Brave Babes Battle Bus: Sunshine, Roses and Mocktails All Round

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

Summer offers all kinds of challenges for those of us trying to change our relationship to alcohol, pub gardens, summer holidays, school holidays, and apparently there's a big football tournament too. If you want to read where the bus has been so far this year here's the link to the
last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

The Bus is a bit of a Mumsnet institution, but it has an open door policy, no cliques, no judgement, and the welcome is always warm. So hop on and join us.

[Twattage13]

I've now read back!

looking - this is a phase you're in now where you're a bit lost but you'll come out the other side when you are ready. I used to think in marriage 1 that my life was over, but 10 years on and things are totally, totally different. Don't beat yourself up.

sweet - you've done really well in France, I don't know you but I feel v proud of you anyway :). I shall be following in your AF footsteps now for the next month, along with baking and mint.

crisps - welcome to the thread. Hope you're okay. My wine drinking also escalated at the end of marriage 1. There is life on the other side - I also drank more because I was unhappy.

xxx

[June242018]

Hi guys, may I hop on board? I’m here because @OhDearMavis recommended I catch this bus.

This morning I posted the following in alcohol support:

Last night I didn’t drink for the first time in a long time.
My story is probably fairly familiar. I grab a bottle of wine on the way home from work, sometimes 2 bottles incase 1 isn’t enough. I work until 9pm, get home at 9:30 so start drinking at around 10pm.
I’m ‘asleep’ passed out by midnight after drinking at least a full bottle of 13% Chardonnay.
It’s not always been that much wine, it used to be a couple of glasses with 2/3 alcohol free nights a week but it’s crept up on me over the last 2 years or so.
I feel hungover and guilty every morning. And every day I tell myself that I won’t drink that night and start fantasising that it will be the start of a new, alcohol free me. But even if I do manage to not drink that night, I’m straight back on it the following night.
Well today is the following day and I’m determined to not drink again tonight and to keep taking it one day at a time.
Last night I drank a soft drink from a wine glass to help fill the gap.
I will do the same again tonight, as long as I don’t come to the end of my shift and end up in the shop.
I want to be less poor, slimmer, healthier and happier.
Stopping drinking should put me on my way towards all of these goals.
Please wish me luck, any offers of advice will be greatly appreciated.

[LuxuryWoman2017]

Hi June welcome

Yes the wine can creep up can't it? I managed to quit wine a year and a half ago and I am so happy I did. If you have been following the thread then you might have read I have had a little slip up with a bit too much gin lately as I'm having a pretty rotten time, but I will never go back to the wine witch and after my slip I am back on track - no other alcohol has ever seemed to have the grip wine does for me.

My advice is always the same - keep hydrated, nothing sets of a craving like genuine thirst, and keep busy. Change your habits a little so if say, you normally watch the soaps with a glass of wine then skip the soaps, watch them on catch-up Saturday morning so you don't have the same association. Little habit breaking tricks like that can really help.

Good luck and keep posting - I think the other babes may have melted in the sun today

[Twattage13]

Evening all - I'm here as well! Just come in from the garden where I have had several San Ps + lime whilst lying on my lounger reading the paper. It's sooo warm outside :). Love this mid-summer time of year - I've had all my meals outside on the decking and been working under the umbrella all day.

june - I am also a fellow giver-upper of wine. I agree with lux, the substance has a grip that nothing else does. I choose not to drink any spirits or hard liquor either but if you could even knock the wine on the head, I think you would feel better. One day at a time is for now, the best thing. Get some non-alcoholic drinks in for the witching hour, and don't stress about the future. Sending a big hug. xxx

[venusandmars]

Welcome june and well done for posting about your drinking, that's always a brave first step.

What can you do to change your habits...? e.g. where do you buy your wine on the way home? If it's when you go to the supermarket, try making a weekly meal plan and buying on line (I bet that'll save you money too), and then in the 20/30/40 minutes that you used to spend in the supermarket, find something alternative that will make you feel REALLY good - a yoga class, meditation, running, befriending an old lady, taking a dig for a walk, painting your toenails - whatever you haven't had time for last week.

[venusandmars]

lux good to see you back on board, and you know that you can post about anything and get support.

twatage your plan for a longerbreak sounds good. Sometimes the on-off part of controlled drinking is tougher than we imagine.

looking, ma, baking, hope and every babe, keep on keeping on.

