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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He made me eat paper

509 replies

Cantspellbutimmagic · 28/06/2018 03:02

I’m stuck in my situation
I know I can’t get out but it helps to write

Tonight after 3 days non stop verbal abuse or complete silence towards me
My husband found some pictures I drew of how I felt ( sad faces ect )

That day - he called his parents to our table
He said I had to explain myself and the images

I said it’s just how I feel , I draw sad things when I’m sad

He called the kids to watch and He said You have two options

Eat your drawings now or I will devorse you and take it all

I said no I won’t ?!? Why would you even suggest such things

After arguing about this for a while and refusing , his mum started pleading with me to eat the paper

After sometime he held me against the wall and shoved it all in my mouth then pushed me in the floor in front of our family

I can’t belive I was made to eat paper I’m so upset this has happened to me . And they saw

Has anyone ever heard of this before ?

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/06/2018 11:16

Thank you for updating, Cantspell (and you can spell, by the way!)

Your MiL seems to be quite contradictory. 'He's not like that' but then said it's domestic violence and gave you the number of a solicitor? I would not use that solicitor, suggest you find an independent one.

Brilliant news that you are taking steps. Keeping taking them, and please keep talking to us. We are worried about you.

Sending you strength, whoever and wherever you are. Flowers

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 30/06/2018 11:32

Green-it was the translator not mil.
Btw-op that is a very good picture-you have talent. X

gingergenius · 30/06/2018 11:36

As a starting point why not try the app Huddle for advice and support? It might help give you the strength you need to take steps to leave: Huddle. by Huddle Labs, Inc.itunes.apple.com/gb/app/huddle/id1192439349?mt=8

friskybivalves · 30/06/2018 11:40

Hello again, YesYouCanSpellAndYouCanGetAway.

Your picture is really well drawn and also very chilling. It is a relief to know you are OK. Weekends are a good time to ring a helpline. They are there, just waiting to hear from you.

Are you always being watched/monitored at home? Can you tell us if it's difficult for you to get on the internet? Can you confide in someone at your children's school or a trusted friend? I'm just trying to think of people you come across in daily life.

FeralBeryl · 30/06/2018 11:52

Cantspell I haven't read the thread fully, just wanted to give you another handhold. Please keep posting (carefully, remember to log out etc) the people here have done wonderful things to help women in your situation.
Lastly, please, if you can't leave for you, leave for your children. However much you think they aren't seeing/experiencing - they are. It will have implications for the rest of their lives. I know you're a great parent and I know you wouldn't want that.
Sending love Thanks

bethy15 · 30/06/2018 12:06

I just had a little thought, and please correct me if this is not a good idea.

But if the OP is scared to contact these people on her own, perhaps she could go to her GP or walk in clinic. She could say she's feeling very sick and describe that her husband made her eat this very inky drawing. Not only will they be able to help but it'll also be on her medical records too.

I don't know, I just think she needs urgent and professional help, and perhaps someone in the medical profession could help with the process?

AdoraBell · 30/06/2018 12:13

Please call Women’s Aid, or as a pp suggested just leave. If you do that can you just say - we’re going to shop- or do it while he is at work?

Could you gather together things like bank cards, kid’s passports, marriage certificate, or would he be suspicious?

You need to get out, and you need to be careful in doing so. Men like this don’t like it when they lose the control and the power they feel that gives them.

looondonn · 30/06/2018 12:26

Yes !! I faked an emergency a few times

Once it didn't work I got too scared and hope paramedics would see the mess - they didn't

Second time it did work -

eloisesparkle · 30/06/2018 13:25

OP sweetheart I hope your husband does not have access to your Mumsnet account.
Please get help.
If only for the sake of your little one, please.

elfies · 01/07/2018 14:04

Your kids deserve a life without fear ..........and so do you.
Please seek help x

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 01/07/2018 14:13

Please come back, @Cantspellbutimmagic. We're worried about you

SoleBizzz · 01/07/2018 14:18

Please leave. Stop your children being abused by witnessing this mess.

