Brave Babes Battle Bus: Sunshine, Roses and Mocktails All Round

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

Summer offers all kinds of challenges for those of us trying to change our relationship to alcohol, pub gardens, summer holidays, school holidays, and apparently there's a big football tournament too. If you want to read where the bus has been so far this year here's the link to the
last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

The Bus is a bit of a Mumsnet institution, but it has an open door policy, no cliques, no judgement, and the welcome is always warm. So hop on and join us.

I'm jumping back on. Hi everyone. I will read back in a minute. I have done so well in the last 18 months with drinking moderately BUT it's creeping up in a big way. Last night I drank far far too much and was v drunk. It was a Christmas meet up and I just lost my way and went wild.

Damn, damn, damn! I now feel dreadful, hardly slept cos of worry and I spent a fortune that I can't afford. I am so annoyed with myself I want to cry my eyes out.

@duchessgummybuns well done. I was prepared to give up drinking altogether if I couldn't moderate it but this system luckily works for me. I rarely drank until my late 20s and managed to have a ball at university etc completely sober. It's society that makes us think that we can only have a good time with alcohol. That's absolutely rubbish though. I did go out in Sept sober and despite a few twinge I managed to have as good a time without the drink. Was also able to function the next day so cutting down and cutting out alcohol ultimately means more fun. I can fit so much more in my day now that I'm not drinking every night and I have a lot more spare cash to buy or do more stuff. I've been treating myself to nice food, clothes (which fit so much better because I've lost a couple of stone just through cutting out /down alcohol), activities etc. Being alcohol free isn't a punishment and life is more enjoyable.

Morning all
Just catching up on the last few posts.
Well done Mint I am glad to hear you managed to resist especially after being so long AF. I have my xmas do tonight so may need a handhold later..
Ruby how are you feeling now? I did exactly what you did a few weeks ago. Unfortunately with the best will in the world it happens sometimes. You just have to chalk it up to experience I suppose and try and learn from it.
Duchess I am much the same as you. All or nothing. Even though I have managed to moderate in the past I slowly make my way back to a spectacular fail which leads to the same beating up of myself afterwards and back to AF and so on and so on...I’m trying to break the cycle now.
Musti it’s great to hear you doing so well. I am desperate to lose at least a stone but not drinking leads to more eating for me. Must try harder
Mouse wise words as always. I hope things are going well for you.
Hi to all other babes and I hope you have a great day.
Watch out for me later as I may need that handhold

Handhold at the ready, Trust. And happy sober birthday, Duchess.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, Ruby - it’s a blip and doesn’t undo all the hard work.

Thanks all for your calming words. I'm feeling a lot better today. I can say for certain that it's not worth it.

I will actually nc people soon

Morning all
Crafty thanks for the handhold. It’s great to think people are thinking of me on here.
Luckily it was a free bar so not just wine, beer and OJ which is the norm at these things. Went in and asked for a ginger beer (AF) and they had it. Had a great time and even danced!! Got home at a reasonable time. My DH picked me up from the station and was so surprised I was sober.
I survived the Xmas party!!!!

Well done Trust that's a great achievement.

Can I get back on the bus please?

I can have sober evenings now but I am totally failing to moderate when I do drink. I got drunk last night and the hangover and shame are totally not worth it.

Unfortunately I've picked a bad day to quit again as we are having dinner with the in-laws any tips on surviving without alcohol?

Hi Googly I hope dinner with the in-laws was ok? How did you get on with not drinking.

I went through a while not drinking and actually found it fine. I have slowly slipped back into it but attempting to pull back. The thing that really helped me was the website www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com/. I just found it really helpful. I also started exercising more, eating better and drinking lots of fluid. Hope you achieve your goal whatever it maybe

Hello Babes,

Tis' me, Mouse

Im keeping an eye on the Bus and when the time comes, I'll pop a link in to the new thread, this one and of course the whole reason for us being here, because of the awesome JesusWhatNext and the pure honesty that our wonderful friend said to us in following days and weeks there after.

