Brave Babes Battle Bus: Sunshine, Roses and Mocktails All Round

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

Summer offers all kinds of challenges for those of us trying to change our relationship to alcohol, pub gardens, summer holidays, school holidays, and apparently there's a big football tournament too. If you want to read where the bus has been so far this year here's the link to the
last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

The Bus is a bit of a Mumsnet institution, but it has an open door policy, no cliques, no judgement, and the welcome is always warm. So hop on and join us.

[Twattage13]

Morning all - 10 hours sleep. Passed out at 8.15 and woke up at 6. Feeling slightly less awful.

mavis - well done on the 50 days :). I feel slightly better having made a decision but it's another two weeks until I can reasonably tell them. After that I think it will be a massive relief.

I have to present my team strategy tomorrow - once that's done I will be able to relax a bit.

Have a good day all. xxx

[SweetLathyrus]

Morning All,

I slipped into the side car yesterday for my birthday, and really wish I hadn't, I was awake at 3.45 am, and have to struggle through a long day today.

But I did try Seedlip garden, it was ok, but actually tasted exactly like Fevertree special edition cucumber tonic, which is my new AF obsession - a lot cheaper, and if I'm honest, much fresher than the seedlip.

Twattage, that seems like a good compromise, will you be letting them know why, or just withdrawing in dignified silence?

Mint, well done, you too Mavis

Obrigada, good to see you.

Lot's of end of year admin to do today, and I need to plant my birthday presents, then my final birthday treat is John Finnimore (if you're a R4 listener, you'll know him, Souvenir Programme and Cabin Pressure) tonight.

Have a good day Babes.

[Babyjane1]

Hi honey’s I’m hooooome!!

Hi my lovely lovely friends, I have been thinking of you all often and today i thought I’d have a wee look and see who’s still about and I had a big smile and a warm feeling to see all your lovely familiar names once again.

I’m so sorry I’ve not been around, I guess it’s like I vanished into thin air. In truth I had to concentrate on my sobriety with every fibre of my being, or maybe even more so the terrible, dark depression which led me to binges which could’ve killed me and the possibility, no probability of losing my partner, my kids and my parents who were on their desperation ready to turn their back on me. Despite their love for me, it was my kids that needed to become their priority and rightly so.

It’s been a hell of a road but I’ve been sober, all bar 4 brief relapses for nearly 2 years and I feel blessed relief that I’ve clawed my life back and been forgiven and embraced by my amazing family.

I have missed you all and your kindness, empathy and support when no one else in RL could even bear to look at me was humbling and never forgotten.

I have done things I will forever be disgusted and ashamed at, hurt people terribly and I will forever be building bridges but I made it back to the light and I wake up every day grateful!!!

I’m going to post this in case I lose it so i’ll Be back soon, good to be back xxxx

[farine]

Can I join the bus. Desperately trying to stop drinking - but struggling. I'm on day 4 now and determined not to go back.

I've known for years I've had a problem relationship with booze, but kept convincing myself it was only a little bit worse than normal. I've now accepted that it's not normal, that I will never be one of those people who can have just one glass of wine - I need the bottle (and more!). I've tried moderating, - I've done the not on a week night, tried the just one glass a night, tried stopping for a month - but each time it gradually creeps back up to a minimum of 3/4 bottle a night with more at weekends

I don't know where to go from here though - how do I make sure I never drink again? How do I tell people? How do I get real life support? How do I really get my head round the fact that I can't drink again?

[LuxuryWoman2017]

Welcome Farine everyone here will relate to your story. Just join in, you'll find lots of support.

[bakingcupcakes]

Welcome Farine. I'm also not good at moderating so I went dry at New Year. The longer you do the easier it gets for the most part or it has for me anyway. Keep posting. We'll try and help.

Twattage The work situation sounds awful. I feel for you. It kind of seeps into everything when such a big part of your life stresses you out. They sound like a big client too so I think you're right to try and last to September as hidious as that is.

Sorry not to name check more. I do read along every day but I don't feel capable of making a positive contribution tbh.

I'm finding this week hard. I'm off work, my parents are away, the weather's good. I want a drink. I want to smoke. I'm irritated that the cravings are back. I thought I'd turned a corner getting into my 6th month. I just feel cross with myself for feeling so negative.

