What would you think?

[OverwhelmedAndConfused200]

37 weeks pregnant on Friday. So likely a bit more emotional than usual.

Caught fiance a few times in the past being very flirty with women online. Mainly via photos. Even so far as having an Instagram that seemed very much single bloke. No mention or photos of his family or me. Just all him posing.

Then bring in ex fuck buddy. One he claimed to cut ties with but hadn't. When caught out claimed fb was bugging out. Despite screenshots showing him over her pictures again.

Que lock down on all social media. Instagram deleted. Facebook never touched but friend list and that hidden.

Being silly I tried to move on as I want my baby to come from a loving, together family. And I certainly don't want to be pregnant and single and i love him very much.

But insecurity is still there.

Today I open our laptop and find his Gmail is signed in. Being in an insecure mood I done something I never should have done, I snooped.

Yes I know it was wrong. I don't know what came over me. I guess I wanted to prove to myself he had nothing to hide as even his phone doesn't show notifications anymore and it all made me paranoid.

In those emails were multiple ones between him and girls that apparently got talking via POF. All looked very much like him, knew his age and where he lived as he talked to them. Claiming to be single.

He is saying that he was hacked. Infind this hard to believe considering his history with the internet and women. Especially considering the writing style is very much "his" and the fact this so called hacker knew his age and location. To which he said they must of hacked his POF account as well. So this magical hacker has managed to hack two accounts purely to talk to women he was able to via the first site?

He then claimed it may be a hoax. But he has sent emails to them in his sent files.

I've even emailed them and both emails went through perfectly. If they were dodgy they'd ping back wouldn't they?

I asked him to go stay at his parents for a few days so I could clear my head as I was tired of feeling like I was nothing and feeling used. When we have his kids I'm the one running around after them all. Even when I'm in pain or ill. I feel used. He responded that he wouldn't call his dad, he would sleep on the streets if I was going to be that heartless.

I really don't think I am? I'm hurting and confused. He also get very angry at me for the snooping. Which I know was wrong. But the fact he focussed on that above all else just makes me feel like he's shifting the blame.

What do I do? I'm scared I'll be pregnant alone and lose the man I deeply love and feeling completely pathetic.

I'm also scared that I have in fact got all this wrong and he is innocent and I've just fucked up something that was quite special. Because despite the way this post makes him look, he works hard, he makes me laugh, he does care in general and in his own way I know he does love me. He has a lot of g9od in him.

I'm sorry I just needed to vent.

Sweetie, if you were wrong, why would he be angry with you for 'snooping'? He'd have thanked you for finding those 'hacked/hoax' emails and would have been off with you down to the police station or reporting them to wherever. But he's not. He's all 'you're a misery, you're determined to be miserable...' and it's all your fault.

Does that really sound like the reaction of an innocent, possibly hacked, man who loves you?

He hasn't been hacked I'm afraid. As hard as it is to accept, he's been cheating and will continue to do so he may just hide it better next time. So awful as you're pregnant too but if you're insecure now what about when you have a crying baby, lack of sleep, lack of sex etc. He should be supporting you not putting you through this stress

I questioned him on all that's been raised here. Very calmly. He kept getting angry and even tried suggesting that someone had been out to make him look a cheat. To which I responded if that was true they would have been sent TO me. Not hidden away. And how if he had something to hide he woldnt keep those details logged in on a shared computer. But he didn't, he panicked as soon as I said it was on there.

He's coming home as I can't stop him due to him paying half rent. I just don't know how to act.

If your family own the house, aren't they technically your landlords? Can't they help with getting him to move out - at least for the meantime?

‘ I want my baby to come from a loving, together family’
Sadly you don’t have that anyway.

Why did he and his ex (mother of his children) break up?

If he is your best friend, you need a new one.

Don’t know how to act?
Like he’s a cheating bastard going home to his pregnant partner.

You know in your heart he has treated you apaulingly. He expects you to look after his other kids as well. Nah sorry he’s a piece of shit!

The last thing you need is him gaslighting you when you are vulnerable and in labour. Get him out before baby arrives then you won’t know any different for when at some point he buggers off and leaves you if you don’t leave him

Oh, and don't keep his dirty little secret. Blow it open. Tell everyone why you are kicking him out - don't let him start running a 'she's pregnant and gone mental' rumour around. Make sure everyone knows what a twat he is and how he's behaved.

