Starting over after 25 years

[Lily007]

I never gave a thought to the too precise info I was giving so I’ve had to hide my old thread. Is that the right thing to do?

I don’t know what I was thinking divulging so much personal info 🙈

I’lll continue to post on this new thread, as anyone who’s been contributing already knows the background so there’s no need for the history to be visible in any case.

Thank you to the poster who warned me 🙄

Thanks Beefcake.

Eleventwinkles. He hasn’t taken her on the holiday we were meant to go on, that was cancelled just after he left. They’ve gone somewhere different.

MsPav Yes, I did tell people I didn’t want to know what they were doing but all that did was made me feel worse when I did hear anything. My counsellor told me I was probably better dealing with it as it would eventually make me more resilient.

Discovering they’ve gone on holiday has knocked me sideways but hopefully now I know I can deal with it and it’ll hurt less tomorrow.

I hope it pisses down for their entire holiday, I hope he gets sunstroke and gastroenteritis!

Cross posted!

Thanks Asleep and Toots

Bellalunagirl. He’s definitely not the man I’ve spent the last 25 years of my life with. He’s become a cruel and selfish individual.

There are still some of my friends who follow him on IG (not close friends) so I just feel really humiliated.

I’m sure I’ll pick myself up and dust myself down and, hopefully, will feel better tomorrow. I’m just feeling really sad tonight 😢

It really shouldn't be you feeling humiliated lily, you haven't done anything wrong and people really won't think ill of you. He should be the one to feel ashamed and the only reason he doesn't is because of his ego and complete lack of emotional intelligence.

He is making himself look like an old fool, not you. You have remained dignified throughout and this is what people will think of you. That you're dignified, respectful and just generally bloody marvellous for getting yourself through such hurt.

Please don't feel humiliated, feel proud!

Thanks Toots

I really don’t feel very dignified at the moment. I look an absolute mess I’ve cried that much.

Roll on tomorrow.

Tomorrow's another day, sometimes a good cry is what you need. Be kind to yourself tonight xx

God what an arse he is. Seriously Lilly, what an arse. You should not be humiliated, no one else will be thinking that, they will just be thinking what we are "what an arse".

Don't be upset. They will be back soon enough. Let him post his photos. He will be back to reality soon enough. Billy no mates in this woman's little house, sitting in at the weekend as she goes out, and loitering on her market stall..oh yeah and getting fat. In a few days that holiday will simply be a memory.

And let's be honest, they might annoy the fuck out of each other. It will be the longest they have ever spent together.

Hi Bluntness

Yes, he is an arse no doubt about that.

I’m just feeling really sorry for myself at the minute. Why are they enjoying themselves whilst I’m here feeling like shit.

I’ve never done anything to deliberately hurt anyone so I can’t get my head around the ease in which he’s able to hurt me.

Yes, I know he’s no longer the man who was my best friend for all those years, but to become so callous, it’s beyond comprehension!

Hi Lily. I've been following your thread but haven't posted as I have no experience of what you're going through. I have noticed though how much stronger your posts are and that you are able to pick yourself up from your bad days with greater ease. You're doing so well.

I was wondering though - do you think that perhaps XH's behaviour is getting more callous as he's trying to get a reaction out of you? Either as justification for his behaviour - see I told you she was irrational or something - or he wants to engage with you but won't make the first move? Whatever his reasoning he is a first class arse and you are setting a fabulous example to anyone who is reading your story.

Hope you have a good nights sleep and a good day tomorrow.

So sorry Lily, how bloody dreadful. He's a complete a*hole. Please try to look after yourself and don't let those two horrible people make you ill. You will come through this terrible time in a much better place than those two idiots.

I think Okki may have a point. It must be a huge blow to his ego that you are not doing the pick me dance for him. He actually may be trying to get a rise out of you to boost his self esteem. From his perspective, his wife didn't plead for him to come back and his friends don't want to know. Must really sting deep down.

bluntness is also right, the holiday will be over in a flash and they will be back to reality soon enough. Just imagine him getting the runs from dodgy food, sun burn, insect bites and holding her hair back when she's had too much to drink. Plus she may have a wandering eye by the swimming pool if he's not looking too svelte anymore

Morning Lilly.

