Brave Babes Battle Bus: Sunshine, Roses and Mocktails All Round

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

Summer offers all kinds of challenges for those of us trying to change our relationship to alcohol, pub gardens, summer holidays, school holidays, and apparently there's a big football tournament too. If you want to read where the bus has been so far this year here's the link to the
last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

The Bus is a bit of a Mumsnet institution, but it has an open door policy, no cliques, no judgement, and the welcome is always warm. So hop on and join us.

Hello all,
I've not been around much. Life is not good. My daughter is very ill and has been for months so I'm exhausted and anxious.

Things will get better but right now...

I tend to post on light subjects like fashion and I'll admit to a few gins here and there.

I'll be back and meanwhile wish everyone well, love to all.

Lux, I’m so sorry to hear that. Thinking of you and your daughter. Lovely to see you. Really hope you are bearing up.
We’d love some fashion tips on here too!

I was af yesterday. Today I feel awful, I just can’t stop thinking about wine. Work is stressful as hell and being hungover doesn’t help but I always want a drink after. I want to go out for a walk but I know I’ll end up in a pub or off license so I’m just lying in bed.

Babes, sorry for disappearing over Summer, I last posted in june and was doing well, but gave in to WW big time in July and August. Worse than ever, 1 1/2 sometimes 2 bottles a day. I'm not even sure how I've managed to stop, my memory is shot, but here I am, day 15.

I've skimmed back, Mint, so sorry for your loss, I hope you're taking care of yourself.

Marfisa, academia is not a happy place at the moment, you need your A-game, the constant thinking about alcohol is exhauting and distracting.

Ma, Cyprus is lovely. Good that you've heard from Indie, she was a rare wit!

Venerable Venus wise and constant as the Northern star as ever.

and Smallfox, you can do this, you're marvellous and strong, don't give cancer more to feed on.

So many I would like to NC, I will over the next couple of days, promise, but for now I'm off to bed. Sweet Dreams, Babes.

Hey Sweet. Super pleased to see you. I hope you’re doing ok. I’m tired and on phone so won’t say much now other than it is lovely to have you back (and to be back).

Got a tricky weekend ahead, two big social do’s (most unlike me). Feeling cautiously positive, though. Like you say, Sweet, I can do this. We all can. And together is better.

Night, all.

Morning All,

Lux, life sounds very stressful, do you know what's wrong with your daughter or are you stuck trying to find a diagnoses?

Right then, where is everyone at?

chestylarue52, did you get through day 2? You need to get past the hangover, then things will improve.

Is Twattage on her travels again?

Wrongwayup, what's the plan? it's still only the middle of September, is moderating for the rest of the month doable? Are you aiming for Sober Oct because it is easier to do it publically?

I just had to make the decision to stop, I can't moderate, I had lots of day ones over Summer that ended at midday, I was feeling pretty crappy ad out of control. Being sober doesn't solve everything magically, but it does give me the clarity to work on stuff.

Anyway, I have to walk SweetDog and get DS to the college bus stop. Have a good day, Babes.

Hey sweet lovely to hear from you. Yes I know what's wrong with her but treatment is long. The impact on all of us is terrible.

Glad you're back on track after summer.

Lux, that is tough and exhausting I would image, {{{{love and hugs for you}}}}

Friday afternoon, it's a toughy, but not having any wine in the house helps. Tonight is going to be 'Footner Friday' for me, so that's an hour I'll be stuck to the sofa, then next Friday I can have the joy of the peel!

I won't lie, not drinking is a bit boring at the moment (because work is so busy I suppose, it's sucking up all of my time and energy, but at least it's getting done!). But, I have lost a kilo this week, the bloat in my face and waist is disappearing and my sleep is (mostly) better. Sleep has been the worst thing over the Summer, I'd not managed more than four hours most nights, waking up at 3am and not being able to get back to sleep I heard SO MUCH World Service. I put on almost 7kg, I looked haggard, I couldn't achieve anything. I have to conclude that alcohol is an evil, and I don't deserve it, I deserve to give myself a chance.

Anyone else planning a pamper session as a Friday night distraction?

