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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 135 - Will Harry Ever Meet Sally?

999 replies

Kinunir · 21/06/2018 10:16

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

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LiteraryDevil1 · 24/06/2018 20:44

@MyUsername200 I'd ignore him. Sounds very much like he thought he had a better offer that didn't turn out so he's back to you.

Lovemusic33 · 24/06/2018 20:45

Myuser I agree with Kin ,classic behaviour from a married man, sounds like he went on holiday or had a week off with his wife, no one is that busy that they can’t send a text for 8 days?

Kinunir · 24/06/2018 20:52

Literary I don't think money is so essential for dating but the time is - as a single dad of 3 I didn't go on any dates between 2005 and 2012 when my eldest could babysit the other two. It gave me plenty of time for self-reflection but was extremely, erm, frustrating!

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ThirdTimeUnlucky · 24/06/2018 21:05

Love - I've only had that problem once. Bumped into an ex while out with current one, just said Hi and quickly moved away! He later msg to say he would have loved to chat but could clearly see it would be awkward.
Literary - I'll probably be shamed but I invite dates to my home as being a virtual single mum, I'd hardly date otherwise. I've not had any bad experiences and my son is usually in bed. Each to their own I guess.

LiteraryDevil1 · 24/06/2018 21:08

The last date I went on cost me £20 in taxi fares and it was only 4 miles away! There's nothing very local to me and I hate going to the nearest city although would cost me about £7 train fare. I don't know the city well enough to feel safe on a first date. The nearest town is chav central and has nothing to recommend it. Meeting halfway is likely to cost about £15 train fare for most of the matches I've had so far and I don't want over an hour on a train. There mustn't be many matches in my area. I'm not working so although £15 might not seem much, to me it might be all I have to feed my family for a week, so to pay out that for a date is a big deal.

LiteraryDevil1 · 24/06/2018 21:11

@ThirdTimeUnlucky I won't even let them pick me up or drop me back off and won't let them know where I live until I've had a few dates with them. I'm very protective of my home and personal details and follow the safety rules carefully. Too many weirdos masquerading as normal out there.

Kinunir · 24/06/2018 21:15

I find it really bizarre how many women I've been on dates with who've happily let me drop them off outside their front door/let me in on a first date... just as well I've left the balaclava and ball hammer in the other car I reckon!

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Lovemusic33 · 24/06/2018 21:16

Yes Lit I have invited men to my house, I know people say you shouldn’t and that it’s risky but like you it costs me a fortune to get to places and I run out of places to suggest a date (my local pub probably talk about me as I have taken several dates there this year).

LiteraryDevil1 · 24/06/2018 21:33

I'm the only person my son has got so if anything happened to me then he would be a ward of court. He'd probably never see his sisters again and god knows what kind of life he'd have. I could never knowingly put myself in such a risky situation. I'd also be very wary of the kind of men who'd think that was normal or acceptable for first dates. All the men I've dated have gone out of their way to ensure I feel safe about meeting them and met me in public places. For all they may have offered to drop me home afterwards they have respected my wish to go home by my own steam and have not pushed me when I've politely declined a lift.

MyUsername200 · 24/06/2018 21:38

Thank you all. I agree it's all a bit odd and most likely BS that he's been 'busy'. I've blocked him. Smile

naynayba · 24/06/2018 21:43

Yeah each to their own but i meet on neutral territory first!

I agree mr 8day gap is bad news, blockety block block on that one... i have a big hunch YoungShy will be the same, i'll put a virtual mumsnet fiver on my getting a text in the next few weeks as thoug nothing happened and it'll be 'sorry i was busy' lol i had that once with a guy when i was much younger, turned out to have a gf Envy so i kicked his ass, so to speak, and MONTHS later i got a text as though nothing had happened! Wtaaaaffffff Hmm who falls for that?

ValMc1 · 24/06/2018 21:47

Ok - Mr Music could be binned - we were chatting away and he told me he was a vegetarian- not an issue with me but I like my meat!! I've got a complete run down of his cholesterol levels! Am I interested - no - I've then had a lecture about why I shouldn't drink red wine, eat meat (mainly chicken - come on) and occasionally smoke - told him I could fall under a bus tomorrow and live every day like it's my last - he didn't get it - I don't get judgemental people - I find it fascinating how quickly true colours show!

