Dating Thread 135 - Will Harry Ever Meet Sally?

[Kinunir]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Are you still tidying up love?

Im just lurking and waiting patiently for my date on Thursday. He is lovely on the phone, sexy, funny, and its easy between us.

Can you all keep everything crossed, good vibes, and anything else you have my way and his way on Thursday.

Jax sending lots of good vibes your way for Thursday.

Love hope it went well with Mr Campervan. Relax and enjoy.

I've asked one of my Tinder matches out on a date. He hasn't unmatched me.....yet!

Jax Hope all goes well for you on Thursday

RunsforCake fingers crossed for you

jax fingers crossed, sounds good!

Just had someone I've been chatting to tell me he's looking for 'someone to share life's ups and downs'. Just one of those phrases that makes me cringe a bit.

Hello, I hope it’s ok to jump in - I’ve been reading and learning since about January, but haven’t spoken out yet! It’s so interesting to hear all your experiences and advice, so thank you all for that.

The talk upthread about profile pics has prompted me to come out of hiding ... I’m coming up to two years on my own now and have been considering old for a while. The problem is (well, one of them!) that I loathe having my picture taken. I look so absolutely awful in pictures - even my dc tell me I don’t photograph well - that I cannot imagine anyone being remotely interested. There are literally no pictures of me in existence other than my wedding picture (many moons ago) and my work id! I do realise this is an insurmountable problem so I’m not posting for answers (unless anyone has any magic ones!) just wondering if anyone else has overcome this stupid stumbling block?

Paula I was in exactly the same position when I started. Took some dodgy selfies and got nowhere.
There's lots of websites that will give you advice on how to take a good selfie. Get lots of outfits, do your makeup (or get it done for you) then spend a couple of hours taking loads and loads of selfies. Don't hold the phone - use something to prop it up.

Better still, use friends to help you. I got my friends to do my hair, makeup, choose outfits. Then we went outside and took lots of shots. This weather is perfect for photos. Don't just stand still, jump, walk, laugh, talk. Be animated and natural. You'll feel silly at first but it'll be worth it.

Hey Paula there's a lot to say about that:

I think most people hate having their picture taken, at least if it's in a pose for the camera type of way.

You almost certainly don't look awful away from the camera or in front of it, that's just that horrible internal voice messing with you.

Selfies - most female profiles I look at use them, many exclusively, so not insurmountable at all.

If you want to do OLD you can, nothing is insurmountable.

If anyone wants opinion on their profile pics then www.photofeeler.com gives you feedback for free using a voting system. It's harsh but gives you an idea how to improve your shots.

Paula, if you just want to dip your toe in gently first you can always put a profile up and send a photo once you have been chatting and feel more comfortable.
I'm chatting to 3 people and have no photo on my profile, but do send one after a day or two of messaging if I like them.
I'm also chatting to someone who is great fun but I have no idea hat he looks like :)

Thank you Runs and Kin for your answers. I’m not as bad in rl as I am in pics (I hope!) so this is just a bullet I’ll have to bite I know.

I’ll investigate that website after a good night’s sleep Runs! Thanks again.

I’d be more scared of putting photos on Photofeeler (I do not want direct feedback) than on OLD. But I’ve not actually had any of the horrible negative comments on my photos or appearance than other people seem to get. And it’s not because my photos are so dazzlingly brilliant - I think I must just be incredibly swipe left and give it no further thought-able for the most part.

I have decided to give up. I can no longer face wading through gym selfies, photos of cars, photos with dead/drugged wildlife, millions of photos of dogs, and passive aggressive, woman shaming profiles in order to get 2 messages saying ‘Hi’ from men I’d never fancy in a million years. Or, as my main ‘success’ has been, some dull but persistent pen pals I’m really not that interested in.

I have realised that I’m (a) possibly not suitable for OLD in the first place (for a variety of reasons) and (b) too happy with the idea of being resolutely single at the moment to give it a proper go. So it’s probably best that I don’t waste anyone’s time (including mine) on it.

However, I do love reading about everyone else’s experiences. I’m much better at being (over) invested in other people’s OLD experiences than my own.

Hello!

I've been reading this super thread for a few days. Thought I'd jump on board and say 'Hello!' I was married for a long time, did some OLD a few years ago and success! Met someone lovely. After a few years and a wonderful relationship we parted company because we could see it wasn't going to stay good for much longer. Back on a couple of dating sites now and getting into the groove again. It messes with my head a bit but can be a HUGE laugh and I've been on some cracking, exciting dates, including one overseas. I've also learnt about how to suss out things pretty early on and move on mentally very quickly.

Anyway, I met someone nice quite recently, got a good feeling about them, we hit it off and I'm just feeling my way along, trusting my gut feeling. Although I'm not going to date any red flaggers, I'm keeping my mind wide open and leaving plenty of room for spontaneity. I'm having so much fun and feel like a young thing again. It's fantastic and I think dating does one wonders in other walks of like too.

