Dating Thread 135 - Will Harry Ever Meet Sally?

[Kinunir]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

yesyabu why don't you give him two very different options and let him choose? idk maybe a local funfair and a museum, or a picnic in the park and a craft fair. You must have an insight into what he likes to do, no?

there are local mini music festivals around where I live in the summer. I took DC to a family one the other day (I.e. not expensive all day thing with drugs n shit, just some live bands on a village green). Anything like that your way?

I could add that if you add your city/county into a Google search of "what's on" then you'll find lots of listings of events.

bendy I'll have a Google. It's the same person I've been in contact with for weeks, so it's become a bigger deal than it should be.

Don't slut shame yourself! If you're open about what you want I don't see the problem? But yes, stay safe!
You think you're the odd one out in not looking for love, I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing in doing lots of chat before meeting and not bothering talking to lots of people

Can I jump in with a question? I've been chatting to this guy who's only been single for a month after 7 years. He's really keen to meet up etc, and I'm not keen for being his rebound in any form. Can I say to him to go get it all out of his system and then give me a shout when he's done? Or is that mad?
Him saying a month made my body recoil and that's not a good sign?

indie run!

Thank you yes. I will do just that.

@BendyLikeBeckham my eyebrows were raised at booking into a hotel because you can't use either home. Why is that? I'm wondering why you don't want a proper relationship and are only considering sexual ones. I'm worried you are potentially putting yourself into dangerous situations with men you don't know.

Bendy Slut-shaming is something insecure men do when they feel threatened by a woman's sexuality - there is actually no valid reason why you cannot do as you please.

Influenced by the way I personally think and feel post-sex, I would only caution you to think if it's what you really want beforehand as DTD does change things. If you can handle that, fair play and I wish I was more like you!

yesyabu thank you. I'm sure it's your company he wants so it really doesn't matter where you go. If you really click then you'll both be obvious to your surroundings anyway. Take the pressure off yourself!

I too have lots of chat before meeting. like every day for 2 weeks and it's quite intense. I found the word sapiophilia recently and I quite like that. Having said that, a really cheeky approach also works on me. Humour and intelligence all the way! I've only met 1 guy so far in person and we didn't DTD.

indiemum he is lying. he has been cheating or trying to for a while. I agree, run!

kinunir thank you.

literary I was in a marriage for 20+ years. Since I was a teen. I have never sown any wild oats. If I don't get out there and experience things now then I will only attract octagenarians! But seriously, I feel like I've missed out on the fun of my twenties (was married with 3 DC), and now I'm older and more sensible, I hope I can manage risk well. But you are right that I need to be careful, hence asking for advice here. And to answer your question, I don't want an emotional relationship. I love my life and independence and don't ever want to share my home, finances, DC, or anything else with a man. That sounds bitter but it's the way I feel. I'm not seeking a blended family or a life partner. Maybe in 10 or 15 years this will be what I want, who knows.

yesyabu that obvious should read oblivious.

Bendy no ones a slut. I have several possible shags lined up this week, none of them are people I want to be in a relationship with (not really relationship type people, ones moving abroad in a few weeks). It’s ok to have fun . I’m on my prime and I want to make the most of it before it’s gone, I can’t sit around waiting for the one, hopefully he might show his face one day but in the meantime I’m having fun.

And Bendy I got married young, I was 22 and already had my first dd1, missed out on my 20’s raising the dd’s.

lovemusic33 we sound in very similar situations. You go girl!

I've got misgivings now about #hotafricanguy. He has just messaged me asking me not to be strong headed and adopt a default position in some things (not specified). Unsure if he is trying to flirt (badly, and he really isn't good at it) and I've got the wrong end of the stick, or he is showing signs of being controlling. I've called him out on it quite strong-headedly (!) And he has backed down immediately. Hmmmmm...

bendy he sounds a bit confrontational? Bit of an unusual request have you met him yet?

My conversations with the one I'm meeting up with are pretty tame in comparison. He's so polite and well spoken, and a bit shy. I'm not looking for hook ups tho

No way Pedro

Why not just create a profile with a anonymous user name? The "I am genuine" statement at the end reminds me of the bank scammer emails, he doesn't also happen to be a prince of a small African nation does he?

Report that to POF.

I have asked MN to remove my post as it puts him a bit (didn’t think).

I have checked out his Facebook and he does look genuine but I won’t be messaging him.

How very odd. Reporting it to POF is probably the best thing to do.

Love I'm pretty sure I've seen something exactly like that posted on here before, it rings a definite bell. In any case I think it sounds iffy as and I wouldn't reply if it were me.

Hatty I've no idea what Mr Underpants' name is, I blocked him without even looking at his profile! He's probably a stained y-fronts kinda bloke. Ugh, I wouldn't touch him with someone else's.

Indie one month out of a 7 year relationship? I think you really need to avoid that exit straight to Rebound City.

Bendy you're not a slut; I don't do casual sex but I don't judge other people who do, each to their own. As long as everyone's happy and consenting there's no issue. You do need to be upfront about what you're doing/looking for and be very careful though. If you're going to be sleeping with multiple people and/or very quickly after meeting them then both safe sex and your personal safety need to be absolutely paramount.

Evening everyone :)

Have noticed from a few posts that in some cases online dating has been so lacking, that it has inspired people to give it a miss for a bit and work on themselves/ hobbies, can only see that as a good thing and hope these other interests are working out! I keep talking about learning Spanish but am still at the talking about it stage as work is busy :)
I think I have been lucky so far as the people I have met have on the whole (apart from the bossy chap who was 4 stone bigger than photo's with a front tooth missing! oh yeah and the one who's ex had a restraining order against him! ) well, apart from those I have met some genuinely nice people who I would go for a coffee with if I bumped into them but we just weren't right together.
Not on any sites right now and a chaotic home life so no time for first dates but still checking in here a bit and nice to read about peoples experiences, good to see you back as well Kin

vetoncall I'm not really thinking of it as casual sex. That is what I'd refer to when my friend made eyes at the barman on holiday and they retired together to the loos 5 mins later. I want to meet some nice people, have interesting evenings out and then perhaps definitely a bit of the other at the end of the evening. And have several people that I go out with. And no emotional or life involvement other than we just really like spending time with each other when we are together. Is this possible? I hope so.

I do intend to have safe sex, that's a deal breaker. As for personal safety, yes I'm concerned about how I can ensure this. Everything in life is a risk of some sort. I'm not bringing anyone back to mine, so it'll have to be theirs or a hotel. How does anyone ensure their date isn't an axe murderer type?

Bendy I have had men come to my house and I have gone to theirs, I haven’t met a murderer yet. I tend to go on a coffee date first and have had sex on 2nd or 3rd date. Ocationaly I have dtd on first date but it has been planned and it has been made clear what my intentions and theirs has been. I have met a few that have been regular ‘date then sex’ types. There are a lot of men out there that are looking for sex but also someone to talk too and take out without a full blown relationship.

Thanks hotchoc