Dating Thread 135 - Will Harry Ever Meet Sally?

[Kinunir]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I had the weirdest Tinder date ever yesterday. Finally met a guy I’d been chatting to online for about 2 weeks. We had a few drinks in the pub and l liked him. He was sweet, attentive and easy to talk to. A bit keen which did make me uncomfortable at times. Kept talking about our future together and being quite touchy feely - too much for a first date but I put that down to nerves/enthusiasm and the fact he’s not long out of a relationship. He was pushing to meet again next week and I said I’d be in touch. I really did want to meet him again. I was meeting friends that evening so he walked me to the train station and we had a hug/kiss before I left.

Then later that night, about 1am, he started texting me asking how my evening went. He phoned me and we chatted, he kept going on about how amazing, clever and beautiful I am, which I found really awkward and insincere because he’d literally just met me. He said he wanted to be with me and I said I’d like to slow down and see how things develop.

He then got really nasty. Accused me of fucking him about, demanded to know what I want, a fling or a relationship and asked for my surname and place of work. I told him I wanted to get to know him before sharing that information. He then said I wasn’t who I said I was, I was lying about seeing my friends that night and the whole date was a setup as it went too well. He said I was working for Tinder and playing a role and I wouldn’t be defending myself if I was genuine.

I hung up and immediately he was texting about how sorry he was, saying it’s his insecurity and he wants another chance. I blocked him on everything but it’s left me really scared. I don’t know what to think or why he changed so quickly I don’t think I want to go on another OLD ever again.

hmmm wow! What an obnoxious twat. Maybe gets a kick out of rejecting women. Good job you hadn't wasted any more time on him

diva I'm not surprised you feel upset, that's really unsettling.

diva that is absolutely awful. How scary for you. Have you read the rules at the start of the thread. Number 6 definitely applies here. I often have that one in my head.

diva that is a horrible experience but it is probably down to his intense insecurity and again, I would say at least you know early on

I went out with someone who was very insecure and it was utterly exhausting and sadly, it drove me away. It actually ends up totally destroying a relationship and it's like sabotage I think - they push you away with it which is something they desperately don't want to do. I told the bloke he needed therapy and broke up with him. He blocked me completely. He didn't send anything abusive but I felt it was touch and go that he would go that way.

Take a deep breath - it is really unsettling when a date goes wrong :( but don't let it put you off trying to find someone nice x

Dogz yes I thought that!

Diva I can understand you being scared but you've blocked him which is good. I know it sounds rubbish but really they're not all like that even given my latest experience haha

Quick opinions please. Gentleman I've been chatting to has agreed to call me and yesterday asked for a time to do this... I haven't got round to setting a time. Would it be wrong to just call him? As in now?

Why not message him and say you're free for a chat now?

Sorry to hear a couple of you have recently experienced the dark side of OLD.

Go for it YABU - he’ll appreciate you making the move like that

Am I the only one that feels like it's school again?
You've got horrible people calling out teeth and you're ugly taunts, immature boys who can't take no for an answer and then me being dumb about ringing someone.
Why aren't there any nice, single men out there in real life?

I'm doing the "I want to appear keen, but not come across as needy and insecure" game. which means I am probably am

Is there a good OLD site for divorced/separated people with kids? On bumble and POF and not having any luck for what I'm looking for tbh 😏

Diva that's awful and unsettling. Completely natural to be questioning OLD after that but I hope you're okay. Just goes to show what someone can be hiding.
Can I just say that at least you found out his true self early so you don't need to waste anymore time on him. I'd completely block him and don't engage further if he tries to reach out to you.

Maybe I'm not doing this right. I'm honestly finding it tedious! Messages from random people that just fizzle out after a few hours or days. Everyone on the site seems so lacklustre, like they just couldn't care less. One meet up with a guy who wanted to chat all about himself and his ex..and neither of us have bothered texting since. It honestly makes me appreciate being single now I know what is ( and isnt) out there. I've paid for 3 months....still another 2 to go.

Wow wow and wow - going to gigs solo is brilliant - met some lively people and Adam Lambert and Queen were amazing!

so glad you have a great time val you deserve it

Thank you for your advice
He’s been trying to contact me all night by phoning from different phones. He also managed to leave a voicemail despite being blocked. Thank god he doesn’t know where I live.

Only just got in from my date with Mr Campervan. Probably the best date I have had apart from injuring my head (My stupid fault). Will give more details tomorrow, need to sleep and my head hurts. There was MB.