Zap - they would if I asked them. But I don't want to involve family just yet. If I chose to stay I don't want them thinking any differently of him. Not to protect him, but to protect myself emotionally.

Little - he told me she cheated on him. Something that I question very much considering his actions. We met three and a half years after they separated (Something of which was confirmed in her court papers when he needed to take her to court to see his kids) . I have seen the way she treats and talks about him so none of that seemed out of character to believe him on. The kids are constantly used as a weapon. Including accusing him of things publicly I knew full well not to be true as inwss there regarding their welfare. Even my own baby was when she wanted to be vile to him. But now I wonder if she treats him so bad because there's more to their history than I know. But thtas a hard call to make as like I've said, I've seen the abuse he deals with from her. If anything I wonder if she "broke" him. But again, I can't help but wonder if she had just reached her limit with him.

My parents are paying for us all to go away next year (for his children as well) . And even that was cause for a lot of nasty messages from her to him. So trying to figure out who was in the wrong there for their relationship to fall apart is a very difficult thing to do.

Barmaid - he very much is in that regard. He admits at times he can be selfish and inconsiderate. It has caused a lot of tension in our relationship.in the past. Last weekend we had the kids I could barely stand due to pain in my leg, yet I was still left cooking and cleaning up after them all. Because he had a bad neck. Yet his bad neck didn't stop him going on a bike ride, working on his car and playing with his drone. When I brought this up.he had a go at me and claimed I didn't see us as a family.unit. I genuienly do. I just needed a bit of help!

All that said there's been times he's been amazing with me. I've been in some.bery dark places emotionally in the past and it's been him looking after me. It's been him that's cheered me up. Whenever I feel sad, even now it's him I want to comfort me.

I've accepted and realised that maybe I have come to rely on him too much. And as I said to him I think I've allowed his behaviour to escalate with me because he knows he can get away with it. Yes I may get upset, sometimes even angry. But he knows within a day or two I get over it at least to his face (emotionally it stays with me and builds up) .

He is now home. He sat with me.for five minutes while I spoke to him calmly. He then said he was tired and went into the lounge. Before that on the phone he was getting angry at me again and claiming I wanted to destroy us and that yet again he's stuck without his family.

I promised him that if we did seperat e it wouldn't be because I benefited, if anything i would be losing a lot and it's the last thing I want. I just don't want to regret leaving or staying. If I leave I may regret it. If I stay something else will come.up and I'll regret it. I even promised him I wouldn't stop him seeing our baby. But he didn't even say anything regarding that.

He seems to think I want to just be alone. What I want is to feel loved, wanted and supported. I want to feel like I can trust.my.partner 100%. Especially at this sort of time. The idea of going into labour just losing my partner is heartbreaking for me. But right now all he seems to think about is how all this affects him and him alone.

And honestly I don't think he would leave me. He has it too easy. He works very hard and I'm.at home so I do everything for him when he is home. As well as lopking after the kids and home in general. Including helping him with important paperwork and that.

I pay 5050 for the kids also (not the cms but general days out and food/presents) it's me that arranges days out and plans things etc.

If he left me he'd be left 100% of the care and support of them and himself. Plus he'd have no home and his family wouldn't approve of his actions either. They are lovely and I am very close to them.

Plus I am close to his kids and he wouldn't want to hurt them.

In his own way he loves me. But whether it's because he loves me or loves how easy I make his life i can't truly say. I think it's a mix of the two.

HE IS MANIPULATING YOU.

Seriously - if you give him another chance that’s entirely up to you. But don’t keep his cheating a secret from your family. Tell them. You need people to have your back at such a vulnerable time when you seem unable to see how obviously untrustworthy he is.

Merry - I do see that. I guess I'm just not ready to 100% admit it to myself. It scares me to. I know he knows he has me in the palm of his hand. I know he isn't trustworthy and I know he manipulates me. But I just don't know how I would cope without him. The emotional aspect of it would break me so quickly and with a baby on the way in need to stay as okay as possible. And right now weighing up the hurt I would feel when he inevitably does this again seems smaller than the hurt I would feel leaving him now. Short term anyway. Especially with the prospect of never seeing his kids again. Or balancing not seeing mine for weekends when she's old enough to go to his. She isn't even born yet and I risk having to part with her for periods of time.

