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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He made me eat paper

509 replies

Cantspellbutimmagic · 28/06/2018 03:02

I’m stuck in my situation
I know I can’t get out but it helps to write

Tonight after 3 days non stop verbal abuse or complete silence towards me
My husband found some pictures I drew of how I felt ( sad faces ect )

That day - he called his parents to our table
He said I had to explain myself and the images

I said it’s just how I feel , I draw sad things when I’m sad

He called the kids to watch and He said You have two options

Eat your drawings now or I will devorse you and take it all

I said no I won’t ?!? Why would you even suggest such things

After arguing about this for a while and refusing , his mum started pleading with me to eat the paper

After sometime he held me against the wall and shoved it all in my mouth then pushed me in the floor in front of our family

I can’t belive I was made to eat paper I’m so upset this has happened to me . And they saw

Has anyone ever heard of this before ?

OP posts:

QueenOfIce · 28/06/2018 13:25

Op there are many women on here that have been in a similar situation that felt they couldn't leave but with support and the right help they have. You can too. As many others have said get in touch with women's aid they will help. Wishing you strength

BounceAndClimb · 28/06/2018 13:57

You need to tell someone, either the police or woman's aid, or even ask to speak to a teacher at your DCs school if you would find it easier being someone you know.

As soon as you've spoken to someone in real life they can get you in touch with the necessary people and they will do what needs doing. You just need to tell someone to get things started.

You need to think about your children as well as yourself. If they tell anyone, even mention it to a friend who tells their parent, when you haven't taken any steps to remove you and them from this situation then it could escalate into them being removed temporarily from you for safeguarding reasons which would be much more disruptive than you leaving with them.
You need to show that you're keeping them physically and emotionally safe now this has happened in front of them.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 28/06/2018 13:59

Op if you arent in the uk and are overseas it must feel daunting to not only get away from him but to be in a foreign environment...but you aren't alone...contact the British embassy/consulate, and it doesn't matter if he has your passports, they can get you travel documents to get you on a plane to the uk...

Please don't stay with him...if he will do this abuse in front of family. Then who knows what he will do next..

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 28/06/2018 13:59

Please don't stay with him...if he will do this abuse in front of family. Then who knows what he will do next..

chemicalworld · 28/06/2018 14:42

OP, you are in shock and you must feel awful.

You do not deserve this, your children do not deserve to see their mother humiliated and bullied by this man. I believe you are in danger and for them please pick up the phone and call one of the numbers you have been provided with.

You are not wasting their time. You matter, you really do! xxx

chemicalworld · 28/06/2018 14:43

OP, you are in shock and you must feel awful.

You are not wasting their time. You matter, you really do! xxx

hellsbellsmelons · 28/06/2018 14:53

Please OP stop putting your children through this abuse.
This is bad. Very bad.
And for them to witness it is just awful.
You absolutely have to get away.
Call Womens Aid 0808 2000 247.
Or call Social Services.
Rights of Women could also help you.
Get out though - and do it fast!!!!

Missingstreetlife · 28/06/2018 16:19

Elderflower chatting shit again
The embassy will not assist in abducting children
They may give other help, or the other sugestions may be helpful
Good luck op

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 28/06/2018 17:36

Cantspellbutimmagic, another woman here telling you that you're not weak, you're not to blame and that you need to get your DC and leave.

You may not have the courage to go today, but it would be wise to start consider how you're going to escape this abusive prison of a marriage. The regulars on this section of Mumsnet know everything there is to know about abusive relationships and how to get out of them.

Please keep posting here and let other women, many of whom have been in your position, offer you our support. I've watched it in action, and it's amazing.

Original poster

Cantspellbutimmagic · 28/06/2018 17:41

I had an idea in the morning
I found a translater for a phone call
So I could speak to his mother properly for once and we would have a translator that wasn’t impartial or filtering information

I was right that he left out a lot and told her somthing completely different - I know it’s still no excuse for what he did

She basically said I didn’t raise him like that and he is not like that - so I Must prevoke dverything like he said

At the end of the call ( about an hour ) the woman wouldn’t take money from me and asked to call me in 30 mins alone for feed back

She called said she was very shocked and sorry and it’s domestic violence and gave me the number of her lawyer

I really sobbed

He’s still not talking to me so thank you I’m ok for now

OP posts:

Missingstreetlife · 28/06/2018 18:03

Well done op, brilliant. So now you know she is just colluding, but you have given her something to think about.
Call the lawyer, or women's aid. Be careful he may try to stop you.
Get out of there, you won't look back.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 28/06/2018 18:04

I'm glad your MIL seems to be supportive. But I'd be a bit wary. Does her suddenly being on your side seem at all unlikely? Because she may be passing on everything you say to your husband. So please don't share any plans to leave or anything else you don't want him to know.