[dementedma]

Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!
Long time so see. So good to hear from you

[Twattage13]

Evening all - I am home at a decent time and feeling a bit better. Just tomorrow to get through and then I am at home until Tuesday (need to sleep and regroup).

To answer questions:

sweet - I will tell them that I am exhausted and now that the commute has tipped over into 3+ hours, I know I don't have the resilience to support them through the go-live. I am running a team of 10 people globally and I must be on it. I already work around 70 hours a week anyway and I can't be ramping up to anything more than that + weekends etc.

I think it's really important to know when you can't do something as well as when you can - if I don't bail out now it will be too late and I risk burning out. Reputationally in the industry I work in everyone knows each other - people come round again - I don't want to exit on bad terms. If I give them 3 months notice then they will have time to get a fresh person and I can show them the ropes.

I may offer that if there is something else I can do that is behind the scenes (bearing in mind I know everything) for next year (we are continuing probably to end of next year) that is less stressful, then maybe I could come back after my holiday. But I cannot be front and centre to Christmas.

baking - yes big client. Contractually I only have to give 30 days notice but if I did that on 1 September, I would leave them totally in the shit and my reputation in tatters. I won't do that.

Anyway I realise this is all massively boring but I need to write it down! I have just realised it has consumed me entirely progressively over the last few months.

I am v lucky that I don't need to work until March / April next year so current plan is to take 6 months off and do some more travel November / December, as well as the holidays I have planned in Jan / Feb / March. By then I will be bored and ready to go back fresh...

[Twattage13]

farine sorry and welcome. You can't ensure you never drink again for eternity, only one day at a time. Forever is far too much pressure.

I apologise I am consumed with my own stuff right now so limited time to offer my advice. All I can say that I haven't drunk a drop of wine or spirits for 5+ years so it is possible to stop the old vino if you really want to. x

[venusandmars]

babyjane wonderful to see you, and good to how well things are progressing. Well done you for coming back (more than once) from such a desperate place. Go Girl!

[LuxuryWoman2017]

Goodness, where are my manners? I meant to say hello to Baby I need to take inspiration from your post lovely, things are not good for me right now and although I am not drinking hugely I am rather relying on it for relaxation at the moment (yep I do know!) I am not going to drag down the thread with tales of woe but am reading all the time and still talking handbags in S & B

[dementedma]

forgot to say hello to farine - welcome
mum home from hospital so I am on overnight duties and looking after her

[bakingcupcakes]

Where is everyone? Hoping you're not all in the sidecar! I'm up very late (but sober). I'll regret this when DS comes to wake me up at 6!

I really want to lose a few pounds but I don't know how to go about it. I was hoping being AF and going swimming would magic the pounds off but I think stopping smoking at the same time has spoilt it. I haven't gained which is something but I was hoping to lose. I know the solution is eat less and move more but I'm a bit shit at those.

I'm starting to get anxious about returning to work next week too but other than that I'm good.

Glad your Mum's home again Ma

Twattage Hope your weekend is going ok. What you've written makes complete sense. You can only do your best and sometimes it's better to walk away.

Lux I don't mind reading tales of woe. I'm quite good at them myself! Hopefully reading about shoes&bags will cheer you up.

[Twattage13]

Morning all - sorry for radio silence. Was in sidecar Weds / Thurs but back on the bus yesterday (and hopefully now back in my 5/2) pattern again.

Thank you for all the lovely words - had to present my strategy Thurs morning. Mtg went extremely well and I am supported at the top it now appears - however it became clear in the mtg to both me and my second in command that it is already too late to back out without damaging a lot of things (personal and client). We both came to the same conclusion and therefore have decided to stay. I have been told / asked to get round all the very senior people to ensure full support - something which was blocked up until now.

It actually turned out that 4 of the team I work in wanted to leave this week for the same reason, but all 4 of us have decided we must deliver for the client. I can now see a way forward of what I need to do so things have changed dramatically in the last 3 days.

The last 2 days I've slept really well and the tension is mainly gone.

I appreciate this is going to read as a complete volte face - however as you'll have read from my previous posts, I was distressed and felt backed into a corner that I couldn't fix. I think things are different now. I have been offered support and clarity.

