NC (No Contact) Thread #12: Realising our self worth and reclaiming our lives free from fuckwittage

[LiteraryDevil]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found <a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.baggagereclaim.co.uk" target="_blank">www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

This is going to turn into a bit of a dating thread isn’t it. Well I’ll be updating you all with Saturdays date...if it goes ahead. I’m sure it will but I’ve been flaked on so many times! This guy is 7 years older than me too, although age doesn’t matter to me but he’ll be 40 this year. I’m wondering if there will be quite a difference in our life stages x

I’ve handed my notice in at work and bumped into nc at work (on my way to give my notice), someone else called out my name to say hello at the same time so it will look to him like I was ignoring him. Worried that make me look like I am still bothered about him. He is at team event tonight so someone will tell him about me handing my notice in, deliberated about telling him yesterday but decided in the end I shouldn’t treat his feelings as a priority. I’m not sure hf that was the right decision but on day 29 and he’s not contacted me at all

@meow my date on Monday is 17 years younger! So I’m going with age doesn’t matter

Evening ladies

All this dating talk - it's good!! I can't wait for Saturday to here all about these.

@LiteraryDevil you're AIBU post - I read a few replies. 🙄 they can all do one.
Consistency is a must, always. Ok if he's busy. But everything you've said I'd be annoyed too! But I'm glad he's been more chatty this evening
Thanks fo checking in on me ❤️ I'm ok today. I just tried really hard to not focus on him today.
First full day. NC. Day one has been achieved.

@Iwouldmarrythebeast
Nice, age is nothing though!
Also sorry I didn't know if I misread or skipped s bit - is the notice thing a good thing?? If so congratulations, are you to be doing anything else? I wouldn't fret about if he thought you was ignoring him, you had better people to talk to

@Tictactic
Yay for sending a message
Don't be sacred, take it day at time
It's always fun talking to new people :)

@meowimacat
If this does turn into a dating thread you lot all have to wait for me 😂
You've done so well though, you seem more positive which is a good thing!

@Dimael haaaaay where have you been?
Pleased you feel so good after th cancel of date!! Always good to not be fretting or feeling a bit off about it

Also, agree with the love tonight! You've all done so fantastic and you've also helped me out so much ( still be needing the talks and support please don't all leave me just yet ) 😂😂

LOVE 💕

@ baby you sound so much better!! Hurray.

Think this is a feet in both camps thread! Bit of dating while we are all still a bit vulnerable. Which is why @literary is best off here with us than the bear pit of AIBU

@Tictactic the red flags were neediness and clingy and if I see that now I know I wouldn’t have my space, he would be constantly with me and controlling what i’m doing. Just proud for saying no. It sounds silly but I could never say no before. That’s why men have forced themselves onto me in the past. If I ever have a daughter the first word I will teach her us no.

@Baby Well done on your first day NC again! So so proud of you girl!!! 💪 Definitely dodged a bullet with Mr Persistent! I went out running with some friends last night after work and just didn’t have time to check in here.

I don't want to be a downer so I'm going to keep this super short

My downfall is thinking about him, yesterday I just pushed thoughts out, and didn't mention him when he was brought up.
Like right now I remembered something he said when he spoke to me at the weekend.
I've never stopped thinking about you, you've been on my mind the whole time.
I know this is bullshit.
But I'm sitting here like so why haven't you spoken to me since Monday now?
I'm alright, I'm not tempted to message or anything. Just getting out the thoughts. Instead of replaying them.

@Dimael hope the run was good!! I wished I'd carried on jogging lol.
Thanks!! Feel pretty good when I got in lol.

Babyblue32 this is the hardest part for all of us I think. The memories and the words they said. We have to correct our way of thinking now. Just because they said things, did their actions match what they said? If he couldn’t stop thinking about you and you were on his mind the whole time do you think he would have been acting the way he has and the way he is now? I don’t doubt our NC’s miss all of us to some extent. But is it enough for us? No. So it’s time to start letting go of what they said (which is tough) and accepting they were not what they said they were.

@meowimacat this is it.
I'm seeing it and accepting it more and more.

He's just a liar and constantly going to try and reel me back, and I just have to focus, keep my thoughts on it's lies. Let it go.

I honestly don't think I could of dealt with the last month and this weekend without you lot.

I know it's all over screens and we're all hidden, but I do value every input each of you have given me. I'm so glad I found this thread, I'm so glad I got a decent bunch of people to give me support and stuff words lol xx

I went back twice to mine before joining this thread. Without your support he would have still no doubt been using me as and when he could be bothered and I would have been feeling shit. Whilst I miss him I don’t miss how he made me feel. I have to remind myself sometimes of the things he did as it’s so easy to focus on the good.

