Do I tell DW

[HarmlessChap]

DW is insecure and slightly controlling (she admits as much) Its taken much effort to get her to tolerate me having a social life without her continually texting if I'm out; she even wanted me to install an app so she could see where I was at all times, which I refused to do as partly as I see it as an invasion of privacy but also because I know the panic she gets into when she can't see where the kids (teenagers) are and many of the places we go to are cellar bars which have no mobile reception or GPS. Incidentally it also caused issues with me not receiving texts and replying promptly before I said I'm not having her text me every 30 minutes when I'm out and ignoring if she does.

She consistently tells me that all my friends are useless and doesn't know what I see in them and to my shame I let her isolate me from all my old friends when we got married for the same reason.

Anyway a female acquaintance, who I think is probably single but I don't know her well, friend of friends, was out with us tonight. She's a very flirty type, known for outrageous comments, but I thought harmless, tried to kiss me. She was a bit drunk, I pushed her away and said "I'm married" she said "I know, I don't care" I replied "well I do" I told our mutual friends what happened, left and got a taxi home.

If I tell DW I think it would play into her insecurities and cause real difficulties in me maintaining any form of social life beyond her (and she doesn't like going out) but if I don't tell her I'm keeping secrets and that's no better.

Any advice?

@thedancingbear - I don't think that's the gist of this thread, no. Most people are saying he should leave.

I don't call anyone pricks or arseholes or tell people to LTB, and I would point out the mental health issues behind any abuser's actions if I thought it was relevant.

As I said upthread virtually all abusive people have some kind of childhood trauma, or mental health issues.
But it is their job to work out that their actions caused by their problems are theirs only to solve. They can do that with someone supporting them. But if they have NO intention of even realising they are abusive then it’s not going to work.

My ex is a lovely guy, he was abusive, I spent my whole life with him feeling sad that his dad beat the shit out of them all then he was little. But he was still abusing me, mainly with fear, and really horrible things said to me about being a whore etc etc etc but a couple of times with violence.

Even now I feel sorry for him, I wish he could see he needs help, because if he sorted his head out, he might have a chance in life. But he won’t. Therein lies the difference. Much like the ops wife.

Failure to recognise that you have issues that are causing you to harm others around you is a MAJOR PROBLEM