NC (No Contact) Thread #12: Realising our self worth and reclaiming our lives free from fuckwittage

[LiteraryDevil]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found <a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.baggagereclaim.co.uk" target="_blank">www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

@LiteraryDevil I already look crazy, and the crazy ex (but according to him he's stated in his girlfriend still)

I really do need to do everything you've said and I know that already. I don't want to look like that. I know I'm the only one that's stopping that from happening.

I think it's more him that drags me down, my mood changed when we met, I become lower in myself. He brought out anxiety I never knew I had.

Which screams run, which I did but fell pregnant.

It's just getting back into the routine. I have to and must do it.

I know his number by heart. Which angers me.
He's already blocked me - the only thing he hasn't is WhatsApp. So I can never call anyway.

He'll never be decent, not towards me that's for sure

Thanks lit - tbh I needed it bluntly from someone outside it all ❤️

@baby - I don’t know what to say, I hope you feel better after your rant. Echo what @literary says about deleting his number permanently

Expat just post them or better still charity shop them. If you've been split up more than a month and he hasn't collected them then charity shop them. Then at the risk of repeating myself: block and delete. My stbexh twittered on and on about his things but never made any attempt to collect them. In the end my solicitor gave him 2 weeks to arrange collection. He didn't. So I put everything on the drive (it was a dry summers day) sent him a photo of it all and told him to collect it then went out. He was there within half an hour as passed me in the car. Don't stand for any shit.

OLD guy has not uttered a word all day. I fell asleep last night so replied to his text this morning. I think he's just an evening communicator although he messaged around mid morning with the ideas for our first only date. Will see what this evening brings although I've had a tough day with my LO so am going to sleep early.
How's everyone feeling tonight?

@ literary feeling ok, got another date on Monday. Potentially might see nc at work tomorrow but will do my best to avoid at all costs (am so avoidant). Feeling so much better after 4 weeks nc

@baby please have an early night & forget about fuckwit

Hey all, I’ve been a lot better since yesterday and getting over his birthday. I have made myself not check any SM of his and luckily I can’t use my laptop at the moment as I broke the charger so that really helps stop me stalking so much.

Although tonight a customer of mine has asked me to work for her soon - she lives so near to NC, like just down the road and my heart hurts that I will be so close to his house and he won’t know/I can’t go and see him. I miss even the friendship side, but in reality as I said to him it’s not worth being friends as it would just hurt that I want more.

I am still speaking to OLD guy and going on a date with him saturday and I’m looking forward to that. He’s 39 and I’m 32 and I’m not sure we have anything in common really. He seems to act quite young for his age and no kids/never married so we’ll see. But it’s nice to chat to someone. LiteraryDevil I couldn’t deal with the crap communication, but go on the date and see. When are you meeting him?

Wooo! Lots of dates I would and meow! Your dating apps are obviously better than mine as it only throws a handful of matches out a week and most of them are bald, fat and ugly and look ten years older than they say they are.
I'm so close to telling this guy I can't make it on Saturday. If he's thinking he's got me to agree to a date so he doesn't have to make an effort until the actual date then he's sadly mistaken. I feel like he's just keeping me hanging waiting for him to message. Not interested in that kind of person at all. Sure he works and he's got kids but I've got one more than him and mine don't get shipped off for half the week giving me chance to do what the hell I like and I still find time to message people. I'm obviously not on his mind at all and for things to be stressy before I've even met him then it's just a no go. Where's the witty, flirty texts to keep me going until we meet?? Where's the excitement and anticipation?? There's nothing there at all. It's going to cost about £20 in taxi fares to get where we are meeting and back home again, cost of drinks and new clothes as I don't have anything decent to wear for a date. I'm not working and struggle financially so taxi fare alone is a big chunk of cash to be spending wasting. I've treated myself to some new make up and getting clothes and shoes tomorrow. Need new stuff anyway so is a good excuse. However it's now 9.15pm and I've not heard from him at all today. I'd never text someone after 9pm if I didn't know them so if he does text he won't be getting a reply tonight. It was 9.30 when he messaged last night. Too late. Too tired. Seriously wondering if this is why he's had no luck despite going on "quite a few dates" when he first joined up. He's only just come back on after about 6 months off the site though so assume those dates were when he first joined. He'd been back on 4 days when he messaged me. There's no excuse for shit communication though. Takes less than a minute to send a quick text.
Sorry, that was a mammoth rant!
Sweet dreams everyone, keep strong!

