What would you think?

[OverwhelmedAndConfused200]

37 weeks pregnant on Friday. So likely a bit more emotional than usual.

Caught fiance a few times in the past being very flirty with women online. Mainly via photos. Even so far as having an Instagram that seemed very much single bloke. No mention or photos of his family or me. Just all him posing.

Then bring in ex fuck buddy. One he claimed to cut ties with but hadn't. When caught out claimed fb was bugging out. Despite screenshots showing him over her pictures again.

Que lock down on all social media. Instagram deleted. Facebook never touched but friend list and that hidden.

Being silly I tried to move on as I want my baby to come from a loving, together family. And I certainly don't want to be pregnant and single and i love him very much.

But insecurity is still there.

Today I open our laptop and find his Gmail is signed in. Being in an insecure mood I done something I never should have done, I snooped.

Yes I know it was wrong. I don't know what came over me. I guess I wanted to prove to myself he had nothing to hide as even his phone doesn't show notifications anymore and it all made me paranoid.

In those emails were multiple ones between him and girls that apparently got talking via POF. All looked very much like him, knew his age and where he lived as he talked to them. Claiming to be single.

He is saying that he was hacked. Infind this hard to believe considering his history with the internet and women. Especially considering the writing style is very much "his" and the fact this so called hacker knew his age and location. To which he said they must of hacked his POF account as well. So this magical hacker has managed to hack two accounts purely to talk to women he was able to via the first site?

He then claimed it may be a hoax. But he has sent emails to them in his sent files.

I've even emailed them and both emails went through perfectly. If they were dodgy they'd ping back wouldn't they?

I asked him to go stay at his parents for a few days so I could clear my head as I was tired of feeling like I was nothing and feeling used. When we have his kids I'm the one running around after them all. Even when I'm in pain or ill. I feel used. He responded that he wouldn't call his dad, he would sleep on the streets if I was going to be that heartless.

I really don't think I am? I'm hurting and confused. He also get very angry at me for the snooping. Which I know was wrong. But the fact he focussed on that above all else just makes me feel like he's shifting the blame.

What do I do? I'm scared I'll be pregnant alone and lose the man I deeply love and feeling completely pathetic.

I'm also scared that I have in fact got all this wrong and he is innocent and I've just fucked up something that was quite special. Because despite the way this post makes him look, he works hard, he makes me laugh, he does care in general and in his own way I know he does love me. He has a lot of g9od in him.

I'm sorry I just needed to vent.

Oh sweetheart! It’s EXACTLY what you think. No hoax, hacks etc, it looks like the real deal.

I’m so sorry.

He's been cheating, got caught and is now feeding you utter bullshit..

Sorry, OP, you and your baby deserve so much better than this.

Good idea to get him to stay with his parents for a few days. Suggest you use that time to pack his stuff up and kick him out. Can you get support from your family/friends in real life?

[slowers]

sorry, should have ended with

It looks pretty bad :( Terrible timing for you I know but you're better off out now

I know I would have support. My family and his actually are amazing. I just feel like a complete fool and I really don't want everyone knowing irl how stupid I look.

Only yesterday I was making general chit chat with my mum about future wedding. And they were saying how lovely his is etc.

Then less than a day later I have to try and tell them he's leaving? When I really don't want to believe it's true. The likelihood of it being all innocent and some dodgy internet scam is so unlikely. But I want to believe it. I don't want to lose my fiance, or his kids. Or my baby lose her dad. She hasn't even met him yet :(

call his bluff and tell him that if his email is hacked, you will go to the police together about it.

Or just accept that the man you thought you loved doesn't exist and the man you're with is a serial cheat, with no respect for you who denies your existence and that of your unborn child to pursue a new fuck.

Get rid of him. Telling you he will sleep on the street is like emotional abuse/coercive control. He won't.

You deserve better.

You're seeing the red flags here OP but you're minimising them (understandably) and looking for ways to excuse him when there are none. He is absolutely talking to these women, portraying himself as single and looking for thrills outside your relationship. I'm sorry he's putting you through this, especially now.

