Brave Babes Battle Bus: Sunshine, Roses and Mocktails All Round

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

Summer offers all kinds of challenges for those of us trying to change our relationship to alcohol, pub gardens, summer holidays, school holidays, and apparently there's a big football tournament too. If you want to read where the bus has been so far this year here's the link to the
last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

The Bus is a bit of a Mumsnet institution, but it has an open door policy, no cliques, no judgement, and the welcome is always warm. So hop on and join us.

Blink I'm not sure it's your tolerence changing (if you are anything like me), but it's actually recognising the hangover as not normal rather than it just being how you feel on a daily basis. But really well do for planning and sticking to it. I does seem silly that we give our precious time off to the Wine Witch, when we should be making the most of it.

Hey, just checking in.

Blink, well done. I’m really impressed that you executed your plan - hope the moderation sticks.

Sweet - how were the Freshers? Gosh, that takes me back, but its a whole different ball game now. How lovely that they had SweetDog to reassure them. Did the toxic colleagues strike today or did you and ninja dog hold them at bay? Do feel free to drop him round my office any time - I could do both with a cuddle and a repelling (not -ant) guard dog.

All good here. A gentle Monday evening catching up with some work and trying hard to curb my instincts to re-do the children’s sloppy and inaccurate homework. I suspect the children (if they knew) would prefer me not to be AF as by now on a normal Monday I’d be so far down a bottle that the idea of their homework wouldn’t float across my consciousness. But I am determined to be AF and a more present (if annoyingly interfering) and emotionally consistent mother to them.

Evening Small. All quiet here too. Freshers all look ridiculously young - Most of them will have been born in 2000 - I have been at my current institution longer than that .

Sweet Dog has magical powers to make people smile, but he is not the only doggo on campus, there's quite a pack! I sorted some of the minor issues, there's still some major crap to wade through, but I am so much more calm and resilient without the booze - it's not going to extend to getting involved with DS's homework though!

Another day managed - in other news after four years symptom free, I am asthmatic again . . . living' the healthy life!

Morning All, me again.

Day 20 for me. I've managed to cut out most of the refined sugar now, but I'm still over using Becks Blue as a crutch. I'm suffering poor sleep at the moment - but that's all tied up with stress, asthma, and hormones too. But I know I can cope with the tiredness better if I am AF. As tempting as it to reach for a night cap, I know it won't help, and I would be cross with myself.

Have a good day, Babes. Hop on, say hello, good day, or bad day, no judgement, only support.

Thank you Sweet & Small. I have to resist the urge to re-do the kids’ homework too...and also have to manage my involvement as i’m a bit of a perfectionist which I have finally twigged is not always helpful😬! Wishing all a good day!

Morning all.
I am still doing dry September and it is actually going ok. I’ve had one blip caused by a very sunny afternoon and a desire for gin and slimline tonic. I enjoyed it and I didn’t beat myself up the next day. Just carried on. I think maybe the being “allowed” something means I think about and want it more. I’m similar when I’m dieting. Sooo my plan is to generally not drink and be pleased with myself when I don’t because I also feel so much better BUT don’t agonise about having a drink and berating myself if I do. It’s a minefield and complicated thinking but I think some of you will know where I’m coming from. I am practising yoga quite a bit now and this helps particularly the mindfulness part of it. The reasoning behind using drink as something which quiets the mind seems quite relevant and if this can be replaced by something else such as meditating then it is all good.
(Well I can understand the reasoning but the putting in practice is the hard bit )
Hope you all have a good day.

Trust, I really get the 'complicated thinking'. The answer, regretfully, is that abstinence is my simple answer. But you are right not to agonise, and stopping like that is really good.

Today I didn't really have cravings as such (not specifically for wine), but from about 10 o'clock I have just been eating and eating, I just couldn't seem to find the thing that would satisfy me. I think it's a response to tiredness and maybe pms. Anyway, made it through, tomorrow morning I won't regret not drinking.

