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Original poster

My Dad has split from his fiance - Pre-Nuptial disagreement.

146 replies

firehousedog · 02/07/2018 08:49

So last night i got a phone call fromm my Dad. He has split up with his fiance. My Dad is 68 and she is 65 and they met on internet dating three years ago. Basically Dad insisted she sign a pre-nuptial agreement as in the house will be left to myself and my brother should anything happen to him one day, whilst she would have had been left with his Villa in Spain and his pension. She has four elder children, but was living in a womans refuge when Dad met her, my Dad cleared her personal debts, took her on numerous holidays abroad, cruises, etc. She literally has no assets or anything to her name. She apparently kicked off big time and said she would make sure things were done properly in the event of anything happening to my Dad and she refused to sign. My Dad is gutted. He really doesn't want to be alone in this stage of life. Do you think we should tell Dad to put off the pre-nup and let it go or has he dodged a bullet with this one?

OP posts:
AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 02/07/2018 09:45

And op, you can’t judge her on her living in a women’s refuge as you say, but on her gold digging attitude to your dad.

KirstenRaymonde · 02/07/2018 09:45

I can see both sides. I completely agree your dad should leave his home to his children and her ‘taking care of you’ is not a solid commitment and can’t be relied on at all. But I can see how she might worry about where she will live if your dad dies before her and is afraid of the instability. The Spanish villa is all well and good, but would she want to live there full time? If not the thought of being maybe 75 and trying to rent somewhere as unable to get a mortgage would be very scary.

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 02/07/2018 09:46

I agree Juells but my post was ignored. When HE dies she needs to get out the house and move to Spain our get our the house and go back into a shelter / daughter sofa until she can figure out how to sell the house.

Much kinder given their age would be to say the house goes to the children but she can stay in it until she dies or cohabits. I'm sure there's a legal way of phrasing it. Instead she's imagining packing her bags as she plans the funeral

BlueBiros · 02/07/2018 09:47

How can some woman be so stupid to not know when they have got it good, especially when you are in your mid 60's.

I'd rather be alone than marry someone who didn't trust me to do right by their children. That isn't a stupid choice, even if the other person has money.

pissedonatrain · 02/07/2018 09:59

@firehousedog

I really feel for your Dad but yes, he dodged a bullet.

There has to be a reason she is 65 and living in a shelter with debt and her grown kids aren't helping. How much does he really know about her? She may have a drug or gambling addiction for all anyone knows.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 02/07/2018 09:59

She really is a stupid cow isn't it. I mean my Dad was going to look after her during and after his life. He is still fit and healthy don't get me wrong. He runs 10 miles with the running club every Tuesday and Thursday evening. She was literally in the gutter when he met her. How can some woman be so stupid to not know when they have got it good, especially when you are in your mid 60's. As I say I just feel so sorry for Dad that he is alone again.

The one thing your dad obviously doesn't do is trust her and for a lot of women there can not be a relationship without trust. I'd walk away in this situation not because of the money but because it would show me what the other person thought of me.

CindyCrawford2 · 02/07/2018 10:02

Once she realises he is not going to back down and she has basically "cut her nose off to spite her face" she will be begging him to take her back. She is actually blackmailing him - "do this or I won't marry you". Your dad has had a lucky escape - I could understand it if she was also bringing major assets to the marriage and was worried about her own daughters' inheritance. I would be very wary of her coming back into your dad's life after this. If she appears to back down with her demands and the marriage does go ahead, you would probably find her changing her attitude towards you and trying to cut your dad off from you and your family - she will engineer some kind of fall out - then her and her daughters will be free to dominate your dad, spend all his money and get him to change his will without you knowing. This exact thing has happened in my family - please keep your dad away from this woman - there are plenty of other decent women looking for a partner who are not Gold Diggers!!

Troels · 02/07/2018 10:03

Your poor Dad, he really has been taken hasn't he. I hope she doesn't weedle her way back in and taken him for everything.
He isn't alone, he has family and he has friends and he has his freedom to do as he pleases.

TheEmmaDilemma · 02/07/2018 10:05

@Watchingthecloudsflyby there is, you can write it into the will. My mothers Partner will be able to stay in the house for up to 2 years after she dies.

FizzyGreenWater · 02/07/2018 10:09

He's absolutely dodged a bullet!

She sounds like a schemer and I really hope your Dad is sensible enough to see this - she's shown her hand.

I'd tell him to be firm - there's not going to be a marriage for a long while, even if they do get back together.

Would your Dad be open to the ideas of signing his house over to you and your brother now? (I'd be tempted to say he should do the same with the villa!!) Then he could, if he were willing to do so, go ahead and marry her - no need for her to know that the assets already belong to you and your brother.

She'd then get the pension and presumably he could leave a good sum of money in addition, so she wouldn't end up broke. Just very surprised once your dad passed away...

