He just stopped loving me

[Deflatedandrejected]

Me and my husband seperated a month ago and I’m struggling.

He came home one day and just said he didn’t love me anymore didn’t want to be with me.
He said I’m not someone he sees his future with and stopped being “in” love with me months ago.

We have three children and I am devastated for the life and family that they no longer have.

I feel alone and sad all the time. The tears still haven’t stopped. He is Mr Sunshine though and super happy.
He is ready to date and build a life with someone new.

Tell me when this gets better. I can’t see any future atm and am stuck in heartache mode.

So sorry op. Hope you have a good network around to help you. I mean this kindly but are you sure there isn't anyone else in the background

It seems like he has found someone else he prefers to be with. Get legal advice.

Men don't seem to realise it's not about them any more, once they have kids. I hope you're on good terms with mil and that she will rally round. You'll need lots of support so take everything that's offered

I sadly have no network around me. I agree I think he’s hankering after an ex and the life she has. The one without the children where he can up and go wherever he wants without worrying about childcare.

He’s happy in his new life good wage, nice rental, pub most nights whilst I’m here over worked looking after three children full time and struggling money wise. I honestly hate him but still love him too and just wish he would say he was stupid to leave but I know that’s not going to happen.

Your right singlenotsingle....he wants the single life and thinks me and the children held him back.

He had 3 children with you and then just suddenly didn't see you in his future? Tough fucking shit because you're the mother of his children!
How incredibly cruel of him.
I agree with a pp in suspecting there might already be someone else.
I'm sorry you're going through this.

Well then we can assume 'months ago' was when he met the OW.
What is the housing arrangement?
Payments?
Access to the DC?
Does he do his fair share of child care?
Make sure he does. You need time too.
See a solicitor.
Get practical and keep busy.

It's shit - truly truly shit.
I cried for months and months.
But... it does ease a bit. You do have the odd day when you don't cry.
Your friends and family help pull you through the darkest time.
And you start to realise that he wasn't the man you thought he was.
That is a selfish prick and in fact you had a luck escape.
That all takes time though.
Look after yourself.
Ensure he does his fair share and get to a solicitor.

It just doesn't seem fair, does it? It makes you feel like taking the kids and dumping them on him! That would stop the manchild
in his tracks! But of course you can't because they would be frightened and confused!

You don’t just give up on your children and family life ‘for the single life’ without feeling desperately unhappy for a prolonged period. I’d agree that this sounds like he’s leaving for a ‘single life’ for someone who’s waiting for him...?
Don’t beg or plead OP-pack his bags and remind him that he can’t leave his responsibilities to his children even though he chooses to leave your relationship. What a selfish shit!

Has he given up on the children as well as you? He may want the single life but he is still a parent, and I assume the children miss him and want to see him?

What arrangements are in place for access?

If you haven't already, I suggest you get some good legal advice and some contact arrangements sorted.

He said he began feeling in January that he wanted more from life. He wanted to not be held down and wanted to get out more. That’s what I feel the ex offers he was with her before me over 12 years ago. She is single has money and goes off traveling whenever she pleases.

He is an average dad turns up to their team sports, school shows but when at home didn’t have too much interaction with them.

He is giving me some money not enough but “can’t” give more as he won’t be able to live the life he wants if he gives me more.

What a joke of a father, imagine a woman behaving like that.

OP, you need to get angry and get every single penny of maintenance that he is due his children, and then some.

Dadaist I haven’t begged or pleaded feel maybe I should of maybe he saw me give up and that’s why he moved on so quickly.

RatherBeRiding he does still see the kids for an hour here and there. I think I’m time this will dwindle out to though.

He hasn’t even told all his family they have no idea what’s going on.

Get a bloody good lawyer and get this sorted before he racks up piles of debt living his exciting new life. Don’t let him leave you and the children financially screwed.

After 21 years my dh suddenly turned round and said the same - completely out of the blue. As expected the OW materialised pretty quickly thereafter. You will get through it - you have no choice as you have kids to think about. It's not easy and I won't pretend even a year on that it's any easier but I'm doing it

Yea I'd love more from life and not to held down, I'd love to just head off whenever I felt like it but I have fucking responsibilities!

It bothers me so much that we live in a society where men just get to shirk the responsibility of the children they created and no one bats a bloody eyelid.

He is giving me some money not enough but “can’t” give more as he won’t be able to live the life he wants if he gives me more.

Bloody tough! He has a responsibility to provide for the children. Get legal advice quickly before he disappears. Do you have proof of his earnings - pay slips/bank accounts?

Your all right. I do need to get angry and get more money. I am just getting by. He seems to think that I have more than enough to live on.

That’s what annoys me the most he left and the times that he would look after our children he now doesn’t so I’ve been the one thats had to find childcare for them and pay for it. He’s booked a week away with friends and didn’t even think what the children might need that week. I could never do that. He’s got his freedom and I’m left here trying to juggle everything whilst feeling heartbroken and he doesn’t give two s*s.

You've been in shock. You are entitled to be. But you need to get angry. That doesn't mean screaming and shouting, it means standing up for yourself.

See a solicitor. Get the correct amount of maintenance. Get his access time sorted. EOW should be a good starting point.

I really feel for you OP. It sounds like a classic midlife crisis in its most cliched form.
There's nearly always a trigger for someone leaving and usually it's another person.

He has serious legal / financial obligations and regardless of his desire to swan off these cannot be discarded so easily.

Please take some professional / legal advice - a consultation should be free.

It may seem daunting but will make you feel a little bit more in control.

You may also be eligible for child tax credit and working tax credit as a single parent.

I speak from much experience!

Take care

Xx

God he's a selfish fuck.
He's deluding himself, he's convinced himself you're ok financially so he doesn't have to feel guilty about being a total shitbag.
You do need to get angry and make sure he's paying he should be.

He's booked a holiday, Jesus woman please get angry, it will give you the adrenalin to get clued up on what he need to pay for his children; he's an absolute joke; just remember when your kids grow up who they will have respect for cos it sure aint going to be him.

The same thing happened to me three years ago. I thought my world, more importantly, my precious family unit, had come to an end. It was awful. He left our home, found a cosy furnished rented house, bought a new car, new computer, etc. and refused to pay a penny towards the children, etc. He left with his salary and I had to stop my small business quite quickly.

He enjoyed his newly reclaimed bachelor life. And he was walking around with a great grin on his face which drove me up the wall as I was in so much shock and pain.

I'm sending you so many healing thoughts and empathy, and reassurance too. A new life will unfold for you after the heartache, I promise you.

Open a case with the CMS, now, Now, NOW!!

Good lord, what a tool he is. Thinks he gets to opt out, just like that. Despicable.