[saltandvinegarcrisps1]

Hi all. Well after the devastation of DH saying he is leaving me I have had a completely sober weekend. There was no compulsion to drink at all, which is weird given how down and anxious I was. I wish I had got proper help years ago instead of thinking I could "cure" myself. Its too late for my marriage but I need to get better for me. So I am looking for a counsellor to help me deal with the issues that led to my drinking and to help me get control back. Doing a bit of research it seems there are different types of counselling (I did a counselling course myself but it was only a short course and it was many years ago) - does anyone have any knowledge/experience of this sort of thing? Can you recommend a particular type of counselling for addiction mixed with troubled childhood? Or even better - long shot - a particular counsellor (I live rurally south of glasgow but am able to travel into Glasgow)? Thanks

[LookingforHope]

Asleep that's two of us weeping in the gym then. Who says exercise gives you a high, eh? Hugs to you and am here if you need to chat to someone going through the same thing, though am usually funnier than this - I am just currently very down. I know what you feel about lonely and I still have two teens at home and work full time. I haven't even begun to experience it yet, I fear, as don't have any family apart from them

Salt welcome and huge hugs to you. Is there no chance you can sort it out with DP if you still love him? Or are you sure it's over? Life can be bloody brutal and I know the feeling of drinking in secret because you are with someone and just feeling uncomfortable with it. I used to drink when WB upset me, but secretly, sipping mini bottles of wine alone in the bedroom, or nipping out for wine after work because I didn't want to go home. Well done on your AF weekend, that is HUGE after such a big shock. I wish I could advise on counselling but I haven't done it (probably need it tbh but just never had time). I am sure you will get tons of advice here soon though. You are a very brave babe indeed.

June welcome. You will get loads of support here. Wine is the worst drink for me and it really creeps up on you. Take the babes' advice on board and stick with us. If you are really lucky Ma might let you have a green opal fruit though I doubt it as she is hogging them all

Sweet thanks as ever for your lovely words. And congratulations on your sober holiday in France, that is fantastic! Smock of Smug for you, lady

Twattage thank you for your lovely words but I am not so much a bit lost as wandering round a wilderness without a compass. And I am feeling old and on the scrapheap. A friend of mine (who is leaving her husband who loves her because she is having an affair with someone who is also mad about her) keeps saying 'go on Tinder' as if it's the easiest thing in the world and as if everyone is as obviously desirable as her. I'm not ready for a relationship anyway, but even if I were I doubt I would be in demand. There is another thread on here 'AIBU to call a spade a spade' or something which seems to just be saying, 'Single after 40? FORGET IT lady and get a cat' Which seems a bit brutal but I expect it is true, and I am 50 . I feel utterly obsolete.

Venus, Lux lovely to see you.

I am sat working on the laptop still, at 10.20pm. Work is relentless and time is sucked up by pointless meetings discussing nonsense. Up early to get DD into school for 7.15am tomorrow too for an 'intervention' made necessary by all the crap supply lessons they have had to put up with this year. She is now blaming me for sending her to a failing school. I expect the expansion of Heathrow, animal testing and the discontinuation of her favourite mascara are also somehow down to me.

Broke my AF streak last night as lovely DS wanted to share his 18th birthday champagne with me to celebrate the end of his A Levels, so we split the bottle and watched LBJ together which was nice. I will so miss him when he leaves!

Hope you are all having a decent evening

[saltandvinegarcrisps1]

Thank you looking. There's no way back for us- I would keep trying but DH says he is 100% certain he cannot move forward with me - he can't "make his heart listen to his head," which means we could have a great life (if I didnt have a drink problem) , he doesn't want to upset friends/family and there will be a financial hit. I too am a little over 50 and even thinking about dating again is horrific. That's what I think I will miss the most - a partner for holidays, weekends away etc. Desperately sad this evening but still no desire to drink.

[June242018]

Well, here I am at the start of day 3! I’ve successfully managed 2 nights in a row with no wine (or any other alcohol)
I had a long post replying to individuals but it disappeared
Thank you to everyone for your supportive words and your advice.

At work yesterday the craving started, the thoughts that ‘it wouldn’t be that bad to drink, I’ve had a night off’ etc. But I pushed them away, knowing how I’d feel this morning if I gave in.
I’m feeling positive this morning.
Thanks again all x

[Twattage13]

Morning all - big hugs to all struggling babes. I have managed to wangle only going in client-side on Thursday this week (most people I work with are off on a jolly to far away climes so the office is quiet).

About 7 hours sleep last night. I was less tired having stayed at home. Feel good this morning. Another day working in the garden for me.

looking - I think Tinder and other solutions may be a bit soon? I'm sure your friend was trying to be helpful but I'd just focus on getting through the day rather than the whole of life right now. I am sorry I haven't been out of a relationship since age 19 so am not much good with suggestions of being single. My bestie has been single her entire life though, and she does indeed now have a cat (it's not a bad thing)!

crisps - sorry can't help with counselling but am sure others could.