So my NC has sent a passive aggressive text about an hour ago. I’m not texting back. To be honest I’m finding it quite funny that he’s angry with me. He clearly wants a response as I’ve not contacted him since Saturday and it was only to ask him to drop off DS’ jacket off 😂 seriously! Bit late to tell me he’s done it when I saw it on Monday 😂

Pixi how sad and pathetic of him! That is funny though. He wants you to pay him on the head and say good boy 😂

Pat not pay

Well, fuck him. That's my stance tonight unless there's some damn good communicating tomorrow and an even better excuse for not being in touch then Saturday is off. I refuse to be treated like shit by someone I've never even met. He's not been online on the app today at all from what I can see. Really I should call him on this now but just in case there's a good reason I'll hang on a while longer. The thing is he messaged fairly well in the app before we set up the date and now he's all quiet. That kind of person is not for me. I like someone who keeps in touch and says good morning have a good day and then asks you how your day was in the evening. Basic minimum to keep me interested. He's going to be busy with his kids half the week and I'm busy with mine every day so I'm the absence of actually seeing a person you need communication to keep things alive. This is dead in the water.

LiteraryDevil i would just cancel to be honest! I definitely go off the vibes someone gives before I meet them. This guy I’m talking to has messaged me consistently every day. The other one who I was meant to meet with yesterday just kept disappearing with messages and then if I posted a selfie on SM he’d start messaging again like he remembered who I was. Can’t be bothered with that. Effort is everything we’ve put up with enough to not want to make the same mistake again. Most of my guys on OLD are just not even worth talking to. I struggle to chat to more than one guy consistently too but I know that’s how you’re supposed to ‘play the game.’ X

I've just checked one last time and he's now online on the dating app. I've logged out of it now so he won't be able to see if I'm on or not. Totally lost interest in him. I barely know anything about him as chatting by text hasn't revealed much more than his profile says. By now I'd expect to have an easy text rapport and be joking and flirting with each other along with sharing information about ourselves. He's still a complete stranger to me and that doesn't make me want to meet him. My gut says no. My gut says not worth the effort. My gut says I'm wasting my time. My gut wonders why all those dates he's had never came to anything. He's also said a couple of odd things. One was "I'm only on the site to get off it." Well, yes, we all are, but it sounded a bit arrogant and was off putting. The other was when we were both saying we didn't like the site much and hadn't had any luck and I asked him why and he said something like "The site, the app, the dates, the women!" It was like he'd grouped all women together into some inferior, appalling group. To be honest I could say the same about the men who come up as matches but I wouldn't to a potential date as it's rude. I felt like I might be included in that "the women!" and I didn't like his attitude. I know messages lack tone but even so. Big no.

Oooooh ‘the women’ comment would have been an absolute no no for me! He’s blaming everyone but himself 😂 and it sounds like he’s a sore loser because none of them were interested.
The guy who flaked on me Wednesday made out like he was really shy and a good guy, but was being overly suggestive in his messages to me which totally counteracted that. I also saw on Facebook he was in a band and in photos he’s singing to a huge crowd, shirt off being a proper poser so I highly doubt he’s a good shy guy. He also was online following porn stars late at night when he’d ignored me all day - I’d expect him to message me the day before and the day of the date and he didn’t! Go with your gut and don’t waste your time or money!!!

The guy from OLD I’m talking to now we have spoken about where we grew up, how many siblings we have, what we do for work...the usual chat to get to know someone and it’s been consistent. That’s why I’m giving him a chance. He’s been a tiny bit cheeky but nothing inappropriate like I find with most guys. He’s probably not right for me and looks wise I’ve never dated anyone like him (heavily tattooed) but I go more on who someone is as a person especially now after the way NC has been with me. It’s going to be hard to trust again

Mind if I join?