You have two choices here, you either allow all this to be swept under the carpet and live with the damage it will do to your self esteem/respect until it becomes unbearable (or until he does something so blatant it all blows up anyway) or you walk now and save yourself the heartache. I know it would be devastating and it's not what you wanted for you or your baby but staying with someone with so little respect for you has to be worse surely?

Where will you stand practically if you leave him/kick him out, housing, money etc? You will get lots of good advice/support on this board for both practical and emotional stuff, don't be afraid to lean on us

Oh come on, why would anyone hack into his email account and his POF account and send emails to random girls there? Don't you think that hackers have better things to do?!

If this was a one off, then given your situation I'd probably tell you to go nuclear on him in the hope it would make him realise what he's done. But this is a persistent problem. You've told him time and again. He's seen you disappointed and angry and sad because of his behaviour, yet he still keeps on doing it.

He's already lost one relationship with children. Was that because of similar behaviour?

I dont know what to say except sorry :(

Reading that made me absolutely furious. Its not so much the very planned and prolonged period of infidelity. Its the fact he is treating you for a MUG saying he was hacked. Its a hoax. I know people panic and lie, but that is just taking the piss. Its offensive!

And I understand now everyone would treat this as cheating but for me its worse than a ONS. Even if he never met these women. He was making a conscious and sober choice to do this every time he logged in. He hid it. Hes a deceitful weasel and youll never be able to trust him, Im afraid.

Nice bit of emotional blackmail re sleepig on the streets, too. Should have thought of that shouldnt he!?

Not everyone*

If I leave him I would keep where we live as we have an annex adjacent to my parents. I've always paid 5050 of everything so bills and that would barely be any different.

Emotionally I'd lose my best friend. I'd lose his children. I'd lose his family. I'd lose a huge chunk of my life. And what I thought was my future.

It's like he's two people. On one hand he's amazing and makes me feel so loved and special, then in the space of two minutes that all can change.

Sometimes I feel like I've been used. Either to look after his kids and manage his life. Or in general. Other times I feel like a piece of shit for even thinking that about him because he seems so perfect.

I jump from being madly in love with him to feeling completely deflated and depressed. I feel like that is my fault and I've pushed him away. Whenever something comes out it's always my fault somehow. Which feels wrong. But then I would be hurt if he snooped on me. Or I felt constantly accused if I was innocent.

Wanting and wishing for a loving family is not going to make it a reality. A cheating, deflecting wanker is never going to give you that happy family unit. He is going to give you pain, low self esteem and years of misery instead. This nuclear family unit you see as the only option for a loving family is not the possible with this man. A happy, confident single parent on the other hand can create a loving family unit.
Stop thinking of what you want in your imaginary perfect scenario and start sorting out what you can achieve in this reality.

He’s a serial cheater, OP. I’m so sorry you had to find out at this shitty time and in this shitty way.

Up to you how you go from here, but whatever you do don’t swallow his lies, no matter how much more attractive they seem than the truth.

And how disgusting that he hasn’t got the balls or the respect to own up, even after he’s been caught red-handed many times.

There are only two options; you break up, or you accept what he did. And you cant know for certain, but as its a pattern of behaviour and there was extensive deception then you will also have to accept that he may carry on (probably after a break).

If you stay together, I wouldnt check up on him again. It would be better for your health to stick your head in the sand. Depressing as it is. You will keep finding things. You are better off not knowing...

You're not being over emotional and you're not being heartless! He's despicable doing that shit when you're just about to have a baby. You will be much much better off without this.

This best friend you think you'll lose isn't real. This chunk of your life has been a lie you've bought into. The future you've planned was never going to be a reality.
You're on a rollercoaster of highs and lows with him. And those perfect highs are going to diminish and the lows are going to get lower and longer. Mr nice is a front. Mr nasty is the real him. Get off the rollercoaster before it's too late! Momentary embarrassment when admitting to a mistake is better than years of pain and a confused insecure childhood for your little one.

I know I sound pathetic, but I was really hoping I'd be told I was being some batshit pregnant woman and to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Seeing so many of you pointing out what is so clearly in front of me is just heartbreaking.

I'm genuienly scared of losing him. I can't imagine my life without him. Especially during this period. Right now I should be feeling more loved and content than ever.

