Dating Thread 135 - Will Harry Ever Meet Sally?

[Kinunir]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

But there was no context Kin - none at all. We'd been discussing places on our bucket list!!!!!

This is not the first time this has happened either. Sometimes it is a precursor to an attempt to sext, often I don't let it get any further, I just block them.

All the guys who start with that stuff, I never reply to but these buggers get under my radar - or maybe they are just trying to be nice?

Well in that case, I'd say NEXT. I actually love the odd compliment when genuinely given but a false one is... just false, and I'd be instantly questioning the motive behind it.

I don't know Margo, I would give someone who said I was lovely the benefit of the doubt tbh. For some people, it's the way they speak or interact. But if it carried on, I'd see it as a bit of a warning. I mean he's seen your pics and he obviously has been chatting to you and you've come across well so perhaps he is justified in calling you that ;). It is a bloody minefield communicating on text before you've met as SO much can be misinterpreted.

Thanks Kin & Daffo. I just didn't respond last night. I'll see what he messages next.

Margo and kin this is why this thread is really useful!! On the face of it being complimented is wonderful, but context is essential. I'd love to be told I'm lovely though
I have a date this weekend, but have mixed feelings now. We've talked lots but none of the type of things any of you seem to talk about... So is this a red flag in itself? No mention of intentions, sexting, previous relationships, zero love bombing... I could go on. He sounds too normal really Should probably add that I'm not looking for hook ups etc, like living alone but would enjoy company iyswim but I haven't told him this and he hasn't asked.

Blimey YesYABU - he sounds like a keeper! Normal is good, very, very good!

Yes AIBU normal is definitely a major plus - don't let him get away. There's not many of them around!

What lovely positive stories on the thread today!

Hot tub followed by hot sex?? Wow! lovemusic

Re selfies, I am a total camera dodger but you should just bite the bullet Paula. I think it's actually better not to be perfect looking and at your 100% best in OLD photos. That way when you meet them, they are very happy with what they see! I'm projecting here, obviously. But I'd rather pleasantly surprise someone in person than disappoint them, feel shit and waste both of our time.

Margo it is sometimes just someone's way, to say lovely, darling, or hun all the time. I let it go because they usually mean well and any attempt at endearment, even if a bit uncomfortable at first, is quite sweet.

I don't know if I deliberately find fault with men - I've had a quick chat with one and he's mentioned the type of music he likes.

It's kind of put me off him. Is it a good indicator of personality? I don't want to say what it is in case I offend anyone on here, but it made me think he's got no oomph or passion.

One of the reasons I don’t think OLD is for me is that I hate being asked about intentions. The fact is, if I’ve never met someone, then I have no idea what my intentions are. And responding that, at this point, my only intention is to work out if you’re a creepy weirdo doesn’t seem like a great strategy.

And I have no idea how to answer the ‘what are you looking for?’ question either. I end up feeling resentful for being asked (completely unreasonably).

I guess I just find it difficult to deal with the overt and up-front aspect of all the things I’d have figured out quietly on my own through interacting with someone I met in actual life. I suspect I may be dispositionally unsuited to OLD.

And I had a guy ask ‘do you like me?’. How the hell do I know? I’d seen a couple of photos and exchanged a few messages at that point. I decided he was clearly a creepy weirdo.

love that sounds like a fabulous date!

margo for me someone starting to give compliments before meeting has become a big of a red flag. Once I was ghosted, once the bloke was a player, once the guy was just weird (should never have met) and once he was a lovebomber. So now I'm very cautious when someone starts dating I'm lovely/gorgeous, etc.

daffo I dated someone last year who ticked so many boxes, but all he ever did was talk about himself. In the end it was just too much, no matter how lovely he was on other levels and how much we had in common.

Bendy I agree! I thought my profile pics were quite nice but the date I had last week said that he was pleasantly surprised as they didn't do me justice! 'hun' I share your shudders!!!

Dogz now I'm completely intrigued as to what music it was!!!

Is it a good indicator of personality?

I love Ravel's Bolero but can't skate for toffee - so no.

lovemusic - all sounds great!

Margo - 'you are so lovely' would make me feel a bit uncomfortable too. But then communicating online can be tricky and things can be misinterpreted.

Dutch - It was just all a bit lightweight.

Unimaginative - I know how you feel. I think it's a bit weird when people say they're only interested in a long term relationship - it then feels like you're auditioning for the part of 'wife'. Obviously if someone is only after ONS then it's best to be upfront about it, but other than that I think you just take it as it comes and see what happens.

dogz surely it is far more important to find out if they can dance? A man that has inate rhythm....

I think, with the intent thing, it is actually wise to be upfront about it because you could waste a lot of time if your views are diametrically opposite (either end of the scale) to each other.

Also, things can sometimes change over time so it's also good to keep an open dialogue and be honest (some people hide what they really want and miss out because of that).

Ultimately, communication is massive, whether you're looking for something casual or serious, for a week or a lifetime.

I think the intentions thing is an important question though. All of us are busy people, work, kids etc. Last thing I want to do is waste time meeting someone for a coffee/drink and finding out that all they want is a shag. First of all, they are going to be disappointed with me because I'm not going to give it to them straight away and second of all, I'm going to be disappointed with them because I want more than that.

So I'd always rather know what people want.

will meet bloke 1 hopefully thursday and see what he's like. Bloke 2 is sending me v funny messages - but we won't be able to meet up for a few weeks. We will see!

can't be arsed to match any others in the meantime as I'd rather see what happens with these 2 first!

Bendy yes, hot tub sex and more sex this morning. I think I only had an hours sleep, just had to sit through a course and try not to full asleep.

I’m trying to find things that I don’t like about him to try and stop me over investing but I can’t really find anything, he’s not my normal type but that’s probably a good thing. He kept telling me what a lovely evening he was having and keeps telling me how pretty I am (maybe it’s all an act, I don’t know, he seems genuine).

lovemusic just enjoy it! Don't overthink the future, or self sabotage. Take it each day at a time!
It sounds lovely. Can I house sit for you one day?

Quickly updating:

• MrSurveyor - second date tonight, there’s something about him I really like, he’s very open and wears his heart on his sleeve, has been very attentive and caring and full of compliments but he’s so different in personality from anyone I’ve ever met that I want to take a bit of time to appreciate him (i.e time to get used to how different he is to me)

• Mr LBY - nothing from him so far today, so waiting to see if he changes his mind about meeting Friday afternoon to see if there’s a spark

• Mr Teacher - calling me tomorrow

• Mr slightly mysterious - meeting for coffee on Saturday morning

Love that sounds so good!!!!!!!!!!!!! Try and stay in the moment and not overthink it too much. Although in fairness, I know I would be too.

MeTigger - just checking Mr Surveyor isn't from the Nottingham area is he?

Oh, I don’t doubt the intentions thing is important, but I just utterly loathe being asked about it and have no way of providing a sensible answer. As I said, I think I’m just not suitable for OLD at all.

I’m really glad that it does work for others though.

unimaginative I agree with you to an extent about intentions, and it's definitely one of the things I don't like about OLD- I like to get to know somebody before deciding how I feel. Although I guess I also know I'm looking for a LTR.
I may have committed a big OLD faux pas though as I asked outright if he was seeing anyone else (which he's not... )
Margo it's interesting you asking if Mr Surveyor is local to you, there have been two other people mentioned on here that sound very familiar as they have the same niche hobbies and same job. I suppose it is entirely possible that two of us have chatted to the same person

@margolovebutter - he’s from Salisbury. Thanks for caring, I take it Mr Surveyor from Nottingham is dodgy?