37 weeks pregnant on Friday. So likely a bit more emotional than usual.
Caught fiance a few times in the past being very flirty with women online. Mainly via photos. Even so far as having an Instagram that seemed very much single bloke. No mention or photos of his family or me. Just all him posing.
Then bring in ex fuck buddy. One he claimed to cut ties with but hadn't. When caught out claimed fb was bugging out. Despite screenshots showing him over her pictures again.
Que lock down on all social media. Instagram deleted. Facebook never touched but friend list and that hidden.
Being silly I tried to move on as I want my baby to come from a loving, together family. And I certainly don't want to be pregnant and single and i love him very much.
But insecurity is still there.
Today I open our laptop and find his Gmail is signed in. Being in an insecure mood I done something I never should have done, I snooped.
Yes I know it was wrong. I don't know what came over me. I guess I wanted to prove to myself he had nothing to hide as even his phone doesn't show notifications anymore and it all made me paranoid.
In those emails were multiple ones between him and girls that apparently got talking via POF. All looked very much like him, knew his age and where he lived as he talked to them. Claiming to be single.
He is saying that he was hacked. Infind this hard to believe considering his history with the internet and women. Especially considering the writing style is very much "his" and the fact this so called hacker knew his age and location. To which he said they must of hacked his POF account as well. So this magical hacker has managed to hack two accounts purely to talk to women he was able to via the first site?
He then claimed it may be a hoax. But he has sent emails to them in his sent files.
I've even emailed them and both emails went through perfectly. If they were dodgy they'd ping back wouldn't they?
I asked him to go stay at his parents for a few days so I could clear my head as I was tired of feeling like I was nothing and feeling used. When we have his kids I'm the one running around after them all. Even when I'm in pain or ill. I feel used. He responded that he wouldn't call his dad, he would sleep on the streets if I was going to be that heartless.
I really don't think I am? I'm hurting and confused. He also get very angry at me for the snooping. Which I know was wrong. But the fact he focussed on that above all else just makes me feel like he's shifting the blame.
What do I do? I'm scared I'll be pregnant alone and lose the man I deeply love and feeling completely pathetic.
I'm also scared that I have in fact got all this wrong and he is innocent and I've just fucked up something that was quite special. Because despite the way this post makes him look, he works hard, he makes me laugh, he does care in general and in his own way I know he does love me. He has a lot of g9od in him.
I'm sorry I just needed to vent.