NC (No Contact) Thread #12: Realising our self worth and reclaiming our lives free from fuckwittage

[LiteraryDevil]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

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@Babyblue I still don’t get the car seat and my niece is almost 3 - the fastenings are so difficult 😂😂

@Dimael I mean ok least she reached out to make sure you're ok.... and I suppose you have to be grown about the situation. But I find things like that do change a friendship.

If I'd bailed on my friend I'd be so apologetic and be like I can pay you at least half? See me before you go I'll make it up blah blah.....
Nice of your gran those though.

Ah but least you've have practice with your niece - I'd didnt my sister lives hours away and never drove 😂

Yeah I keep updating him with things I think are relevant - but he doesn't care. He just has no interest. I have an app Wednesday about a possible section - that would be the next thing I would mention... but tbh I don't think I'm going to. He doesn't want to know.
It's finally starting to sink in properly now ( long enough )

Really missing my NC the last couple of days. Remembering all the good things. Had to think hard of the bad to get me back on track.
Also told some toxic family members to leave me alone.

@LiteraryDevil1 how you doing??
Sorry about the family.

I've been constantly re listing the bad things in my head about my NC - does help.

The list does help. I'm ok thanks. Been pretty much NC with my family for years (well most of them) and feel much better for doing so. Toxic people that have no place in my life.

Girls I haven’t posted in forever. I was 9 weeks NC yesterday and 10 weeks since I blocked him. All day yesterday I was so upset missing him. Like this urge to have him in my life was overwhelming. I felt so sad and he was in my thoughts all day. Then do you know what happened when I got home and finally got over feeling that way - I checked my phone and he had liked a recent Instagram photo of me. So I guess maybe he misses me a bit too. I haven’t contacted him. I’m trying to take it as what it is - he’s opening the door for contact but it’s not like he wants a relationship with me and will probably be sleeping with other women now (or certainly trying to.) I feel such mixed emotions. I’m working by his house this weekend too. I have avoided any jobs in that area as I just couldn’t bear being that close to his house. But now I will be so near. I’m trying to decide what to do. Whether to reach out or not. I’ve done really well, but I do miss him. However for me I couldn’t be close with him again. I wouldn’t really want to see or speak to him much aside from the odd check in.

I’ve started dating someone else who is overly keen on me, so that’s been a distraction. However in comparison to NC I don’t have the same feelings as strong as I did for him. Sigh. I need to catch up and see how you are all doing xx

Oh and when I say he liked my Instagram I had him blocked and recently unblocked him. We aren’t friends and so I guess he either got me come up as a suggestion as I’m in his contacts or he had a search for me. Who knows. I’m trying not to overthink it. It doesn’t take much effort to like a pic.

Hi sorry I haven’t been online. Had loads going on. Don’t think I can take much more. But I stupidly texted ex. No reply! I have been so good with no contact since May. Sorry if I have let people down

Good morning all, haven't been on here for ages either. Nice to have people check in and catch up.
@Literary. My NC pops into my head every now and again. But remember how we were in the early days and how hard it was ? remember your list and all you've experienced since. The date etc we are moving forward. It's so much easier now.
@meowimacat..funny how things like that happen. Almost like we're being tested. Well done for not overthinking. You're able to be sad and have a cry but it sounds like although still sad you're in the acceptance stage.
@confused3317. you haven't let us down. These things happen, we've all done it. You're not back to step 1 it's a blip and part of moving on. If he contacts you how will you feel?
@babyblue32. you must be close to due date now? hope you're ok. must be tough in the heat.
@Dimeal. How are you doing?

My update. 13 weeks NC. He pops into my mind every now and again. I more so feel anger now and a bit of sadness. Feel like he tossed me aside without a thought. i believe I was a distraction through his separation and he told me he was being selfish. Not the person I though he was. He apologised for me getting caught up in it.. that is after he told me he was falling in love with me.
I've been chatting to OLD. met 4 times. He's nice but not for me. He likes me. I have told him not ready for relationship. He then said 'we should try' which I find odd. Perhaps I need to make clear again as we have continued chatting. i don't feel anything other than potential friends towards him.

I'm debating reaching out to my NC. This would mean 11 weeks of NC over if I do it. I don't know whether to. I miss him, even as a friend. But I also am not sure if I want him as a friend as I'm not sure we could ever just be friends. Argh why am I back tracking this far into NC?

@meowimacat if you're not sure.... leave it a few days. Have a good think on it. Go from there. Don't do anything today.... you're in edge about it makes the decision harder

@Tictactic nope not long - less than 3 weeks. Still at work. Last day Tuesday. Fully had enough bad cankles and viens lol
You still no feeling this new guy? How's that going? Four dates is impressive though, there must be something ther

This week ..... I decided to act Upon my full in crazy mode. I messaged a girl asking if she knew him. I apologised told her I know it was crazy but explained my situation briefly and that I wanted to know I wasn't being mad.
Turns out she met him on tinder last year - but she hasn't spoken to him since then, but a friend of hers had a date. Did the same bullshit speech about how he wants to settle.
I feel ok/
Not upset
Not angry
I'm
Ok because I knew I was right.
I knew I was right to question him and call him ku and be mad at him.
I knew it.
No urge to even say anything to him.

