Should he tell her?

[bobsleighmagic]

DH and I have a mutual friend we have know for a long time. I'll call him Bob. We see him and his wife/family quite a bit. Last night Bob met DH for a drink and told him he's having an affair with someone at work. It's been going on for well over a year. She's not married and us younger. Bob and his wife struggled to conceive and went through quite a bit of IVF before their second was born (who is now 5 months) and he says the stress of this is what drove him to start seeing this other woman. As far as I know, Bob has no plans to end it with the OW or to tell his wife because he doesn't want to loose his kids, apparently.
DH is absolutely livid. They had a huge row and DH has told Bob he has until Sunday to tell his wife, or he will do it. He means it. Is this the right thing to do? On one hand I don't think it's any of our business but on the other hand I think I'd want to know if it was me in her position, but it's not about me is it?
I've tried to calm DH down so we can gather our thoughts a bit but he's determined to deliver his ultimatum. Anyone been in this position? What did you do?

Well at least your dh isn't the bad guy in her eyes, what a terrible situation for your dh to be put in. Fair play to him for not covering for him.

I wonder where he was

I really hope she is okay. How is she holding up OP?

Atleast your husband did the right thing. She will need your support.

Has the lying shit weasle had anything to say?

The poor woman. But now she can plan.

I suspect the cheating asshole always intended to leave her at some point ... just on his own schedule ... and your DH fucked that up for him with his Sunday deadline.

I'm glad your DH told her. Hopefully the cheating asshole didn't have time to screw his wife over in other ways before he just didn't come home.

Have just read this thread. Also just want to say well done to your DH OP, sorry you were both put in this situation. It's sounds like Bob maybe wanted to move things along? Who knows. A couple I used to work with, the husband left the wife for another woman after 10 years of marriage and 2 children for another woman it was a shock when people heard. He had been a works function just 2 weeks before with his wife acting like they were the perfect couple.

Your DH did the right thing. It's good she knows. The gaslighting is abusive.

Must be a relief that it is done now. She knows the truth and can move forward. Being gaslighted can mess with a person's head. Hope she and her baby have a lot of supportive family and friends.