Dating Thread 135 - Will Harry Ever Meet Sally?

[Kinunir]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Daffo - Yes I think I'm just not very trusting of my own judgement at the moment. I let one go as I didn't think it would go anywhere, we are now really close friends and I regret that decision. So, wary of making the same mistake twice!

I'm usually HELL YEAH or HELL NO - so this middle ground is a bit disconcerting to me! But think the consensus is to play it cool and see if a second date comes about.

I'm only using Tinder and Bumble (Bumble is rubbish!), wonder if I should venture beyond these?

Is anyone else at the point of thinking about giving up?

I just can't get anywhere at the minute I'm not even talking to anyone currently. I've messaged matches on tinder but get nothing back, same with bumble. Pof is just nothing, again I message but get nothing back and the messages I receive are either not my type or just hi there.

I have someone I know locally chasing me for a date, and I'd happily date him but he's stood me up before so I'm reluctant.

I did pink a while back I was sick of the games and time wasting. Recently met a guy in a bar we get on great but live miles apart!! But who knows

I'm currently on OKC. Last night's and next week's dates are from there. I have a few chats on Bumble, but nothing significant.

I like OKC as you get more alternative types, which I like.

Can I join in? Just dipping my toe in online dating as I never seem to meet men in rl. I've swapped back to tinder and matched with a few potentials but feel my flirting is a bit rubbish 😳
If anyone can tell me what do you say if you have dcs? Do you put it in your bio or just tell them after a few messages?

Do you have to pay of OKC?

restingface - I've just put in my profile "mum to 1 human, 1 four legged furball and a fish" - let's guys know that I am a mum without the "I have a son and he is my world" speel.. ...

kin I put 'looking for a realtionship' as I didn't want to put the other options.... just because you're looking for a relationship of sorts does not mean that the other person should have expectations for moving in quickly etc. You could always put something like, wanting to take things slowly.

Restingface I put "I have two children, both over the age of X and have shared childcare with their dad" that way men know that my DCs aren't that young and I have some free time. This is because I'm looking for similar, but don't want to restrict myself.
I agree with Vixen don't write that your kids are your world or top priority. Of course they are, but dating is about you and your needs.

So glad I found this thread, modern dating is so complicated! I have somehow managed to get myself into a bit of a situation .

Been out of my first, serious LTR for about a year now. Got speaking to this guy on an OLD site. We've been speaking all-day, everyday for 6 months but have only actually been on 11 dates in that time. For the first four months, dates were fortnightly as I lived an hour away during the week so we only met on weekends. I kept trying to initiate a date every week but he was either ill, with his friends or working. I was a bit annoyed, but wasn't in a rush for a relationship. I also had a lot going off in my life - a family member suddenly got ill and unfortunately passed away. We then didn't see each other for a month because I had some serious stuff going on IRL and was living away. For the past month we've started seeing each other once weekly and he's started initiating the dates.

In all honesty I have no idea what's going on. We talk all-day, hold hands, kiss, have sex, etc. on dates. He's met some of my friends and he's spoke about me meeting his. We've said that we like each other a few times. But there's been no talk of a relationship/exclusivity and we're still not seeing each other that often! We now live about 15/20 minutes from each other so there's not even any excuses. He said he wanted to see me more last week and I agreed. Nothing happened so I told him to let me know when he wants to meet because I'm free whenever, but he hasn't suggested anything. I'm going to just ask him what's going on when I see him next. This is a really frustrating situation because he's the first person I've genuinely liked since my break-up and we get on so well, but I'd expect a relationship after 6 months which would involve seeing each other 2/3 times a week. I just feel like he needs to make more of an effort.
Just been so preoccupied with all the bad stuff going on in my life that I've managed to get myself in this situation.

minnie your relationship sounds like perhaps exactly what many men want, whilst many women want to know its progressing to something else. I bet if you asked him, he would say you ARE in a relationship whereas you feel it's not quite there yet. Do you think that's right?

I'm generalising somewhat, and having caught up with the thread today, it's seems everyone is now looking for 'relationship lite' or 'FWB+' !! It's clearly not a gender based preference if this thread is representative.

pinkpixie I haven't paid for the extra features on OKC and you don't really need to.

bitchresting I have ticked the box on the profile options. It's best to be upfront I believe or everyone's time is wasted.

