Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

My Dad has split from his fiance - Pre-Nuptial disagreement.

146 replies

firehousedog · 02/07/2018 08:49

So last night i got a phone call fromm my Dad. He has split up with his fiance. My Dad is 68 and she is 65 and they met on internet dating three years ago. Basically Dad insisted she sign a pre-nuptial agreement as in the house will be left to myself and my brother should anything happen to him one day, whilst she would have had been left with his Villa in Spain and his pension. She has four elder children, but was living in a womans refuge when Dad met her, my Dad cleared her personal debts, took her on numerous holidays abroad, cruises, etc. She literally has no assets or anything to her name. She apparently kicked off big time and said she would make sure things were done properly in the event of anything happening to my Dad and she refused to sign. My Dad is gutted. He really doesn't want to be alone in this stage of life. Do you think we should tell Dad to put off the pre-nup and let it go or has he dodged a bullet with this one?

OP posts:

Hissy · 02/07/2018 13:38

I had heard somewhere that property in spain had to be willed to kids, but I could be wrong.

He sounds like he has dodged a bullet

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 02/07/2018 17:55

Thing is they could be together another 30 years, she could end up being his carer for several decades but if he did she has too pack up, leave the house she's lived in for 30 years and try and sort out this property in Spain that numerous people here are saying will be an absolute nightmare, all in her 90's and on whatever pension she'll be entitled too. She will have no home of her own, but that's fine because she was homeless written she met him so why shouldn't she be homeless in her 90's?

Can't imagine WHY she's aggrieved!!!!

ajandjjmum · 02/07/2018 18:15

And of course, he could end up being her carer.

But you're right, there are so many 'what ifs', which is the reason anyone involved in this sort of situation needs to sit down and talk through the implications. To storm off because you're not getting what you want just shows warped values imo.

CoraPirbright · 02/07/2018 18:42

So she has known your dad for 3 years and expects to scoop the lot?? . Sorry - your dad has dodged a huge bullet there.....

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 02/07/2018 18:54

But there's no evidence she expected the lot. This isn't even one half of the story, its one interpretation of half a story.

She might have said where am I meant to go, if it's 30 years down. the line and he might have said well, I suppose you could ask the DC if you can pay rent here til you die, the pension should cover half of it. No one knows because no one Inc the op was there for this conversation where the alleged gold digger demanded all his property, savings and possessions whilst prodding to give the dc what they deserved

SoapOnARoap · 02/07/2018 18:59

Anyone who enters a second marriage where there are existing children involved, who doesn’t have a pre nup, is on a sticky wicket.

BonnieF · 02/07/2018 19:05

100% dodged a bullet.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. She is a gold-digger who is only interested in your dad’s money.

twiglet · 02/07/2018 19:14

Prenups aren't legally standing in the UK they can be taken into account for divorce or death but it would be a will after marriage that would be the legally binding aspect.
Your Dad sounds like he has had a lucky escape and much better to find out now then down the road.

Shumpalumpa · 02/07/2018 19:45

Can't imagine WHY she's aggrieved!!!!

I was thinking similarly. A pp's suggestion that she have the right to live in the house until she dies seems fair.

And she should get a divorce settlement too.

What if she is a skivvy to your dad and he divorces her after 10 years? What will she have?

clairewiththehair · 02/07/2018 19:49

She is not going to be made homeless though is she. She will have a) an income from the pension, and b) a lump sum from the sale of the villa. She is getting a good deal.

Shumpalumpa · 02/07/2018 19:57

The lump sum from the sake of the Spanish villa may not be enough to buy a home in the U.K.

The least she could expect after washing his underwear and cookung for him is the right to live in the marital home until her death.

She will potentially helping OP a lot. With new wife around, dad probably don't need his daughter to care for him.

With new wife around, OP won't need to sell her dad's house to pay his care home fees and will inherit the house when new wife dies.

WanderingWavelet · 02/07/2018 19:57

All he needed to do was write a new will after the marriage.

This. No need for a pre-nup.

