Advice please! Apparently my DP is cheating

[OneBigHeadFuck]

I need some advice on how to handle this, I've gone out to my car tonight and there's been a note left on my car telling me my DP has been having a relationship with someone for over a year and lying to us both and he doesn't deserve to get away with it and I should know.

DP doesn't know about the note yet he's out watching the football I should be at work but I've changed my shift last minute now I'm sitting at home massively head fucked not knowing what to do next

Please anyone advice

Ask him for his phone when he gets in there and then and look at it infront if him.

Pleasant not pleasing!

How do I suss anything without checking his phone I literally have zero opportunity and I don't no the password and tbh he's not stupid if he was cheating I'd put my bloody
Car on it he deletes every single thing

I don't know if it's just me over thinking but the lay 18 months he's been so overly paranoid that I'm going to leave him and meet someone better then him and how he couldn't cope without me ect ect

I'd do a little digging first, if you can't then show him the letter and watch his face closely.

Good idea OP, as he thinks you're at work, see if he DOES come straight home.....

He could be home anytime and I don't know how to handle this for the best I really don't I need to no the truth. He's amazing in every way but if I don't know it's going to slowly fuck my head more so.

The thing is, if it's her who left the note, she obviously is angry and that's likely to be because he told her it was over between them, in which case he would be unlikely to go to hers after the football.

Could be mistaken identity, could be malicious. Tread carefully, watch and wait. He will deny it to start with if reading past posts on here is anything to go by.

Do you know his email address password? Could you log on to that?

To be honest, its clear from your posts that your instincts are already shouting at you. Listen to them.

Text him ask him how the match went. If he is cheating tonight is his opportunity seen as you are supposed to be working.

When he does come home, he'll be surprised to find you there, and may well answer truthfully out of shock if you confront him.

It can't be mistaken identity it names him

He’s def cheating sorry

Firstly, I'm so sorry, how shit for you

I agree, wait until the time he'd be in, then text and say.... hi, are you home? How was the match?.... see if he lies.

Then, if it was me, I'd say when he comes in... I've reason to believe you've been cheating on me for a year, give me your phone, and all your passwords, or get out.

If he was cheating and this person finds him
So disgusting why not do a proper job and prove it give me a name or some information to go by? Why just expect me to throw my relationship away over a random note?

If you confront him and he denies it, then what? You don’t have any proof. It’ll eat you up and he will just deny it, you’ll stay with him as you can’t justify leaving him based on a note on your car.

Don’t say anything as it’ll just make him even more cautious and you’re less likely to find proof.

You need to get more proof before you confront him. Watch out for anything suspicious...maybe follow him if he says he’s going out?

It could easily be a bitter ex or someone else trying to cause trouble, you should have an idea yourself. Personally I would tell him and see how he reacts. Say it has shaken you and you want to see his phone.

On a practical note please get STI check

I'd confront him with the note

agree, wait until the time he'd be in, then text and say.... hi, are you home? How was the match?.... see if he lies.
^this. The match is over now.

Whoever has left the note will be expecting you to react tonight. Try not to and sit tight for a while (although I appreciate that's not going to be easy).

You could be really devious and say you are getting calls that hang up when you answer and wonder who it could be and is he. That might rattle his cage if he has anything to worry about.

Whoever wrote the note doesn't want to be identified. They won't want to give much away. They may have their own family/relationship to protect.

It could be just someone who hates him for some nutty reason. I wouldn't confront him yet. Just have a think back over the past year and see if anything he's done stands out as odd. Don't do anything drastic until you've had time to process this.

Sorry you're going through such a horrible thing.

What about hiring a private detective OP. It might be a grand well spent.

So sorry this has happened to you. I received a similar letter years ago - i showed my husband and apologised for asking him if there were any truth in it. He denied it and we carried on. We had a close loving relationship but very little sex. He left me about two years later for another woman. But not the same woman it transpired he was originally having an affair with. My point being that if he is not ready to tell you, he won't. I can't even say you would know because I really didn't.