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Original poster

My Dad has split from his fiance - Pre-Nuptial disagreement.

146 replies

firehousedog · 02/07/2018 08:49

So last night i got a phone call fromm my Dad. He has split up with his fiance. My Dad is 68 and she is 65 and they met on internet dating three years ago. Basically Dad insisted she sign a pre-nuptial agreement as in the house will be left to myself and my brother should anything happen to him one day, whilst she would have had been left with his Villa in Spain and his pension. She has four elder children, but was living in a womans refuge when Dad met her, my Dad cleared her personal debts, took her on numerous holidays abroad, cruises, etc. She literally has no assets or anything to her name. She apparently kicked off big time and said she would make sure things were done properly in the event of anything happening to my Dad and she refused to sign. My Dad is gutted. He really doesn't want to be alone in this stage of life. Do you think we should tell Dad to put off the pre-nup and let it go or has he dodged a bullet with this one?

OP posts:
Original poster
firehousedog · 02/07/2018 09:17

Exactly. If he she insisted everything would be done properly then why not agree to setting out in stone things would be done properly beforehand? Angry

OP posts:
BrexitWife · 02/07/2018 09:17

Or she had in her head the fact that after a few years, she could get divorced if she wanted and get half of what he had...
I know they are in their 60s but people also divorce later on in life....
Or that, in her mind, everything he had was also hers from then on (eg they might chose to sell the house to buy one she likes more/in a different place closer to her own dcs etc...)

diddl · 02/07/2018 09:18

Your dad sounds a bit of an easy target tbh.

Is there not some compromise to be had between being alone & married?

expatmigrant · 02/07/2018 09:20

Your dad has his head screwed on. DH and I have made wills to make sure that our DC inherit the house in case of either of us marrying somebody else.
He has missed a huge bullet and I am sure that there is another lovely lady out there for him.

Original poster
firehousedog · 02/07/2018 09:20

Is there not some compromise to be had between being alone & married?

I don't understand your drift sorry. What do you mean by compromise?

OP posts:
Blostma · 02/07/2018 09:21

My dad is in a similar Position, but has said he would rather put up with her nonsense than be alone. He is 80 though, and all us DC are many miles away.

ajandjjmum · 02/07/2018 09:22

Surely the best thing to do in any event would be to put the house in to some sort of trust, with you and your siblings as ultimate recipients, but giving your father a right to live there in his life time.

Once this is sorted, it won't ever become a more 'personal' issue directed at any future woman he may meet?

Good that your Dad was sensible and wanted to do this, as it's flushed out her true motives before they married.

diddl · 02/07/2018 09:25

I mean that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

It sounds as if he has enough money to get out & about & enjoy hiself.

Whilst I realise that that means he would still be living alone, it's certanly a lot more than a lot of people at his age have!

I think the money involved it just read to me that he was desperate for someone & in effect buying them.

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 02/07/2018 09:26

Perhaps she's offended he thinks she wouldn't ensure his children got what he wanted them to have but is also concerned that upon his death she'd be homeless bar a house in Spain that she'd either have to emigrate to live in or try to sell to put a roof over her head?

Whilst she's waiting for that to sell is the pension enough for her to pay rent on something little?

VladmirsPoutine · 02/07/2018 09:26

I think think diddl means between splitting up entirely and getting married there is longterm partnership. In other words, a cohabiting couple, which means that she could continue living the high life but would not be eligible to claim any of his assets.

Anyway, well done to him.

RaquelWelch · 02/07/2018 09:27

Please note: Marriage automatically revokes a will made previously, leaving it invalid

Original poster
firehousedog · 02/07/2018 09:28

She really is a stupid cow isn't it. I mean my Dad was going to look after her during and after his life. He is still fit and healthy don't get me wrong. He runs 10 miles with the running club every Tuesday and Thursday evening. She was literally in the gutter when he met her. How can some woman be so stupid to not know when they have got it good, especially when you are in your mid 60's. As I say I just feel so sorry for Dad that he is alone again.