I'm day 13 of NC with my ex and so far I'm resisting to text. It's getting easier day by day but sometimes I still find it hard.

The backstory is we've been through alot but before he went on holiday we were in such a better place but he was going on a lads holiday to Thailand. Right before he left he told me he loved me. Then half way through the holiday he told me he met a girl out there and he loved her. He proceeded to tell me all about her goof qualities such as she is a world class chef, a martial arts master and that she understands him more then anyone ever has. To hear those things made me feel utter shit and my confidence and self esteem were at an all time low. I spent around two weeks crying and moping around then one day it finally just clicked after yet another argument. The truth is I was too good for him and have far better qualities then this thai girl he had only just met.

So here I am two weeks on. I have a date tonight and another lined up for next week. Here's to being single and having fun!

Hi Lost welcome to the thread. What a bastard and how very predictable of a man to do that!

I've posted on AIBU about Saturdays date. Pretty sure I'm going to cancel.

Thanks Literary, appreciate that, I will do. Reading your posts I think you are right to follow your gut (we ignore it too often I think!). The comments re women would put me off too. My NC had a real thing about "women" as a whole being "manipulative", which I found very difficult and I think definitely informed the way he treated me sometimes!

Lost, that's awful, what an absolute shit. Glad it has clicked for you though!

I texted a final message yesterday, asking him what was going on and said that being ignored was a horrible feeling so to let me know either way. He hasn’t been online and hasn’t opened it. He’s probably read it on his iPhone notifications.

It hurts, I thought we had a friendship after everything that I’ve supported him through. It feels as if I’m no use to him now he’s feeling better in his life and I’ve been discarded. The worse thing is that it seems deliberate and pre planned timing wise to coincide with him being away. He’d already dumped me for a fortnight before I’d even made contact with him. I thought he would reply to this last message which made it clear that the situation was hurting me, I thought he’d have cared enough to respond. Now I look back at the thousands of chats and wonder if they were all lies and his feelings for me were faked in person. If he really thought I needed to move on, surely he’d tell me that and explain.

Part of me wants to ring him but I’d feel too stupid. Part of me wants to message the woman I’ve found out he was dating all along whilst sleeping with me but then I’d look vindictive. I feel sick at the thought of him being a perfect partner to her. I struggle to see why he put so much effort into me when he wanted to be with her. I keep finding myself looking at his photos and re reading our chats, I feel obsessed.

Apparently I'm needy and precious and full on according to AIBU. Did have a good laugh at joe predictable some of the responses wereHe's messaged this morning all bright and breezy saying he hopes the weather holds for Saturday.

LiteraryDevil I hate the responses you have had!!! Honestly, some people are so ridiculous and get so grouchy. 'Well I don't use my phone so you're so needy and insecure' ohhhh fuck off Karen, go back to your boring marriage where neither of you text each other but your husbands probably texting another woman constantly without you even knowing.

....sorry, a moment of anger there ;)

Anyway, I got asked to work near my NC by a customer last night. It made me feel sick that I'd be working a stones throw from his house and he wouldn't know. I miss him a lot, but I am moving on with my life.

I do feel like maybe go on the date Saturday if he does keep texting and seem interested in it...just leave it til the day of or tomorrow and see. But if you have a nagging doubt you don't want to go (like I had with my wednesday date) then just don't bother, it's not worth it.

They've given me a good laugh that's for sure! I love how it's needy to expect someone to show interest!

Afternoon all. Just said I'd quickly stop by to give some words of encouragement. I am NC Day 60 today.

I feel so much better and am so glad I'm out of the loop of waiting for crumbs. I no longer feel anxious waiting for messages because I know I'm not going to get one.

It's so tough at the beginning. Me and my NC go back 23 years and there was very intense feelings. He retreated into his man cave after telling me he was going awol (because he felt he'd gotten too deep). Off with him, I hope he's squished by a boulder!