Really genuinely..is it ever better to stay together for the kids?

[GoodAfternoonSeattle]

This really.

I don’t want to go into too much detail. We have two very young kids. Three and nearly one.

It’s just not working any more.

I have a relative who is high up in education. Her view, in her experience, is that divorce and separation is very damaging to children. And I can’t do that to my girls.

But how can it not be damaging to grow up in an environment where your parents are always sniping and bickering? I mean we would never have a full on shouting match with the girls there but it’s low level horribleness.

What do you do then? Spend your life pretending that it’s all ok? Swallow down the sniping and the rage till the girls are old enough that they won’t be damaged?

They come first and I’ll do what it takes to keep them happy and normal but something needs to change.

I know a couple staying together for the kids. It's miserable and from what I can see, very damaging to the children. Family member, so I know the ins and outs of it, and I'm just so sad for all of them. But like others have suggested, counselling is always worth a try.

We tried to stay together for the kids, in the end it was the older ones that said it was excruciating and they could not stand it.

Being apart does not have to mean bickering and fighting. We managed enough respect for each other to work together to give the children the happiest and most settled childhood we could. It worked, several years on we are all fine.

This question has been on my mind for some time now. I'm in an unhappy marriage and in hindsight I should have left him when Dc was much younger (now 7). I wish I could turn back the clock.
We don't argue in front of dc and beside a few issues he's overall a decent parent, hardworking, loyal etc but I just don't love him anymore and haven't for some years if I'm honest with myself. In my case I believe it would be more damaging to DC if I left as he is without doubt happy at home with both parents. I'd be doing it for me and I don't think I could live with the guilt of splitting up his family for what seems like selfish reasons. This torments me daily

My parents split when I was 6 and although I struggled with the change I have very vivid memories of a feeling of relief and happiness that my mum was now happy.

.

I think it's easier for younger kids than older as they don't know any better, and I think it's entirely dependant on how the 2 adults act in the situation.

I am a child of divorced parents and have no contact with my father, he was a bad parent. I can't say I miss having him in my life as he always felt like a stranger to me, even saying the word "Dad" feels odd. He and my mum divorced when I was 2, I had a happy childhood and not having a dad around was something I didn't even think about back then.

As an adult I do now feel that the lack of a father figure in my life means I have ended up in unhealthy relationships over the years. I have a "saviour" kind of attitude to men in that I pick losers who I think I can "help." I'm very self aware of it though and so have chosen to stay single for the time being. But I'm not unhappy in life.

My exh and I split up when my DS was 10 months old. Our split was completely amicable. We are good friends and have a good co parenting relationship. I am the RP and DS has overnights with his dad. DS is about to turn 5 and a very happy little boy, obviously time will tell as he gets older but I think the fact that exh and I get on well and he is a reliable involved father will mean that DS won't suffer in any way.

Me and my ex split up before DS I was 2. I fought tooth and nail for us to stay together for his benefit but I wasn’t mugging myself off while he carried on shagging another woman.

Fast forward a year and a half and DS is thriving with 2 parents who work better apart. I’m expecting another baby and ex is engaged and he is a happy, confident little boy.

They’re so young they will adapt so quickly

Child of unhappy parents here. I used to pray for my mum to leave my dad, not sure what age but under 11. When she finally did when I was 20 it was a relief for her but did nothing to help me.i went NC with him when I had my own kids (30 years old). Purely because he was still a bastard to her after the seperation and I didn't want my boys learning that from him.

DH on other hand, divorced parents from 4 years, they kept it civil, nothing but happy memories and he went on to do exceptionally well education/career wise tho was difficult for a while during parents seperation.