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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

He made me eat paper

509 replies

Cantspellbutimmagic · 28/06/2018 03:02

I’m stuck in my situation
I know I can’t get out but it helps to write

Tonight after 3 days non stop verbal abuse or complete silence towards me
My husband found some pictures I drew of how I felt ( sad faces ect )

That day - he called his parents to our table
He said I had to explain myself and the images

I said it’s just how I feel , I draw sad things when I’m sad

He called the kids to watch and He said You have two options

Eat your drawings now or I will devorse you and take it all

I said no I won’t ?!? Why would you even suggest such things

After arguing about this for a while and refusing , his mum started pleading with me to eat the paper

After sometime he held me against the wall and shoved it all in my mouth then pushed me in the floor in front of our family

I can’t belive I was made to eat paper I’m so upset this has happened to me . And they saw

Has anyone ever heard of this before ?

OP posts:
Gottokondo · 28/06/2018 10:25

I don’t feel I can leave

He is already involving the children. That means that he is normalising his behaviour and will do the same to them in the future. If you can't leave for ypurself, please leave to save your children. They have no choice to leave on their own and need you.

SofieMonde · 28/06/2018 10:25

After reading your other post you need to leave asap he has been physical with you pushing and spitting on top of everything else is totally disgusting and unacceptable. Find someone to confide in/ explain your situation to local womens aid and they can help you leave him. You are not his property x

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3114040-Is-this-ok

TheTeaFairy · 28/06/2018 10:25

OP

Imagine you have a friend in your situation.

What would you want her to do?

Please keep posting. We can help you.

user764329056 · 28/06/2018 10:28

Sweetheart, please call Women’s Aid when you can speak freely, honestly there is help available I promise xx

SofieMonde · 28/06/2018 10:31

Write down here why you think you cannot leave him. It could really help and be a start for you to see how damaging he is and will give you strength to leave x

Outnotdown · 28/06/2018 10:38

You are not on your own. You are stronger than you realise.

Get help. Phone women's aid. You don't have to leave today. But just talk to somebody real.

Flowers
Lycanthropology · 28/06/2018 10:39

OP please keep posting giving as much info as you can so that the very knowledgeable people on here can help you. There is a way out. No one has to suffer this until death. You and your children deserve safety.

Please continue to seek help.

PieAndPumpkins · 28/06/2018 10:46

And he would kill me before I left him.
I’m so sad and alone - is this my life

And then he will kill you children. You're a mother. This has been going on long enough. THEY ARE SEEING THIS!!! Protect your children.

LeighaJ · 28/06/2018 10:46

He has crossed the line into physical abuse and he will cross it again. Please get out.

This is honestly one of the most fucked up things I've read on here in awhile. You do Not deserve it, abusers just make their victims feel like they do in order to maintain control.

I'm not from the UK originally so I'm not sure where to direct you, but fortunately it looks like many other posters do know.

Start documenting everything and hide it where he won't find it. If you have an email account he can't access compose it all in an email that you don't send so it's always in your drafts section where you can update it.

He will not get everything in a divorce, that is another scare tactic to maintain control.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 28/06/2018 10:47

Op are you in the uk and worried that leaving your husband would affect your visa to stay because Im sure that it wouldn't not in a circumstance like this...if we knew what country you was in then there would be more knowledgeable ladies on here who could advise you..if the only thing keeping you there is things like what will his family or your family or your faith community going to say, then leave...don't put up with abuse to keep these people happy...there are many ladies on this thread that have posted that they were where you were and are now free and happy, take that as inspiration to leave...

You are not alone in this...you have all of us, and we will as a group guide you every step of the way if you let us...op we want you and your kids to be safe and happy, please listen to us,

Lisaloolops · 28/06/2018 10:48

Please do not be afraid to post again, no one here can make you act, you will only do that when you are ready. If this is your only place to talk then carry on, none of us would want to take this away from you, people are only telling you to leave because they want to help. If you open up more about why you feel you can't someone may even be able to help you to overcome this, imagine the relief if there were a solution that you felt you could cope with xxx

DiegoMadonna · 28/06/2018 10:50

OP, I'm going to join the chorus of people urging you to leave. If not for your sake, then for your children's. This kind of environment is 100% going to damage them. Seriously.

Think about this: There are children growing up in parts of this world with absolutely nothing, but they're happy because they are living in a happy and supportive family environment. No child growing up in a family environment like yours is happy, no matter what they have. Whatever you think you are going to lose by leaving your abusive husband, your situation will STILL be better than it is now. And there are many, many people who will want to help you do it.

badtime · 28/06/2018 10:51

The OP is from the UK but her husband is not. It's not entirely clear if she is in the UK.

