Brave Babes Battle Bus: Sunshine, Roses and Mocktails All Round

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

Summer offers all kinds of challenges for those of us trying to change our relationship to alcohol, pub gardens, summer holidays, school holidays, and apparently there's a big football tournament too. If you want to read where the bus has been so far this year here's the link to the
last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

The Bus is a bit of a Mumsnet institution, but it has an open door policy, no cliques, no judgement, and the welcome is always warm. So hop on and join us.

Hello duchess

That's the kind of thing my little furbaby does

Feel free to hit us with the relationship worries if you want to?

With winter blues I find a little morning mantra helps enormously. I live in a city with a huge number of homeless people. I wake up and tell myself how lucky I am to be safe and warm and to be able to do the simple things we take for granted like make a cup of tea and some toast.

Be really kind to yourself. In the Catherine Gray book she tells herself repeatedly that everything will be alright so long as she doesn't drink. I have been using that and it is working Ok so far, although I am a bit behind you I think at 14 days.

recovery That’s the same mantra I’ve been repeating to myself, as long as I haven’t picked up a drink i can call it a good day.

AA is really helping. You can share literally anything without judgement, you’d have to work pretty hard to shock the people there, some of whom have lost everything through drinking but are still finding reasons to smile in their sobriety. It’s very humbling, and makes me realise how lucky I am to realise my problem before I burned my bridges.

As for relationship, my bf can be emotionally abusive towards me when he gets stressed, which he has admitted he takes out on me because I’m there. So that’s shit. He’s since sought help is taking anti depressants and getting counselling but I don’t feel I can let my guard down just yet. I did tell him this on Tuesday night and instead of blowing up he listened and apologised and tried to reassure me, so that’s something?

I’m waffling again, last day at work today then I’m off to hospital tomorrow to see physio about the hand I broke (in a drunken incident) and it’s much improved. Happy Thursday babes give the wine witch a kick in the pants from me!

Hi babes! Glad AA is helping, Duchess. Now then: a serious question on the subject of....cake. Specifically, festive ‘treats’ that are frequently laced with alcohol, especially if home-made. It feels like one kind of conversation in refusing an alcoholic drink when socialising, quite another to reject auntie Eileen’s mince pies because they’re about 90 proof. Anyone got any nice ways round this or do you just go in there with the fact that alcohol is off the menu?

Lol corvid I’ve been wondering this myself. You’d hope the alcoholic content would “cook off” as it were, like when you add wine to Bolognese sauce. Not sure where that leaves us with Christmas cake that’s laced with all sorts after cooking 🤔

Hi guys,

Thought I would join this thread... I posted the other day for the first time after confronting the fact that I am alcohol dependant 

I have spent about a year drinking roughly 2.5 bottles of wine 4-5 nights per week. I had 3 bottles on Saturday ...then one glass on Sunday...and I have not touched a drop since. #4DryDays

Cancelled going out last night, and OH brought in a bottle of wine tonight which I refused so it is still sitting unopened in the fridge. Handling it okay so far minus difficulty falling asleep / restless sleep / a lot of horrible nightmares / brain fog...hopefully that will clear soon...

Doctor has increased the dosage of my anxiety medication so I think that will make a difference too...

Just wanted to say I'm glad this thread is here for support! 

Hello anon and welcome. Congratulations on day 4. Have you got anything to read? I found the books really helpful in first few days. Lots are mentioned on the thread and some websites like soberistas.

Since I stopped - only day 15 here, I have found my anxiety meds are working better. I think the alcohol was messing them up, so you may find your GP says you can reduce them in time.

Just something I thought of - did any of you watch The Apprentice? SPOILER ALERT:

The woman who was fired cocked up because she was drinking and made poor choices as a result Just think she could possibly have won if she hadn't been stood there guzzling wine and cider instead of working out recipes for the chocolates she was supposed to be making.

Anyway - keep on keeping on everyone.

