Brave Babes Battle Bus: Sunshine, Roses and Mocktails All Round

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

Summer offers all kinds of challenges for those of us trying to change our relationship to alcohol, pub gardens, summer holidays, school holidays, and apparently there's a big football tournament too. If you want to read where the bus has been so far this year here's the link to the
last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

The Bus is a bit of a Mumsnet institution, but it has an open door policy, no cliques, no judgement, and the welcome is always warm. So hop on and join us.

Footner done, so I'll have something fun to do next Friday!

Oh I love a good footner, I have one waiting - just need to find the time to do it.

DH and I watched the last series of No Offence, hadn’t realised there was a new series! Must find it on catch up...

I’d forgotten about Barrie the squid!

Hi aliasjoey I'm still around. Good to see you back on board

venus ! Lovely to see the ‘old’ regulars (and new faces too)

Morning all
Still AF here and feeling good. Just off to my yoga class then a day of “sorting” in the house. That is usually a cue for pour a glass of wine to help me through the chores but today I will have cups of tea and some loud music. It becomes easier when I start to break these habits. Even easier when I wake up on a Sunday and realise I feel good.
Small I totally agree re the bodyguard. It hasn’t grabbed me as much as Line of Duty. Still good but not great. I hope there is a good ending!
Have a good day everybody

Enjoy your yoga, Trust and hope it’s a satisfying day of sorting. What’s your loud music of choice for the task?

Off for a run. Really, who would have thought it. Not drinking appears to effect major personality changes. Though I have a sneaky feeling it is actually my real personality re-emerging. It will be nice to get to know her.

Hello, this came up on my active list so thought I would add to it.
I'm a 'recovering alcoholic' I suppose, I had my last drink on 3/6/17 (having drunk about 100 units + per week prior) and have been dry ever since. It wasn't easy to start off with and I should have got medical help as I had withdrawal symptoms which can be dangerous. I kept a diary for a while of my emotions which were all over the place.
Things that helped me (in case they are of any use to people struggling)

• I binge read stories on the internet from people who had successfully stopped drinking. I couldn't get enough of them!
• the website sober recovery forum.
• 'rational recovery' a book by Jack Trimpey
• which helped me recognise my 'addictive voice' - that little voice in your head that says 'come on, life's too short' or similar. I acknowledge it but don't interact.
• 'playing the tape forward' and running the narrative in your head past the warm pleasant feeling to the inevitable consequences of embarrassment, feeling shit etc etc
• I went to SMART recovery groups in the early stages.
• filling the gap that drinking leaves. I now put more effort into my work/children/OU degree/am now training to be a volunteer/mentor with young people.

I am still 'finding myself' and have had to lose a few 'friendships' along the way, but other relationships have improved and strengthened. I never thought I would be happier without alcohol but I really am! It's just taken a while to get there.
All the best to everyone on here.

Morning All. What a lovely lot of larks!

Alias, not only is No Offence back, if you use All 4, you can binge watch the whole series before broadcast!

TrustI've found I've been 'sorting the house too' - rather than doing 'just enough. Enjoy your yoga.

Small, I remember the 'real* you from your long stretch in 2015, she's lovely and well worth knowing.

We have a plumber coming round to quote for refitting the main bathroom - we bought this house four years ago, not an obvious 'doer-upper', but have discovered gradually that nothing was done right, and have been sorting out one room at a time. Downstairs is now done (new kitchen, re modelled dining room and living room that had to be completely gutted, floors levelled, ceilings and walls plastered, new boiler and radiators, replacing odd and non-standard pipe-work), so now upstairs can get some attention!

Off to walk SweetDog. Enjoy your Saturday.

How brilliant, ashtrayheart, and such good advice. I haven't done it so much this time, but when I have done long stretches AF in the past, I've binged on 'quit lit', those affirmations of the good that will come need as much reinforcement as the harm that comes from carrying on in old patterns. Also playing it through the end - I hold on to a very strong memory of how it felt after a few days af in August when I had just one glass of wine and suffered the most god-awful hangover - that is more powerful for me than the vague threat of health problems in the future.

Loving 'quit lit' !
Good plan re the holding onto the hangover memory. I've got several very cringey memories of things I have done and said under the influence, which I use to draw on when necessary!

Ash, do you mind me asking what the final straw was for you?