Stay safe everyone,

Love Mouse xxxx 💕 xxxx

Dinner was ok, instead of drinking I exercised my sarcastic humour which I enjoyed anyway haha I had alcoholic Christmas pudding though.

I slept well last night and woke up feeling much better than I have been too.

Probably won't drink tonight thought there is a small amount of open wine so I may just have to finish it off

Trust2017 Well done on the Christmas party!

Evening all! One seasonal social gathering survived. A few awkward questions about why I wasn’t drinking. I managed to deflect with a few airy ‘oh, I just feel better for it...’ comments and smiles. Thought maybe, ‘I think I have a problem...’ may have killed the festive vibe a bit! It felt a bit exposing nevertheless. Who knew going AF meant becoming a ninja changer of subjects?

Well done crafty
It was my birthday yesterday. It was strange not having the traditional champagne breakfast. I also got the generic bottle of prosecco from somebody who knows I don't drink I just had a quiet day putting up the Christmas tree , it was odd not being able to talk to Mum and we went out to dinner.

Its been 357 days since I last had AF. There's been hundreds of times when Ive craved it. It's been a hard year that's for sure.

Bloody typo. I meant to say Alcohol!!!!!!

Hello Brave Babes

I would like to tell my story......apologies in advance for such a long rambling post!

I’m a 43 year old mum of two girls 5 and 6. Married to a really great guy.

Since the girls were born, I really only drink every second or third weekend. But when I drink I cannot stop until every drop of alcohol has been consumed. If I run out, I will embarrass myself to try and get more alcohol – ring taxis, friends whatever....

But I only drink every once in a while so I’m ok aren’t I........! (so I’ve been telling myself!). The hangovers I get are epic, I will spend the next day vomiting and have often been unable to get out of bed for the whole of the next day leaving hubby to cope alone. If it weren’t for those hangovers, I believe I would drink every day or much more often. The hangovers are really the only thing that stop me.

I don’t go out to pubs/bars that often anymore. Most of my socialising is done with an amazingly funny, lovely, warm, kind group of mummies who are, like me, heavy drinkers. They however, can call it a night and go home and go to bed, whereas if there is still drink available I will drink till it’s gone or I collapse into sleep. We often meet in each others’ houses on a Saturday afternoon/evening, kids play sometimes and it’s all very lovely and happy till I don’t want to go home or when I do I make sure there if enough wine at home to keep me happy.

Before having kids I have -

Crashed a car drunk almost killing myself (I realise I could have killed/maimed someone else very easily)

I have slept with countless guys that I shouldn’t have and was not careful in any way

I have missed so many work days / family engagements / important occasions – could not count how many or expalin how embarrassed and ashamed I have felt because of these

I have put myself into so many dangerous situations – I’m definitely the cat with 9 lives. I have risked my life on two occasions that stick out in my mind (but there are more) – once getting on a moped in Greece with a complete stranger and heading off to a beach and once on a different holiday I left my friends and went ‘for a swim’ at night on my own.....how I did not drown is just amazing. I was about 19 / 20 years old when these incidents occured so my ‘drinking related bad behaviour’ is going on for over two decades.

I have suffered such low self-esteem, shame, embarrassment because of the above. I now suffer from anxiety and I think probably depression or, if not, very low mood quiet often. I have been on meds on and off for number of years.

But I’m life and soul of the party! (or so I think and maybe am for the first few hours – after that well, I’m probably a drunken mess)

In my day to day life I’m kind, intelligent, funny, empathic and a great friend. I love my family deeply and truly.

I drank nothing in my first pregnancy and a bit in my second – cannot let my brain even go to thinking about this statement too much. I have been blessed with two amazing girls but understand things could have been different with only myself to blame.

I fear and dread a life without alcohol. I’m life and soul don’t you know.......HOW COULD I BE ME ....SOBER?

Even though its only every second week or so, I am obsessing about it after a particularly bad weekend after last. I missed work on the Friday and Monday which hasn’t happened in years cause I was too sick to get up after bingeing on the Thursday and Sunday. (I’m obviously a shit planner too).