Maybe lux has some suggestions of daily pampering you could do?

Right - going to sniff the air in the garden with my coffee. xxx

[LookingforHope]

June well done and glad you are feeling good today. Lots of us on here find Day 3 the worst so distract yourself with some posh soft drinks and a boxset or a good book, or a walk, bath, pampering session. Day 3 is a bit of a danger cos you are starting to feel better and think a glass won't do any harm, but you seem to know that's a bit of a fallacy for some of us. Get through tonight and you are WINNING!

Heavens Twattage I am not thinking for a moment of joining Tinder as a) it is too soon to even think about a relationship, and clearly I am not very good at them as spent over 20 years married to a cocklodging bully b) my children would be mortified, and c) as the ‘call a spade’ poster has suggested not at all tactfully, old birds like me are seen as obsolete in the online dating world, the equivalent of the fat asthmatic kid waiting to be picked for the netball team - utter no-hopers.

It's odd because unlike Salt and other posters on relationship threads in MN, I am not heartbroken at the loss of WB, I can't be a hypocrite and pretend that. Or that we once had a good marriage, or the atmosphere at home isn't easier. For example if he were here now he would be watching football day and night and if I dare sat in my own living room to work I would be shouted at for the noise of typing (or the noise of messages coming into my phone, or the smell of nail polish if I painted my nails, or anything really.) I was dreading spending my life with him when the kids left home, he is very critical of everybody and just a miserable and depressing person to be with. But I suppose I just thought life would look up, and actually it is still hard. Maybe like when you give up drinking and expect your life to improve, but it's still shit so you pick up a bottle again.

What is hard is that I am alone and have minimal practical and pretty much zero emotional support IRL. Being single and with no family other than the kids in a world of happy families is hard, and although my ex was a PITA, I suppose I liked the pretence of being part of a couple. Now I feel like a pariah - it's my birthday in a couple of weeks and I am dreading it. I didn't expect to feel like this. But then I expected my friends who have spent years encouraging me to leave him and promising they would be there for me to actually be there, and not just wander off after the good bit and the drama. I feel deeply hurt by a couple of them if I am honest, but maybe that is life.

I don't even want to drink, this week, which is a new departure for me. I know it won't help. I just feel so tired all the time. The sun shining is the only thing cheering me up at the moment, so I hope you are all having beautiful, sunny weather (I'm sure you are, it's lovely everywhere). I shall take my personal raincloud away from the bus now and go and get some work done so I can get ahead for tomorrow and maybe have a long lunch in the garden topping up my tan.

Later babes xxx

[guggenheim]

Morning all, day one again for me. I managed 2 af days last week so I know I can do this.
Think i’ll go to bed early tonight & read back through the thread. I’ve been awake most of the night for various reasons and lack of sleep makes me want to drink. I’ll try to be aware of that at the witching hour tonight.

[Twattage13]

Morning all - 11 hours sleep last night. I think I'd already shut the eyes just after 8 and I woke up at 7.15. It's a lovely temp at the moment but hoping the sun will come out in a bit.

looking - sending a large hug. Get where you're coming from but you are not washed up or too old. I think 50 is the new 30 is it not?

Last day at home until Friday - trains are apparently dreadful at the moment so glad I'm only in one day this week. Emotionally I feel like I'm regrouping from the last few weeks of stress. It makes such a difference being at home and not doing a 3-4 hour round trip every day.

Have a good day all. x

[guggenheim]

Day one done & I never want a hangover ever again. I’ll just have a little tidy up of the bus while i’m here.

[guggenheim]

Start of day 2. Today I will not be drinking. Really trying to quit.

[dementedma]

qiuck check in - have to post and run
hope hang in there babe. so proud of you for getting rid of WB, getting super healthy - abs, for god's sake! - for holding down a difficult job and for being supermum. You rock, even though you don't know it.
I just wobble.....
guggs I feel your pain.

Scorching day here already. this is SCOTLAND!!! what the hell is happening? Beause of my "lousy" job I am off to Edinburgh with a gorgeous group captain to have lunch in the Mess at the Castle....sucks to be me sometimes.

[Saywhen]

hope what would you like to do for your birthday? Don't hang on to be let down by other people. I am so sorry your friends have let you down in this moment when you need them most though.

Hello all. Hope you are all doing ok.

So I went to a big family wedding and had 2 g and t's. Stopped there no wine and haven't drank since.

On one had this is a big success. I stopped. I wasn't a twat. I didn't actually enjoy it - so it has confirmed to me that I don't want alcohol it doesn't work for me. What i needed to change was my relationship with alcohol and that is happening.

