Split up, but I am gutted. Please prop me up.

[charliecat]

Been miserable for a long long time, split with dp a couple/few days ago, dont know, time merging into itself.
Feel a weight has been lifted, know its best all round, but am gutted inside.
He was the bloke for me, and there wont be another, but it seriusly wasnt working, and wouldnt so theres no but ifs.
Wish i could fast forward 6 months, but cant.
Sympathy please.

crying is very natural and healthy i think

charliecat
well done for being so strong on this

tell me what will be better with no dp around...think positive!

Well hes sat nearly all day, except for sorting through a few things and me finding him weeping in the wardrobe
Hes going to see a room tommorow.
I dont actually feel this is a mourning for me as such though, just the hugest upheaval his life has had up to this point.
I dont feel that he can have possibly loved me, that much, as if you love someone you strive to make them happy, not make them miserable.
And it wasnt like I hadnt said, I had said. And he somehow manages to cause arguements over nothing...so out of the blue im being verbally assaulted and I havent said or done a thing.
Im slightly concerned about his mental health he looks dark and angry then goes into a rant about ...whatever, and hes paranoid too.
And prior to this he had cut his way out of our friends and my mums life...
shit.
The nice part of me wants to rub his head and say itll be ok babe, but fuck me, hes been a SHIT to me, with no reason or concern about me...so im not.
Hard faced bitch....ive become, but GOD, if he had given me the same consideration we wouldnt be in this mess.

my ex was the same, and i felt EXACTLY the same as you

I read some stuff you had written about your x on another thread, theres a sort isnt there, a type that just wont change.
What fucks me off is, hes nice to everyone else, and you would never know. WTF is that about?
Your not worthy of my niceness? You dont deserve it?

oh yes he was like that too

he seems to think he can come back here in july and stay here, as he is differnt now

he's onlydifferent because he hasnt seen me since august, as soon as he does he will revert to type, so i am not giving him that option

Message withdrawn

(for anyone reading I have told Harman why I didnt tell her about my crappy relationship and it was mainly because if it didnt come to an end I would look like a twat for still being there)
I am seeing her tommrow and will devuldge details

I found it really hard to talk to RL friends about any of my relationship issues for similar reasons, CC. Also I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable in his company.

My husband was very controlling & had quite a temper on him, but he also had a really nice side to him, which would mess with my head. I really wished for some huge change to happen, so that the bad side would go away & all would be just fine, but it never happened.

The actual separation process is just the hardest, no matter how much you know it's the right thing. It is a huge huge thing to go through & seeing their upset does make it all worse.
Once you get through this stage & begin to live your new life, it does get a little easier though, honestly!

Hope you're okay.

Oh and God. Wavering again. Trying to do housework but keep feeling like ive been hit in the stomach by something.
Good grief long may this NOT continue.

I hope you are ok charliecat.

Well hes gone now. Feel ok, but this is the norm, hes never here at 8.30 in the morning.
He slept in the tent with the dds last night and they are still out there.
Going to sort out finances today.
Last night we were attempting to talk, but kept arguing every 2 mins. Ratty, nipping at each other.
Thats probably the reason we didnt talk before. How the hell did it end up like that?
Theres no recovery from this, that was clear.

Oh Charlie, stay strong, it will all work out ok in the end.

Where has he gone, I got lost with what was happening with regards to that.

Someones letting a room in a house. Near his work about 30 mins away. He will be back tommorow for his stuff.

Ahh right, at least he isn't too far away for the girls then.

My msn is normally always on so just give us a nudge if you need to chat, shout, scream, whatever

Cheers saw you sign in a few mins ago lol Going to switch this off now, my house has been neglected and I am going to CLEAN today...xx

Clean, whats that ???

I am doing the bare minimum until they go back to school on tuesday

My kids are driving me mad i might send them back today and let them stand at the gate till monday....

Be strong charliecat you know you are doing the right thing, and once it's calmed down abit you'll be fine and probably wish you'd done this years ago.

Am draggig all his stuff out from under the bed and hoovering. Whats that then the opposite of nest building?
Have got the shakes.

Good god time drags when your having fun
Someone come and ruffle my feathers please.
I have gutted bedroom, now rest of house to do....

Well done - you can tick cleaning the bedroom off your list. I think you're doing brilliantly and would like to think I could be so strong in your situation. Can you give yourself a little treat when you've done all your jobstoday - a glass of wine or something?

Ive just saw a thread "Is it too early for wine" and wondered whether it was too early for a beer....lol, yes I think I will have a beer, but NOT YET, its only very early afternoon
The kids are going to get in the bath with some potions(food colourings) and im gonna lay on my tidy bed and read for a bit I think...thanks for posting Seem to have been posting to myself a lot recently

You spend all your time thinking about other people, so try to give yourself timeout each day if you can. Don't worry about talking to yourself on here - I have killed more threads than I can count!! Enjoy your book - I'm off now to get DD up from her nap (and my bedroom is still a tip - so be proud of yourself - I've achieved very little this afternoon apart from yacking on MN!)

Hmmm, thinking about this last night, and its really quite stupid, my original thread was called having a nice day till dp walks in the door.
And its true. Thats exactly the thing that went wrong. Pefectly nice day, then he would come in complaining, moaning that I had or hadnt done somethihng, completely irrelevant that didnt matter, having a dig because ive had all day to go to the shop and FGS didnt I remember to get milk earlier, and just a constant drip of insults, moaning because a friend has rang or insulting my friends/mum someone id mentioned speaking too because ?????? because they had spoken to me???
Feck knows.
Really quite sad. And he hasnt stopped. I walked into the garden when he was here yesterday to ask if he wanted something to eat and got a sarcastic comment how id be ok because my mates would text me and that would keep me going. Dripping with nastyness, his voice was.
Jealous? I dont know.
But good that hes still doing it in the weirdest way, because otherwise it would be easy to forget.

Time seems to have slowed down.
Read a spooky thread on MN and crapped it going to bed last night so took a truncheon
Hes being all nice now. What a fecking damn shame he couldnt have been before.
You know when its gone too far, and its really quite irrepairable?
Well this is it.