@Tictactic hello!!! I’m still reeling from the friend situation but my mum is coming with me now instead. It just hurts that a friend of 10 years would take a mans she has known a year side over mine. I am tired of the drama this woman brings me and it probably is for the best now. I am meeting up with a guy from running club and I don’t like him in that way but know he won’t let me down. It is so tempting to get with him as I know he will give me an easy life. Even if I don’t fancy him - that is really bad isn’t it?
I think you learnt some valuable lessons with your NC as much as it was an awful experience you will be so aware of the red flags in future. Such as the lovebombing! You will still think about your exes from time to time - it’s natural. I have to say anger is an easier emotion than sadness as with anger you feel stronger and more determined. This guy from OLD seems keen but if you are not feeling it you have to cut ties unless you think it might grow into something later on?

@Meow I have that temptation to talk to him also. But then I stop myself. What if he doesn’t reply or answer? How will that make you feel? For me I would be back at square 1 and I am not going there. NC isn’t meant to mean forever just until you are over it so if you are in that place then go for it.
With the new guy you are dating - be cautious of overly keen!! It’s where I have fallen many a time.

@Babyblue it’s so tempting to find out the truth about something isn’t it. I want to message people to find out what my friend is saying about me. I am resisting. Has it made you feel better to know? Your NC seems to know everything a woman wants to hear about settling just to get what he wants and then he is off!! Karma will come and get him one day. Don’t you worry. I mean it is punishment enough to miss out on your son growing up - one day that will hit him hard!

@Dimael this is it. I honestly thought that if I did it... I would be gutted and I'd be in tears. I'm not. I feel ok.
I mean this girl told me she hadn't spoken to him since early last year... but it was the same story, the same bull. The fact I knew he had lied about i because I asked him before I even fell.

I feel like it needed it. To see that I'm not crazy, I'm not a headcase. I may have not 100% proof that he has cheated.... but the fact he was talking to other girls when with me, and talking on tinder and stuff.

It's like the mist is finally clearing.
A relationship with him as a couple isn't what I've wanted.
But it has made me see that I definitely want to steer clear.

Him missing out is up to him now.
I cannot do anymore.
I'm done trying.
Two weeks and my little guy is here.... how has it taken me this long? I'll never know.

He watches my Snapchat's though.... which I think he's waiting for a baby to appear on there. Which isn't going to happen.

someone will something about what your friend is saying they normally do...

@Babyblue32 thank you, I did wait and have decided against it. I miss him loads, but I know going back nothing will have changed.

@Dimael I know mine would respond to me though. He wants to be in my life. He liked my instagram the other day (a photo of me) so that was a hint that he wants me to get in touch - as we aren't even friends on Instagram any more. However, he will want a friendship (and would flirt/try it on) and I know deep down I'm not strong enough to resist him, so it's best I stay away until I am. Also I am sacking off overly keen guy, he seems crazy now - we've met once and I've cancelled on him twice (I'm as bad as my NC) and now I can't see him for 2 weeks he's told me he will 'wait for me to be ready' to see him and not date anyone else. We've met once. Crazy. I thought it was sweet at first, but he's being too OTT.

@meow my ex likes all my photos on Instagram and I still haven’t spoken to him. I don’t see it as a sign to contact him I see it as an attempt to remind you of him and get under your skin. Head games basically! And yes the new guy seems crazy keen so best get rid of him.

@Babyblue I hate how these men make you think you are losing your mind - I felt/feel the same. At least knowing he was going after other women makes you realise that it was all his problem and not yours. Like I said to meow they are good at head games - watching snap chats and liking photos it’s all just a game to them. And i’m done with that!

@Dimeal. That's rubbish behaviour from your 'friend'. Has she given any explanation at all? At least your mum is now going and you get to enjoy the holiday and no money has been lost. Odd she was so invested in the relationship too. Could she be jealous?
Did you meet with running guy?
I did similar with the new OLD guy.. I guess in a way it's moved me forward a little. Just to be in male company again 1:1
he was getting overly keen though and red flags were flying everywhere. Plus, I don't feel 'that way' about him either.
I've now told him, nicely. I couldn't string him a long or just block. I think with my NC it was almost a text relationship, not real and I can't go there again.
@babyblue32.. a rather pathetic excuse of a man I think us women have good intuition. Very difficult to get over a relationship when you're pregnant. You will get to a stage where you're indifferent. Will he be involved with baby?
@meowimacat how are you now?

@meowimacat glad you waited :) sometimes a good think about it will show that it's not what you want to do really.

