NC (No Contact) Thread #12: Realising our self worth and reclaiming our lives free from fuckwittage

[LiteraryDevil]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

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and now I was just reading over our whatsapps and my phone stupidly called him (it's got a life of it's own at the moment) Cancelled the call, but gonna look like I want to be in touch with him now. ARGH.

@meowimacat

No judgment here, you know that!!

You did what you needed to do, and tbh I don't blame you. You are right in what you say... about being tormented everyday, hoping and wishing he would want you like you want him.
You reached out.

You saw and got what you needed to finally see that he really truly doesn't care about you!!

Sometimes it needs to be done.

I'm sad he got what he wanted from you Saturday night, but everyone has needs... and tbh it happens. So what. You've still seen him for his true ways with no questioning yourself now.

Everyone needs that bit of clarity. I'm glad you've got it ☺️

Don't worry about the call. If he calls back just ignore?

I want to reach out to mine, but he knows everything apart from my date of the section. He knows his child is due. I've had nothing.
Resisting it quite well.
I refuse to break.
He won't contact me me and won't even contact me if I message him. So it's just best left now

@meowimacat you did what you needed to do and that's ok. Don't best yourself up about it. We all make slip ups but we learn and move on a little more.
@Dimeal. have you decided on anything 're your 'friend?'

I'm feeling quite angry. So my NC daughter put a pic on fb of her and her mum (NC wife) going away and my NC commented to have a safe journey and she commented 'you too hun x'.. I'm feeling they may be getting back together and I was used. i will never get involved with a 'separated' man again. I feel like messaging her and telling her everything. I won't. But maybe she needs to know. he's still on dating website too. Don't know why I'm bothering. I know it's guess work but if love to tell the fucker what he's put me through

also @Dimeal. How did it go with guy at running club?.definitely don't settle. I do believe your mind plays tricks with you after a breakup.. almost like we're desperate! or looking for a replacement?
or just company.
My OLD guy is not for me. I've told him I can only offer potential friendship but doesn't seem to bother him as such. he keeps messaging. It fills the time in a way but I'm not sure if i should just stop as not fair.

@Meow awww love!! We sometimes have to do these things to finally hit home that there is nothing worth going back for. Don’t beat yourself up about it - it’s part of the process. How many of us have broken over the months tells you that you are not the only one!

@Tictactic went on a second date with him. I am warming to him. He knows about what has happened to me and he is taking his time. We went out for an ice cream and walk the other day and he isn’t pushing me to do more than kiss on the cheek and hugging. I feel like I can build up my trust again with him. I saw him tonight at running and I just wanted to hug him but obviously not wanting others to know yet in the club so didn’t. My NC was out of my mind until I came home and liked a post about me on Facebook. Basically I got 5th place female in a 10k race on Sunday. And he must have seen it!
I think it’s good to have this man you met in your life even if just for friendship because it lets you build up your trust in men again which can only be positive and to be fair he sounds reasonable to me from what you have said about him.
I also think that his wife will find out the hard way if she seriously takes him back. You don’t need to do anything and I doubt it will make you feel any better either. Karma will come back around to get him - truly he is a jerk and he will get his just rewards one day.

@Babyblue I haven’t contacted her. Whatever I think or feel about losing a friend. Friends don’t cause friends to lose a few hundred pounds. I need to give it more time to think. Damn my hormones!
How are you feeling? This heat must be awful for you in the last few weeks. You sound to be in control of your thoughts and feelings towards your NC now - you are such a strong woman and should be proud of yourself!!

