NC (No Contact) Thread #12: Realising our self worth and reclaiming our lives free from fuckwittage

[LiteraryDevil]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found <a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.baggagereclaim.co.uk" target="_blank">www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

@Dimael
He truly is, and I'm proud of myself for not being an absolute case, and driving to camp or messaging loads of girls, or calling him out. I'm proud that I haven't broken in all this time... and I won't.

I said what I needed to say, I'm still here 2 days later with no reply. Which I'm finding super hard to deal with I won't lie. But I've just got to crack on.
Yeah I'm finally letting that little bit of hope slide out of my hands, still have a grip.... but it's getting hope rope is getting shorter and shorter

I really hope the flight went ok, and hope you have a lovely holiday!! Tell us all about it when you're back!! And of course I'll have an update for you guys by Thursday I hope haha xxx

@Tictactic
I think we all have to have that crazy moment. Otherwise we'd fully explode haha xx

Anyone free to chat?

@AnxietyKilledTheDog

You ok??

I'm not great, but I'm okay at the moment, it's so variable. I just had a really bad time last night. Feeling more positive now.

I start the freedom programme on Thurs so I am looking forward to that.

How are you?

@AnxietyKilledTheDog
How you feeling today?
Even if someone isn't here to reply straight away sometimes just venting it out helps. There's posts I've sent and just vented lol.

Hope everything is ok and you're coping :) xx

@Didsomeonesaybunny
Wows

I wouldn't even be able to deal with that. If my NC turned up and started to make promises to be a dad (i mean he did that all via text up until June) and attempted to bond with bump. I would of probably had a mental break down and been given drugs to calm me down or ended up in early labour 🤯

I think he's fucking you round now. Coming back going, and coming back again. It's very clear he doesn't really know what he wants. He wants to do the right thing.... but I don't think he quite knows that the right thing for him is. Loving someone is always needed in a relationship, but as we know baby changes everything. Some people just can't hack it.

A baby moon - what a lovely thought... I'd also be a little insulted that he thinks he could come along and think that would make things better.

He left you for another women (with multiple children) his choice, yet can't be there for you and bump? - no.

I promise you. You don't want the stress. Enjoy your pregnancy and don't wait for him.
I've stressed, not eaten right, worried and just not enjoyed it like I should of. Which made me feel so guilty and a shitty person. (But after talking to friends - turns out not many women truly enjoy pregnancy anyway)

You've gone so far without him, you don't want someone in and out of your life when a baby is coming.

I guess that's what's good about mine, although the swore he'd support and be a dad, he's never shown.... and he won't. So I don't have to panic about an inconsistent father figure.

@Didsomeonesaybunny
I get you. He's come waltzing back in telling you everything you want to hear - then all of sudden when it's over calls and texts he's more honest.
Sounds like my guy - but my guy never actually showed up for anything. It was always - I'll be there. Don't stress. You don't need to cry.

You imagine your first pregnancy being this amazing experience and it's filled with moments of bonding. (I don't think you need/have to have a partner to enjoy it) but when you're with someone... it does fuck it up for you mentally when they don't give you that vibe or family moment you imagine.

I really hope he does stick, and wants to be there for you. And is consistent... but he wants you to hype him up? What for? Why should you have to do that? He wants you or he doesn't. He can't do this to you. You don't ask for a hype or cheer.

I know it's hard - it's the worst.
But what's best for you? That's what you need to decide. Either keep trying with him and have him in and out and not being able to decide. Or tell him to back away until he knows what he wants.
He can be a dad, but clearly you both need to decide where you stand with each other.

I'm good right now. Just prepping.
Mentally - I'm freaking out. It's all come up really fast this time tomorrow - I'll have a little tiny human 🤯 heads like wow.
I feel sad, I told him on Friday about It all and he never responded. So that was my last attempt.
I'm good. I just can't be bothered to chase a 33 year old. Who claims he is mature and disciplined and respectful.... who wanted children hat he should be here.
I'm sorry it's happened. But it's happened. It's learning curve.

Don't let him ruin this for you though. Please enjoy the rest of yours. Please! Honestly go
Out with friends enjoy scans look at baby clothes. Make the most of that little bump

Hi all. After 6 months of limbo with my husband, the decision for separation was made on Monday night. So I’m on day 2 of NC. I’m not uncomfortable or missing him yet, although I keep checking WhatsApp more out of habit. Seeing him slip down the list from my top contacted person to not even on the first screen hurts. But he is not the husband and father I loved anymore, so I guess he’s taking his rightful place in my priorities and time. The loss of what I thought our life was - that hurts. Sending all strength. Sometimes we need to take one step back so we can take two forward with more momentum.

