoming a regular and living an independent life without a man. Apparently, I should be sitting at home lonely...

Lola. Sorry to hear you have physical struggles. That must add to the feeling of isolation. I hope your holiday gives you a much needed boost. And everyone behaves.
Ukulele. Good for you. Funny how it's ok for men to go out and be independent.
I'm home sat on my own. Kids in bed eating my weight in biscuits. Need to stop before I burst out of my clothes.

lola, what’s wrong with your back? Are you under the pain team? Do go out if you can, it’ll take your mind off it. Hope you’ll enjoy Tenerife, the sun and a beer work wonders

ukulele, oh my word, that’s spooky! I am reading Circe. It’s very much about loneliness. And I just got to the part where sailors find her island, they think they can take advantage of a single woman living alone on an island, that’s when she turns them all into pigs, bar Odysseus, who got under her skin (he also keeps mentioning his wife, Penelope, so Circe want the same live and devotion for herself )!!! Good god, these problems are as old as the world 😂 Circe was quite content and happy on her island till Hermes came and pointed out to her that she’s lonely. Then it was all she could see around her. Well well well....😂😂😂
Do read it if you get the chance, Madeline Miller writes beautifully!

eve, I just had 50 thousand calories in biscuits. After a beautiful salad and water 😂😂😂 in my defense said biscuits had a caramel centre and smarties on top. Rest my case :)

Disc prolapse diagnosed 6 years ago. Surgery. All sorts of caging in it but I still have sciatica. Some days worse than others. Last few days been shite. No pain team but I do my physio and a little bit of yoga. Gp lacklustre to say the least. Trying to self manage. I take pain meds but they are not making much impact. It makes me miserable sometimes

Lola on going pain is miserable. I hope there is something more that can be done for you.

lola, see if your GP can’t put you in contact with the pain team. The anaesthetist can inject local anaesthetic mixed with steroids under X ray, to alleviate the symptoms. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s worth a try. Pilates and swimming are also good for it, but I’m sure you know that. 😊

I’m feeling terrible this evening. My ex has completely cut me out of his life and I miss him. It physically hurts.
My anxiety is through the roof. I bought 4 beers on the way home but only drank one. I know it’s not the answer and doesn’t help.

I hate this. I don’t think I can keep putting myself through this. I should just accept that I can’t do relationships and try to find happiness in other areas of my life.

8fencing i too was brought up in fear. My father was very cruel and cold. We where just not neglected but he torchured us in some ways. It left me scared of men. I was 42 when I got married. I have one previous relationship - he was abusive too.
I feel I’ve missed out on dating - I still fearful and mis-trusting. I’m better with female relationships (just);- it takes me a long time to trust others.
I’m envious of others who seem to move from one relationship to the next with apparent ease.
I’m getting older now 53 and have an 8 year old son.
I probably need to be around men more to get more confident and less fearful but I avoid avoid avoid. This makes me sad. I feel I’ve missed out already and may be alone in the future.
I see you spoke about John Bradshaw and our inner child.
I’ve not done any of the work as it’s scarey - BUT my inner child is angry defiant sad and alone.
I don’t know if we can change this.
I know I need some fun in my life.
I consider myself fortunate compared to the rest of my family.
I’m in therapy so I have an outlet.
Sleep well everyone.

Evening all. Not posted in a while as busy with baby. Feeling really low today and loneliness I've felt for a while now. Not single but I'm in this area now 5 years and other than saying hi how are you in passing I've nobody! I thought I'd have made at least a few friends but nope. People here are really nice but seem to keep to themselves. Really gets me down when I take the weans out and there's everyone else with friends and the weans playing together. At least I won't feel alone in here!

hopeless, I’m so sorry!
Keep your head high. Cutting you off is just another sign that you’re in the right place: apart!
It will get better. Don’t let it make you bitter, he’ll go, he’ll fade out of your memory and life and you’ll be left with the biterness and the scars. Grow something else in it’s place, something that’ll bring you joy!

mary, I got into Circe and I haven’t read any more of the Bradshaw book (I’m staying up so I can finish it tonight though, it’s that good. God, I missed reading!)
But what I Have been doing during meditation is think of myself as that child and mother myself a bit. Give myself a set of values, make myself understand, practically being a mother to that child. I’m a good mother. If it’s one thing I can do is mother. So I’m just doing this for myself.

I’m not scared I’ll end up alone, I think being in an abusive relationship is worse, that pain cuts deep and debilitates. The fact that I’m lonely on a Saturday is still painful, but nowhere near as bad. If I must have pain, I’ll take the self inflicted one, thank you very much (as in: I choose to go through lonely Saturdays, deliberately, that kind of pain I mean).

hair, are you in the South, perchance?😂 I’m teasing.

Hi everyone.

hopeless Sorry to hear you're hurting so badly. There's nothing like it, is there

For now try not to think too much about the future and whether you'll end up going there again. At the moment, you just need to focus on you and getting you feeling better. Can you plan something for this weekend that might cheer you up a bit?

Mary Your story sounds so sad. I am sorry you had a bad childhood. Why not start by making some new female friends. If it's being lonely that bothering you, then I reckon women are much more likely to help with that than the trials and tribulations of dating. I think you have to be feeling good to even enter into dating these days, unless you just happened to meet someone and it evolved naturally. Just my thoughts, as a quick scan through the dating thread on here is pretty scary.

Anyway, I hope you are all having a good day.