He's gone back to her again!!

[youloveitorhateit]

A month ago I found out my boyfriend of 3 years had been sleeping with someone else, she had no idea about me (apparently) had heard from a friend he had a girlfriend and then messaged me on Facebook, she said he texts and calls her all the time and sent me screen shots of messages of him even saying he was in love with her, how he misses her so much and wants to be with her. He’s been seeing her at least once a week for a few months.

I forgave him because I’m an idiot. Yesterday I found out he has been seeing her again, and even after all the trouble of her finding out about me even delivered flowers at her front door. I know I probably shouldn’t of but this afternoon I’ve text her a load of abuse but I can’t help feeling like such a mug, we spoke on the phone weeks back and she promised never to speak to him again. He’s coming home from work and refusing to talk about it because he’s “tired” he just doesn’t give a shit does he? I’ve asked him over and over if he loves her and he smiles and says “not really”. It hurts more the fact it’s the same girl he’s going back to!

I’m going to have to leave him now aren’t I someone give me a kick up the ass before I end up making myself look even more stupid!

I know it feels like shit but in the future you will see you dodged a bullet getting shot of him.
Pack his stuff, stick it on the doorstep, text him to dump him/let him know to pick up his stuff and never to contact you again.

Hope you told your mum op

Good times are ahead for you.

The things that sticks out for me is he isn’t even trying to make it up to you.

Hope you are ok op. No matter how bad you feel right now you will feel better once you find someone who truly who deserves you.

He smiles when I ask if he loves her and says "not really"

That really stuck out and made me shiver. Neither of you are important to him, he's enjoying fucking the both of you around

There's no - is she better? Competition to win here... he doesn't actually like or respect you or her!

This is a womaniser and a narcissist. Don't care about his feelings or his situation - fuck him over right back and wash him out of your hair!!!

Late reply but I told my parents everything yesterday, they were shocked but my mum has always thought he was dodgy. He’s very good at sweet talking and getting around people though. He’s not allowed round mine again. He’s been calling non stop, won’t come and collect his stuff either. We live in the same area, after I finished work yesterday I was driving home and noticed him driving right up behind me, I parked up at mine he was shouting asking me to get into his car to talk but I never.

Thanks for the advice everyone, I just want the calls etc to stop now, I know he’s using me, OW lives about 40 mins and I’ve been a pushover and let him get away with all sorts so he’s only at mine/with me because she won’t have him.

@Starlight345 he won’t try and make it up to me, he try’s and talks his way out of everything or just flat out refuses to talk about. I re read through our texts a few weeks back when it all came out an all he was saying was things like “babe don’t be silly” etc. Cannot believe how stupid I have been.

Block him . There is no need to contact him. Continual contact is classed as harassment . Following you continually messaging you is illegal . Police will tell you to block him or change your number so do that first

The calls and texts will stop when you block him op. Just do it.

And well done on telling your parents and seems your mum was spot on with her instincts.

I'm actually quite appalled at just how bad he's treated you, it was so blatant and open.😱

He's not picking up his stuff as a means of controlling you.
You are not stupid, he abused your trust. He is the stupid one, he's lost a relationship with someone who loved him and that was far more beneficial to him than it was to you.

Block him op and if he continues to harass you report him to the police.

Well done! You’re worth so much more than this. I hope you’re proud of yourself for finding strength and doing a difficult thing.

Is this a teenage relationship by any chance ?

Bag his stuff up, put it outside and remind him of when the binmen come.

I’m 20, he’s 31. If I met him now I wouldn’t even go there!

Good for you OP. Block him as much as possible. Onwards and upwards!

There are exes I have that I think back and I cringe, what was I thinking? It all was part of the journey, but that section was too long!!

Anyway is there anywhere you could drop the stuff off, so he has no reason to be at your house ever again? I'd be annoyed about the driving too close to you stunt.

There comes a time when it really,really doesn't matter what he is saying, listening to him is just feeding the drama. Look at what he is doing and be glad that your lives are not already intertwined.

Block, block, block.

Oh, and be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break, plan some nice things to take your mind off him.

Bag his stuff up and get your parents or a friend to drop it off at his parents'.

Well done on ending it.

So when you got together you were 17 and he was 28? Urgh what a sleaze.

Well done OP.. your parents are also supporting you in this decision... and you can do tenfold better than this untrustworthy clown...

Keep going! Your life is going to get a lot better shortly. I've always found after a break up it helps to picture the type of man/ life I'd like. Chances are it's nothing like you had with the ex and it should empower you to keep away from him and start doing things that make you happy.

Well done OP, you deserve much better. An 11 year age gap is quite large and fairly unhealthy at your age. Much older men who target very young women often do it because they like to feel superior and in charge and like to be manipulative. He is no prize at all and hopefully soon you will be able to see what a lucky escape you've had. He loved having the two of you fighting over him, take solace in the fact that from everything you've said now he's got nowhere to live and no one to stroke his ego. He is a prize twunt and you will be much happier without him in the long run. Try and remember he's not worthy of your tears and if you can feel angry at him it will help.

Well done for ending it!

I like the idea of bagging up his stuff and dumping it.

It will be painful but you will get through this and thank yourself.

Yes, bag up his stuff and leave it outside his mum's place when you know he won't be there. Or get someone else to take it.

Give him a deadline to get his stuff while you are not there and if he tries to play his stupid games and refuses to collect, dump it. It doesn't need to be difficult or involve high drama. It's so typical narcissistic and manipulative. Years ago, I had an emotionally abusive ex before DH who would not pick up his bike chained to the inside of my fence where it was really in the way to the entrance of my house. He would text periodically, announcing that he would pop over to pick it up at so and so date and if I was there, so we could chat. I made it clear there was zero need for me to be there as he could pick it up any time. It was like him marking his territory and trying to keep something to hold over me. In the end, I used an angle grinder and cut the fecking chain off and dumped it in the street. I ignored emails and blocked him after.