But I feel like I've let myself down. I drank the 2 g and t's as I felt I just wanted to be 'normal' not a great reason. I drank them so slowly there was no positive impact of feeling drunk.

I am still going to keep my 'watch ' going from the beginning of November - but I wanted to be honest and accountable about the 2 g and t's.

lux I am so sorry life is hard at the moment. You have been such a source of support to others here for the time I've been on this bus. I hope you are ok.

[LuxuryWoman2017]

Morning all,
Thank you so much Say I'm feeling slightly more positive today. Menopause has struck with a vengeance and a family member is very ill. I've been feeling a bit 'stuck' and overwhelmed but today is a new day. I need to pull myself together and get on with it.

Have a good day everybabe.

[LookingforHope]

Aw thanks Ma. Can you tell my DD that I am a supermum? I told her I was going to give them pizza out of the freezer for tea tonight as it is too hot to make chilli or curry (and I don't have time today and she insists on eating early so can't spend work time cooking) and also I don't have time to shop for more salad stuff till the weekend and she looked at me like I was a child abuser ("but I am trying to eat healthy food" ) Sigh. Also got an eye roll when she asked where her denim skirt was for a college induction day on Friday and I said 'in the washing basket' (clean). Apparently 'ironed and hung up for you' is the only right answer, despite it only being washed at all because I broke into her sty of a room to raid the floor for dirty clothes.

Am very jealous of your job Ma. Though mine did have an awayday or two at a health spa so not awful either (just stressful)

Say I hear you about wanting to be 'normal'. Sometimes when I am on an AF roll I will break it because I meet a friend and want to be part of the G&T gang, not because I want the alcohol but because I feel to order otherwise is the equivalent of a big neon sign saying 'can't handle her booze' over my head. But actually I bet my friends wouldn't notice after the first round. But a great sign that you didn't crave more or act like an arse (I almost always find it hard to stop once I start, even if not getting drunk). You are definitely rocking this.

And as for the question what do I want for my birthday - I just want someone IRL to remember it and offer to celebrate with me. I'm working anyway but just having someone to be there in the evening, even just for a quick after work bite to eat in the sun, but I doubt it will happen. I will probably get tons and tons of FB messages promising 'we must get together soon to celebrate' but it won't happen and not on the day. (At least WB always got me a good present cos DD made him, haha). But it isn't about presents, it is about feeling like someone, people I have known for years and do lots of favours for, care more than just 'have a great day hun' on fucking Facebook. It would also be a bonus if they could remember the birthday but forget the age It feels sad and lonely to have to buy a treat for myself, so I won't.

Guggs hang in there!!! I am queen of the Diet Coke in this weather. Or I put lime in bottles of water and then freeze it and then it melts as I sit in the sun and stays cold. It's WAY too hot for hangovers!

Lux glad you are feeling a bit better. Menopause also knocked me for six and I went on HRT which helped SO much. If anyone tried to stop prescribing it for me now I would go full-on psycho! It made all the difference. Sorry also about your family illness - sending lots of love and hope they get better. Try not to burn yourself out doing everything for everyone ( says the pot to the kettle )

Back to work now - have a good day babes x

[guggenheim]

Thank you all I was starting to wobble.

[LuxuryWoman2017]

Gugg hey lovely, really tough sometimes isn't it? You're doing great, can you make some plans to keep yourself occupied?
It's cooler here today so I'm going to put clean sheets on and have an early night

[saltandvinegarcrisps1]

Hi all. So my DH is leaving me because of my drinking. I accept responsibility for my drinking but there were many triggers in my past life and relationship. I have read many times about the 3Cs said to those on the receiving end of problem drinkers - you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't control it. All fine. But since my DH told me he's leaving because of my drinking, he's been drinking to excess and I've been dry. He has intimated that his use of alcohol as a crutch is caused by my drinking - but doesn't accept that I drank (wrongly) to drown out my unhappiness. Can anyone else see the irony???

[LuxuryWoman2017]

Yep Salt yes I do. Look lovely, I'm going to bed shortly but I'll try to come back to your post tomorrow and tell you a little about my break up last summer.

Life is crap for me at the moment but it's nothing to do with my ex. There is a future for you and it will be good if promise if not without bumps in the road. Try to get a good sleep 🌻🌹

[Saywhen]

hope you hit the nail on the head!!! Exactly that I do think I have that banner over my head by not drinking!!

Would you send out a message ask If if anyone is free on your birthday? I only ask as i had years of being really upset about my dh lack of effort on my birthday- but the only thing that seems to work is spelling it out for him and telling him exactly what I want to do.

salt I'm so sorry. That sounds a very difficult situation? Do you want to be with him?