UterusUterusGhali · 28/06/2018 10:56

Sweetheart this man is going to kill you. I mean it. He is going to kill you.

He will tell your poor children it was your fault.

I know you don't want your children to think this is normal. I expect his father did the same, which is why they actually let this happen. Don't let it continue. You know this isn't normal.

Think about the life you want for you and your dc. Imagine it just being you and your children. Relaxed. Laughing. That is possible. You're going to be that person, ok? We can help you get there.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 28/06/2018 11:00

You NEED to do something. Your children are witnessing this abuse. That in itself is child abuse. You said you are from the UK but I don't know if that means you are in the UK right now. Safeguarding children is taken very seriously here. All it will take is for one of your children to say something in front of a teacher for it to be flagged with Social Services as a child protection issue.

This situation is not your fault, but it can't go on. There are plenty of agencies mentioned in this thread that can help you. Good luck.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 28/06/2018 11:01

Oh love - this is awful. But I think you know this.

Why do you feel you can't leave? You may feel this way but there are so many of us on here that I'm sure someone will have some practical advice. And a different perspective is always good.

Doingreat · 28/06/2018 11:06

Please OP keep writing here even if you do nothing else for the time being. He is a vile man. Absolutely vile. And his parents aren't any better if they collude with him in asking you to eat paper to avoid divorce. If they had any decency in them they would have helped you to get far far away from your abuser.

Slowly you can find the strength to leave. Yes you can leave. It may take time. He has ground you down and you can't see a way out.

Call women's aid just to talk. You don't have to make a decision right now. Just talk to them. Xx

FatBarry · 28/06/2018 11:09

Honestly living in a refuge or a B&B with your children and no money if preferable to this.

Nothing, absolutely nothing can be worse than staying where you are.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 28/06/2018 11:09

What is stopping you leaving?
Are there social or cultural pressures? or is it something else?

From the outside we can see that he doesn't have the power you think he has.
He can't divorce you and take everything as that is now how our laws work. Even if your name isn't one anything he still can't take it all.
Please speak to the police, he has made threats to kill in the past and has physically assaulted you this time. Coercive behaviour is now a crime and deliberately spitting at someone is also an assault.
Ask to speak to a Domestic Violence Officer.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 28/06/2018 11:12

OP can I also stress a point other posters have made

Please keep posting
Even if you don't want to do anything yet or are feeling stuck keep posting. You can act in your own time we are here to support you and make suggestions but you are in control of what you do and when.

BitOutOfPractice · 28/06/2018 11:19

You are not weak op. You are keeping going under intolerable pressure. That's not weak. But you need to make a move now. For your sake and your DC's.

And I know what he did to you was humiliating for you. That's what he wanted you to feel. But let me tell you that he is the one that deserves to feel humiliated for his disgraceful behaviour. I'm so shocked at how low someone can be. He is scum

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 28/06/2018 11:57

Hi Cantspellbutimmagic,

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this.

We can see you're getting some good advice and support from other Mumsnetters here, but we thought it might be useful to add a link to our Domestic Violence webguide - there are plenty of organisations listed on it which could offer you practical help too.

One organisation which we know has helped many women in situations like yours is Women's Aid. The link to their website can be found here, and there's a freephone helpline which is available 24 hours a day - 0808 2000 247.

We're going to move your thread out of AIBU and into our Relationships topic - hope that's okay with you.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ. Flowers

Ohmydayslove · 28/06/2018 12:04

Op if you cannot do anything other than dial
999 just do that. The police will help you and your children.

Clinicallysilly · 28/06/2018 12:19

Take control of your situation before your children breakdown in school and tell a teacher. Or ask to speak to the safe guarding officer at drop off or home time. This is a safe guarding issue, your children are at risk of violence. He will pin your children to the wall and make you watch them eat paper in the future. Just like he made his parents & children watch you eat paper. Abusive bastards like him become powerful by intimidation.

Call the police, have him removed from your property and change the locks.

You need to call the police and show them this thread if you can't speak to them.

AgathaF · 28/06/2018 12:24

You are not weak, you are a victim. You don't need to be though, and nor do your children. There is help to get out of this. You have to reach out for that help. Please, please do that.

You can speak to Women's Aid, or to a nurse or GP at your Dr's practice, a teacher at your children's school, a health visitor, police. Please, reach out to someone and ask for help.