@Dimeal. Have to mention the running result first - amazing! well done. Those 'sparrow legs' are taking you far haha!!
ohhh I wasn't expecting that from running guy. You never know?! My OLD guy not pushing although sometimes a little suggestive and I just don't feel it. I have been honest and said I don't want to give false hope etc but him not giving in just waves red flags. it's also not real and messes with your mind!
go for it with running guy. Has NC otherwise tried to contact you?
no a friend wouldn't leave you our of pocket..she's no friend. how does she even think that's reasonable?
I won't message her. I'm sad though. feel a fool. My NC before this NC split with the girl he started seeing just after my miscarriage. So yeah perhaps there is karma and it will also hit my new NC in the coming year. But it also makes me feel why did I deserve this? is karma getting back at me for something

@Tictactic Thank you! And I know how can I hate them when they do me proud! My NC isn’t trying to communicate other than likes etc so nothing with serious intent to worry about.
I didn’t think it would be running guy either. Problem is now I started to like him I start with the anxieties of will he won’t he call today! All because of what other men have done in the past. I also said to him I couldn’t see him one on one until after my holiday now and I changed my mind. So what do I do? I will see him on Thursday at running but it’s not like I can properly spend time with him.
You sound to be sure the old guy is not for you and I think trust your gut instincts with it. Maybe if he is continuing to be suggestive after saying you could only offer friendship then you need to be more firm with him. Friends aren’t suggestive with each other after all.
I believe in karma a lot but I agree some of the bad things that keep happening to me suggests I have been bad in the past. Can’t think like that though can you, got to stay positive. Maybe some people have a load of bad things happen so they deserve good later? Any man who leaves just after a miscarriage is either heartless or so emotionally effected by it he pushes the closest people to him away. Either way you don’t want or need that.

Thanks girls, I feel like an idiot. He messaged asking why i called him yesterday but the messages were as cold as though I was some acquaintance that he barely knows. No effort to keep any messages going. He got what he wanted and now he's off again living his life. Happy that he's 'won' and I came crawling back for him - to give him another ego boost.

Now to be strong. I am not going to be a victim this time. Not going to obsess over this. Time to move on and find someone better.

Love to you all.

@Dimael
Running club man - oh babes it's horrible when you want but think you don't want but then you realise you sort of do isn't it. (If that makes any sense at all? Lol)
Go with running, you'll see him but you know he should understand you're about to go on holiday, you've still told him you want to see him after.....
Anxiety and insecurities will always arise :( because of how previous men/relationships have panned out. And it's shitty, because as much you want to be happy.... you're already on edge. :( it's a catch 22. You're holiday will give you time away and time to think.

@Tictactic
The ex wife comment - I don't know about that one? Maybe they're civil? Or trying to be over social media....

potential friendship and he's still pestering for more? Take a step away - or maybe be a bit more blunt? I agree with Dim though - his wife will find out the hard way... and you don't want to look like that woman that can't let go...it's a shitty feeling.
I really hope you feel a bit better soon - you will find someone that isn't like NC and will treat yo so differently....

@meowimacat
God what an arse.
Don't bother with him at all anymore!! He's shown exactly how much he isn't worth bothering for. Don't feel like an idiot, hope does crazy things to us women. I hope you're ok x

I'm freaking a little.
I'm really trying to not text him and tell him that I'm booked in.... but he doesn't deserve to know... but I also don't want to be that woman that 'didn't let him know he was a father' 'didn't let the dad know his own son was born'
But I've told him everything....
Due date
That he could be early... and he hasn't contacted me?
But he's on Instagram and I saw him online the other day 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

@meow I think it’s the final warning you needed to properly move on and leave him behind. As much as it might have felt like a set back it will probably spur you on to focus on your future now feee from him!

@Baby tell me about it!! I didn’t care if he messaged before, now I am sat here like please message me haha! I guess I wasn’t ready and just shut down any man and any relationship chance coming my way at first.
I calmed down a bit today because he asked me to run in the club relay with him so I took that as a good sign! I want to do this differently this time. I don’t want to have another failed relationship I just want to take my time this time. He seems willing to do that for me - we are only meeting up once a week one on one and see each other another 2 times with running so it’s building at a slow pace which is right I think. I can’t belk I am in this situation so quickly after my NC usually I am single a few years before I move on and I expected the same this time around.
I honestly think you can’t be accused of not doing enough and he is a grown man who is able to call and ask these questions himself! The only thing left for you to say is that baby is here - then it really is down to him to do the right thing. From the sounds of it he doesn’t know how to do the right thing. From what you have said you have done the best you can given his behaviour.