I realised that every time I have stopped for a while then gone back to drinking, my consumption has gone up. None of this 'resetting normal' that people talk about after Dry Jan, I just went straight back to a bottle, then more per night. I've just about coped being high-functioning for a few years, but it was really getting in the way of my ability to get anything done. But it's still just one day at a time.

And today I have cleaned the kitchen (deep clean, not just wiping down), the bathroom; polished my Dr Marten collection , and lot's of other little jobs that generally get over looked. It's not exciting, but clearing the decks is absolutely necessary.

Being productive definitely helps!
'Re-setting' did not work for me either (clearly) and I tried many many times... lasting from a few days to a few months. Every time I started drinking again I set rules for myself (don't drink at home, when out only have 2 drinks etc etc) But I always broke my own rules eventually!

The final straw wasn't even the most embarrassing, not when I compare it to other things I have done or said in the past. I think it just came after a week of very heavy evening drinking and made me realise what kind of person I had become. I had received a Facebook message from my daughter's ballet teacher, who is probably one of the most loveliest people you could meet. She was politely asking if I was interested in one of these schemes she was involved in (can't remember which, juice plus or something) and instead of nicely saying thanks but no thanks, I sent a message along the lines of don't send me crap like this (I was so drunk I can't actually remember the wording). Then thought shit I don't want to see the reply and blocked her

The next day my partner said what on earth did you send to K - she has messaged me saying so sorry for messaging you like that and she didn't mean to cause offence - she would message you directly but you have blocked her I had forgotten I had even sent it to start with.

I messaged her and apologised profusely and that day I decided to stop drinking. I posted on Facebook and told my whole friend list I was an alcoholic and that was going to stop drinking from that point. Hugely oversharing of course and I know Facebook gets mixed reviews! But I got an overwhelmingly positive response and I do think this has held me accountable. I would feel a right fool if I started drinking again!
K saw my post and messaged me about her alcoholic father and how much she admired my 'bravery'. I feel very grateful towards her for her part in my sobriety!

ash well done for coming on here and posting. It does take courage to admit when you’ve made mistakes.

I’m back on the Bus to find alternative ways of sticking to my limits... usually I’m pretty good at knowing my maximum, but a few weeks ago I made the mistake of starting to mix my wine with orange juice. I only allow myself a couple of glasses 2 or 3 times a week. But I crave more, for it to last all evening, and diluting with a OJ seemed like a good idea (I don’t like fizzy water)

Anyway, I had to go to the dentist after a filling fell out, and just a week later had to go back with a chipped tooth! The dentist again told me all about acid erosion, I already knew but forgot how acidic OJ is. And wine of course.

And I get bad reflux, especially if I’ve been drinking. and I used to throw up a bit... she probably thinks I have bulimia, which is weird because I sort of did - but with alcohol, not food - if I’d drunk too much I would make myself sick. (Not done that for a while since I’ve enforced the 2-glass rule)

It almost all boils down to wine, basically. So I’m trying to find ways of making my 2 glasses last. I don’t like most low-alcohol wine (too sweet or fizzy) but have a new one from M&S to try. Google also says it’s possible to dilute with ordinary tap water... don’t know what that will be like, but willing to try anything! My teeth are just not in great condition, and I hate dentists anyway 😞

Ash that's a hugely brave way to make yourself accountable. I've told more people I've stopped this time (Dry Jan doesn't count because so many people do it - hiding in plain sight), but not why.

Alias, have you tried starting later? Sorry, that probably sounds simplistic. It sounds exhausting trying to moderate that way. I completely understand not liking dentists - finding one you can trust and feel comfortable with is hard - I've had two , both retired, and I'm avoiding finding a new one at the moment.

Anyway, I'm away to bed now, sweet dreams all.

Morning all. Gloomy one here, though I have dragged myself out for a very damp run (purely so DD has no weather-related excuse to refuse to do junior park run in a couple of hours).

Alias I agree with Sweet - it sounds a very exhausting process but I am really pleased it is working for you and I am impressed that you have made yourself moderate. I catch myself feeling slightly envious and I have squashed that! Anyway, I definitely drank wine with tap water which feels to me at least like it might be preferable to OJ, so maybe give that a go.

All good here, though it was very odd watching Strictly last night without a bucket of wine on tap. On the plus side one of my children asked me why I was so happy at the moment (and then ruined it by saying ‘because you’re so calm right now I think maybe its a good time to tell you I have lost my [sixth] school cardigan’). I was zen. Gritted teeth, but zen.