I never thought I would end up in this position. Ever. Especially not with him. I thought he was my whole "ever after". I done everything for him and dedicated myself to him. I didn't even so much blink at another man. And I always put him and his needs first. Even when mine weren't being met.

I just don't understand how I could have prevented this or been any better so he wouldn't have been interested in others. I tried my best and clearly that wasn't enough.

He thinks I'm just determined to be miserable and that any time something good happens in my life I need to find a way to make it bad so I can feel depressed again as that's all I know. And maybe there is some truth there. I don't know how to be happy. At all.

He's your best friend? Really? He treats you like a skivvy , chats up other women and tries to emotionally blackmail you.

I'd expect more than that from my best friend.

You're better off without him.

Yeah I agree, a best friend wouldn't flirt with other women, sign up to a dating site, lie to you about it and then have the cheek to call you heartless.

He thinks I'm just determined to be miserable

Arsehole. Not only has he been cheating on you, he's now trying to turn it around on YOU!? Fuck that. Find your anger, OP.

You do not sound pathetic, you sound in shock and hurt. That's totally normal.

That is not the behaviour of a friend. Kick him out.

"I just don't understand how I could have prevented this or been any better so he wouldn't have been interested in others".

Its not your fault that he has cheated on you; that is all on him entirely. He made these choices of his own free will; you did not make him do any of that and you are not responsible either for his actions. He was never your friend, let alone a best friend.

Do not accept what he did.

He is clearly not the person you thought he was and you and he now need to be apart. I would seriously consider giving your as yet unborn child your surname rather than his. He is the one rather than you that does not know how to be happy. Your life without him will be happier going forward even though you do not believe that now.

You couldn't have prevented this as it's not about you, it's about him. Nothing you did or didn't do made him do this.

There is nothing YOU or any other woman can do to stop him being interested in other women! Nothing! No woman! The problem lies IN him. He will never be satisfied until he learns that the fault lies in him and does something to help himself. The 'perfect' woman will never be enough for him. He lacks something in himself and seeks to fill the void through flirting and cheating.
Look at how bad he has made you feel about yourself. You strived to be perfect for him, put his needs above your own, subjugated yourself to him, and instead of being eternally grateful he has treated you like shit and managed to make you doubt yourself in the process. Are these the actions of a loving man? A loving father?
You would never learn to be happy with this man because, to be honest, he doesn't give a shit if you are happy or not. In fact it's in his selfish best interest to make sure you're unhappy in yourself, because that means you stake everything on being happy through him.
You need to discover how to be happy as a person before you can be happy as part of a couple.

I'm Not minimising what he's done here, but I do Just want to point out that as far as what I've found out he hadn't physically cheated. Just internet cheated I guess? Which isn't any better or worse, I just wanted to clear that up incase I came across wrong in my original posts. My head isn't quite clear atm.

I want to be angry. Being angry would feel so much better than this. I'm just paranoid that I am somehow miraculously wrong. And in the process I'm going to lose what (if I am wrong) is an otherwise great guy and tear my babies family up all because I'm paranoid.

I'm scared of losing my stepchildren. I love them. I'm scared of the damage that will do to them. I'm scared for my niece and nephew who adore him and how they'll cope with him being gone. They already question when he isn't around due to work or whatever.

I'm scared of the constant why's. The pitying looks and well meaning sympathy. I'm scared of going into labour and not having him next to me. I'm scared the birth of my baby would be ruined because all I'll remember is that he isn't there and he should be.

None of this is how I wanted my life to turn out. Quite honestly I do Just wish I had buried my head in the sand.

And I'm scared if I do walk what that would do to my mental health. I was in a very bad place when I met him, and despite his flaws he did help me settle and get some happiness. Despite all this shit and drama from his ex, he has been my rock and I love him dearly.

I know what I should do. If I saw this from anyone else I'd be saying the same. But I can't help but feel just maybe, may be I am wrong somehow and am out to just destroy things. Because I genuienly don't know how to be happy. The brief times I've felt strong happiness is with him. And my baby.

Sorry sweetheart but the life you think you have with him is a lie. You and your baby can do better!