Well done Blinking, Trust, Fox and Sweet (and anyone else feeling proud of their progress - apologies for not really keeping up with the thread). You all sound to be doing so well I feel slightly embarrassed by my 3 days a week AF. Even so I do feel better for giving my body a regular break from the booze and am even sleeping a bit better too. The challenge now is to see if I can really ‘do’ moderation on the other days - I’m easily putting away a bottle of wine most days I do drink at the moment. I’m also stupidly scared of sober socialising - Fox, I wonder how you got through your recent social thing where everyone else was drinking. Was it awkward, weird, boring? Or maybe it was fine. I just really struggle with concept, which I know sounds ridiculous - I’m a reasonably competent adult but have been hiding behind booze since my teens - how does one break that association?

Anyway, best catch up on some work now while I have my clear (but also very tired) head on.
Good night all.

Morning All.

The worst thing about sober socialising, Peckish, is not that people challenge your not drinking, or that you feel too shy to join in (but yes, these things might happen), or that you're not sure how to do it. No, the worst thing is that about half way through you will realise just how boring drunk people can be. You will start to hear repeats of stories from earlier in the evening, they will say stupid things, get distracted half way through a conversation, they will fall over, slur . . . add your own list here. And then you'll realise, "Bloody Hell, that's what I'm like when I drink" . Think about the positives, not the difficulties, you will remember the night, you won't have mystery bruises, you won't have been indiscrete, and like Small you can be the annoying chirpy one singing and whistling like Snow White doing the house work next morning.

Do you have any ideas how you might avoid finishing the bottle once it's open (that's my M.O. too)? Start later? Make a positive decision to make a hot chocolate at a certain time? Only buy half bottles? Think about how good you feel on those three AF days?

Can you tell I have a bit of a boing this morning? Sleep makes all the difference, I went to bed straight after Bake Off and apart from waking briefly at 1am because I was too hot, slept through until 6am!

I hang out a bit on Club Soda - reading - I don't tend to post because I don't post on Facebook anyway. A lot of people are setting goals - at the weekend it was 100 days until Christmas. My goal is just not to drink today, I can do that, and so far its got me to 21 days. If I start to think about not drinking at the theatre, not drinking at work events, not drinking at my parents, not drinking on Christmas Day, I am much more likely to press the 'Fuck It' button today. So I'm not projecting, just not drinking today.

Morning you gorgeous lot. Just checking in to catch up with you all. It's been 6 weeks today since Mum died and I'm still struggling massively. BUT I haven't had a drink which I'm bloody surprised about. Unfortunately I'm still replacing it with chocolate.

Anyway just wanted to let you know I'm here cheering you all on . You can do it!!

Mint, lovely to see you. Six weeks is still such a short time. Be kind to yourself and make sure the chocolate is the good stuff x

Funny old day, I've got lots done - hung three pictures, cleaned the dinning room table (a mammoth task in itself), swept the entire ground floor, treated both showers and all the sinks for limescale, answered work emails, walked dog, put up a light switch, but I don't feel I've achieved much , oh and thought about, but not drunk, wine.

How is everyone else week going?

I had to drink two litres of laxatives today get to the hospital in 65pmh winds and have a camera up my colon. So my week is a bit shit...🤭

Sounds like an adventure, Mint, bit of a crap one though (sorry). Are you home safe now?

Night all.

Morning All.

Sweet you’re doing a lovely job of cleaning the bus!

Afternoon all. Hope everyone is doing well. Mint, lovely to see you. Really hope you are doing ok.

I’ve entered that slightly ‘bored’ - therefore dangerous - phase of not drinking. The initial novelty/euphoria/fear has worn off and I’m now questioning what’s so good about it, why if it’s so (relatively) straightforward to abstain, I can’t have a quick glass and then stop again. (And yes I do know the answer to that. Some of us can moderate, some of us - me - can’t). I am trying every night as I go to sleep to list to myself some of the things I am thankful for about what sobriety has given me/enabled me to do that day, and to carry that over to the next morning. Reminding myself that it’s actively good to be sober, rather than passively resenting the absence of alcohol, seems to work at the moment for me.

