NC (No Contact) Thread #12: Realising our self worth and reclaiming our lives free from fuckwittage

[LiteraryDevil]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found <a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.baggagereclaim.co.uk" target="_blank">www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

@Babyblue32 bye Felicia 😂 love that! Yeah I’ll block him in a bit.

@LiteraryDevil yes I need to sort my pasty legs too. I’m too lazy to fake tan today so it’ll be instant tan tomorrow morning!

Normally I would be chatting with NC now I’m kid free and seeing him tomo. Did start feeling a bit sad and wondering what he’s doing. He’s probably got a date this weekend too, in fact I’m certain he will, maybe even tonight. I shouldn’t care, need to remind myself of all the crap!!

@LiteraryDevil sounds like it'll look nice :)
Well fingers crossed the footy doesn't over run.

@meowimacat it's tough, they come into your mind when you don't want to think about them

Day 14 NC here. All is well.

I went on said date last night and he was absolutely lovely. We went to a nice local Italian then had a few drinks afterwards where we sat and talked for ages. He seems keen so hopefully we'll organise something else. He kept complimenting me and told me I looked beautiful which was nice but hard to hear at the same time especially when my confidence took such a beating!

@LostDignity
Pleased for you on the 14 days keep it up!
Even more pleased at a successful date!!
I'm glad it went well, well your confidence is taking a well earned bit of reassurance and building back up!!

Let us know if he asks to see you again!!

Well done Lost! Just counted mine up and is 26 days. Isn't 30 supposed to be the magic number? I think about mine a fair bit but any positive thoughts are very quickly counteracted with all the bad points and I just say to myself ugh! You can do so much better than that!

Do any of you that are dating let on that you are seeing other people too? Do your dates see others? I'm having the thought dates might be like a job interview and I'm just one of a list of candidates!!

@LiteraryDevil I know I'm not dating right now

But before, first dates I wouldn't worry... when you get to like 4th / 5th date, that's when the subjects normally brought up about dating others xx

Think my date has found his voice! Totally different guy since yesterday as far as chatting goes. He's showing some charm and a good deal of humour and I'm looking forward to meeting him now. Maybe he's shy and took a while to get going.
I've got lovely fresh sheets to climb into tonight. Bliss.
Hope you're all ok. X

You’re all doing so well, I’m really impressed. I’ve struggled a bit today accepting it’s over and not knowing why. Although it’s only day 2, it’s actually day 24 of him not being in touch and day 23 since I last saw him. Stupid thing is I’ve only realised I’ve been dumped these last few days, how stupid is that. I assumed he would be in touch on his return home, I never expected him to disappear off the face of the earth.

He did this to me before , he knew it hurt me badly and he felt bad about it but had to be prompted by friends to get in touch. He’d have never done it off his own bat as he was worried about rejection he said. I remember thinking at the time in my gut that if he really wanted me, he’d have sorted things himself and wouldn’t have let me go. His excuses didn’t ring true and he didn’t seem properly gutted snd apologetic. So as it’s his pattern I presume I won’t ever hear from him again. Ive had stupid thoughts about not being able to speak to him again for the rest of my life and it seems unmanageable.

I want it gets easier, some of us are living proof of that. I don't know if you ever do this but I find it helps to think of the reason why someone who had a great influence was part of my life for however long. I believe everything happens for a reason and figuring out that reason is helpful for me so might be worth a go. It might even be just to teach you something about yourself or others. Some things don't have rhyme or reason but usually there's some positives to come out of even a really crappy situation. Hope that makes sense. If all else fails, just hold on and get through it. You are still quite raw and having no answers sucks. My best mate and I got together when we were 21. He'd always fancied me. Promised me all sorts, marriage kids etc. Very full on and he was my best mate so there was no greater trust than in him. And probably no greater love in my life even to this day. I moved in with him for 3 weeks then it all went wrong and it wasn't what he wanted after all and I was devastated. For years. It took me 10 years to fully get over him. He was my soul mate as a teenager and I will always love him and hold a special place in my heart for him. He lives in Asia now and is happily married with two kids. I'll always think of him as my best mate even though I've not seen him in 11 years. Some of them are so much harder. I'll never know the reason for him and I getting together but I think we were meant to be at some point but that great love and passion was not destined to last forever. When I say 10 years to get over him, I wasn't heartbroken for all that time but I'd still feel upset about him. We had so much history. I busted myself with uni and other blokes and he faded slowly but surely from raw burning pain to a fond glow.

@Wanthimomuch
Reality is sometimes to hard to deal with. I've struggled with that.
The reality that he just doesn't given a fuck, I held on. Every time he came back with a message - after ignoring me... telling me he loved me and we had something. Even though I knew and know it's rubbish. I I held onto it.
.

I messaged him...... he was online at the time. I sat and waited. I'm so glad that on what's app you can delete the message for everyone / so it goes for me and for him. Sitting there seeing him online , after I'd say there telling him he'd missed scans kicks and bonding with his own son.... and he just ignored me. I took a minute. And deleted it. He'll never be able to read it now, and I'm glad I deleted it.

@wanthimsomuch I think that’s what I found hard to accept at first too. The fact we might never speak again. It still gets to me at times. I had to write a list of why he is no good and I pinned it on what was our notice board. Everyday as I left for work or came home I would remember what he was really like. Friday nights alone with takeaways are hard for me still because he used to cook on Fridays and now I am miss Bridget Jones. Time goes on and you heal. You will be ok.