Hi newbie here. Bit of background. Going NC on a guy I was seeing since May (I know I know) he said he doesn’t want a girlfriend but might come back and see me again as it’s early days.

He’s asked me twice today if I’m seeing other people.

@heatwavelou3

No. You're not there for when he feels like he wants you.
Find your worth and realise it. Don't be second best.
You're better than that.
Focus and cut him off now. Don't drag it out on yourself.

I will do. Thank you so much x

Seriously will we ever learn:(

didsomeonesay not mutual, no. He just dropped the bomb that he’s leaving because he doesn’t love me anymore. We have a young DD who doesn’t know yet - dreading that.

Just dropping by as I haven't been here for ages. I received a message from my nc in the early hours saying his place is free on Saturday for sex we haven't had any contact for weeks and I felt like I was happy moving on but this has just floored me. I sent a message saying what?! Did you mean to send me this? And he has read it and ignored me. Why does he make me feel so worthless so easily? It's obvious it was meant for somone else, I'm sad that he has moved on but I knew he would. I keep crying about it. I'm not sure what to do about it, like I want to have it out with him. How dare he treat me like this. But then I think should I ignore it? Look like I don't care?

Hi! Just thought I’d drop by, not managed to catch up on all messages but hope you’re all staying strong! 💪🏻 I’m currently 4 weeks NC! I’m finding it very peaceful and have the clarity and courage to move forward with my kids alone now. Is it bitter to hope that he has a really shit life?! 😂

Hello ladies! How are you all doing? I am on my last night of my holiday and coming back home tomorrow night.
My ex friend got in contact with me this week and was talking about meeting up, but when it came to the crunch she stopped replying to me. I had a hunch that she was trying to orchestrate a meet up with me and my NC. I was hesitant in making the plans and she probably sensed it and backed off. I keep beating myself up about this. So yes partly my fault I accept that but I do feel like a fool yet again. She has posted photos on Facebook with my NC the last couple of days and it’s heartbreaking to see. I am partly over this relationship because every time I remember him fondly I see him in bed with the other woman (20 years older than me) and I stop thinking about him and I hardly have any emotional response to that now. 🤢 But my friend keeps raking it up and forcing me to see him and its bothering me. I am going to delete them all off Facebook and block them as they are trying to manipulate and control me but first I want to send my NC a letter. What are your thoughts? I want to tell him that my feelings for him were genuine but I can see no possibility of ever having a friendship with him and needing to move forward. I want to tell him what my friend has done, the costing me £570 by backing out of this holiday and the meet ups she is trying to force on us. I am scared he is involved in it all. But I want to make him see what he has done to me. I want him to feel some remorse. All the church going and praying he does you would expect him to have a conscience.

Joining here sadly... I just want the pain to ease.

So he’s gone public on Facebook with the other woman who I’ve suspected all along. I’m right back to square one and upset. Will this ever end?

My story?

Well previously when I was back on here I'd gone no contact with an ex who left me for a thai woman he had met on holiday in Thailand and I'd done really well to maintain no contact with him.

I then started going on a few dates with new guy and we just really clicked and had a great time together. About six weeks in he said he had his own problems and issues he needed to sort out and that he wanted space and couldn't give me what I wanted. This got to me. When we first met I said I wasnt up for anything and he was the one who wanted to pursue some sort of a relationship with me. How tables turned. I got the whole "it's not you it's me" comment. After that I asked him to reconsider things in hope he would (and obviously didn't). We would continue talking and then it got less and less, he became more cold and distant and then blocked me and deleted me yesterday so I have done the same back. He said I was always looking for an argument, I wasnt I was offering to be there for him. I'm really gutted and heartbroken how someone in such a short amount of time could have that effect on me.

I've decided to get myself out of the dating game for a while. I'd arranged to meet up with a guy this evening for drinks but have just cancelled. I know my hearts not in the right place and it wouldn't be fair to him. I feel a bitch for doing so but I know it's the right thing to do. We've only swapped a few messages on the dating app/by text so we don't really know much about each other.

So here's to day one of NC. He told me we'd never be anything together, he never wanted to see me again and he will never rethink. That says it all.

How come someone who seemed so lovely turn so cold and distant? I think he became depressed but he just never opened up or talked about anything with me

Feeling really low today, I’m supposed to be going out with a friend on Saturday night but so don’t feel in the mood. I know it’ll probably do me good to get out as I’ve not been out for a good six months but still feeling fragile. Meh 🙄