@Dimael
God, I hate dating haha!!
I can't agree with you more with not feeling bothered and then being like OMG give me attention 😂 ah!

I'm glad that things are moving though, and he's respecting that you don't want to rush!! That's a good thing! Doing it differently is totally the best way, you can't always approach something the same and hope for different outcomes. I really hope it all goes well :) and things progress nicely

Yeah I've done all I can now.
But I don't even want to message him when baby is born, because I don't feel like it would achieve anything and I'd be devastated. Even though I already know the out come, the rejection of not getting a reply or an answer will really knock me.
My friend has offered to tell him? Which I think I might go for, but then I don't want to pester her when the time comes..... suppose I'll just have to see how I feel about it all when he's actually in my arms....

@babyblue32. Don't do anything now that could potentially upset you. You need the strength to get through the birth..no drama etc. You can let him know when baby is born, you don't need to tell him anything as yet.
I remember him telling me about going away. He was taking 1 of his daughters. I'm wondering if his ex wife is now joining them with the other one (older) A holiday to get family back together? I feel very sad.
It won't work. She had 2 affairs and he's now been with me. Did he 'get his own back' with me? I was falling for him
I started to imagine a future together.
I need to be firmer with OLD contact.. I 'feel' warnings about him. I don't want him relationship wise but don't mind chatting. Do I say yet again? is it giving him hope me still messaging him? I have made it clear. I'm not ready for anything with anyone. I don't want to flirt, my confidence is low. I also don't want to waste anyone's time

@Tictactic
That's just it, I don't even want to tell him when baby is here. And that's not me. I'm not that person. I think it's just the hormones and how he's treated me. When baby is here I'll have a friend message him.

I know it's difficult, but don't dwell on him. Or try not too. He's not worth worrying over, and you'll just fret and stress and it's not worth it. Whatever she did she did, they'd both be silly to re start something when they've been like that... but it's down to them. Makes it so much harder when you fall and care about them :(

You're old guy - well maybe just message one more time when he gets suggestive and say - look I've told you. I want nothing more Jan just friends and that's not friends with benefits.... if he doesn't get the hint just back away

@didsomeonesaybunny
You do not have to be venerable to him. You're having his baby, but he still went off and got someone else. You don't need to do anything for him. He needs to buck up and be a father to your kid.
I get the frustration, I so badly want that amazing first time family... parents happy. Together loving their child.
You can't force a man to be consistent-I've tried to make a man realise he importance of his child that's due in a weeek and I've have nothing.
Don't waste your time

I've sat and had a big cry this morning. Feeling massively overwhelmed. I'm going to be a mum in less then 2 weeks it's crazy.

And I'm sad that I can't do anymore to make a man see how important his child should be.

Sorry for the downer.

@Baby I would be overwhelmed too. We all would be before having our first baby and given what he has put you through! Your NC isn’t a real man in my eyes, if he can walk away from a woman having his baby then he is nothing but scum to me! You have a good family around you and feel free to talk to me about how you are feeling. You will not be alone in this!

Hi guys.

I could really do with some support and I would like to offer some advice too.

My ex of 2.5 years walked out on me a few weeks ago. He literally drove off one night and that was that. We lived together, had a dog, a cat, etc.
I'm really struggling. It's more the way he did it.

How do I get through this?

Hi all, just introducing myself. Starting tomorrow on this day. Day 1.
Weepy mess and don't feel like working or doing anything but got to do this. I loved him, thought he was my "one" but clearly the way he could drop and forget me so easily, I was way off.