My little girl had her 6th birthday party this weekend so I did not drink at all. Well, after last weekend I’ve been frightened off for a while. I had a lovely, if trying, weekend. My husband was busy with work so I was alone with the girls for most of it and I did find a couple of moments when stress levels were high that I could have just opened a bottle of wine but I stopped myself. I couldn’t even consider being hungover for my little girls party on Sat and family dinner yesterday. In truth, I was a bit bored.........I realised that the wine takes the edge off that boredom when I’m at home.

We have plans all over Xmas which will involve lots of drinking and socialising.....I cannot contemplate a sober Xmas....

I have come here today to, in a way, confess that I’ve been hiding my problem for a long time.

You Brave Babes are very inspiring. I finished reading Clare Pooley's book last week and am in the middle of ‘Mrs D is going Within’. Both speak to me in ways I never thought they would.....
I’ve joined Club Soda on Facebook....again lots of inspiration there. The only problem I have with all of what I am reading is that the general theme is – I was drinking too much, I stopped, it was hard and now my life is more fulfilled than ever.......I honestly don’t see that happening to me.......I have a fear of being bored for the rest of my life. (irrational fear I know but it’s all-consuming).

I hope to be back on here again as often as I can. The 1st of January is a date that I’m thinking about in a serious way but I am literally scared out of my mind.......

Thank you for reading.

Hello, Idrink and welcome on board the bus. It takes real courage to face up to not only your present difficulties but to acknowledge there is an historic pattern to them. Would you be 'you' sober? Big question that haunted me for a long time too. In my case I'd say the things I like about myself are still there without alcohol. Things I was struggling with and using alcohol to mute have risen to the surface, yes, but I feel clearer in my mind to address them too. The brutal inner critical voice I can have at times has gone a lot quieter and I'm less anxious. I'd say - with care - that you may well meet more of you without alcohol. The fear of what you may find, and the fear of boredom, sound huge for you, and important, so some professional support if you choose to make changes to your drinking could be a big help.

As to Christmas: a massive stress point for most of us, and it sounds like it's too much to make a big change right now. Do you have people whom you can trust to keep you safe and make sure you get home ok after a night out? Is there anyone you trust enough to confide in and who could support you to stop drinking sooner than you would otherwise have done? When the whole festive shebang is over for another year, would you consider some counselling or other talking therapy to look at the patterns with your drinking that you have recognised, as well as that fear of what it would leave you with were you to stop drinking?

@Craftycorvid - @recovery18 - @Duchessgummybuns

I didn't hit watch so didn't know anyone had responded and to be honest I didn't remember I posted that night!

My STBX and I split 20mths ago but had to co-habit until a few weeks ago. I dated during that time. I've come to realise that my drinking binges occur when I'm unhappy in my relationships, even if only a short term one.
The thing is, I've now met a really decent man. Could this be the time to re-invent myself? I really don't want to mess up with him. I know my limits but chose to ignore them. I've told him about my drinking issues as he's in the medical profession. He's been quite helpful and understanding but I don't want to put him off me, so my motivation will be, I don't want him to see me totally p*ssed.
I totally cringe at the things I've said and done when on a binge. I never remember, it's all retold back to me. I could write a book about it, some of the things are really shocking.
So, well done to all of those who are AF. Xmas is the hardest time and I am NOT going to put myself in any vulverable positions!

Hello Idrink,

Thanks for writing such an honest post. If I didn’t have sons instead of daughters, I would have mistaken you for me!

I understand every single thing you say. I have done all of the dangerous and life-threatening things that you have done while drunk. I shudder when I realize how many drunken risks I’ve taken.

You don’t have to drink anymore. You could stop tomorrow. You don’t have to drink over Christmas, you don’t have to drink at New Year, you don’t have to give up on January 1st. I understand that you’re scared of giving up, but I also think you’re scared of carrying on. What giving up drinking means is that you take the power back, you regain control.

