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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He made me eat paper

509 replies

Cantspellbutimmagic · 28/06/2018 03:02

I’m stuck in my situation
I know I can’t get out but it helps to write

Tonight after 3 days non stop verbal abuse or complete silence towards me
My husband found some pictures I drew of how I felt ( sad faces ect )

That day - he called his parents to our table
He said I had to explain myself and the images

I said it’s just how I feel , I draw sad things when I’m sad

He called the kids to watch and He said You have two options

Eat your drawings now or I will devorse you and take it all

I said no I won’t ?!? Why would you even suggest such things

After arguing about this for a while and refusing , his mum started pleading with me to eat the paper

After sometime he held me against the wall and shoved it all in my mouth then pushed me in the floor in front of our family

I can’t belive I was made to eat paper I’m so upset this has happened to me . And they saw

Has anyone ever heard of this before ?

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 28/06/2018 19:11

She's going to tell him about your call op.

He'll be furious surely?

I think you and the kids are in immediate danger.

Don't let you and them become a tragedy.

Leave.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 28/06/2018 19:15

Sorry, Cantspellbutimmagic, I misunderstood your post. I thought it was your mother in law who had been supportive. Now I understand that she blames you for what your husband did to you.

She is your DH's mum so she brought him up. He will have seen her being abused by his father when he was a child. That's why he thinks it's OK to do what he did in front of his parents and your children.

So your children are now also being trained that if they are girls they grow up to expect abuse - that they "deserve" it - and if they are boys they're being taught it's OK to abuse their wives when they grow up. What he's doing is child abuse. It's that serious.

Don't minimise it. Don't decide it's all your fault. Because I can tell you that no decent man would ever do such a thing. I'm surrounded by happily married couples in my life. They fall out, as everyone does, but none of them bully, abuse or scare their spouses. What's happening to you is a million miles from normal.

NigellaWannabe1 · 28/06/2018 19:22

OP. Do it for your children.

Just open the door. Hold your little ones by their hand. Walk.

Please do this as soon as your husband is away from the house. If he's not in, leave.

Alternatively - don't come back home after the school run. Refuse to leave and ask for police to come to you instead.

Please.

Cawfee · 28/06/2018 19:24

OP. You have all of us. You are not alone. Please keep talking to us. Please tell us what region you are in so that we can help you get help. Please do something now. If your kids tell school then they will call in social services and you could lose them. This is so important. You must get away from this man. There are lots of organisations that can help you and there are financial options for you. You don’t have to put up with this. Rather than protecting your kids, they are being exposed to their mother being abused. You can stop this. Let us help you. Do not rely on his parents. You can start again.

NigellaWannabe1 · 28/06/2018 19:25

If a translator - a complete stranger - feels compelled to help, imagine how appalling she must think your situation is.

It's not in your head.

Cawfee · 28/06/2018 19:25

Please let us know how you are

NigellaWannabe1 · 28/06/2018 19:26

Please let us help you.

YesSheCan · 28/06/2018 19:32

OP, you and your children need to leave this abusive man. But you need help to do this safely. As previous posters have advised, call the National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247. They can help you plan to leave safely and find you a place in a refuge if necessary. Tell the police your husband has made threats to kill, this is high risk behaviour that should he taken extremely seriously.
DO NOT tell your husband you are calling the helpline. DO NOT tell him you are planning to leave. DO NOT tell anyone that you are planning to leave who might then tell your husband. If he knows, he could become more violent. It would be very dangerous for you and your children if he found out your plans. Do not leave the helpline number lying around or anything that shows you have been seeking help and advice, keep it secret. Wishing you the strength to safely get you and your children out of this awful situation.

