Advice please! Apparently my DP is cheating

[OneBigHeadFuck]

I need some advice on how to handle this, I've gone out to my car tonight and there's been a note left on my car telling me my DP has been having a relationship with someone for over a year and lying to us both and he doesn't deserve to get away with it and I should know.

DP doesn't know about the note yet he's out watching the football I should be at work but I've changed my shift last minute now I'm sitting at home massively head fucked not knowing what to do next

Please anyone advice

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

I would do nothing for the moment but keep your eyes open and look for clues.
If you tackle him without evidence and he's guilty he'll just deny it and the affair will go "underground".
If you tackle him without evidence and he's innocent it'll cause a row like no other.

Can you check his pockets, mileage on his car, bank statements (does he have an a/c you don't know about ?)

And get legal advice about what your rights are if you split up.

So sorry, OP. Someone has gone to an awful lot of trouble to wait for you to be home alone with your car to leave that note ...

My best friend had something similar happen but the letter was sent to her husband accusing her of cheating, saying they had photos but was anonymous.

She was 100% not cheating, turns out it was just someone who had a problem with her and started sending random threatening notes.

If this person isn't willing to show any proof or not give details I'd be wary in believing it. I always have my phone on me and my partner doesn't know my passwords but that's because he has no need to, we trust each other and I'm allowed privacy! Doesn't mean I'm cheating.

I'd ask him OP but be careful of going off the word of someone you don't know. As always, I'd go with your gut. Instincts tend not to lie.

Not everyone has a grand to spare, what a stupid comment!

My dad had two children when he started shagging someone else.
He had another three with her plus taking on her other two.
None of them are in contact with him.

She left him for another man.

Idiot or Karma?

I would out right ask him if he's having an affair and watch his face closely...

tell him someone knows and has informed you.. and more details are allegedly to follow... just to see if he reacts..

you know Him OP... you'll know what to do when he arrives home

OP, I wouldn’t say anything. Calm yourself down and act completely normal. This note could be just someone who doesn’t like him or you?

You need more evedence than a random note.

Have any of your neighbours or houses on your road for CCTV? You might be able to see who left the note? We have a camera and someone down the road asked us for help and we were happy to have a look.

I didn't know. It was a complete shock.

He also denied it, and kept denying it, even after he had left, at least for a while.

I'm sorry this is happening. No foolproof advice. Just... sorry. It's shit.

I wouldn't say anything either, I would wait to see if whoever sent the note sends anything else and I would see what time he comes this evening.

@tararabumdeay - sounds like a crap pattern of behavouri, people really do never learn. (completely ot sorry but is your nn from aristocats? as I have the lawyer singing in my head now)

behaviour*

The OW could have written it to try and get you to split up and push him into her arms. I think it’s unlikely that this is a truly anonymous person as they’re saying that the OW doesn’t know he has a partner - this would mean that your DH had told someone and now they were telling you? i mean surely he wouldn’t tell anyone and if he did they’d be close enough to tell him how they disgusted they felt without leaving you the note. If this isn’t a random grudge against you and he is cheating i think it sounds like the other woman wants to force you two to split up. Maybe he’s recently called it off and now she wants revenge.
Either way I’m really sorry for what you’re going through.

Can you call him and ask him to come home?

Also this doesn’t sound like a random nutter as it seems they knew your OH was out so he wouldn’t catch them leave the note and seems they knew you were due to leave the house to find the note.

Has your OH upset anyone at his work place? A colleague might know he would be out tonight.

Think about what you would want to do, IF it turns out that the note is from a woman he has been lying to. (IF the note is true, the woman must have found out he is married to you, so presumably it is over between them.) If that is the case, do you want to stay with him?

Women always think their partners wouldnt have the time to cheat. Cheaters make the time.

Tell him you know he's cheating and he has this one chance to come clean and there might be a chance to save the relationship.... but if he doesn't come clean you don't have a future together.

I'd just give him the note and ask him what's going on (after i'd taken a copy).

Show him and insists that he lets you look through his phone immediately. If he won't let you then you have your answer.

You okay OP?

I’d put money on the note being written by the OW.

Hope your okay OP. Whoever left the note, knows him well enough to know that he wasn't at home and that you would get to the note before he does.

Hope you’re ok OP

As another op said, cheaters will find time and a a way to cheat, just nipping out for a paper, bumped into old friend , been away an hour just catching up,longer than expected
I have known this happen,always a way