@Dimael
Yeah, went for dinner with a few girlfriends last night and I told them. They all just looked at me like I was mental. I was like oh god. I felt worse and like I shouldn't of done it. Which I probably shouldn't have.... but just to realise. To know. And I told them that, and I think they understood. Think they're just over worried that it's taken me so long lol. Have you heard anything from your 'friend' at all??

@Tictactic
It's very hard..... I think I was maybe 5 months pregnant when I realised I didn't want it for me anymore. I didn't want to chase him to have a relationship. I wanted to chase him to be a father.
He's claimed his son will see him.
But I've had nothing now for weeks... he's not a said a word. And he knows I could be having him early. But I decided against telling him how my appointment went. If he wants his son. He will ask.

How is everyone doing?

I’m having to work by his house today. This is the first time I will have been in that area in 11 weeks!!! I feel such anxiety. I don’t actually have to go past his house but I want to and I don’t know why I want to torture myself. I know he’s alive. I don’t know what the point of it is. Not like he would see me or there is any point to this at all.

@Tictactic I have just had the same with an overly keen guy in OLD and have told him I’m not interested. Amazing how quick we can spot red flags now.

@babyblue32 I think you're very brave and he a coward. It will all work out you know. When you're ds is here I think your feelings and strength will change again. Do you have family support in place for when ds arrives?
@meowimacat. id feel the same if i was in the area of NC..you will be ok. This is another step of moving on, another milestone. Let the feelings come, get through the day and tonight you can relax again.
I don't think I'm cut out for OLD. Blokes too keen and overstep boundaries plus I can't keep up with all the messaging

Yeah I don’t think I’m cut out for OLD either but it really is my only option. So far guys either want to marry me immediately or book a hotel for the first date ugh.

I’m now debating posting him a note to say hope he’s well and I’m working a few doors away. I’ve been stressing over this all week and decided not to but now the day is here I want to but also don’t. Argh.

@Tictactic she says she has a new job. I started to feel guilty last night that maybe I am being selfish. A job is important and maybe I have just thrown away a friendship. I couldn’t sleep from the anxiety of it all.
But then she isn’t offering to pay her half of the hotel and flights. So she doesn’t care does she? A reasonable person would offer to pay right? I am meeting the guy from running again today, it’s probably not the right thing to do but I need company when I am feeling so anxious and uncertain.

@Babyblue I haven’t heard anything since Sunday and I feel heartbroken. Just don’t know what to do. What if it’s me messing everything up? Maybe I am crazy and losing my mind. Your friends aren’t in your situation - they don’t understand the hormones involved. Makes you do things you wouldn’t normally. And I think you needed to know the truth in order to move on.

@Tictactic
Really good support network - amazing family and friends I'll cope and manage without him. Just saddening he doesn't want to be around.
Also OLD - it's horrific. It's very hard to find find someone on the middle. Who knows when to be polite and when to be a little bit naughty lol.... it's one extreme or the other

@Dimael
Friendships are hard one. I understand why you're frustrated I would be exactly the same... but if her friendship is important and you want it... then maybe you just got to sit her down and explain it all outright, or just be like I'm not falling out over this. I'm hurt and feel a type of way. Honest and to the point.
I understand a new job is tough and you have to settle.... but I would be super annoyed that a holiday had been dropped (with no offer of help or real apology)

@meowimacat
Don't post the note.
He hasn't contacted you, he hasn't asked. Don't bother. Don't give him a way in. Be strong 😘

Hey all, well sadly I did post the note to him. We did get back in touch and I saw him Saturday night. In a way I'm glad I did it because I was missing him SO bad but it showed me he has not changed at all. He still has little respect for me as a person, but again he played the role very well of pretending to care at the time but after this weekend I realise he doesn't. His actions show he doesn't really care, yet his words are still pretending he does.

I've spent all this time in NC missing someone who doesn't deserve to be missed. He is a user and used me again Saturday night, and is being distant now he's got what he wants, but I'm sure will come back when he wants something from me again.

As sad as it is, I can finally see him for who he is as a person. I genuinely thought he was a nice man, but I realise now that he really just wore a mask the whole time. He's not nice, he's cruel and uses women for his own benefit and drops them when he's done with them. I did the right thing going NC before. I lasted 10 weeks and felt tormented every day. I would post obsessively on here about things like his birthday and how sad I was not to contact him and wish him a good birthday. But speaking with him Saturday, I see that he was just happily living his life, had a good birthday and clearly wasn't that bothered about the whole thing. He made out he was upset and confused why I went NC but he wasn't even half as upset as I have been. What wasted emotions.

I don't regret doing what I've done and reaching out. Because I would have always wondered if he had missed me like I have him. I guess the truth is, unless they come back begging to see you/be with you and really show the effort, then they don't care. I knew that deep down but didn't want to believe it and wanted to believe he has missed me as much as I've been missing him.

Just a little update for those who may be struggling and wanting to reach out to their NC. I was strong for 10 weeks and had a weak moment. Oh well.