I’m with you on everything you say, Sweet. And I am also noticing how much more confident I am sober, which is odd when half the time I’d have said I was drinking to give myself social confidence. (And the rest of the time I’d have said I was drinking because I couldn’t not drink).

I’m away from home today so my pampering this afternoon has taken the form of retail therapy. I’d love to say I’d just spent what I’ve saved on booze but in reality I’ve spent waaaaay more than that. There’s a Bubble Hour podcast on the dangers of replacing alcohol with shopping (both produce similar dopamine reactions, apparently). But at least I am not doing both together which hopefully means I won’t wake up thinking ‘why on earth did I buy that? And indeed, when did I buy that as I have no recollection of purchasing it at all!’

What’s everyone else up to?

Small, , I can safely say I have never drunk shopped without remembering . . . but I have drunk shopped and spent much more than I would have thought sensible sober!

I hope you got some lovely things.

Hi. Just checking in. I blithely proposed dry September a few weeks back then promptly disappeared. Turns out I’m still not ready to be dry but I have at least managed 3 AF days in each of the last two weeks. Not good enough, but better than nothing and I have coped far better at work without the constant low-level anxiety that a hangover brings. Hoping to develop some healthier habits and take it from there...

Happy weekend to you all.

Morning Babes.

I'm still AF, I have no idea how. My lovely plan to sit for an hour with a footner went well and truly tits and arse up - and yes, that requires remarkable skills of contortion, but that's how it is. Bloody, bloody work. Bloody, bloody wankers who send things out last thing on a Friday so you can't do anything about them but fume and expend emotional energy. I am still shaking this morning - it's too complicated to explain - ins and outs of academic life, but basically, I am being well and truly screwed over - I think there is an actual attempt to force me out in one of the departments I work in, and if I try to raise the issue I will be referred to Occ Health (again) to prove that I am capable.

OK, rant out, ignore me.

Peckish, three AF days a week is good - NHS guidance is at least two days, so you can feel good about that - has it helped reduse your over all units?

Time to walk SweetDog, stressful itself, there are a lot of deer about at the moment, and the smells are making him deaf! Then I'll spend the day in the garden trying to be mindful.

Don't let the wine witch steal your weekend, Babes. Back later.

Good to see sweet lux and smallfox posting. I love to know that you're all still around.

lux sorry to hear about your dd and I hope that some of your energy and positivity is helping to carry you all through a difficult time.

Hey Sweet, I’m sorry. That’s rubbish. Massively well done on staying AF in the face of such crappy attrition. I’m at a conference at the moment where we’re talking a lot about the scapegoating/victimisation of women in academia. It makes me so angry. Why should you have to prove capability when it’s you being screwed over in the first place? Hang in there and surround yourself with kind things this weekend, and take all the non-judgmental cuddles SweetDog will give you. Hope the garden gives you space to decompress.

Peckish - sounds like you’re doing really well. 3 days a week is a real achievement. I think sometimes we aim for total abstinence too soon/too exclusively (so if we ‘fail’ it’s back to square one or worse, drinking every day - all or nothing). I think your current approach takes guts, good sense and determination and you should be proud of where you’ve got to. If you want to go fully AF at some future date, there will be a time for that if you want there to be. We’re all in different places, some of us find moderation easier than total abstinence, some of us (me!) the reverse. But we are all on the same journey and we are all here to help each other.

Gorgeous day here. Hope the sun is shining on us all.

And PS - so sorry Venus - lovely to see you! Hope you’re doing well.

“Good to see sweet lux and smallfox posting. I love to know that you're all still around.”

This. Exactly this.

Marfisa, I remember you and I’m sorry to hear about your relapse. I could totally associate with what you said about perfectionism and having to do things right. The WW loves people who think like that! I hope you decide to phone your sponsor, I know it might feel like a guilt trip but AA should be there for you to get what you need out of it, not necessarily for you to follow all the rules.

Sending hugs to Lux, so sorry to hear about your DD. Ma, hope your trip is the good break you deserve. Good luck to all the new babes, it sounds like stress is a big trigger for many people at the moment but booze only gives us one more thing to stress about.