Original poster
Cantspellbutimmagic · 28/06/2018 19:34

I don’t want SS any where near my family - I’ve seen the mess they can cause to others

Please be assured I or the kid is not in imminent danger - I want to get out the proper way , so I will take legal advice . To cause as least disruption/stress to the kid and me as possible

I will speak to woman’s aid and go from there

I will be ok

Thank you everyone

OP posts:
NigellaWannabe1 · 28/06/2018 19:34

Please also delete this thread from your computer history.

notapizzaeater · 28/06/2018 19:34

You need to leave - he is not a nice man and will only escalate

SleepWarrior · 28/06/2018 19:35

Agree you need to be really wary of your MIL now. The translator was a reasonable thing to have tried as she may have been an ally after hearing your side, but she is clearly not going to support you. That puts you in a more dangerous position now. Please do ring women's aid Sad

Kittykat93 · 28/06/2018 19:37

OP I'm concerned that If you hang around he will up the abuse. Please just leave and worry about the legal stuff later.

SleepWarrior · 28/06/2018 19:40

That's good but be very aware that the period in which you are attempting to leave or are leaving is often the most dangerous, and previous lower level abuse (not quite the right term as its all awful, but you know what I mean) can escalate into really serious violence including murder. There are many heartbreakingly tragic examples of this.

The talking to his mother behind his back may be something he Interprets as threatening to him, or a suggestion that you are thinking of leaving. Don't be complacent.

Clinicallysilly · 28/06/2018 19:49

If I was the translator, I would have called the police right away. I hope she does once the shock of what she's heard sinks in.

Please leave immediately because your mil will tell her son about the call. He will become violent once he knows an outsider knows what's happening.

Get out now.

Goodasgoldilox · 28/06/2018 19:58

When you think that you might deserve what he does to you, consider that our legal system would regard this as inhumane treatment even for our most cruel murderer!

This is not normal - not reasonable and not to be tolerated. Sadly, statistics suggest that this is not going to get better...

You are in real danger from a man who can do this.

Your children are in real danger from this man too.

Oliversmumsarmy · 28/06/2018 20:00

The fact your mil was telling you to eat the paper and the fact she hasn't apologised and has turned it all on you means he was raised like that.

The response to his behaviour is bizarre . Even if she is his mother.

I know posters are saying he will kill you.

In my friends case he didn't kill her but her injuries have shortened her life as well as the constant emotional abuse has put her under so much stress that even without the injuries she feels like she could have a stroke or heart failure at any moment.

Please don't leave it too late to leave. You don't know when you could have an "accident"

pumpkinbump · 28/06/2018 20:01

I'm sorry I haven't read the full thread yet, but his mother pleaded with you to eat the paper? If that were my son, treating you like that in front of my I'd wrap a fucking pan around the little bastard's head. Sorry for the language! Just so angry for you!

Notmorewashing · 28/06/2018 20:02

Leave now with the kids

looondonn · 28/06/2018 20:13

From my recent experience of a bastard man

The abuse gets worse

Social service involvement is not nice BUT they are ultimately trying to protect you

I got out alive somehow

Ladies on here urged me to leave months earlier - I was pregnant and had no where to go

Please please get out
Your story has been bartering around in my head all day - this is truly abhorrent

Whisky2014 · 28/06/2018 21:13

Oh well. op knows it all. Its up to her now

TheTeaFairy · 28/06/2018 21:29

OP, it's great that you are going to call Women's Aid.

Try to do it as soon as possible. They will support you and help you work out what to do next. If you are in the UK, they can arrange for you and your child to move to a refuge very quickly.

You have been very brave. Now you need to find the courage to make that phone call: 0808 2000 247 and get help. You can do this.

Good luck Flowers

Clinicallysilly · 28/06/2018 21:48

If you don't get out soon, he'll make you watch him pin your children to the wall while he forces them to eat paper just like he made his parents watch.

PamsterWheel · 28/06/2018 23:41

But you ARE in imminent danger. Don't bring your kids up in this environment. He won't change and having now crossed a line it'll get worse so this means YOU must get them out of this environment. I know it's not fair but they deserve better as do you.

Don't think because he 'won't ever' lay a finger on them that they won't be damaged.

Forcing someone to eat paper is tantamount to torture. It's certainly DV and frankly he sounds like a psychopath. I'm scared of him and I'm not ever going to meet him. I'm scared for you.

Come on, it's time to change the course of your life and the life of your children.

Please.

headinhands · 28/06/2018 23:57

He has already damaged the children by what they saw.