ScrubTheDecks · 02/07/2018 20:00

She’s not ‘elderly’, she can’t even collect her state pension yet.

And as for ‘skivvying’, Well she appears to be getting free housing.

OP does she work?

It would seem fair that she had tne security of staying in her home, so in your Dad’s shoes I would leave the house to you and sibling, leave the villa likewise, leave his pension to her and allow her to live in the house until she dies.

ajandjjmum · 02/07/2018 20:00

Maybe she won't be washing his underwear and cooking for him - maybe he'll do it for her. So much sexist crap! Or, shock horror, maybe they'll share the chores.

The long and short of it is that people need to communicate with each other, so that everyone is encouraged to see other points of view. If she isn't prepared to do that, he's well rid.

ScrubTheDecks · 02/07/2018 20:02

The problem now, though, is that your Dad knows that by offering any plans that suit her he is essentially buying her ‘love’.

welshmist · 02/07/2018 20:04

Dodged a bullet, a friend died suddenly, his second wife who had signs of dementia had her children round within hours. We knew he had a will he had discussed certain things with OH, well that never turned up and his children were left with nothing. The second wife returned to live with her children, the house was sold money divvied up between her children and she was put in a nursing home.

Shumpalumpa · 02/07/2018 20:06

Maybe she won't be washing his underwear and cooking for him - maybe he'll do it for her. So much sexist crap! Or, shock horror, maybe they'll share the chores.

Maybe they will. But MN shows us daily that many men still expect their wives to do all the housework. Pointing that out is not sexist. I'm trying to see the situation from this woman's perspective (to an extent). In her situation, I would want the secure knowledge of knowing I will be able to live in my home until I die. Because it will be her home.

clairewiththehair · 02/07/2018 20:06

Why does she have to buy a house? Or does the lifestyle she is currently enjoying now mean she is suddenly above the renting social ladder, even with the pension income and the proceeds from the villa? She has never paid a penny for the mortgage or unkeep of this house.

Surely after marriage she is automatically legally entitled to 50% of the estate, and legally become the beneficiary of the estate, no? Surely he cannot write a will on behalf of her legal entitlement? hence why op's dad has sought to nip this in the bud beforehand?

Shumpalumpa · 02/07/2018 20:10

And as for ‘skivvying’, Well she appears to be getting free housing.

That's not enough. Would you tell a young house wife that she has no rights to her husband's house because she is skivvying in return for free housing?

Shumpalumpa · 02/07/2018 20:15

@clairewiththehair

She doesn't have to buy a house if she is given the right to live in her husband's house until she dies.

But yes, if she gets used to living in secure housing, she shouldn't be turfed out. What if pension is not enough to cover rent on a rental property?

Budesonide · 02/07/2018 20:17

No, after marriage she is not entitled to 50% of his estate on death. You're thinking of the starting point for a divorce settlement I think. It's not the same on death. I think a PP pointed this out. Also, as definitely pointed out by a PP, pre-nups have no legal standing under English law.

Marry and sort it out in wills and possibly house/other assets in trust.

Sounds like it's too late for that in this case though.

clairewiththehair · 02/07/2018 20:17

So what are you suggesting Shumpa? Are you saying she is entitled to have a share of the property value, or are you just saying she is entitled to live out her days at the house?

hendricksy · 02/07/2018 20:17

She obviously doesn't love him if she won't sign . Surely he can see that she is after his assets ?? I bet she couldn't believe her luck !! Poor Dad though and you sound really lovely and kind !!

Articuno · 02/07/2018 20:21

Out of interest - why was she in such a bad financial situation when they met OP?

A woman in her 60s with no job, no house, loads of debts, had she suffered misfortune or just floated through life at others expense?

Shumpalumpa · 02/07/2018 20:22

So what are you suggesting Shumpa? Are you saying she is entitled to have a share of the property value, or are you just saying she is entitled to live out her days at the house?

I think she should be entitled to live out her days in the house and get his pension. His kids should inherit the house and Spanish villa.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6