Why the fuck has got a POF account in the first place? That alone should be enough to tell him to fuck off. Honestly OP this guy is playing you to keep hold of his cushy life. He's nothing but a lying cheating piece of shit, and if you take him back, he'll keep doing it, because you're enabling him. You and your baby deserve so much better.

This is very sad to read

Your bar is set very low. He sounds like a total user. He has no respect for you whatever and if you brush this latest instance of his cheating under the carpet you might as well give up any semblance of being in a faithful relationship

When you are sleep deprived and not feeling your best he will be casting his net again

And he plays with a drone while you look after his kids ? What the hell have you been thinking. ? He's no better than a selfish, thrill seeking kid himself and if he hasn't grown up yet he never will

Ah. Your latest post is chock full of minimising and bargaining.

You will stay. And he will shit all over you again. Sad indeed.

You know he is crap. Why don't you think you deserve better ?

Apparently (this is ridiculous I know) someone must of hacked into it. He obviously had one when we met. But this was a new one. A different name. And apparently didnt show his face as thays what one of the emails asked for. One that even before I showed him the messages of the girls didnt come up on any google search. So clearly been deactivated (although im assuming recently) . His account I knew he had when we met has been deactivated also and nothing can be found via Google.

It was his Instagram the other month that caused me to question his whole single image. As it was full of him posing, none of us or the kids. When j searchrd his username he was all over girls photos being a bit of a sleaze. All very much single fuckboy. With the bio of what a bloody gentlemen he is! Once he knew infoind out about that he deactivated it. When he knew infound out about him doijg the same on fb he hid his friend list. He also tried making out the old fucj buddy he swore he deleted he had nonidea how she got on his fb again. Despite being all over her photos.

The reason I asked him to delete her years back was because of how inappropriate he was being with her. Commenting on pictures with things like "looking smoking hot name" . Something of which especially considering their history I didn't feel comfortable with. Especially when it was every photo shed post he'd say something along those lines.

Ugh, I'm cringing for you.

It isn't that I don't think I deserve better. I know I do. And I know I'm pathetic for dealing with it and staying.

I just lose so much if I leave. His children, everything. And when things are good I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm scared if I walk I'll end up in a very dark place again and I'm worried how that will pan out for me. I have a history of self harm and OD. I don't want to risk getting that bad again and my baby losing both a mum and dad. Or it meaning I won't be able to cope as a mum because I'm so depressed again

I can’t take this thread - it’s making me so sad.

Why don’t you value yourself?

My grandmother is a right pain in the neck but one thing she drummed into me is that NO ONE is too good for me and I deserve the best.

I’m fat, not terribly attractive facially, have very crooked teeth and an annoying laugh. I still believe what she said. My husband says he’s never met anyone who has such good self-worth.

It’s an asset - it means I won’t ever put up with that shit. I’d sooner turn up homeless to the council with two children in tow.

Anyfucker - I cringe about it myself. I told him it made him look like a pathetic sleaze bag and honestly it makes me quite embarressed of him, even from the prospective of not being his partner.

Merry - I respect and envy your strength. I know I look like a complete pathetic idiot right now. And I wish I was one of those strong posters that go on to LTB and face the truth.

Well, you do what you think you must, Overwhelmed.

We will still be here for you when it hits the fan.

Thank you. I know I'm walking along with a ticking time bomb. I know what I should do. I know how I should feel. Right now I just feel numb and stupid. I hope one day I manage to get past that and actually move on to have a happy healthy relationship. I know in my head i don't want this. I'm not blind. Just stupid and scared.

So he's set up a new POF account to chat to women, and your still with him?! And it seems he's had form for this shit for years, and you've put with this why?! I think you really need some counselling to work on your self esteem. And think about your daughter. Do you want her growing up thinking that this behaviour is acceptable? That it's OK for her partner to cheat on her, and manipulate her and that she should just accept it so she doesn't rock the boat? You need to find your backbone and get rid of him, for her sake if not for your own.

How new it was I don't know. The messages started back this jan. So new enough. I haven't actually seen the pof account itself. It was deactivated when I looked for it. Just the messages from the girls saying that on the vain of "it's name from pof glad to have your email now can I see your face?" With him responding, although still not showing his face (although his gmail account has a picture of his face there so they would have seen it). And emails from pof themselves. He was clearly going a long way to hide it in case anyone i knew saw him on there.