Hi @recovery18 Thank you for the reply, and congratulations on 15 days!

I have a few books downloaded and also podcasts, but I've so far just been dipping in and out of TV, doing Christmas wrapping to keep me occupied and having walks and baths when I would normally be plonking myself on the couch with a tipple...

I love The Apprentice - OH and I always get wine in for the Apprentice and good food - basically Wednesday is our Friday usually for watching, so last night was a bit different!! Stuck at it though, just need to keep going!

Hi anonymous and congrats on 4 days! I find this thread really helpful for getting stuff off my chest, please do excuse my rambles though!

Day 20 here, got a bitch of a cold but I’m off into the city for a mooch after my hospital appointment, then making mince pies with my daughter before she goes to her dads. Have a great Friday babes!

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse 😊

Thank you for the kind remarks. This Bus is like a best; it loves you unconditionally, you're always welcome and you can jump on and off as you need to!!

So, who's worried about drinking over the next coming weeks? And, WHY?

The thing is, this is one of the toughest times of the year to stop, or make changes to your drinking habits. There will be some Babes who will be able to refrain as they do now, also those are the Babes who can half one drink and that's enough for them!

And then there are those who are already making up excuses not to go somewhere (pub, drinks after work, Christmas get together etc) so that temptation is moved one step back.

But it's Christmas so why not have a drink and enjoy yourself? Well, if you've been AF for ANY AMOUNT OF TIME and you're working hard to stay AF, PLEASE don't undo everything that you've been through just to be able to be here, safe on the Bus with people who know EXACTLY how you are feeling minute by minute.

There are sooooooo many alcohol free drinks out there if you wanted to drink without drinking as such. Doing that really helped me. I drink Becks Blue or fruit ciders that are either a drop or no alcohol at all!!

The thing is, we're all different and from different backgrounds etc but on the Bus, we're The Brave Babes and we all know how you're feeling about drinking, or trying to avoid it!!

Some reasons for not drinking if you're asked -

You're the only one driving.
You're on antibiotics for a sore tooth.
You over did it last night so you're having the night off.
You've got an early start.......

You can see what I'm trying to say! 😂 Plus, stay out of rounds, that way you are in control of what you drink, or rather don't drink!! Keep posting 😊

The more you let your feelings out and learn to lean on the support from the Babes is unconditional and no matter how many times people may fail, trust me when I say that you're not on your own!!

Ever.

Much love,

Mouse 🐭 xxx

Thank you so much, Mouse. It’s important to remind ourselves how much bloody hard work it takes to become - and stay - AF. I think I feel too scared to start drinking again, but also that it’s beginning to be more enjoyable to not drink. First sober party and night out were weird, then it grew on me a bit. It’s still growing on me! This thread is like having an army behind me when I need reinforcements.

Hand hold needed. On works Christmas party and I really REALLY want a drink!!! It's been 348 days AF. I can do this.

You CAN do this mint
I don't know about you but I have only ever regreted drinking... NEVER not drinking.

Love mouse s post. I stopped in October of last year. My first sober Christmas was a challenge for lots of reasons but I stuck with it. Anyone who is waiting to stop till the new year there will always be an event coming up... for me there was always a wedding in the next 6 months and so I would carry on my daily misery to avoid an awkward moment in a event in the future. Wish I hadn't waited so long. I'm grateful every day for not drinking and Will forever be grateful to this bus for helping me.

Sorry I read every now and again and just had to pop on and wish mint luck tonight - not that you need it you have got this x

@MintToBee can you go to the loos for a bit and talk yourself down? Or out into the fresh air? Do you have any chewing gum?

You will hate yourself in the morning if you have a drink. It will only bring you misery. You can do this

How’s it going, Mint? What works for me is repeating to myself that you never regret the drink you never had. Reminding myself how good I’ll feel the next day: mentally and physically. Sleeping well and remembering the night before.

Sorry mint late to the party but handholding like mad!