And that's the thing though Lilly, I doubt he's doing it to hurt you, more he is self absorbed and thoughtless and thinking only of himself and as usual showing off.

He's probably used the same line on her of needing something to look forward to. Honestly, they will be back in a flash to reality.

Althoughit hurts you, I really doubt that's his intention from everything you've posted. It's simply it's all about him.

To be able to change the way he has takes some doing. I obviously don't know, but my guess is that you have to close down a part of your humanity to be able to be so callous.

It's also that it questions your judgement. Was that part of the person always there?

You're probably still in shock, lily, as it is so shocking. I'm shocked on your behalf!

How daft to post a picture of yourself on the plane going away, what an invitation to burglers etc.

Lily chin up, you're doing really well, we are all behind you cheerng you on!

Oh Lily so sorry you’ve had a crap week.

But just think, all that anxiety and stress about the holiday, can now be dealt with, as you now know he’s gone on holiday. No more sitting and wondering, you can deal, become stronger and move on.

I have to say he’s a grade A prick for posting pics up and his ex friends will all be thinking the same! I bet she’s going to have a lovely time, with him whinging none of his mates have ‘liked’ the pic and him moaning about not being invited anywhere’ but it also proves what a selfish, self centred twat he is. Good luck to her I say, she’ll need it

Who, exactly, does he think actually cares about him being on a plane with his OW? I mean, really? Who here has ever looked at a picture on Facebook or Insta or wherever and thought 'ooh look, there's so and so on a plane, they must be off on holiday, how utterly fascinating! I literally cannot wait for them to get back so I can hear all the wonderful details!'

I mean, seriously? Nobody over nine, or flying for the very first time ever, or having conquered a serious flying phobia, posts 'look, here's us on a plane!' pictures!

It sounds absolutely desperate for attention.

He's not secretly nine, is he Lily? Cos if he is, that string vest is going to look bloody daft (but he'll probably LOVE the Pot Noodles...)

@HazelBite I agree, but by the sounds of things if someone was to burgle OWs house they would think someone else beat them to it!!!!

Sorry you're feeling rubbish Lily but it's good that you are facing these obstacles as when you overcome them you become stronger

Sorry, Lily . Hope you are ok this morning.

Hi everyone.

Feel a bit better again today 😊

I’ve given up trying to understand his bizarre behaviour. Who knows what’s in his warped mind these days.

Zaph. I agree with you, who the hell posts photos sitting on a plane 🙄. We used to go abroad 2 or 3 times each year and in all the time we were together, he never posted photos of us sitting on a plane.....ever!

I know I’m not the most objective person but I wish I could show you the photograph, XH looks slightly fuller faced but OW, OMG she looks just awful, honestly!!! One of the lads put the photo on the group’s WhatsApp chat and one of them has commented “why is he showing photos of her, she’s as ugly as fuck 🤪”. The others have all then responded with various laughing emojis.

I think although I sort of expected them to go on holiday, it being confirmed really upset me but, as I say, I’m feeling a little more upbeat today.

Thanks for all your kind comments 😘

Lily I would see this as a milestone passed 👍🏻 Let’s help you plan a wonderful trip for you 😘🏖

Why does she look awful?

I just wish to know from a gossipy bitchy perspective. 🤣

I echo Bluntness, I want to see!

Would it be overly bitchy to insert a comment here about animals needing to be quarantined before travelling abroad?

Hopefully, now the thing you were dreading has happened, you will have a better weekend than you would if you had still been waiting for confirmation of it. He's such an attention seeking knob!

To echo the others, I want to see the photo too, or at least have a very, very detailed description of what she looks like .

Hiya

Apparently he’s giving a blow by blow summary of the holiday already on both FB and IG!!!!!

Just seen a photo of them both drinking pints of lager - classy 🙈

Yeah I'm in the mood for a bit of a bitch fest. Your descriptions are normally very comical

Cmon. Give. Why does she look awful? Description please?

Lily I have Instagram and would love to see what she looks like, could you private message me the Instagram?? If you don't want to then that's totally fine

Seriously though who would need a holiday in this weather!! lily I hope you spent the weekend with your feet up in the garden and a glass of wine.

Will be praying for sunstroke/food poisoning/ some other holiday related affliction to hit the both of them