Advice please! Apparently my DP is cheating

[OneBigHeadFuck]

I need some advice on how to handle this, I've gone out to my car tonight and there's been a note left on my car telling me my DP has been having a relationship with someone for over a year and lying to us both and he doesn't deserve to get away with it and I should know.

DP doesn't know about the note yet he's out watching the football I should be at work but I've changed my shift last minute now I'm sitting at home massively head fucked not knowing what to do next

Please anyone advice

Did you confront him OP?

Don't have any advice to add but

I would hope that no one would go out of their way to do this as some sort of prank so I wouldn't ignore it until you're certain it's not true

Thinking of you xxx

This happened to me 3 years ago.
My husband got phone call at work His office called him off the shop floor.
This woman said she was a friend of mine and that I had been having an affair for over a year.
All I did was work and be at home.
My son vouched for this.
Caused lot of trouble for me
Still don't know who it was.
Certainly no friend of mine

Don’t ask him! If it’s true, he’s been lying to you for a year so why would he suddenly come clean. He will deny everything and blame it on a malicious ex / colleague.

I would keep quiet and do some more digging. Has he been staying out late/ overnight more in the last year? Next time he says he’ll be late back could you check he is where he says he is? Could you try to access his phone before it locks, for example if he puts it down and leaves the room/ gets in the shower? That’s what I did when I had suspicions about H and found messages from an OW.

Don’t assume you would ‘know’ if he was cheating - I didn’t have a clue and neither do a lot of women. Looking back there were red flags but I trusted him so much I didn’t see them.

Cheaters almost always lie when asked if they are cheating.

He is out at a game. how do you know if he isn't with the OW?

Just be careful
I wasn't cheating but still got accused
Why would anyone do that ?
They are some nutters about.

We even got the police in to trace the call.
But they said they wouldn't do anything for just one incident.

OP, are you OK this morning?

Did he come home?

I got a random FB message last year (DH and I both have closed profiles) naming my husband and saying he's actually infertile from birth and cannot produce a child, has not been forthcoming and would be me who was blamed. His family would turn nasty etc etc. Very strange since we have a two year old. So someone who knew I was married to him, but wasn't on our FB (since we have pics of our child on there) sent that just to be horrible.

I often think 'what if they accused him of cheating? How would I trust him over that message?'

Take your time. Personally, I would go directly to him with the note because my husband doesn't lie well. Perhaps demand to see his phone then and there if he says he is not hiding anything.

Am guessing that OP may have sent the 'how did the match go, are you home?' message and had an answer that wasn't the right one.

Hope not. :(

Sorry OP.
I hope he came clean when tackled?

I'm wondering whether he actually came home when he said he was.

His shifty behaviour over the last 18 months does suggest the note might be true.

I hope you're OK, OP.

Such a cowardly thing to do, waving the anonymous carrot like that.
Why not knock on the door and tell you face to face? With no other proof you haven’t a leg to stand on when he denies. Dig around, check over his car (around the spare wheel/hidden compartments) , see if bank statements tally up. I know you said he’s stuck to his phone, but everybody needs to shower. Even try and stay awake until he’s asleep and try then.

I appreciate this may all be too late as this was last night. I genuinely feel for you.

I had an anonymous valentines card years ago - DH went nuts accusations flying. But to this day I still don’t know who it was and why they sent it. My theory is he upset someone at work and they did it to get to him.

Hope you get some answers

How awful did you confront him when he came home

change your passwords.
if he notices, see how he reacts.

Why should she change her passwords?

I haven't read everyone's post but wanted to come back to update, I asked him he swears blind it's not true there's not truth when would he have time which is true. He refused to let me look at his phone said that he isn't hiding anything but it's private his word should be enough after going round in circles I told him that I was more believing the note was just malicious until he wouldn't let me look I've never asked to before I agree we're both entitled to privacy but these circumstances changed things and when he realised I was done and we would be finished based on his reaction and there was nothing I went through every single inch of his phone and nothing

He said his reaction was wrong he's sorry I can look whenever I want from now on just randomly if that's what I need to give me peace of mind

Part of me feels like 24 hours later he expects things to be mostly back to normal

Did he not start wondering who could have written the note? Did he not have an idea who could be behaving maliciously?

Did he hand the phone traight iver in front of you? Was there no gap in you confronting him and him handing the phone over?!

@OneBigHeadFuck Are you ok? What happened? Xx

Sorry op, my MN App wasn't updating! Ignore me! X

Yeah if there was a gap in between you asking and him letting you look then that is a huge red flag!
Also, if he wasn't furious and hell bent on finding out who did it, then I'd be packing my bags. Or his.