@Baby no more messages!!!!!!! He knows what he is losing out on and one day when he is an old man he will regret this. I spoke with an older gentleman and he admitted guilt on how he treated a young woman back in the day and it made me realise that if he could feel guilt all those years later our NCs will too. Especially yours baby because you have a child together. Messaging him now and being ignored is not going to help you recover. Don’t message him anymore I am worried how it is affecting you.

@Dimael I know I'm so dissatisfied and disappointed in myself. That's why why deleted it.
Didn't get read, and it never will.

Thing is. I feel better than what I've felt in my whole pregnancy.....

I think it's just having a kid with him - I can't seem to fully cut myself off. I'm truly trying. I know it doesn't seem that way..... but I really am.

Ahhh date today. I feel a bit nervous. I did wake up and think of NC. Felt sad it’s come to me dating again when I would have been happy to just be with him. But I have to remember he wasn’t good enough for me.

Dates at 12pm so will update this evening or in a loo break if I can ;)

Wish me luck...I’m wondering why I am allowing another man into my life lol

Baby glad you are feeling better. You really need to think of your baby as just yours and your ex as just a sperm donor as that's all his is. He's a biological contributor to the making of your baby, nothing else. You certainly aren't having a baby together; it's just you, and from experience it's much better that way. Keep concentrating on you and the baby. It will get better but is going to be slow progress because you are pregnant. You'll probably find the first year the hardest. My LO starts nursery in September and I did consider sending a picture of him in his uniform when the time comes but I won't because he doesn't deserve to see him. For that reason there are no public photos of my son on Facebook so his sperm donor can't check and see what he looks like and how he's growing up. He has no right to that. So that's something to consider. Don't go thinking that by putting public photos on Facebook he'll look st them and want to be involved because he won't. Mine has met his dad and he still doesn't want to be involved.

Meow hope the date goes well! Keep us posted.

I'm excited and nervous about my date tonight now. The conversations have been good the last couple of days so I'm feeling hopeful. He's been making me laugh and we have lots in common with tv, watching habits, films, music, activities and values.

@LiteraryDevil me too, I think everything that happened last weekend really opened my eyes. Really made me seethat nothing will change.
It's just me having to deal with the frustration when it comes up and try and not react and say something to him.
That's why I deleted the message last night. He sat online and then went off and came back and still didn't read it. And it was like 'what am I doing?' Delete it. Let it go and I did. Pleased I did. It was a rent about how he hasn't felt kicks and bonded or helped me out. Pointless.

Everything I have is privately set. And he knows no one I know. So anything I post if I do he'll never see It.
Thank you lit - I need the reminder I can do this 💕

How you feeling about the date? You tried everything on?

@meowimacat not long then!!! I'm looking forward to hearing

Baby I really think you need to delete him off whatever messaging app you've got him on so there can't be any of this obsessive looking if he's online stuff. It's toxic to keep looking and I felt so much better once I'd stopped doing that.

I know my dress and cardigan ensemble is ok so going with that. My stomach is very bloated but I figured it would be as gets worse when I have something I want it to be flatter for Could do with some of those huge knickers that come up to your bra band

@ baby - deleting the message is progress from last week for you! Keep it up

@meow & @literary good luck with dates! Looking forward to updates ideally from the loo (!)

@LiteraryDevil
I have don't worry. I did it last night after it all.
Knew I should of kept it deleted really.

Try some peppermint tea if your feeling a bit bloated....?

Love suck in pants! I'll be living in them once a baby is here haha!!

@Iwouldmarrythebeast thank you - I have let myself down this week though.... messaging him over the weekend just fucked me up a bit. I should be ok. 💕 hope your good!!

@baby - keep on track, you sound so much better despite a couple of wobbles. You can do it!

Don't worry, I'll do a loo update! I'm just doing my nails on my toes. I'll have to get ready with the small one under my feet so I've learnt to do things like nails in the morning! Face mask is on and I've filed my fingernails. I only ever do them in the French manicure pink so look tended. My mum always told me nail varnish was tarty so I've never had colour on my fingernails. My toes are metallic red though My feet are the only part of me I like.
I've got some peppermint tea so will try some.
Anyone watching the wedding?

So apparently he’s calling social services about me as dd is ill and I’ve also not had a copy of his training certificate from my solicitor 😂

Pixi what training certificate? What does he expect SS to go about your child being ill?? These men are so deluded.

Good luck everyone with dates today!! I am off to a wedding (not the royal one) !! My NC got in contact - a clip to a song! Don’t know what I should read into it or not. The song is together in electric dreams.
I haven’t responded just left it. I still want to know what it means??

@LiteraryDevil oh very nice. Fresh nails always look nice... men notice these things as much as we do 😂

@Pixikitten0123 silly man. What will he do when she's grows and has her hormone mood changes? Do the same. Silly.

@Dimael enjoy the wedding - you've got the weather for it? I hope it's nice at my Nans and at home too apparently lol.
Ignore it.
It's a head game.
You'll over analyse th me lyrics and stuff. (I would)
I have some songs I wanted to post here actually that very much described how most of us probably felt but it was a little depressing haha