He just stopped loving me

[Deflatedandrejected]

Me and my husband seperated a month ago and I’m struggling.

He came home one day and just said he didn’t love me anymore didn’t want to be with me.
He said I’m not someone he sees his future with and stopped being “in” love with me months ago.

We have three children and I am devastated for the life and family that they no longer have.

I feel alone and sad all the time. The tears still haven’t stopped. He is Mr Sunshine though and super happy.
He is ready to date and build a life with someone new.

Tell me when this gets better. I can’t see any future atm and am stuck in heartache mode.

well done OP... I'm glad you have sought legal advise and contacted the CMS on behalf of your Children.. he sounds like an utter piece of work...

Ignore the MIL.
You can clearly see where he gets his morals from.

You are doing well.
Not sleeping and just getting through the day is very normal and will last for a while yet.

Glad you have contacted CMS.
Get everything you are entitled to.
Are you working?

Fuck me. Self absorbed much? The man who walked out on his wife and children, who has been trying to meet other women, who won't give them the money they are due so he can live his happy life told you you were the nasty one and negative? Fuck me seriouslu, that takes some balls and lack of self awareness.

And then his mother says it's your fault? You didn't give him the space to be happy? Did she mention the fact her fuck wit son fathered three children and has a responsibility to them?

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Anyways it shows you're doing rhe right thing. He's pissed now he will have to pony up what he legally has to and he won't be able to live his carefree life without you all hindering him.

These people are a fungus. Cut them out, get what you're kids and you are due and pay them no heed. You're all entitled to better. Stay strong for the kids, and don't let them walk all over you and them.

This is mumsnet at its best. So sorry OP that all this has happened to you, but there are some positives here. Him not being interested in the children is horrible and hugely inconvenient for you, but it has its pluses. It doesn't sound like the children miss him much, which is a big plus, and you are free to move and do things as you wish, which will be another big plus.

Get a shit hot lawyer, OP, not just any old lawyer.

His mum thinks I must of pushed him away and didn’t give him space that he needed to live a happy life.

FUCK HIS MUM! For fuck's sack. It is not your job to keep her son happy. It is not the 1950s. If anything it is HER fault for (along with her DH) raising a failure of a human being.

I'd be a cow and screenshot the dating profiles and send them to his mum. Let her know what her perfect, hard done by son has been up to!

I would do this too OP. The rude cow should know exactly what her previous boy has been doing.

sack = sake
previous = precious

I was anger typing

Oh OP so sorry you’re dealing with this, my stomach lurched reading your posts.

You sound so much more in charge now - we’ll done! Find your anger.....

Well done on the csa (or whatever they are called), and the solicitor and divorce. This will help Lots as it’s something you have control over.

Rooting for you

I doubt it will help. The mum has drawn her line in the sand, she will just say it was because the op didn't give him the space to be happy again.

Also no point in making it worse. She just needs to do this formally and protect herself and the kids from them and not antagonise them further. Solicitor, divorce, child maintenance with csa, and child custody, and then move on.

This man can't pretend his marriage and children simply didn't happen and go back to being a single person, and as he won't step up voluntarily then he needs to be forced to legally.

He really is a piece of shit. Sorry op. But he is.

Happy today is finally over.

I’m sorry to everyone who is/has been in the same position as me. Really is the shit.

I’ve had a crappy evening. He isn’t seeing the children this weekend bogged down by work and doesn’t want to deal with me until he’s calmed down. He’s still pissed I told his family. So yes let the children suffer. Hate that they ask after him and my eldest ask why he never wants to see them. His selfishness is causing his children pain. But what does he care.

I’ve got lawyers meeting on Tuesday. I contacted Child Maintenance won’t hear back till next week now asked if possible we could do a family based arrangement form so will look into that. Wondered if anyone has gone that route think it’s the amicable one.

Mil fb messaged me haven’t even opened it saw the first line and though not dealing with that tonight thank you.

You don't deserve someone like that...you're clearly an amazing mother who has been putting her children first. So if he wants to leave...be strong in yourself to know that you deserve better than that...I understand children are involved and that can make things 100 times worse...it may feel incredibly difficult now because life with him is all you've known for a long while...but if he can just suddenly up and leave you then you need to remind yourself how amazing you are and how you are worth more than this. Don't let him make you feel worthless and heartbroken, use that pain to rise above it and put yourself in a position where you love yourself love your kids and love your life... it won't seem like it now... but becoming strong in your own self will bring you much more happiness

God, he's pissed you told his family? So he will punish his kids by not seeing them, What because you let his family know he'd abandoned his wife and 3 children and wanted to do them out of money to support them, chase other women, to not see his kids unless he could squeeze the time in and was trying to con his wife into letting him away with it and keep it secret, taking less than she was owed and letting her kids down?

No he's pissed Becayse he thought you were gullible enough to let him do it. That's why he's pissed. He's realised you're smarter than he thought.

Tell him to cry you a river. Yeah his dirty little secret is out. Now he can pay for and suport his children like he legally has to. Shame if it curtails his partying lifestyle.