How’s everyone doing?

SmallFox
I’ve entered that slightly ‘bored’ - therefore dangerous - phase of not drinking. The initial novelty/euphoria/fear has worn off and I’m now questioning what’s so good about it
As a previous poster said upthread, when you're sober you're not the boring drunk one repeating the same stories and waking up in mystery bruises. You'll have saved money and won't have a hangover. You can do this!!!

Thanks Mint - appreciate the boost!

Another thing - we talk a lot about sober sleep and I’m definitely starting to enjoy the benefits of that. My watch has a sleep tracker, and I’ve always been a bit sceptical about it, but looking back over the last 2 months the graphs when side to side are extraordinary. My sleep before trying to stop drinking was all over the shop - even when I was asleep it was chopping between deep and light and wake. Looking at it now, I have big chunks of each in clear and healthy patterns. It’s a real eye opener (or eye closer - I feel strongly like having a nap in order to test my newfound sleep hypothesis).

Also in only a couple of weeks my memory has improved (a bit). I am sure this is down to better sleep. Though I still wish I had not read that book ‘Why We Sleep’ earlier in the year - I keep bemoaning all the good sleep I lost through alcohol and the benefits of which I will apparently never be able to recover.

How are other recently AF babes sleeping? I think newfound sobriety/moderation affects us all differently in this respect.

Hello babes I don’t know if anyone remembers me, I used to be on the Bus a few years ago. I got off the Bus because I thought a train would be quicker, but it turned out there were trains cancelled all the time, the carriages weren’t very clean and there was a weird guy sitting opposite eating custard creams.

And also I missed you lot.

So please catch me up, what have I missed, who’s still around? And is the camel still on board?

Morning All.

Alias of course I remember you. It's a bit quiet at the moment, but there are plenty of Babes who will welcome you back too. The camel, Barry, Spirit, and (shhh) horrid baby doll, are all around somewhere, so careful where you sit . You know the deal anyway, you have a life time ticket and can wave down the bus when ever your need.

My proof-reading skills are shocking.

Friday plans any one?

If the start of the weekend is a struggle for you, remember that Saturday and Sunday are your time, you want to give yourself the best, the clearest head, the most energy. Having a plan for filling your time is the best way to succeed.

I AM going to get round to doing my footer, and I have already made my dinner for tonight, bought the Becks Blue, and polished up my giant hot chocolate cup!

Hey Alias and of course I remember you as well. Hello! It is really nice to see you. Trains are overrated. I have an almost full bag of opal fruits, but have eaten the orange ones. I’ll put them at the front, out of range of the camel. I really hope you’re doing ok.

Wise words about the weekend Sweet, though if you wouldn’t mind telling my kids and my office that weekends are ‘for me’ that would be much appreciated! I have so enjoyed the last couple of clear headed weekends. I am hopeful I can do another. Not sure about plans for tonight - DH wants to catch up with the Bodyguard before the denouement this weekend - I have to say after a stellar first episode I’m not loving it so much (which I know is heresy) and keep thinking lovingly of Line of Duty instead. Anyways, the kids and I are excited about Strictly tomorrow - DH less so and he says he is Going Out. Not sure what that mysterious concept entails.

What is everyone else up to? Sweet I hope you get your footner night this week and that the nasty work people don’t mess it up again.

Small you can have all the orange ones you want, red are obviously the superior kind (well, actually, green are but I don't think I could take Ma in a fight ).

It gets better with the DC - I never thought soft play hell would end, but it did . . . then swimming (god I hated swimming, but I went), . . . then trampolining classes . . . then travelling to fishing lakes . . . finally he has a bus pass and is way too cool to spend his spare time with us! Work, well I'm guilty of having poor boundaries, so I can't help there.

We're up-to-date with The Bodyguard, but there is so much good drama at the moment, Killing Eve, Trust, No Offence. DH wants me to get up to date with Black Earth Rising, but I'm struggling to fit it all in. That is another advantage of being AF though, I can remember what is going on in them all because I didn't fall asleep half way through!