I will try and catch up @baby. I'm sorry. Its definitely not easy. Have you birth plan in hand? sorted? I think he must just be pretending it's not happening? You and baby deserve better, that goes without saying. X

Hi girls, I don't think there's as many people starting out on this thread at the beginning with NC, so you girls will probably have to keep supporting each other if you want this thread to keep going.

There are some of us who have been NC for a long time. Me personally, I was on 10 weeks. Those weeks were so hard for me and I wanted to reach out so much. I then stupidly went back to him last weekend and now have been left heartbroken and disappointed again.

Today I went and took the morning after pill as I was so worried I could be pregnant from going back to him. Cost me £35 - and I haven't even heard from him in days, he has no idea or care that I've had to do this. He couldn't even care about me at all which is the most hurtful thing.

I now need to try and move on for good. He is my default setting with my thoughts and I need to find a new default. Not necessarily a guy but some things to keep me occupied and help me move on from this.

For those of you starting out with NC, all I can say is if you are going NC there must be a big reason for it. That reason probably means you shouldn't go back. For me I needed so much support and this thread has been amazing. However I did go back and it was a huge mistake. Don't beat yourself up if you do cave and contact, but just learn that sometimes our hearts want something but we need to listen to our heads. They don't respect you for going back as I now have proof of.

Good luck and stay strong!

I appreciate any and all advice and I'm happy to offer the same if anyone is free to PM me.

@Dimael
I appreciate it sweet, I'm grateful :) I really am.

@meowimacat
I think we take steps back and then come back when things get overwhelming....
I'm so sorry that he's treated you in such a shit way. Acting like your nothing again after having his way :( makes me mad for you. Thinking of you, you'll be ok. You know you are worth so much more

@Lostmyselfalongtheway
First days are the hardest, then it gets easier. Then you sit and question why you still haven't heard anything and then it gets tough again, then easier. It's so up and down. It really is. It's hard work. But worth it, because when you break and they still treat you poorly...... you realise that you were doing so well all along.
Birth plan in place, date is set.
Well he's done well to pretend for 8 months.

@AnxietyKilledTheDog
I have no idea how this feels or what you're going through on this one, but if he can just up and out like that without a reason or anything... as hard as it is, you'd be better off without.
It's shit. You can only try and work out the reasons behind it. But if he won't contact you. Step back. Get your head together and see how you feel xx

Thinking of everyone

Told him about section.
Was met with seeing him online and my message being ignored. And still not opened today.

Wanted it out of the way now, rather than when baby is here. Would rather take that hurt now then when I'm hormonal new mum

Just wish everyone knew what a piece of work he truly is.
Wish I could be crazy and tell everyone his name and post his picture #crazy

But I'm not going to because I gain nothing, it's wasted energy and I don't want to be that person......And I'd hate to be the person that sits and airs their dirty laundry in public

@babyblue32. be kind to yourself. yep we've all had crazy moments.. I had thoughts of revenge recently but not and won't act on them.
feeling lonely and started on ad's for anxiety.. hmmm. I'm over him now. I accept and I've moved on. Just not sure where my life is going or how to change it.

@babyblue32 he is one massive disappointment. And I think you did the right thing telling him about it, you can only try and involve him and that’s exactly what you have done. He is a massive waste of space. It’s up to him now chick, I don’t want you getting your hopes up as I can’t see him pulling through at the last minute for you.
Revenge won’t achieve anything at all. Lord knows I have wanted to get my own back over the years on people but best thing to do is take the high road.
I am going on holiday tonight - I will keep checking on here as often as I can as I am excited to hear of baby news and to know that everything went to plan for you.

I wanted to post an update here. Shortly after I posted last time, I relapsed but I have since ended things with him, for good. I haven’t spoken to him for 10 days or stalked him on social media (at all, not even once) for nearly a month.

I just wanted to tell you all how amazing it feels to be free of him. After I ended things, I couldn’t believe how fine I felt. It was 10x better than when he was fucking me around. I hope this encourages some of you to stay strong and free yourselves from fuckwittage. It’s hard but it really is worth it.