Starting over after 25 years

[Lily007]

I never gave a thought to the too precise info I was giving so I’ve had to hide my old thread. Is that the right thing to do?

I don’t know what I was thinking divulging so much personal info 🙈

I’lll continue to post on this new thread, as anyone who’s been contributing already knows the background so there’s no need for the history to be visible in any case.

Thank you to the poster who warned me 🙄

BettyBaggins. I honestly don’t know if he’ll file for divorce , but he knows that I have many contacts in the legal profession so he’ll need to have an airtight ground.

I’ll do things in my own time, I will not do what he wants to do. He’ll do what I want to do!

He's trying to open dialogue through means of the dog, like some people talk through the children when they are trying to say something 'without saying it'. It's almost as though returning the dog's documents is him saying 'well, there you go, it's definitely over, here is all the important paperwork you need', when you already KNEW and had decided it was over...

A bit of petulant point-making I think. And carry on ignoring! Now there's a Carry On film they never made...)

I think everyone is reading too much in to it. It's her dog now, so she should have the insurance paperwork. No point him holding onto it.

As someone who has owned dogs, I would have done the same, with no ulterior motive.

If he had done the reverse and held onto the paperwork I'd have read more into it. But she has the dog, so makes sense she has rhe paperwork also if he's not involved.

But, Bluntness, as Lily said, she didn't need the paperwork - it's all online.

I don't get the point though, so he should have binned it or kept it?

As said, it's normal to keep a copy of your insurance documentation. He's not involved with the dog, so shouldn't keep the paperwork. If lily doesn't need it she can bin it.
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Zaph and Bluntness. As I’ve said in previous posts, I don’t know why he’s decided to send the paperwork but it’s irrelevant anyway.

H is only in contact with 2 or 3 people I’m in touch with and I’ve made sure I’ve given those people the impression I’m doing fine. I’m off all social media so he has no other way of discovering what I’m doing. Knowing how egotistical he is, it’ll probably be pissing him off that I’m getting on with my life and I’m not pining for him.

I don’t say that because I think he wants me back, just that his pride will be dented that I appear not to be bothered and I doubt he anticipated I would be able to maintain NC for this long.

He is testing the water to see if he gets response he knows u don't need the documents.No doubt he will try another route

I thought about this more and really the dog’s booster is not so very important it needed a reminder. If the vet has insurance details in the event of an emergency, I think he is trying to get Lily to engage. I think there is a chance he will change his payment this month, maybe so it’s just enough to cover the mortgage, or he might start paying it directly. As Lily says though, who know what he’s thinking. I expect he is emerging from the ‘fog’ and starting to think about real life again. On the other hand he just wants the dog to have its booster. So sorry Lily about all this, you are doing so well.

He won’t pay the mortgage directly as he doesn’t have any details to enable this.

I’ve already put a plan in place should he reduce or stop his monthly payments although I’d only be able to manage for 3 months maximum. It wouldn’t be in his interests though to stop the mortgage payments.

Another thing he won’t expect is for me to have got my car MOT’d all by myself as he’s always sorted it, but I’ve done it 😊

Good job Lilly. Silly as it sounds, I really think that you should write these small achievements down somewhere so you can draw strength from the positives on your down days.

Onwards & upwards!

buckeejit. I’ve been keeping a journal since he left. I write in it almost every day about things I’ve done and also anything I feel I want to say to him. It’s really quite cathartic

Thank you 😊

So it's odd that he sent you the booster reminder for the dog, but not a reminder that the MOT was due. Except that the booster reminder was an indirect forwarding from a third party, and the MOT reminder would have had to be personal...

He's just a bit of a tit. But one who cares about the dog and not so much the car, I presume.

NC all the way. Not even a 'thanks' for the paperwork about the dog, why should you? As Blunt said, it's nothing to do with him now, anyway.

Hi Zaph. My MOT isn’t actually due until 7 June, but you can have it done up to a month earlier. I’d written a reminder on the calendar at home so don’t know if he’s aware of precisely when it’s due.

I have no intention of acknowledging either the text or the insurance documents.

I would imagine H has posted the dog insurance back to you for a reaction.

I had been following your thread from previously & this one ....
Well done to you for keeping up the no contact rule.

Thank you Letsdolunch. I have to say I’m quite proud of myself as it’s been really difficult for much of the time.

I can totally imagine Lilly. You are a better person than me when in your situation I was like a mad woman.

May karma come & bite him hard where it hurts.

Ha ha. I’ve felt like a mad woman most of the time believe you me 😬. I just haven’t let H or OW know 🙈

Lily yes I forgot to say well done on the MOT. There really is no job too daunting even if your H used to do them. At some point he will (if he’s not a complete coward) want to talk to you I guess even just about finances and he might think stopping or reducing the payment will force you out of NC. Or maybe even asking you for mortgage details so he can set up a payment. You’ve come so far but I think next step may be preparing yourself for that. You are getting stronger so you can cope.

Hi yes Blueberry I know we’re going to have to discuss finances etc., at some point but I’m not going to be the one to initiate contact because currently there’s no advantage for me. I can’t yet say I’m “happy” but I am coping.

Lilly, just a thought, but often things like road tax, and car insurance are due about the same time as the mot, as they are done annually. You may be also on an auto renew for these things, or a monthly payment scheme, but worth checking if they are due and if they are renewed.

Well done on the mot OP. After I left my ex I remember standing in a mobile phone shop having an absolute panic as I’d never made a decision like that without my dh. I was so proud of myself once I’d done it. Small baby steps

I actually think he’s trying to reach out to you. A text and paperwork that you don’t necessarily need. As you said he’ll be wanting to find out what you’re up to, and of course the honeymoon period will be coming to an end with the ow now they are all out in the open - stay strong

I can’t yet say I’m “happy” but I am coping.

Which is several steps up on where you were three months ago. Every day you are a little less broken. Every day is one step closer to finding contentment.

Bluntness. I’ve just paid my road tax for the next year and my car insurance has been renewed as well.

My mobile phone contract is in H’s name but it’s still working so he must be paying for it 😂. I’m not too bothered if he stops, I’ll just change to a sim only contract and my son will help me to sort that.

I sound like I have everything organised lol, it doesn’t feel like it though 🙄

You are doing great. Honestly, you're an inspiration & just how Id like to be if my husband ever turns into a prick.

Well done. And I would also say coping is way better than where you were. And you're taking control and getting things done.