Venus, you’re a special person, so grateful for you.

good to see some familiar faces on here - margie and marfisa and small and sweet and lux and of course, venus.

Fly to Cyprus tomorrow. Being responsible for booking the trip and everyone's details has been really stressful. I made a few mistakes and had to spend most of the day on Friday pleading with the airline to make necessary changes to allow people to travel. I'm not to be trusted with anything detailed at the moment. thought it was ust menopause brain fog but GP thinks there might be more going on. have to have an MRI brain scan
Anyway, couple of days in the sun might help although as we are staying on the base i expect it will be Reveille at stupid o clock and rations out of tins!

Morning All.

Ma, that is very worrying, we will all have our fingers crossed for you. Meanwhile, enjoy the Cypriot sun, top up your vitamin D levels, and eat halloumi and water melon for breakfast.

Small, thank you, the garden was good for me, and SweetDog is a lifesaver. I think academia is pretty poisonous for everyone at the moment - sorry those of you sending your DC there, I promise we do our best to look after them, but I fear that the system is very close to breaking point, not unlike schools, the NHS, the police . . . I could go on.

I know we all discuss the ideal of moderation, I would love to be able to do it, but here is why I can't, why total abstinence is my only option:

There is a half glass of sherry on the coffee table. DH poured this gals yesterday at about 7pm, he drank half over the course of the evening, then went to bed. As much as I might fantasise about doing that (but not with sherry, he bought it because he knows I can't even bear the smell), I couldn't. The only reason I could leave an unfinished glass is because I passed out fell asleep before finishing.

That is why today I will not, must not, drink. Day 18.

Where did 'gals' come from? 'glass', obviously.

Well done on day 18 Sweet - especially in the face of such provocation. I’m ambling along behind on day 15 and feeling cautiously good. Sleeping well and feeling smug today after a big party where everyone else was wrecked and monosyllabic at breakfast (think I may have overdone the chirpiness - but the lack of hangover is a shiny novelty and I’m enjoying playing with it).

Ma I hope you have a great time, and that you’re ok. Will keep everything crossed. The whole peri/menopause thing is a crazy ballgame and one thing I’m clear about is that alcohol doesn’t help navigate its rules. Sorry if TMI but I am definitely finding my temper and temperature are way better AF than they were over the summer where I was dissolving in puddles of hot flushes (and wine).

Have great days, Babes. What are you all up to?

Spent the day turning compost (stops me over thinking). And now, sitting in the afternoon sun with a Becks Blue. Sweet Dog has also been relaxing, this is how he sunbathes!

Small, I stay ahead and check it's all safe . I love a bit of over-cheery-ness when I've been the sober one! Long may the play continue.

Although I had a bad summer, drinking-wise, my Dry Jan and Beyond app tells me I have managed 116 AF days this year, saving over £800. I couldn't have done it without the bus.

How is everyone doing this evening?

Morning All.

Welcoming Freshers today, so smiley face on pretending I'm not utterly ground down by the academic year already .

Sweet dog will be coming to work - he loves the attention, and the students are often missing their own dog, and there are certain members of staff who won't come into my office if he's there. Win, Win. (I should add I have a big note on my door saying I understand if students are scared of dogs or allergic, and I can meet them elsewhere, I also advertise dog-free office hours, which are never as popular as the 'dog included').

Quiet around here at the moment. Don't be afraid to post if you are struggling, or not AF, that's when you need the bus most of all. Stay strong, babes, and if you don't feel strong, sit down and borrow some strength for a while.

So I had my first booze this w/e after over a month of AF - it was planned as on Fri dh & I were celebrating a landmark moment and on Sat we were out. I didn’t go too overboard (under a bottle of wine both nights) but I felt totally bleurghh by Sunday morning (my tolerance levels have obv rather dropped) and didn’t sleep well on either night.... I only plan to drink on Fri/Sat evenings from now on but may have to reconsider even that as we are usually manic at the weekends and really need to be on form (which if i’m Honest is a bit terrifying)....I am so pleased to have managed the period AF I did and it has hopefully jolted me into the realms of moderation🤞.... I really want to sort out my anxieties and not use a glass of wine as a crutch.