There really are no good reasons to drink, don’t let other people pressure you. Focus on waking up tomorrow feeling fresh. Hope you’re ok xxx

Don't know if this is the right place to start?
So, it's 3.34. Couldn't sleep so got up and poured a Brandy. I got the bottle earlier but didn't fancy it at all. Now I'm in the twilight zone, can't stop. Felt so proud of myself earlier this evening for not touching it.
Alcohol is the root of everything that goes wrong in my life. I know that so why can't I change? I ended my marriage as we were both functioning alcohol dependent but now he's gone, I'm still the same, not as bad, but disappointed in myself. Yes, it's only been 3 weeks since he's gone so it's early doors. I know I'm making excuses for myself, my Dad died this year and I'm going thro the menopause. I'm already on antidepressants. I just don't know what to do! How on earth do I manage this?

You still up?

Hey TooOld don’t be so hard on yourself it sounds like you’re going through a lot at the moment. Alcohol won’t help but I think you know that, however it’s hard to let go of it when you’ve used it as a crutch for so long.

Have you got any RL support, friends, family? Otherwise Samaritans are good if you just need someone to listen so you don’t feel alone. Do you want to stop drinking? AA have been very helpful in my experience, but it’s a big step making that call. Admitting alcohol is a problem for you is a big step in itself though so well done.

Hopefully some babes will be along with wiser words than mine, hope you’re ok xxx

Did it!!! Thanks to you lot holding my hand in spirit! My god that was hard. And I luckily got to leave early as my work mate (who was on call) had to go back to the village so I got a lift home. Just watching the work group Snapchats and thanking his I didn't give in.

Mint so glad you made it and bloody well done. 👏🌟

Too old Oh, my love, what a tough time for you! Ending your marriage is huge, and it sounds like it was a decision you felt you had to make for both your sakes. Menopause is a bitch in itself. Everyone talks about the physical issues (which can be hard in themselves) but it’s the enormous re-evaluation of who we are and where we’ve been/where we’re going from here that asks us the big questions. I hope you find (as I have) a lovely on-line community of people to support you here. As and when you feel it’s right for you, some counselling could be really helpful too. You’ve already made changes in your life that take great courage to make. You can do this.

Well done Mint

Tooold You definitely are NOT too old to make changes. Look at what you have done already! You have freed yourself from a destructive relationship and that takes guts. You have taken the first big step. The Brandy was just a blip. You can do this.

Is there anything you can use as a crutch to replace the alcohol? Exercise/work/hobby/counselling?

When you are triggered try brushing your teeth or reading one of the many excellent books. I read Catherine Grays book recently and found it very helpful. I read Jason Vale in the past and still have Allen Carr upstairs ready for my next wobble.

Day 18 here and feeling great.

Day 22, survived the family pre Christmas dinner reunion hellfest without a drink despite it being held in a pub. Chucking down kalms and CBD oil but I made it.

Morning everyone

Sorry I've not read back but I just wanted to send love and strength to you all.

Stay strong, stay warm and stay safe in this weather!! If you've got no snow or ice yet, watch out for wet leaves 🍁 on the footpaths.

Mouse xxx

Hi all

Just dropping in to say I went dry in Sept and from October I only drink when I'm out and not a5 home. So at the most it's 1-2 per week now, some weeks nothing. I was drinking 1+ bottles of wine most nights before that, 2 or more when going out. I have kicked the habit and don't even think about it when I'm home. After so many years of negotiating with myself whether I would have a drink every evening and usually giving in and finishing the bottle it's a great relief. I've lost lots of weight and feel great and look miles better.

Good luck everyone.

Well done Musti sounds like you have a much healthier relationship with alcohol now.

For me I’m an all or nothing drinker, I can’t trust myself to cut back so it’s best to cut out. I’m hoping as time goes on I’ll be more comfortable being sober. Had a sober birthday yesterday and it was ok ☺️