Did wake up in the night worrying about Christmas. Lord. Specifically about not drinking at Christmas. How sad is that - and I know all the dialogue to talk myself around it, one day at a time, drink is not a reward, blah blah, but still, dispiriting that my subconscious was clearly pondering this at 2am and woke me up to tell me about it. Grr.

What is everyone up to today? Ash thank you so much for sharing your story. I am glad you are doing ok.

Morning All, slow off the blocks this morning, all though I have been up for hours.

Small, I am watching the rain coming down in stairs rods and admiring your dedication to running. Even SweetDog poked his nose out of the door and retreated back to bed in disgust!

Projecting forward is deadly for me (yes, Ive had the same slightly panicky thoughts about Christmas). But projection is based on our current experiences and habits, not the ones we will have strengthened day by day over the next three months. And I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that the particular vision of Christmas that is pressed on to us is rubbish anyway (although I can say that from the perspective of someone with a 16-year-old who will just want money and a very specific couple of books and albums anyway, so no 'making magical memories' or elf on the shelf shit for us! But I do decorate the house to within an inch of its life). So if I'm not bothered with presents and the stress of the build up, why should I be compelled to start drinking over breakfast because its the one day of the year its socially acceptable?

Today I will be making sure I am fully prepared for the first teaching day of the semester, doing a proper Sunday dinner (after finding the dining table last week), then settling down to The Bodyguard without falling into wine induced coma.

How about everyone else?

I'm off to see my eldest daughter then my Gran! Nothing against either of them but I would rather be in bed still

The 'firsts' are hard - first sober Christmas, birthday, holiday etc
Hard as in the perception of how you think it will be. The pleasant reality might surprise you and then the seconds and thirds are something to look forward to without the worry of overdoing it and hangovers!
I still eat too much though

small at your daughter using your new-found calm to confess losing her school cardigan!

Well the low alcohol wine wasn’t great, and it also gave me a hangover! So forget that idea, I’m back to diluting with water... but not til later in the week (I’ve discovered that if I drink 2 nights in a row something switches in my brain and I end up in a downward spiral, so now I try to make sure and have an AF night)

Good suggestion about starting later, but I already do and just start going to bed/getting up late. And yes I know it’s hard work doing the controlling & would be so much easier just to quit completely... but not ready for that yet!

Alias, do you think it is wine that is your specific problem? I know there are a couple of Babes who have moderated fairly successfully as long as the only drink something other than wine - so one (pub measure) very long G&T, or a small bottle of beer? Just a thought if you're not ready to give up completely, maybe one nice something else would be better than two glasses of shit low alcohol wine!

I've spent most of the day on work prep, drank too much Becks Blue, and had an asthma attack whilst I was walking doggo that has really taken it out of me. So it's pjs on, fruit tea and waiting for the Bodyguard before another (thankfully) AF bedtime.

Pff, struggling tonight. Really grouchy and v v interested in the idea of wine. That’s all it must remain - an idea. But I am disappointed - even though I know this to be rubbish I still think recovery should be linear and that being on a generally upwards trajectory means I should have dips or blips. Which I know is silly. Need urgent distraction, without requiring either expenditure or having to be nice to children - if I can limp through til 9 I should be ok when the Bodyguard starts, if only so I can shout at the telly.

Ma are you back from your trip yet? Are you ok? Alias I am so sorry re the hangover - that’s just monstrously unfair, after low alcohol wine.

Duh, at this rate I could spend the intervening half hour correcting my own typos ‘..should NOT have any dips or blips’. Obvs.

Small you're about three days behind me? Weds-Friday last week I was feeling, twitchy, eating too much to distract myself, and feeling ok in the morning, but grouchy at night. I think it must be another stage of detoxification. It will get better. Don't the DC have some homework you could do for them?

Thanks Sweet that’s comforting.

Grumping my way off to bed, to try to decode Bodyguard. Feel slightly cheated ans as though there are a lot of loose ends somewhere, but am rather too crotchety to figure out what and where.

Night all!

Morning All.

No, I wasn't sure at all, either, Small, some good tense stuff, but then all a bit rushed and convenient.

Long day ahead, but better to face it without a hangover. Big shoutout to Babes who haven't posted in a while, don't be afraid to hop back on. See you all later.

Good luck today, Sweet - hope it goes well.