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BitOutOfPractice · 02/07/2018 09:28

I'd bet that once she clocks on that she's going to be homeless and income-less she'll be back

mummyretired · 02/07/2018 09:30

I second what @ajandjjmum said - put the house and anything else that is to be 'kept within the family' into a family trust. Much safer than a pre-nup which might be overturned if circumstances change - and most people do face some sort of change in later life.

Hont1986 · 02/07/2018 09:33

Does a pre-nup work after death? I think your dad is thinking of a will instead.

Original poster
firehousedog · 02/07/2018 09:33

Thats the thing Vlad, my brother seems to think she was the one who believed that marraige was important and thats how dad got to this point in the first place. She doesn't seem to be bringing anything to the relationship other than companionship whilst not willing to make any compromises herself.

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Meralia · 02/07/2018 09:36

Sorry, but living in a refuge is not ‘being in the gutter’. People find themselves in these places through no fault of their own.

Also, Spanish laws on inheritance and houses are complex, so even if his will in this country says the house is to go to her, it’s not definite. A will in Spain would need to be drawn up, as the property would automatically go to your dads neareast relatives (usually children) rather than his wife.

Original poster
firehousedog · 02/07/2018 09:37

Bitout well my brother is furious with how she has dropped dad so quickly and i'm very dissappointed in her. She and her daughters had been accepted into the family and now its all wrecked. I'm not sure it will ever be able to go back to the way it was from everyone elses perspective and this money issue has sort of reared its head now for all to know.

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Original poster
firehousedog · 02/07/2018 09:39

Yeah sorry, probably shouldn't have used the term gutter, but you know what i mean. Her prospects were in dire straits shall we say for someone in their 60's.

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SuitedandBooted · 02/07/2018 09:40

Put the house, and any assets your mother and father wanted just THEIR children to have in a Trust. That takes it off the table, and lets your Dad carry on his life without having to second-guess what any new partners might have in mind.

When my mother died, a widowed family friend was very eager to keep my Dad company. When he happened to mention that his house, (which was large, valuable, and (literally) built by my grandfather) had been put in a Trust to keep it in the family, she disappeared, never to be seen again!

Meralia · 02/07/2018 09:41

Yeah, I get what you mean. As others have said though, your dad seems to have his head screwed on.

As you say, they are both in their 60s. It’s not as if they’ve been together 15 plus years with children together.

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 02/07/2018 09:41

Alarm bells here!!!

So, she’s been in the relationship 3 years, she gets the Villa if your father dies but, she wants the lot (sounds like). She sounds like a nightmare. He will need your support in getting over this possibly but, it’s a lucky escape.

Juells · 02/07/2018 09:41

Haven't RTFT but am I the only one who has a tiny bit of sympathy for the elderly GF? If she was living in a homeless shelter when he met her, security must be hugely important to her, she must have a huge fear of being homeless again.

Would anyone here know how to turn a villa abroad into money for a roof over their head? I wouldn't. Maybe she prefers to be insecure now and at least know what the future holds, than be insecure in ten years time.

Original poster
firehousedog · 02/07/2018 09:42

Yeah thats what i'm taking out of the thread i think, to perhaps speak to dad about re the family trust idea. Taking the issue off the table as you lot say seems to be a good idea for someone in his position.

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Ragwort · 02/07/2018 09:43

I think you are getting over invested in what this woman is or isn't doing; I would be more concerned that your dad, who is clearly fit and healthy, seems to be so obsessed with being in a relationship - 68 is nothing - many 68 year olds are still working or at least have a wide range of interests and hobbies - my Dad is 87 and is out playing tennis, bridge club, university reunions etc etc.

Maybe help your Dad see that he doesn't need to 'hook up with someone' - although quite honestly lots of women would like to find a wealthy 68 year old Grin - just make sure he is not just being wanted for his bank account.

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