Gingertam · 02/07/2018 10:09

I would have no problem signing a prenup. I love that your dad is thinking about his kids. My friend ended up with nothing because her father trusted his second wife to do the right thing. She sounds so grabby, makes me cringe. He really does need to get over being single though. Lots of men are like this. It's not the end of the world and he is still young enough to meet somebody if he wishes.

diddl · 02/07/2018 10:13

I do have some sympathy in that she could be married for 20yrs then expected to move out & sell a property in Spain whilst recently widowed.

Of course she could just want everything & be banking on him caving.

"She is actually blackmailing him - "do this or I won't marry you". "

Op's dad is doing the same though.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/07/2018 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VladmirsPoutine · 02/07/2018 10:20

In my honest opinion, it doesn't matter if you're 25, 35, 45, 55 or 65 etc, you should do your best to organise your financial affairs. Financial independence is paramount; it is a non-negotiable and a lot of young women would do well to adhere to that when making their life choices.

ajandjjmum · 02/07/2018 10:28

Sounds great for a Spanish Villa holiday BitOutOfPractice! Grin Are you the GF?

sprinklesandsauce · 02/07/2018 10:33

OP, your dad needs good legal advice if he does get back with her, or should he meet anyone else. The trust idea is a very good one. The house is left in trust to his children with the wife having the right to live there until she dies. Then she feels secure and the house stays in the family.

She will prove how genuine she is by her actions. However prenups always cause a problem. How many threads do we see on here where women are advise to get their name on deeds to a house when they move in? But at your fathers age and with grown up children and the fact that the wife gets the villa and the pension, she can't complain.

A lot of people protect their assets and with good reason. I have seen too many families torn apart when they trust somebody to "do the right thing". They die, and that person then doesn't follow their wishes. I know where men have remarried and the family farm has gone to the second wife rather than the children who farmed it for years. So sad.

The world is a different place now with people getting married several times, having children of different age generations.

clairewiththehair · 02/07/2018 10:34

Oh my days, what a very silly woman. So they live in a nice house, she doesn't work, he provides for her, takes her on cruises, holidays, has a villa in spain, pays off her debts, he sounds fit (runs ten miles twice a week Shock ), he gives her companionship into their old age, he wants to marry her and also see to it that she is left with means to support herself should anything happen to him, but no, its still not good enough for her to compromise on this one issue. She is a fool.

diddl · 02/07/2018 10:38

"The house is left in trust to his children with the wife having the right to live there until she dies. "

Yes-I wonder what her reaction would have been to this & why it wasn't originally suggested?

Perhaps the fact that she hasn't suggested it is telling?

bengalcat · 02/07/2018 10:39

Sorry dodged a bullet - your inheritance would've been used for her and possibly her kids if your father died first - even a prenup doesn't offer 100% protection - if you have significant assets and children you wish to benefit then don't remarry

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 02/07/2018 11:54

I would absolutely love to be in a LTR but I also have a very valuable house and there's no way I'd let a new DH have that over my DC and my DSD. My estate is for my kids. I'm with your DF, OP.

SoapOnARoap · 02/07/2018 12:12

Your poor Dad, has just seen this gold diggers true motives.

I’m in the dodged a bullet camp.

Thebluedog · 02/07/2018 12:16

I’m afraid it sounds like he’s dodged a bullet on this one.

He sounds lovely and if she was kind and caring she’d completley agree to what he’s suggesting. He’s no way trying to fiddle her out if anything, and after he’s paid off all her debts and will be leaving her a villa and pension I’m not seeing why she’d have an issue with the proposed arrangement. In her position I’d be more than happy with it

SuitedandBooted · 02/07/2018 12:31

So they met via the internet , and she brings nothing financial to the table.She has had all her debts paid, and if your father died, she would get his pension, and a villa.
And that's not good enough?
She wants the mortgage-free house your Mum and Dad paid for too?

I'm in the bullet dodged camp too!

Wherearemymarbles · 02/07/2018 13:18

Friend of mines father died recently. Left a decent amount of assets etc which he wanted to eventually go to her once his second wifedied His daughter was told by her step mum she would in fact get nothing. Luckily he had signed over the house to his daughter prior to his 2nd marriage, ‘just jn case’ step mum has since been kicked out of the house.

Your dad can to the same, put the house in trust for you two.
only fool trusts a partner to do the right thing financially regarding children that are not their own.

LuMarie · 02/07/2018 13:28

Wow, so her is offering her a villa in Spain and his pension despite having two children and your Mum who paid for the home with him.

It sound very generous to be honest, I would have been asking him if he was really sure!

Yes if they marry she has an automatic claim, definitely need a prenup. If they live together his will should be clear about his wishes, because sometimes people try to ask for things not intended for them.

I think he's either dodged a bullet, or she's being a drama queen and she'll realise how stupid she is being and decide to stay.

He absolutely should not give way on the prenup, I can't believe anyone at that age marrying a partner with adult children would expect not to!

He sounds like a lovely kind man and he's really not old. He can meet someone again if he'd like to.

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