ValMc1 · 24/06/2018 21:47

Think this a next - now where is Mr smelly feet?

Kinunir · 24/06/2018 21:50

I think I've blown my one and only potential iron just as I was about to ask to meet - she asked what I do for a living and now thinks I'm writing an expose about OLD Grin

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BendyLikeBeckham · 24/06/2018 22:17

How did you manage that kinunir ??

Kinunir · 24/06/2018 22:27

She thinks I'm on POF for research into the dangers of online dating and am going to disclose her info on tv [rolls eyes]. Now I'm having to go from setting up a date to explaining data privacy laws and my own morals. Grrrrrrr.

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BendyLikeBeckham · 24/06/2018 22:37

my goodness that's very odd!

My motto is fast becoming "NEXT!!!" . She sounds like too much effort. Can you just move on or do you think you can reassure her?

Kinunir · 24/06/2018 22:40

I probably should next but I've had so many conversations with so many people that I kinda want at least one date now. Sad, I know.

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BendyLikeBeckham · 24/06/2018 22:49

not sad, surely that's the point: to meet people.

I moved from texting to a phone chat to a meet in 3 days over this weekend. was by far the best. another guy I've been texting for 2 weeks is guzzling out I think. So, perhaps see if you can move it to a date quicker rather than texting constantly because its time consuming and can involve overinvesting.

BendyLikeBeckham · 24/06/2018 22:50

guzzling? fizzling!!!

Kinunir · 25/06/2018 07:22

Yeah, I hate endless texting and normally move quick, it's just that this time around OLD is soooooo slow - I think maybe more women than ever are also watching the World Cup?

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VixenSixen · 25/06/2018 07:28

So I went on second dates with both of my irons who I ended up in a complete dilemma with last weekend.... (can't remember what I called them both now).

Date 1: Mr Shy. 2nd date went well, bit older than me (3yrs), still quite shy around me and maybe lacking in self esteem slightly? Had a great date, stayed late again - chatted for hours. Long term better prospect for a relationship, we're both single parents. The only niggle i have is we haven't talked a lot over the weekend but he had kids at weekend and it was footy yesterday. Still early days, this one is a slow burner - defo lots of chemistry. He has not dated for a very long time & said he wants to take things slowly which I'm fine with. I think he may have been single too long though...... 😒

Date 2: MrSexyEyes. 😂🤣 2nd date went well too 🙈 spent the afternoon together - has a quick drink at pub then went for a walk along the river which was amazing, gorgeous day yesterday. He also brought me some food - we were having a conversation earlier in the week about what our favourite food is and if we could have one last meal what would it be, anyway, he went to a shop especially for me and had these things made, A* for effort there and thought it was a lovely touch. I am not sure whether he is a long term prospect as there is a bit of an age gap (younger) but he is making far more effort at the moment compared to date one. He is sincere and great to hang out with - stress free & chilled. Plus, very gorgeous🙈

🙈 so now 2 dates in and still struggling to make a choice between the two. Still no red flags, both have equally lovely qualities and both very genuine. Arrrgh, this is such a nightmare.

This is not what is supposed to happen.

Kinunir · 25/06/2018 07:31

It's a good problem to have, certainly better than not feeling it for either Vixen. We await the report on date 3 with each...

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MargoLovebutter · 25/06/2018 10:43

Oh wow, great to hear about all the dates this weekend!!!! Fantastic Smile. Some of them sound as though they have potential too.

Literary I didn't date for 6, yes six years, when the complications of baby sitters was such an issue. ex-H rarely had the DC, so I had them pretty much 24/7, 365 days of the year and it was just impossible to date in a meaningful way, so I just stopped. Like Kin, it gave me plenty of time for self-reflection but was incredibly frustrating!!!!!

Having said it was very quiet, I suddenly had a flurry of more meaningful interest at the end of last week and over the weekend and I have a date booked for tomorrow evening with MrNorthLondon and have two other prospects too.

hatty44 · 25/06/2018 11:19

Ooh @vixen that’s lovely news. Sooo hard though when they are totally different. Go with your gut...although a third date with each may give you your answer.
I am on date 5 with Mr Geek so am leaving the other Irons on the backburner now. I don’t feel I want to meet up with anyone else while things are going good here; but equally I know 5 dates is nothing really....