Thanks.. Yes best to be upfront about it. My dc dad doesn't have any contact so I worry that it will be a bit off putting. I'm only on tinder atm is there anything better out there? I'm just looking for casual dating as I have enough on my plate atm 😂

BendyLikeBeckham I'm really not sure what he'd say, but I need to find out because it's driving me crazy haha. To me a relationship is seeing each other frequently and agreeing to be in one. I definitely don't feel like I'm in a relationship because I'm on my own too much and don't feel I have anyone to turn to.

It does seem like that's what a lot of people are interested in nowadays! Personally it's not for me. I don't mind seeing people casually but not for too long because I get too invested.

I think you are in a dilemma then minnie. You need to have 'the talk' but you think there is a chance he would be scared off with the level of commitment you seek. Did you by any chance have this conversation right at the start, about what you both expect? I know it's not helpful now, but I think it's important that both people know what the other expects from early on. If it were me, I would prefer certainty and would just get it out of the way now. Better to know sooner than later if he isn't in the same relationship as you are.

pink i give up regularly. In 7 years of being single, I have only actually done OLD seriously twice - both times met some lovely people and had 2 relationships but neither of them progressed. It's good to take a break when you feel you've had enough I think

resting I always say I have dcs but don't want more as I really don't (and can't have) and don't want to waste time seeing people who may want or are opposed to you having kids in the first place!

cool I would try a few different ones. I have never done Tinder so I'm not sure what it is like but I do know that some of the other sites are ok. I did like Guardian Soulmates - I met quite a few people off there in the end.

minnie I would walk away from that. It would start doing my head in tbh!

@minnie I was in a relationship just how you described but for around 5months there was alot of talk of being 'together' and meeting friends and even some family but no real commitment. But like you we had distance/life preventing us from meeting regularly and he didn't seem to push at seeing me more. I just finished it a month ago and do regret it but it was driving me mad.. Best to have the chat about where its going and go by his reaction. It's a shame as that limbo stage isn't fun to be in..

I'm an exception on here in that I'm looking for a full-on relationship leading to marriage and maybe kids (if possible). I'm a bit of a late bloomer where all that's concerned, never wanted any of it up to the last year or so, too busy working and travelling in my 20s and early 30s.

Had a message on POF earlier; message was short but the bloke was really good looking in this photo so I clicked on his profile and his write-up consisted of 'Daddy to my two little angels' and that's it, nothing else. So disappointing

@BendyLikeBeckham Unfortunately we didn't. I hadn't been single that long when we met so I was happy to take it slowly and see what happened. But obviously with dates being two weeks apart it has progressed much slower than anticipated. I'm definitely going to talk to him this week because I can't take it anymore. I'm tempted to do it over text because we aren't even seeing each other until Sunday.

@DaffoDeffo Yeah it's starting to really annoy me now, not a great situation to be in!

@bitchrestingface28 Yeah that's similar with me. There's talk of seeing each other more but it's just not happening which is really annoying. We've never even had a conversation this deep before so I'm really nervous about it, but I need to know. I can't keep doing this though, it's already triggered my anxiety really bad. I feel like we either need to start committing more or walk-away .

Fingers crossed it goes well for you. With me he tried back off and not meet up for another month for some reason just after telling me he loved me. I think it was just immaturity for mine but maybe your guy just needs a little push. One thing is definitely do it face to face as you need to see how they react.

Minnie if it puts him off then at least you know and can move on. If you continue this could carry on for months longer and at the end you may question if you wasted your time. Wouldn't you rather know and take disappointment now even though it feels awful then spend too long investing to find out it's more FWB?

Vet I'm similar, although I'm not looking for more DCs, I would like to be able to live with someone again in the future. I was completely anti-remarriage until 2 years post-divorce, but with the right person I like the idea. Not instantly, but maybe living together after 18 months or so and marriage if together a few years.

I could scare lots of men off by saying I'm looking for commitment, but I am so have to be honest.

Ditto Choc. I don't explicitly say marriage and kids on my profile but I'm clear that I'm looking a committed long-term relationship. It might put some off but that's fine, there's no point wasting time talking to people who aren't looking for the same thing.

looking for*

I joined back up to pof. Flurry of "how's your day babe" messages. I had fun with the block button!
Down to three. One tells me I want him because he's hot (to be fair he looks cute), another sounds lovely, but nothing in common. Last one I would like to meet, unless he annoys me when we chat tomorrow. He isn't divorced yet, so not ideal. He separated a year ago and she moved away...if I believe everything I read.

Vet how's it going with Mr DM?