Love go girl - hope your head is ok

Pleased you enjoyed the gig Val.

And a big YAY to Love!! Looking forward to hearing all about it.

diva I would be concerned by this behaviour and might even log it with 101. Id also contact the dating site and let them know about his behaviour.

Feeling a bit tired this morning 😁

Trying very very hard not to over invest.

He was a bit late for the date but text to say he would be late, we went paddle boarding. Both ended up on the paddleboard and got a bit closer (a bit of flirting). He then cooked for me, lots more flirting. Ended up christening my Campervan with posssible the best MB I have had in quite a while. So a really nice evening. I’m struggling to find any red flags other than the fact he turned up at my house the other day. He pays me loads of complements, makes me feel good able it myself and he’s great fun. Only Amber flag is that he has been in quite a few short relationships, I’m worried that in time I will find the reason for this so I am holding back a bit, obviously he’s going to be on his best behaviour this early on. I’m seeing him again tomorrow and then we won’t see each other for a bit as he’s going away for a few days.

My heads a bit sore this morning, I have a lump on the top of my head, I hit it on my van (sliding door), luckily Mr Campervan had a ice pack with him and some pain killers.

I think I’m still going to go on my date with Mr Weird on Thursday as Mr Campervan is going away, it will keep me busy and stop me thinking about what he’s getting up too.

Val glad you enjoyed the gig, I find sometimes going alone is better than going with friends, people are usually pretty friendly at gigs.

Love that sounds really promising and great that he makes you feel good - enjoy tomorrow. Yes it was really nice to chat to random people, and will certainly do it again.

love sounds like an awesome date!! Agree with caution until you find out why he's only had short term relationships though, but fun while you find out 😁

diva he sounds bloody scary. I'd say contact the dating site and get him banned. If he continues, police all the way.

I'm off for 3rd date with my iron tonight, can't remember what I called him. I think we really enjoy each other's company, but I'm not sure whether we fancy each other or not. How long do you give it?? Oh, and his longest relationship is only 18 months 🙄 not sure why yet. Bit of an Amber flag.

No other irons at all. (apart from one from March who I had 6 dates with, then messaged me some vile stuff so we broke up - he's texting a lot asking for a 2nd chance - no chance!) Bit disillusioned at the minute. Everyone just seems to be either a massive dick, or a bit broken.

runs is Tinder Plus worth it then? Sounds promising.

glad you had a good time Val and Love, how fab!

have 2 conversations that have moved to whatsapp from bumble - the rest were complete write offs. I am not convinced about the quality on bumble - I think there are an AWFUL lot of men just on there for sex. I think it is really just tinder with women messaging first and if this doesn't work out, I think I will go back onto Guardian Soulmates as the quality was far better there (for people looking for LTR).

bloke 1 is clearly a player and not looking for a relationship. Have basically written him off but he's quite fun. Can't see anything happening there.

bloke 2 is very very much my type. I know this sounds odd but the two best relationships I had (one of which was my marriage) was with men who do the same job as him. I just seem to get on well with that type. We had a great chat last night. He left it with 'let's chat during the week'. Personally, I'd rather just meet up and get it over and done with as I find endless chatting gets you nowhere. I'm also going away a lot in the next month so would rather find out now. If we don't meet up this week, it will be another few weeks before we can. But I will play it cool and let him make the moves

sky sounds like your in the same situation as me regarding the ‘not had a long term relationship’, my past expereance tells me that there’s usually a reason some one hasn’t stayed in a relationship longer than 18 months. The last one I was with (Mr Tinder) was the same and it soon became clear why (because he was a selfish prick). I am waiting to find out with Mr Campervan, so far it seems that he’s quite flirty with women, I’m wondering if this is something to worry about or if he’s just very friendly? Oh well, I’m sure the reason will soon become clear

Morning all, sorry to hear about the bad messages and nutters that some of you have come across. I wonder if the heat is sending some folk a bit bonkers at the moment.

I had my date yesterday with Mr BlackCountry. Not sure what I think. I made him walk for an hour and a half in the boiling heat, which he didn't moan about! He was nice and pleasant and we do have things in common. He asked for a second date & I said yes but I'm not sure I'm really feeling it. He had nice eyes and he was tall but he had a big sticky-outy tummy, which I find a bit off-putting. I know that is so shallow, but .....