Good luck to all who're on this journey. Who dares wins!!

im the same unimaginative

i just cannot tell if i fancy someone from OLD. obviousy i may see someone and think “not bad looking” but theres so much more to attraction than a photo. i usually like people because of how they carry themselves, their “vibe” etc.

i couldnt bring myself to get excited about chatting to people i hadnt met because i didnt fancy them and when their names popped up on my phone it’d be like a friend texting me - i automatically friendzoned them

right now i guess im doing part real life - part online. see someone i fancy IRL, find them online, add them*, fall in love

*this part only works if you have mutual friends or else you look creepy

esk1mo

The way I do this is that if I find an OLD photo attractive it's a quick chat, arrange a short coffee date, and see how they look IRL. The fancying often comes then or even on the 2nd or 3rd date. Date 1 is an interview for Date 2, if you catch my drift?

I've also stopped taking other people's advice (when it suits me)

Date 3 with Mr Campervan at my house went well, hot tub, bbq and then realised how late it was so I asked him to stay over, he’s just snuck out. I’m totally over invested, I’ve tried so hard not to be, we talked a lot last night about past relationships, his longest relationship was 4 years and the rest less than a year, I still can’t work out why he doesn’t stay in relationships long as he’s very likeable. I’m now not going to see him for a week as he’s going away, he said he wishes he hadn’t arranged to go now as he would rather stay here and get to know me, I think a weeks break is what I need, hopefully stop me over investing as much.
I feel a huge spark with him, I haven’t felt this for a long time but I haven’t told him, trying to play it cool.

I have taken POF off my phone as I’m fed up with all the notification popping up but I’m not ready to delete or hide it unless I have the exclusive talk with Mr Campervan, I’m not sure if it’s too early to have the talk with him, we openly talk about POF and the messages we get and he doesn’t seem bothered about me still being on there.

yes I'm not sure I could take the feedback on that photo website!

I have moved 2 onto whatsapp

bloke 1 I have a real connection with. When we chat on whatsapp, it's fast flowing, easy, fun etc. BUT it's a lot more about him than me and I don't know how much of a player he might be (he has been dating a lot longer than me) and I don't do players. We have arranged to meet for a drink so I will figure this all out face to face. I'm having to hold myself back a bit with him because he is exactly the sort of bloke I fall in love with.

bloke 2 called me after the football, unprompted. He was pissed, ecstatic, said some hysterical things and I must admit he immediately made me laugh. We are both travelling a fair bit over the next month so it's going to be a few weeks before we can meet.

oooh lovemusic how wonderful

Excellent stuff Love so good to hear that the pre-date anxiety was unfounded and that a great night was had.

Daffo bloke 1 sounds interesting. Is he noticeably hogging the conversation or are you leaving pauses that he feels he needs to fill perhaps? I'm not sure amount of time spent dating a player makes - perhaps that drink is required sooner or later so you can factor narcissism in or out?

Even I can be mildly amusing after copious amounts of alcohol, bloke 2 needs a sober chat!

sooner rather than later*

Damn RSI... it's going to be one of those typing days

I think most people think they are VERY amusing after copious amounts of alcohol!

Love that sounds wonderful - and you know what they say about absence ..... Fingers crossed.

kin you are always amusing ;)

Aw Love that sounds great. I'm glad you are getting on so well with him.

Jax will be keeping my fingers crossed for you for Thursday.

I think Mr Cyclist may not get a coffee, but I'd welcome some insight as to whether I'm being too harsh. I get quite a lot of contact messages, a lot of which I completely ignore. Some progress, like Mr Cyclist and he sounds ok and normal & then he starts on the "You are so lovely" stuff - just randomly out of the blue. Not because I've said anything that suggests that I am a genuinely lovely person IYSWIM! It just cringes me out massively. We've never met, so he must be creating some weird persona in his head about me. OR am I being a massive bitch & should just accept these compliments?

Love So pleased for you, all seems to be going well and thrilled you had a great evening - all that cleaning was worth it!!

Daffo I said to my best friend yesterday that I don't do players and her answer was ' but you're being a bit of a player yourself at the moment' !! Very true, whereas I call it 'keeping my options open'! Maybe something to bear in mind with bloke no. 1. Yes, agree with Kin that a non-drunken meet up is needed with bloke no. 2.

Itsasign I agree, that's definitely the best way forward but I find it really hard to pin people down for an actual meet up. So many seem quite happy just 'chatting' - so frustrating!!

I think "you are so lovely" could mean anything, from him returning a compliment for something you said to him, to highlighting how he has become emotionally invested with someone he hasn't even met.

Context really is everything here Margo.