LoveInTokyo · 28/06/2018 18:06

OP, well done for having the idea to use a translator. You might not have succeeded in convincing his mother of the truth but at least you have taken some control of the situation by finding out what was said. I hope you also feel validated by having an impartial person who you have spoken to in real life tell you that this is domestic violence and that it is not OK. (The translator sounds lovely.)

I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that your mother in law will speak to your husband and tell him about the phone call, and he might get angry. I think you need to have a plan for what to do if he finds out.

Do you have any neighbours you can speak to? Someone whose door you could knock on if you need to? Even if you don’t know them it might be worth introducing yourself and letting them know you are vulnerable, if they seem like OK people.

Do you have a job? If so, when are you next working? Can you take important documents out of the house when your husband is not there and put them somewhere safe, or at least take photocopies?

Can you pack an overnight bag with essentials for you and your children and hide it somewhere (preferably outside the house, like at work or with a friend or neighbour) in case you need to leave in a hurry?

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 28/06/2018 18:11

I think it was the translator who was supportive and gave OP the number for a lawyer. The MIL is backing her son, not OP.

SamHeughansLeftEyebrow · 28/06/2018 18:11

LoveInTokyo makes a very, very good point. If your MIL speaks to your DH, things could escalate rapidly. You need to get yourself and your children out of their and into somewhere safe as soon as possible.

Be assured, you did not provoke this. Your MIL is wrong about that. It sounds like she doesn't want any blame apportioned to her.

ohfourfoxache · 28/06/2018 18:12

Op your MIL will tell him about the call. Please please please, be careful.

You’re stronger than you think and braver than you know. Keep talking, we’re listening x

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 28/06/2018 18:17

Well you aren't getting help from his colluding mother. And I think you will have to protect yourself even more, because she will tell him. Is there a chance he will also involve his wider family? Please stay safe.

ByeMF · 28/06/2018 18:20

He will do this to your children too eventually. This is an absolutely terrible situation and you have to get out. Please take everyone's advice.

LoveInTokyo · 28/06/2018 18:29

The part where he made his parents and the children watch is what I find the most shocking in all of this. If he were doing it behind closed doors we’d know he knew it was wrong and was trying to hide it. But by doing it in front of other family members, to me that says that he thinks his behaviour is justified and he is trying to scare the shit out of the children to make sure they know what will happen to them if they defy him.

It reminds me of the facts in the Shafilea Ahmed murder case, where the parents made all their younger children watch as they suffocated her with a plastic bag. They were all so traumatised that they kept their parents’ horrific secret for years.

Lanaa · 28/06/2018 18:32

Gosh this is awful. Those poor kids. It may have been said before but if SS hear that this is happening to your children and in front of them they may remove them as they will say that you're not doing enough to protect them. Please please call Women’s aid. It's hard but definitely the right thing to do. His mother will tell him what you have said - she sounds like an awful woman. If he can do that in front of his own mother what else is he capable of?

LoveInTokyo · 28/06/2018 18:39

I wouldn’t be too harsh on the mother in law even though she is clearly not going to support the OP.

I bet you any money she’s suffered the same kind of abuse from her husband for much of her adult life and is completely brainwashed. Where else would the OP’s husband have learned to behave like this?

ConfusedNoMore · 28/06/2018 18:46

Op I haven't read your whole thread (yet). I read your original post and it was so desperate and sad it has made me cry.

Don't ever, ever settle for this for your life. What a wicked man.

I am glad your last post sounds stronger.

One of the cruelest things I've ever read. Psychological abuse is just evil. I used to wish he'd hit me me so I could explain it.

Life will be good again. Let the fucker divorce yiu. Life in a tiny house with few possessions is better than anything with a man like that.

Arum51 · 28/06/2018 18:56

OP, MIL is going to tell him.

Get the kids, and get the hell out. You're in a lot of danger here.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 28/06/2018 19:04

Op I am so sorry for what he has and is doing to you.
I am just on here to say do not trust MIL.
It doesn't matter what he said to her, she still sat at that table to see you eat paper. There is no excuse, no matter what he told her!

She obviously raised a monster, it is clear she condones this behaviour as she sat and watched it and pleaded with you to do it!?!

I hope you get out OP. I am so so sorry for what you went through!

Plsbemyturn · 28/06/2018 19:06

Cantspellbutimmagic

Hope you are okay, hope your MIL have some control over him otherwise you have to get away.

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