I hear what you’re saying about being bored. I’m nearly 500 days AF and life isn’t boring, but it is more predictable. I don’t wake up and have to piece whole evenings back together. My DH doesn’t wait nervously for me to come back from a night out, wondering what kind of terrible state I’ll be in. I had my work Christmas party on Friday and I sipped Coke Zero in the corner and went home earlier than most. I guess that does make me a bit boring but I’d rather that than being the last one standing at god knows what time of night, having lost all my dignity and made a total arse of myself. Because that was how it would have ended up if I was still drinking.

I grieved when I gave up booze. I grieved for the moderate drinker that I finally accepted that I’d never be. But I gave up because I realized that I hated what it was doing to me and I knew if I didn’t give up that I’d end up losing everything. I don’t miss it. I drank a lifetime’s worth in 25 years.

Good luck hon. You are doing all the right things to get yourself in the right place to give up. Giving up drinking doesn’t solve everything, it’s not the magic answer but it takes away a huge amount of stress and anxiety and allows you take responsibility for everything you do. And it makes you proud of yourself, which was a huge thing for me as I’d spent 25 years being horrified by my drunken behaviour.

Hi Idrink and welcome aboard, recognising that alcohol is a problem for you is a huge first step whether your aim is to cut down or stop completely.

I always think it’s as easy and as difficult as not putting that first drink to your lips. As time goes on it gets easier.

Day 30 for me, got my red chip from A.A. which I’m finding really helpful, it’s good to hear from other people who understand.

I think I’m going to get a T-shirt printed though, one that says “No I’m not drinking. No, not even at Christmas”... people have been hassling me lately it’s getting very old.

hello everyone, may i jump on board again, not sure that you will want though after i tell you that i am 'the awesome JWN' I dont feel very bloody awesome this morning i can tell you.

i have relapsed in spectacular fashion and i need help

once again i have put my marriage in jepordey , dh is fucking furious with me, im a total state and not coping with anything right now

just to fill you all in, i did about 7 sober years, fell off the bus a few times and climbed back on. generally all well with my world, DD got married, has a ds, did uni etc, very happy, dh was jogging along nicely, i got ill, have had to give up work (lucky that i can i know) but i have lost me again

i seem to have lost the person that i wanted to be iyswim?

anyway, just in the hopes you will all have me back

Of course we will @thebabe. Good to meet you although sorry you've lost yourself. I said those words to my GP and was diagnosed with depression, have you been to see anyone? Can you do any volunteering for a cause you feel strongly about? That makes me feel useful and like 'me'. We're all here for you

hello googly, thanks for the support, yes i do have depression, my illness is a huge cause for it, its chronic and not cureable so i just have to manage it the best i can drinking is the bloody worst thing i can do, it dosent help AT ALL so why why why am i back here, im so down with it all, have just read some of the first thread, i so want to get back to where i felt so well and in control and just to feel normal again. I had decided to volunteer for soemthing that interests me in the new year so i will be looking into that, i think it will help

so sorry for the pity party

Hi thebabes, your original posts helped countless people, including me, now it’s our turn to help you. And to me you will always be awesome, no matter what’s happening in your life and with your drinking.

Have you thought about AA? I remember that it helped you a bit at the beginning, right? Are you on medication for your depression? Or seeing a therapist? What about exercise? Are you able to get out and about regularly, even if it’s just for a walk?

I know you feel like you’re in a hole now but you are an amazing, resilient, funny, brave woman and you will come back from this even stronger .

thanks margie, very kind words which right now i feel not good enough to receive. i have been reading the thread today, what an amazing bunch of women!

yes im on meds for the black dog, among other things, im really struggling with my overall health right now, have been for the last 2 years tbh, however i would say the last 4 or 5 months have been the hardest - the really bloody stupid part of all this is is that i KNOW i can do sober, i LIKE being sober, i ENJOY being sober, i just seemed to have pressed the 'fuck it'button over the last couple of months - poor health, menopause, the loss of self, it all has just bitten me on the (too ample) arse.

anyway, back on the bus,

TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING