“I don’t love you anymore”

[itsadventuretime]

Just a short question - did anyone get this speech served to them and then have their spouse turn around/take it back/go on to stay together?

No, he just turned into a complete twat.

No, within a week everything was over. Two weeks later I moved out (he bought the house before we met) and three weeks after that he was seeing someone else!

My friend did that speech & married the OW who appeared after about a week

This happened to my friend and a year later he has moved away and is seeing someone else. I suspect the ‘someone else’ was already on the scene before they broke up, though he’d never admit it.

This is almost always code for "I have met someone else" in my experience.

No because what it really meant was, "I am shagging someone else, but fancy screwing with your mind a bit first and making you feel it's your fault for being unlovable."

If anyone said that to me, they would be out the door. How can you stay with someone who anounced this!

Code for either an imminent breakdown or another person they have feelings for :(

To go totally against the grain, this is exactly what I said to stbexh. Because after too many instances of his selfish behaviour I simply did not love him anymore. I did not have a breakdown and was certainly not having an affair! He moved out, we are now officially separated and there is no going back.

I’m on month 3 of husband not knowing whether he wants to be here with me or not. I asked him to leave, I offered to leave, he refused both each time. We are now both in individual therapy. I’m exhausted. I just watched Coco with my DD and basically cried through the whole thing.

ruddy did you give him a chance to work on things?

I don’t love you anymore = I am seeing someone else

No, he was living with another woman within 6 weeks

I told my stbxh that thinking that once I said those immortal words there would be no going back...but no, divorce is going through but he still thinks he can win me back. FWIW there was no one else, I did just lose all love for after being treated pretty poorly for years!

..OW in the wings

Itsanadventure

Yup told him a year before I was not happy, he argued and disagreed with every single thing I was unhappy about! Tbh though pointing out to a grown up middle aged man when he was being selfish totally wore me down and killed any love for him.
That was just over a year ago, I am very happy single with dc and no plans for another relationship, he on the other hand, was on dating sites within 3 months of moving out.
To be fair to him though he has stepped up and has dc to stay at his regularly and is more hands on now than ever before (cos Im not there doing it all, plus working).
We are mostly amicable now, he does stray into bell-end territory now and again but I ignore and carry on doing my thing.

In my experience guilt for being with OW makes men lie and say twisted shit.

I said it; like Ruddy, I didn’t utter the words until I knew it was over. I’d asked for changes for years beforehand and got so low because nothing ever changed. So once I said it, I knew there was no changing my mind. And there was no one else waiting in the wings. He was on Tinder before he moved out, I met someone about a year after.

Yes I’ve been there and got the t-shirt. He’s said it but always begged to come back. Once he said it and he went back to a woman he had dated for a few months. When it goes tits up I get the proclamations of love etc. Be careful not to fall for it.

He said it, I thought he'd change his mind. He'd been shagging a girl at work for months and they were looking at flats together.

An OW would be a gift. Then I could get angrier and end this already.

I offered to leave, he refused

You don't need his permission if you want to leave.

Start living like your single and he'll soon make his mind up.

I was with my ex husband from the age of 14-36. We were happy (or so I thought) we both worked full time, a lovely house, 2 children etc. One night, totally out of the blue he asked if I was happy, he then went on to say he wasn't, and wasn't sure if he still loved me 'enough'. He left that night. I was in shock like you wouldn't believe. Within a week he then broke it to me that he didn't love me at all. There were no fall outs over it, just an awful calmness and sadness on both our parts. He denied there was anyone else, but I never believed him, what else could cause him to walk out on our family? Sure enough 3 months down the line he tells me he met someone. He's still with her now, 4 years on, (but I do know he's also on dating sites!). I met someone a year after he left and am now engaged, and can honestly say I'm happier now than I ever was with him, although I never would have thought I could be at the time. He and I have managed to remain on really good terms though so all in all it worked out for the best.

in my heart of hearts I think we genuinely outgrew each other, but he was my best friend and it nearly killed me at the time. I will never believe he didn't have her in the wings though....

Someone else.
And women who have the oh as their 'best friend' are unwise.

He denies OW (of course) and he doesn’t want to leave the house - since 3 months. He keeps saying he doesn’t know if he’s sure. So I keep going back and forth between “be patient, maybe he’s temporarily insane” and “get out” which he doesn’t do even when I ask him to. I am losing my sanity.