Find a man that loves you more than you love him!

[Neweternal]

I work with the beauty sector and often older clients over the many year who have been in happy marriages gave me this advice. I always thought it was something that didn't appeal to me as I wanted someone I'm crazy for. As time has gone on I see how someone who adores you and you feel slightly less about can work. Any advice here from others. I saw this quote to and it makes me wonder.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me!

Be the adored, not the adorer is the relationship advice I gave to both of my DC.

Bollocks. My DH used to love me more - but with time you both change and so does your relationship.
Instead I think what the quote really is getting to is finding a man who is kind and who believes in the 'doing' of love as well as 'being' in love - someone will meet you half way with investing in your relationship, from planning something for your birthday, to being nice to your mum, to noticing your new haircut, to not noticing (or pretending not to notice) the ridiculously gorgeous girl with the low cut top at the next table, to clearing up the kitchen before bed. That's the stuff that stays, and it doesn't matter who loves who more, it matters that he loves you, and isn't a dick.

How's about both adoring each other?

Yes it can work. It’s obviously nice to have someone you are equally mad about, and in an ideal world it would be completely equal all the time but in relationships one person almost always loves harder, longer, etc. just because of their differences in personality. I think the quote is saying women are more loyal in general so find someone who is crazy for you right from the start and you’ll have a pretty equal relationship as time goes on. I never understand why some people go out with men who don’t make a fuss of them or pay them much attention, don’t want to pay for their dates even at the beginning, or want to marry them. And that’s in the honeymoon phase when they are often on their best behaviour! What are they going to be like in ten years’ time? It’s only going to get worse. That’s a recipe for disaster in my eyes.

I've been wondering about this recently - I'm definitely the adorer in my relationship, but it gets really tiring after a while. The only problem is, when I was the adored in the past I just became bored really quickly. It's like that old Groucho Marx saying -"I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."

Oh god, my first ltr was one of them. The puppy eyes got old quickly.

I think it ebbs and flows over the course of a life long relationship. Sometimes I've been the adorer, sometimes DH. Sometimes we both have and sometimes neither. It's the communication through the lows and the fact that both are striving for the highs that matters.

To always be the adored is frightfully unrealistic imo.

The adorer is probably happier though. They're with their dream partner and in love. Being the adored is sort of sad because you're less truly in love and probably feel like you've missed out a little.

Bang on if you ask me.

Also never marry a man who is better looking than you.
Men need to be kept a little insecure so that they tow the line.

That makes me feel stifled, and guilty somehow...
I always end up dumping an adorer. I have wasted years being adorers to people i wished adored me tho

Yes murane. Maximisers or settlers.

Im a maximiser and my parents werent that into me!! I never have relationships. :-/
Nobody i like reciprocates.
The men who l8ke me are dreadful

I had adored and I had adoring and now I think I have both. Adored was annoying. Adoring was painful.

I waited a long time and kissed a few frogs.

I disagree - I’ve been the adored and it gets suffocating after a while

How boring.

It's trite bollocks, isn't it, designed to make excuses for men? They are 'only ever able to...' and blah blah blah. You either marry a man who respects you or you don't.

What awful advice. Expect to be treated with and treat back with love and respect.
It's not all power games. I love TH and he does me. At times we adore each other but neither one more than the other. A healthy long lasting relationship works well with mutual love and respect. I have seen one sided relationships so many times fail as the 'adored' gets complacent and fails to work hard at keeping the relationship and the adorer loses self respect.

I don’t think there is any truth in it

And they say that there’s no need for feminism any more..........

Lost me at 'it is ingrained into her, like maternity'.

Nope! No maternity ingrained into me, nor many others.

Pseudo-profound, pretentious bollocks.

My dp always felt more for me than me for him. Our relationship has been awful as I've never been able to give him the love he needs.
I'm leaving next week after 10 yrs .
It's a terrible idea.

Makes me want to vomit, quite frankly.

As for this gem of wisdom: Men need to be kept a little insecure so that they tow the line. Words fail me.

a woman will always give more than is necessary to her lover big fat bullllllllshiiiit. I will teach my children to value themselves and not be downtrodden.

It's trite bollocks, isn't it, designed to make excuses for men? They are 'only ever able to...' and blah blah blah. You either marry a man who respects you or you don't.

This.

I also think it has a subtle misogynistic message: if your DH doesn't 'adore' you, you'll probably end up being treated like shit. So, only women who can attract worshipful men won't be treated like shit. All other women need to accept this.