WellDoneTiger · 01/07/2018 22:59

His mother sounds completely nuts too. When you are somewhere safe, please call 101 and ask to speak to someone in the domestic abuse team. The police are able to help you to keep safe, and between them and Womens Aid you will find a way forward. Please also speak to your gp, and the children's schools if they are school age. Your drawing is very good.

Original poster
Cantspellbutimmagic · 11/07/2018 21:25

Hi I am ok
I still can’t get out of my situation
I have sought advice
If anything happens I will make an update
Thank you again for everything

OP posts:
Granville72 · 11/07/2018 21:29

Why can’t you get out? What is stopping you?

Branleuse · 11/07/2018 21:50

Are you being held actual prisoner OP?

TheClientList · 11/07/2018 22:00

Although I'm heartbroken for your situation but I understand being in that situation is difficult and a little confusing and stressful that leaving isn't just an option especially at this time of night and where you would go. But there is options you say your ok but think of those kids! The kids comes first what if he made them eat paper or worse? He will keep pushing further and further and seeing what else more he can do to you that is what abusive relationships is just because it hasn't been as bad as this but doesn't mean it won't get worse you could end up dead or your children! Please op do not be selfish think about your kids! They will understand why you did it! Please stay safe! And as for his mother she's clearly terrified of him! Please just leave!

rollingonariver · 11/07/2018 22:30

I don't even know what to say.
This is so awful, I can't even imagine.
Op, even his mother is clearly terrified of him, You need to leave. As you've said his behaviour has escalated over the years, it will only get so much worse.
You're life is nothing at the moment, clearly no happiness and all because of him. You have so much life ahead of you, get rid of him. Be happy. You deserve it.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 11/07/2018 22:36

I hope you managed to speak to Women's Aid. They will help you come up with a plan to leave if you ask them to.

midnightmisssuki · 11/07/2018 23:37

I think everyone is concerned for you - that picture scares me and yet you can’t or refuse to leave. Please - there are avenues for help, why won’t you take them? You are so vulnerable- and your child. Please think of your child.

Lisaloolops · 12/07/2018 00:04

Thanks for letting us know you are ok OP x you say you have sought advice and still can't get out, have you sought professional/legal advice in the area of your barriers? Or CAB maybe. If it's a legal/immigration issue , Maybe you are in Uk as a spouse or illegally? if you have children enrolled in a school in the UK you may be able to get leave to remain in your own right and access to benefits.
You can get a free consultation with a solicitor for advice, visit or phone the CAB or even contact the Home Office direct? I could be completely wrong and apologies if so but want to make sure you are getting the right advice because you are obviously in danger and there must be a way x so many people on here in different professions, someone may just have the key to your freedom, don't give up hope xxx

Dartsplayer · 12/07/2018 06:29

Delurking on this one to reiterate what everyone else is saying. Please, please, please get out for the sake of you and your children. There are plenty of people that can help you get out Women's Aid, the police etc. I have been thinking of you since you wrote this thread. Glad to hear you are ok OP but for how long? Keep updating us

AcrossthePond55 · 12/07/2018 23:16

It sounds to me as if you are in a place where perhaps your freedom of movement and legal rights are restricted? If so (or even if not) is there any way you can hide a 'bug out bag' and try to accumulate some cash?

Put in a couple of days worth of clothes for you and DC and any needed medications in a bag. Or carve out the back of a drawer and put them there, where they'd be easy to grab and stuff in a bag. Passports (or at least know where they are) and enough cash to buy plane tickets to the nearest safe place.

You never know, an opportunity to run may present itself to you in an instant. It may not, but you just never know and it'll be easier if you're ready.

Best of luck and please don't give up hope.

MrsMoastyToasty · 12/07/2018 23:53

Please do not become the woman we hear about on the news that is murdered by her husband.
Take action now to save yourself.

looondonn · 13/07/2018 00:00

anything we can do to help?
can you get a cheap mobile phone and hide it in order to get an exit plan in place?

PM me please if you can
my ex was scum
tried to kill me
i did fake an emergency
could you try that?