Name changed, occasional poster, regular reader. Sorry if this is long and incoherent (also typing fast as don't have long so apologies for any typos)
Background for context
LTR not married
OH Bi sexual - knew from start - very honest about past - fine. Explained as just a sexual thing, previous relationships all been with women.
2 children - 1 primary school 1 pre school
Own house together
Relationship - apart from normal ups and downs, lovely lifestyle, great friends and family, very social together, financially secure (well apart from the £200k savings he has in his sole savings account) lots of holiday etc
1 occasion of infidelity on his part early in the relationship, not affair just one off, split for a while, he had counselling, decided to get back together as honestly very happy, he did all the right things, complete access to phone, email etc etc
We live around 1hr from where his family and business are
Anyway came home earlier than planned this morning, as I walked in to bedroom OH had jumped up and was making the bed (this was around 9am - own business no set hours). Rolled my eyes and thought he was either 1. Relieving himself or 2. Being lazy and felt bad.
Anyway his phone had fallen on the floor, he didn't see I'd spotted this and he got straight in shower.
I looked.
Last thing he'd done was been on a call to someone but it had been deleted. (Swiped up and could see call log but when I actually went in there, no calls).
So I checked his phone bill. Not done this for years. I don't care if that means I 'snooped'.
Couldn't get the call/calls from today but over the last 6 months (all I managed to download before he was out of shower) there was a few numbers that looked odd - only called at certain days, short calls etc not every day but regular enough. Just had a feeling.
Managed to locate one owner through Facebook.
Single gay man, 20 years older than us, lives and owns a Business in OH home/business town. Has a fab guys account where he advertises a 'glory hole' 3 days a week.
There is NO reason why my OH would be calling this guy. Not remotely work related, not an old friend, not someone his family knows etc
He's calling him for hook ups isn't he? It would be completely plausible for him to visit that area as his business is located there, as are his family.
I feel sick and I don't know what to do. He adores our children and swore he would never do this again. I made it very clear that there would be no future chances. He is very against at what he calls being a 'part time Dad' and would hate to not live with the children. We socialise together, sex life has lows and high (as with small children) but it always good, experimental, passionate.
We've been taking about getting married next year and having another baby. We are planning major expensive work to our house
I'm trying to think of excuses. Maybe he's an old friend I don't know about, maybe this, maybe that. There isn't though is there? It's black and white.
Not only fucking up our lives together it would be awful if we separated, Our families are very close, his business and my job are linked, we share all the same friends. Why has he done this???????
I feel sick, I can't eat, I honestly don't know what to do? Do I call him out now? Do I wait and find out some more info? Do I bury my head in the sand and get myself financially secure. (I work and with his maintenance and benefits I could afford to stay in the house, I would just like some money behind me. As stated 'our' savings are in his account)
Help please I have no one to talk to this in real life. I don't know what to do, I'm gutted.