That doesn't mean what I need to do is easy, but I will do it. Thank you for all the messages and consideration. It has meant a lot this week.

If anyone wants to write about shoes and bags - bring it on!

xxx

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

I'm still happily on the bus 😇

[dementedma]

quiet on here. have spent the weekend looking after mum and today, visiting dad in the old folks home. utterly depressing

[Twattage13]

Morning all - feeling much better. Have spent the weekend largely asleep on and off apart from Saturday evening in the sidecar. Onwards to a new week. I'm WFH today so need to do a few bits and pieces at home as well as work, but at least only one journey on the crappy trains tomorrow and that's it.

It is quiet isn't is ma. Sorry to hear things are rough / tough. x

[guggenheim]

Morning
Just sticking myself at the back of the bus. Have been in the sidecar forever & it needs to stop. Today will be day one.

Soooo cross with myself.

Love to all

[Twattage13]

Morning - just checking in. Another 9 hours deep sleep last night. Still looking shattered but trying to catch up. I was WFH yesterday and had time to go for a mani / pedi after work, which is something I haven't done for months due to being constrained by the search for a dollar. I feel better.

Back on the straight and narrow I think. x

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

I'm still still on the bus. 😊 I love it.

The only bad thing is it's making me realise how much DH drinks - at least 2 cans of beer a night, often more if he stays up later or goes out.

But I feel great!

[OhDearMavis]

Morning!
Still on the bus, rapidly approaching 2 months now!
I'm just in from a night shift. In the past I'd have had a couple of glasses of wine before bed (and then wonder why my sleep was so bad ). Have a lovely day babes I'm off to bed (after a cup of tea!)

[guggenheim]

Day 2

Still on the bus & feeling a bit calmer yay!

[LookingforHope]

Hi all

Hopping back onboard after a long time in the sidecar. Have not even really been lurking, have been drinking and feeling exhausted and sorry for myself and so need to get back to the bus

Am finding being a single mum who works a 50 hour plus week with ungrateful stressed out teens is difficult. And of course now the exciting drama bit of my marriage breakdown is over, people who were hanging on my every word at the time have lost interest and have ceased even to check in to see how I'm doing so it is all a bit lonely! Sorry if that sounds self-pitying but have been quite panicky at times over how isolated I would be if anything massive went wrong in my life. I do have some good friends nearby that I see quite often but they are my 'fun friends' and although they know what is going on they are for good times. So do not confide in them - instead I have a permanent smile outside, and my confidante has become a couple of cans of G&T alone when the kids are in their rooms, or a sneaky wine after work. I am now a month off my 51st birthday and truly need a slap with Barrie. I am feeling old and haggard and on the shelf (even though being on the shelf without WB is better than being in the wrong cupboard with him, as someone, somewhere said).

On the plus side - have not had to watch any of the sodding world cup (yaaaayyy!!!!) but on the minus side, feeling daunted by there being only me to do EVERYTHING. WB is barely there for the kids. If I ask him to drive them to school when I am in London doing a 16 hour day he will, but that is about it. Even offers of having them for dinner when I am away have dried up now the football is on, so am prepping several meals at once after a long day at work or, like today, while 'working from home'. Tis all a bit 'meh'.

I need to stop drinking and just keep putting one foot in front of the other I think and not look up, down or to the side at all as it is freaking me out. I certainly cannot look to the future. Of course I wanted to split up from WB and am not pretending heartbreak... just did not realise how OLD and invisible I would suddenly start to feel. Thinking of changing my username to Methuselah (except am not convinced of the spelling)

Sorry not to read back or NC just yet but I will - right now am trying to write a marketing pack and think dinner is burning so must dash, but will be back

Tonight I will not drink

[Trust2017]

Hi Looking sorry to hear you are feeling a bit down in the dumps. Seems like you have been through a massive upheaval but hopefully things will start settling down a bit now into some sort of normality. It’s so hard to be on your own with the kids but at least you know you have done the right thing. It’s not always going to be this hard. It’s another phase to get through and soon you will emerge as a beautiful butterfly full of hope for the future. Sending love and hugs xx

[LookingforHope]

Haha lovely of.you to say so Trust. But I am simply a miserable, murky moth right now. One of those grey-brown dusty things that nobody admires