Dating Thread 135 - Will Harry Ever Meet Sally?

[Kinunir]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I'm not in the Nottingham area YesYabu, it is just the description that MeTigger gave reminded me very much of someone I very recently dated who was also a surveyor, who was from that area.

FWIW, I don't think asking if someone is seeing someone else is a faux pas at all! Every bit of information you can get with OLD is helpful.

Margo sorry, I've lost track of who lives where.

LOL, no worries! This thread moves so fast, it is difficult to keep track.

Worried now! Is my Mr Surveyor a well known dodgy person?

Tigger not spoken to any surveyors or anyone from Salisbury. Teachers on the other hand....

I need a slap please - No. 3 on the dating rules is bypassing me completely at the moment. Come on Dutch, get a grip girl!!

Tigger Ooo Salisbury isn't far from me, I'll keep my eyes open for any surveyors I come across.

come on HalfDutch!!!!! Slap administered Just out of interest, as you have quite a few irons, which one is leading you to forget rule 3?

half sending you a hypocritical slap, please send one back

I’m not far from Salisbury either but haven’t dated many from that area.

Margo Hahaha!! Thanks for the slap! It's the one I met last Friday and am seeing tomorrow have blown the dust off my sexy underwear and hoping he doesn't bail on me last minute (I've had a few do that recently!).

Love Here's a slap back - come on girl, you've got this, you know you have.... and breathe!!

Not many from Salisbury show up on Tinder or Bumble for me so good job it's not my nearest big town!!

runs in, slaps love and half (Proverbially), runs out

unimaginativeUsername I am another one who likes clarity at the first contact about intent. Is it possible and perhaps easier to reply by explaining what you don't want and being open about what you do want? I've had people respond to my question by saying they would like to "initially just meet me and see where it goes" or "take it each date at a time" or "open to whatever evolves". You can make it clear that you don't want ONS or hookups but that you leave it open as to what may happen, short or longer term, depending on the right person... sort of thing.

People usually want a steer as to what you want, but you don't have to be very specific. Othwerise one person might want marriage and babies asap while the other only wants FWB, so it's obvious you are not aligned, but better to know.

I think though it’s probably best that I just opt out of the whole thing really and go with the old fashioned methods of meeting people. I just find the whole OLD thing ... too transactional and just not something that works for me. I’m not too bothered about it all though, so I don’t mind if it takes me ages to even find a situation where I might meet someone (crucially not through work; I’ve decided that’s a line in the sand).

My plan is to go to sea kayaking club next week - eventually I might meet someone doing something like that, but I’ll enjoy myself regardless. I think I’m just much more comfortable if dating is not (in any way) the purpose of the activity.

As an added bonus, maybe I can develop a bunch of ‘hobbies’ to be mysterious about on MN.

Hello all!

What are your top tips for not getting attached early? I’m excitable and always optimistic and neither help...

unimaginative that sounds like a good option for you. The 'not looking for single men to date in a crowded room full of men' approach! While also doing a mysterious MN hobby! My worry would be that I would be making eyes inappropriately at married men! But mostly, I'm just impatient and prefer a very direct approach. You are the opposite! Let us know if there any any hunky single kayakers!

Brand newly single, confidence at an all time low. Never did OLD. 😶 Bad idea to join and just distract myself with the hopes that bit of banter would cheer me up?

ItsASign It is hard not to get too attached at the beginning, especially when you really like someone. Dating others can help as your mind won't constantly be on that one person and you're not doing anything wrong if it's not exclusive.
I find personally having a hobby or challenge helps me not focus on a guy, really having something fun to work towards lets my mind concentrate on that instead of letting myself wonder what the guy could be doing! I'm learning French at the moment and having regular lessons with a teacher and I have a busy job so that also helps. I think it's something you have to train yourself to do though, at the beginning of my dating years I'd spend half my time gazing into the distance thinking about a man and the other half wondering if he was thinking about me. It is very easy to let someone you like take up a lot of headspace.

I'm like you it'sasign

I am currently putting my phone the opposite side of the room so I can't message bloke1 fgs. Normally I start off the conversation in the evening and he responds and we start a long chat. But really I want him to start it tonight. But it's SO HARD fgs.

I think if you are naturally like that it's impossible to stop. I agree with myusername. I have started learning how to run so I am focused totally on that atm (and trying, but failing miserably, not to think about men lol).

do it user. What have you got to lose?! There is never a good time imo

Moral dilemma 1: would it be wrong to get chatting to a physiotherapist on OLD who I don't particularly fancy but who isn't Shrek with a view to meeting and getting a hidous knot out of my neck....

Moral dilemma 2: I've been messaged by a 23 year old. I have children older than him. He's cute. Should I?

Moral Dilemma 3: Shall I put the other dilemmas on AIBU just for the lols?

You lot weren't quick enough. I've mutually liked the physio. Let's see if he messages...

bendy let's hope he isn't lying about being a physio

Let us know if there any any hunky single kayakers!

Oh, I will. It’ll probably take me months to even start to figure it out if anyone is single though. That’s OK though as, at this point in my life, I’m in absolutely no rush to find someone.

I think that concentrating on staying on top of my kayak and not making an arse of myself is probably the best way to avoid flirting with married men. It’s probably quite hard to flirt with anyone when you’re trying to haul your body back on a kayak in a totally undignified manner.

Moral dilemma 2: I've been messaged by a 23 year old. I have children older than him. He's cute. Should I?

I wouldn’t. But I think we’re approaching the entire thing from completely opposite angles. So that probably means that you shouldnust do the opposite of what I would.

It would be weirder if you were looking for a LTR out of it, but I’m guessing you’re not.

Kin Thanks for the slap - I needed it!

Bendy - Dilemma 1 - you only gave us one minute to respond ‘you go girl’ and you did it anyway!! Dilemma 2 - Hmmmm, not sure on this one, how cute is he??!

Unimaginative - Hope the kayaking goes well, loving your last paragraph!!

OMG, just sent Mr Tomorrow Night a sexy text - I never do anything like that, what is wrong with me!! I’m feel like I’m flipping on heat or something (mind you, it has been a long time!!)

yesyabu he would be easy to look up. Works for NHS and is a regulated professional, if indeed he is. But I was joking!

unimag If they've seen your arse being hauled into a boat, it sounds like a good start!

And the 23 year old? No, I so would not! I know I said earlier that age is just a number, but that's way too young for me. It would make me feel old and past it tbh. I prefer to feel good about myself. And my kids would be disgusted with me!! lol