At least you're stepping up to deal with it and for them, stay strong, you're kids are relying on you. 💐

Given he's already been clear he doesn't think he should pay much maintenance DO NOT waste time going down the 'amicable' route even though cms will push this. Tell them he has already said he's unwilling to pay what he should, has proven unreliable and can't be trusted. Please trust me on this.

op
When you see a lawyer bear in mind that the interests of the children are paramount. If he doesn’t want to see them then you should be getting more than 50 percent
Also I would get CMS to collect as he sounds like he will dodge paying regularly
Could you buy a cheap prepaid phone and use that for him and his family ? Block him on your regular phone and just look at the other one when it suits you

It will be tough but you are sounding stronger already and I have no doubt that you will fight for your kids

Thinking of you

Re he's pissed you told his family good! That means someone in his family, regardless of what you're being told by him or his sodding mother, knows he's fucked up and is probably giving him an earful about it.

Don't believe all you're told by him about ANYTHING.

My ex told me his parents were supportive of him and ow, hated me etc. Wasn't long till I found out the complete opposite was true.

His sister had given him a right bollocking, his parents were heartbroken and disappointed in him and refused to meet her until she had their first baby! And even then the atmosphere was fraught. Her parents (she was very young he was her first serious boyfriend so imagine your young naive daughter tipping up one night with no warning 'I've met a guy, he's married with a child, and I'm pregnant by him - oh and he's my boss so it's gonna fuck both our careers too')

My ex actually had to hide from her mother as she was so livid there was a real threat of him getting a slapping! I don't condone violence, but I understand where she was coming from.

His friends dropped him, called me to offer support.

His brother refused to even speak to him. For about 2 years.

So I promise you it's NOT all rosy in his side of things no matter WHAT he or his mother claim.

My god OP that is awful. What a total shit he is. Utterly selfish.

My DM didn't ensure she got all that she was entitled to, years n years ago when my "D"F left her (to be alone ... yeah right, he was shagging someone else we found out later). My DM wanted to be civilised and show him she could manage without his financial support. And bless her, she did.

BUT ... now, he's retired on a nice pension thank you, and she's got fuck all and plenty of it. I help her, financially, and have done for years, simply because otherwise she'd be on the fucking breadline. It makes me so angry!

So for gods sake don't try and be reasonable or fair or "not greedy" or "independent". Go for everything you are ENTITLED TO by law.

And good luck. It does get better. And believe me, your DCs will see who is the better parent, the better person. You may need to support them as they process how much of a failure their dad is as a parent. But I'm sure you will - you're a lot stronger than you know atm and you sound like a really loving and insightful mum.

Sorry OP what you are going through, he is treating you terribly. So don't let him away with it. I don't understand why it's acceptable for a man to walk out and leave his wife and children- if a woman did that she would be the worst mother ever. He is angry as you are letting people know what kind of person he is even if the MIL supports him, tough, people have to know. It's not your fault OP, but agree you need to get tough and make him take responsibility, hit him where it hurts- in the pocket. Funny how he has money for a holiday but not for his children? Pathetic.

I really hope you take him for everything so he can't live that nice single life he wants. How do you have children and just abandon them?! I'm so sorry op.

As others have said, work with your solicitor to make sure he’s at least paying for his kids. Jeez what a tosser.

As others have said, there’s no point going down wn the amicable route. This can be used for people (both parties) who actually want to do what’s best. He will Not use it as a way of working out of his responsibility

Watched the Royal Wedding was crying listening to the bit about love marriage and children. My ex is a complete arse I hate him for not being honest from the beginning but also the lies he continues to tell the disgusting photos of himself that he has posted online. So embarrassing I hope no one I know sees them. Just another way to hurt me and the children. Messaging girls in there late teens he is truly disgusting. I hope he gets scammed by these dating sites.
I am in a foul mood and right now just want to send those photos to all on his fb page!

Don’t do anything silly as he could do you for harassment. Keep the evidence for your divorce. If it doesn’t prove adultery it’s certainly grounds for unreasonable behaviour.

Get him assessed by CMS, arrange it between yourselves but if he doesn’t pay the right amount then get CMS to collect it.

Having been there done that, I can tell you it will be all about him from now on. XH only sees DC when it suits him, pays as little as possible, will never have them in holidays. Can’t let anything stint his life can he. Your H sounds like he will be just as selfish.

Believe me I understand the urge for revenge. I came up with all kinds of scenarios when I first split with my ex.

But I'm glad I didn't carry any of them out.

A I'm glad I didn't give him the satisfaction of his being that big a deal

B not getting into trouble myself

C karma exists - he is MISERABLE (and so is she) and I haven't had to do a thing - they've done it to themselves, there's a certain satisfaction in that

D certainly in the first few months I think he expected me to do something. Not knowing what or when drove him nuts! A few things happened to him which he THOUGHT were me and I was able to prove they weren't and make clear to him he wasn't worth the time or energy for that crap!

Quite right, Graphista. I love dreaming up revenges and reading a good revenge story, but that is enough for me. Why get your hands dirty?

Well done OP. It is clear that you were hoping it would all blow over at the star, but that now you see he has really gone. He’s been gone for a while. I don’t think men leave on a whim and they very rarely come back.
Be very calm about everything. Don’t respond to his nastiness or abuse. Of course he didn’t want you to tell his family that he’d walked out on his wife and 3 kids. Tough! Try to bite your tongue and keep things civil so that you can get all you need from him. Keep hugging your babies. You are teaching them how to be resilient and that is an important life skill.