The last message I sent to my NC said I don’t hate or dislike him and that is true. I’m angry at him leading me on but I actually pity him and his low self esteem and the fact that I don’t think he’ll ever feel fulfilled with anyone. I had fun with him, he made me smile and happy when I was with him (as I told him) but that was only a fraction of how I felt. He made me feel shitty and inadequate too. I’m not inadequate. He is. All these guys are. They aren’t good enough for US. When you start looking it like that it changes your whole perception.

I reckon by the end of the year I’ll probably hear from him and even meet up with him for a drink. But I know that when I do I’ll be looking at him in a whole different light. If he flirts with me I’d probably feel disgust and who knows I may even cancel on him and not bother to meet up as he’ll be so irrelevant by then.

I never thought I’d cut him out of my life but the relief from the exhausting thoughts is the best feeling in the world. It was torture going over all his actions and questioning the way he was treating me or ignoring it and hoping it would stop. I’m in such a better place now and you guys will be too, just stay strong and ride the storm out here instead of by contacting them.

I hear you on that, the way I felt was awful as was so stressed all the time but didn't really realise it until he was gone and I felt so free.

Feeling better about tomorrow and have sorted out my outfit. Just need him to say what time as haven't sorted that yet.

What are you wearing? I’m having a day date so got some black shorts and a top and denim jacket. Meant to be really hot here so hopefully I don’t burn! Might have to fake tan, I’m so pale!

Who would have thought I’d be talking about going on a date after all I’ve been through the weeks before 😂

I just think now it's time to focus, a little harder than the first time with the NC. No urge to message again. Which is good.

Driven down to see grandparents, and I've had like a two hour nap and they gave me a big box filled with new baby boy clothes and money. Bless them.

So I'm doing good.
I want to free and out of this rut.

I don't ever see me and him as thing, when I vision him with someone I don't feel sad, I feel annoyed about the effort. I want him to make that effort for his child.
Each day is different I get mad and it can pass or I get mad and it just takes over.

I honestly am so excited and looking forward to hear about these dates.

@meowimacat fake tan it!
@LiteraryDevil Outfit? Got s time yet?

good afternoon ladies. Just wanted to send out good vibes to remind ourselves of our difficult journeys and just how well we're doing. Keep going!
I texted guy online. Good conversation last night and he texted first thing. Thing is I'm not really too bothered but I do think it helps! just thinking about my NC there. Why would he tell me I'VE had a lucky escape from him? A bit odd.. perhaps I should believe him

Baby that's so lovely of them I bet your family are really excited about the baby. Tbh I barely even think of my LO as having a dad. It hurts. The milestones are particularly hard but it's got easier over time and tbh I'm glad I don't have to share him. He's all mine!

Tictactic believe him.
Meow are you excited? I am but keep expecting him to cancel. My confidence is shot

I keep trying to upload pictures but won't let me

@Tictactic what a thing to say, it's little things like that, you reply them. Analyse them, it's like they know you'll think about it again they should be the ones thinking about it. Not us

@LiteraryDevil fingercrossed it'll work. I want to see what you'll wear... have you got a time and place yet? Xx

Try again ....

It's got some beads missing but very small do pretty sure it's not noticeable. I've got the place but not the time. He's watching the football though so after that. Just depends if goes to extra time.

LiteraryDevil I LOVE your outfit. So pretty. I am awaiting a cancellation too actually, although he’s been brilliant with contact so I do believe it’ll go ahead which is weird as I’ve had many dates planned with others before this and they all flaked. However I have enjoyed chatting to him and I do feel tomorrow the reality will not match up and it’s going to be awkward if I have to be like ‘sorry I’m not interested’ 😕 although saying that I wasn’t interested in NC after the first date and gave him another chance 😂 I won’t be wasting time this time.

Had my Wednesday date guy who flaked on me messaging asking why I’ve gone quiet on him. Is it evil to just block him? I can’t even be bothered to entertain him he’s another hot/cold player. He told me his bike broke down the night we were meant to go on a date - well how about have the decency to tell me that instead of not even contacting me! Idiot.

I have no qualms about blocking people I don't really know so I would if I were you!
Last night he challenged me to a game of one of the sports he plays so sounds like he's hoping for more than just one date

And thanks meow ** its one I got in a charity shop years ago and had made shorter as was a maxi dress. With me being short though it was far too long and I wanted it to wear with my black cowboy boots. It's a casual dress but I wear it with a sequin cardigan so it dresses it up. My jewellery is delicate silver stuff. Just need to sort my pasty legs out!

@LiteraryDevil pretty dress, sandals and a denim jacket??

Men and football 😂

Well that's plus he's talking about a game challenge for another date that's always a good sign.

@meowimacat flaky guy - block block block.
Making an excuse days later - nah.
Bye Felicia

Try and stay positive might be a really good date for both of yous xx

Baby yes that's the plan along with a sparkly cardigan. He's promised his kids they can watch the cup final together even though it's not his night to have them. Hope there's no extra time!! Was quite surprised when he mentioned challenging me to a game of his sport as was so convinced he wasn't very interested. I don't think he uses his phone during the day, that's all.